Bisexual.

[anniecooper]

After battling feelings for a long, long time, i still can't really "label" what i am.
I know i don't really need to label it, but i sorta want to.

Trying to put my feelings into words, i have come up with this:

I am more SEXUALLY attracted to girls. I have slept with numerous girls, had a girlfriend for awhile when i was 16, but haven't had one since then (have slept with them since then, though)
I would date a girl again, and have it be a proper relationship......

With that said, i feel like i am more EMOTIONALLY attached to guys. I love to have sex with them (not as much as girls) and love to cuddle, go out for dinner etc with a guy, that's all fine and dandy, i still enjoy it whether it's a friend or sexual partner, whatever.

I find myself to be one of those people who could love anyone and anything.. i like to think i am lucky because i am not shallow and tend to see the good in everything, which does get me into trouble sometimes!

When i fantasise about sex i only think about girls. I can think about guys AND girls, but there has to be a girl in there somewhere. I don't know whether it's just because i find female bodies so much sexier or whether i just haven't found the right kinda guy to fantasise over.

Does this mean i'm bisexual? Curious? Straight? Gay?
Do i tell people i like girls? I'm not one to shy away from a conversation but when it comes to my close friends they aren't very accepting of girl/girl relationships and are the kind of people who would stray away from me because they would think i am "in love with them"

Hmmmm.

[wstein]

Sounds bisexual to me. I am not bi but have dated a few.

And yes, there is no need to label.

[Cochonette]

Bisexual, why not? That's interesting because I have never heard anyone with that exact experience of attraction before.

Whether you tell people, that's up to you. It sucks that you cannot feel comfortable doing so. I always wish I had come out in high school because it could have majorly influenced the culture there... I was valedictorian of my high school and respected by a lot of people. But I was such a coward, and yeah, I knew a lot of people would have rejected that in their very immature ways (as opposed to the mature and totally not scary rejection I got from some in college). I didn't want to lose the respect I had from people.

In any case, not saying your experience would be anything like mine. But there is that possibility that you're coming out could pave the way for others.

I wouldn't come out as curious, straight, or gay, though. Those don't make sense from the sound of your experience.

[pyrogen]

Actually you sound just like I was, for a long time. I could've written that post about a year ago, after I was with my first (and only) female partner. I recently realized I'm mostly lesbian and realized that my "life partner picture" in my mind is of a woman, not a man. But I'm 37 and here you are, younger and with way more experience.

It took me a long time, because I felt I *needed* a man. I was even okay with sex with them, up to a point. It wasn't until I was fairly capable of emotional and financial independence that I was able to honestly make a decision about women vs men, considering each on their own merits. I still have wonderful male friends and I enjoy being around them. I haven't given up men as friends and occasional dinner companions, I just can't see being in a relationship with one. I like the way women smell and feel and I usually have crushes on my female friends, not my male ones.

It doesn't really matter. You have plenty of time to sort this all out and you're way ahead of the curve already.

And hey, you could just be a bisexual who's more attracted to women.

[Mynder]

How about "sexual omnivore"?

[buckeye]

You seem anxious about something but I'm not sure what.
I wouldn't assume your type of attractions so far will be your attractions in the future.
Feelings change.

Usually people don't ask me about my sexuality unless we know each other well.
If someone I don't know insists on asking I'll ask them what difference does it make with a hard stare.
Or I'll use whatever lie I think is appropriate for the situation. In that case they deserve to be lied to, I think.

I've had/have friends I wouldn't fully discuss my sexuality with but because of that I don't see them as "close."

[anniecooper]

Thanks everyone for your replies. I guess I could identify myself as being bisexual with more "female" tendencies. I do love having a boyfriend though, i find they are a lot easier to feel "safer" with.
I wasn't really sure what i was going to find posting here, i think i more so wanted to get it out in the open. I've never actually said it aloud to myself, if i'm telling someone/talking about it, it's always through text, msging, whatever.

It's something i have a lot of trouble dealing with, i feel as if i tell my family they won't take me seriously (i am 21 now) or will think it's a "phase."
In saying that i know they would support me no matter what my preference etc.

Originally Posted by buckeye

You seem anxious about something but I'm not sure what.

What do you mean by this?

[pyrogen]

Originally Posted by anniecooper

Thanks everyone for your replies. I guess I could identify myself as being bisexual with more "female" tendencies. I do love having a boyfriend though, i find they are a lot easier to feel "safer" with.
I wasn't really sure what i was going to find posting here, i think i more so wanted to get it out in the open. I've never actually said it aloud to myself, if i'm telling someone/talking about it, it's always through text, msging, whatever.

