Clingy to Parents

[pollycupcake]

I grew up with overprotective parents, so there are definitely times where I felt they were the overbearing ones and I just wanted them to go away! But over the last few months, I've realised that I'm then one who has been too clingy most of the time and I need to stop. I lived at home until I was 20 and I'm now 21 and have been living out of home and in a different city for nearly six months because I'm too clingy! I just can't help it. I talk on the phone every single night for nearly an hour and a half until they tell me they have to go, I go home at least once a month (but sometimes up to 3 times a month) and when I AM home, I'm all over my parents wanting attention and conversation and everything has to be about me.

I know that I'm being immature. I know that this is not acceptable. I acknowledge I'm in the wrong and can't blame my parents for my behaviour. I know that it undermines all my efforts to be a good daughter (I get so clingy for their attention that I'll admit every last mistake or bad thing I've done, just so they'll talk me through it). I know it is detrimental to other areas of my life (for example, leaving a social function early so I could go home and call my parents).

How can I amend my behaviour and maintain a good, loving, close relationship with Mum and Dad without being so clingy? It's not that I don't have other relationships - I do! (I'm close with my sister, I'm dating a nice man, I've got a great relationship with my co-workers and I've got good friends). It's also not like I'm bored ! I hold down a very busy full-time career, I'm doing some part time study and I'm involved in some groups as well (like church and volunteer work from time to time).

How can I correct my behaviour? I don't want to do therapy or anything like that, I'm just wanting some practical hints.

[Fred Tracy]

Practical hint? Stop talking to them so much.

Really though, be grateful for what you have. A lot of people don't have good relationships with their parents. At the same time, if you want to stop hovering around them so much, then stop hovering around them so much.

Set a real, practical limit for how much you time you think is healthy to spend talking to them. Maybe you will only allow yourself one hour per week (maybe every Sunday night) to talk to them. Whatever it is, stick to it and you'll be good.

[Federer]

You also sound to beat yourself up. Don't do that. You're fine and you're not clingy in fact. It is your habit that makes you behave in that way. Just replace them with other new habits.

For example, When you feel like to call people over phone for long time, don't follow that thought. Instead tell yourself that you have other thing to do or plan some activity that draws your attention. Read books, listen to music or go for park walk.

[Nickname37]

Fill your life with other people, not to replace your rents but to replicate the support and love they give you

[Sarah Sunshine]

I don't think you're being clingy, I think you are just having a relationship with your family and thats really good!! I know what you mean though, I had over-protective parents also and they very cleverly brainwashed me into sticking close by them constantly and making me think that I couldn't make it on my own - to a point where I never left home! I am 34 now and I moved back home twice and have just moved out (again) but I only live 5mins away from them (thats embarrassing)!!

I think you have done really well to live away from them that distance and visit once a month, you really shouldn't beat yourself up about this - you could've done a lot worse and it sounds like you are a lovely young lady!!!

If it really is an issue in your head then don't contact them as much as you do on the phone, set yourself targets and call them 1 time less than usual in a week or month and see how that goes!!

I'm sorry im probably not much help anyway but I don't think you are doing anything wrong and if you can't act crazy for your family who can you act crazy for.....