It's something i have a lot of trouble dealing with, i feel as if i tell my family they won't take me seriously (i am 21 now) or will think it's a "phase."
In saying that i know they would support me no matter what my preference etc.

What do you mean by this?

"Safer" how?

Just curious.

[buckeye]

Originally Posted by anniecooper

What do you mean by this?

There seems to be a few things you're battling (anxious about):
what to label yourself
what/who you're attracted to
talking about it with your friends.

I wasn't sure what you're asking about the most.

[Mynder]

Annie,

I invite you to express your feelings and preferences openly. I invite you to see who you are being not as something strange, or weird, or out of the ordinary, but as something true and unique. I invite you to tell yourself in the mirror how much you adore how you are feeling, because these feelings are authentically you.

And I invite you, also, to see that any reactions that are negative from outside of you have nothing to do with you, and everything to do with the other person.

I love how you say "I love both men and women, although right now, I am more interested in women" - why should you limit your loving if it's not your authentic response?

I'm definitely rooting for the Annie Team here. *HUGS*

[Indiana]

Originally Posted by anniecooper

Do i tell people i like girls? I'm not one to shy away from a conversation but when it comes to my close friends they aren't very accepting of girl/girl relationships and are the kind of people who would stray away from me because they would think i am "in love with them"

Hmmmm.

I don't think you need to put a label on it, but I do think that hiding who you are for fear of how others might react is only going to end up making you unhappy.

I mean, if your close friends really are the sort of people who are going to judge you or reject your friendship because of who you are, they're not really all that nice, are they? Wouldn't you rather surround yourself with people who do love and accept you just as you are? You're young, you've got a lot of time to make new friends!

On the other hand, your beliefs about what your friends might do if confronted with the reality of your preferences may be totally off. It might just be you who is pre-judging them for how you *fear* they might behave.

The only way to find out is be honest. Wouldn't that be a bit of a relief?

[lifetimelearner]

I hate labels but society loves them !

if your friends are 'nervous' that you will 'try' something with them just tell them -' hey you are not my type '~I am kidding of course
but do what feels right to you
I give you big hugs for discussing it openly !

[anniecooper]

Thanks everyone for the replies. It feels good to talk about it fairly openly. I told my best friend yesterday, she sorta just looked at me and said "do you think we didn't already know that" and giggled. Felt really nice

That was just step 1. Now onto my family i suppose!


Thanks again <3

[Mynder]

Here, have a *HUG* and a big *CHEER* of support!

[CroMagna]

You can take a Kinsey Scale quizzie online. The Kinsey Scale was developed by sexologist Alfred Kinsey in teh 1940s to determine specifically where people fall on a spectrum. One is completely straight, six is completely gay, three is true bisexual, one is bicurious but mostly straight, five is bicurious but mostly gay, two is bisexual with a leaning towards the opposite sex, and four is bicurious with a leaning towards the same sex. Then you'll know what label to use, if any. I'm a 4.1.

____________________
0 1 2 3 4 5 6

[anniecooper]

Thank you everyone for your support. I told my father who is now no longer talking to me, but i don't feel so bad considering we don't have the greatest relationship ever.
My brother thinks i'm a "confused idiot" but i guess he will get over it, my mother, of course, was very supportive.........

CroMagna, i will do that quiz at lunch and let you know what i get =)



Thanks again for the hugs and support xx

[Mynder]

Originally Posted by anniecooper

I told my father who is now no longer talking to me, but i don't feel so bad considering we don't have the greatest relationship ever.
My brother thinks i'm a "confused idiot" but i guess he will get over it

Just keep in mind that yes, it is for them to get over it. You don't have a problem. You simply are, and you are the way you are, and that is absolutely okay!

What's going on in them is some deeply seated programming that runs the show right now.

"What will the people (neighbors, friends, colleagues, bosses) think? Do I have a "gay gene", or will people think I do, because my daughter is bisexual, and she must have inherited it from me?" and other stuff that may have them temporarily confused. And I won't even get into religion here, because that would probably just open another can of worms.

You rocked their world, you showed them that their comfortable, well-known world is not all that well-known if their own daughter and sister can turn out to be somewhat different in a significant way than they had imagined you to be.

In the end, they'll have to make up their minds about you. The stronger their programming and preconceptions, the harder it may be, and the longer it may take. In the meantime, keep reminding yourself that you are living your life, not them, and that you can only ever live your life in a way that makes you happy, not them.

They may or may not "come around", but that is their choice to make, as hard as this sounds. In the end...in the long run...most parents and siblings do.