Casual sex

[ssandra]

I define casual sex as sex outside of a "formal" relationship.

But I don't think it really matters... sex is good, when done for the right reasons (because you want to, because it feels good, because you like it), no matter the circumstances in which you have sex (relationship, one night stand, ♥♥♥♥♥ buddy etc.).

[spacecadetglow]

Your attitude about sex is so healthy and refreshing, Sandra! Go you.

[Cochonette]

Originally Posted by ssandra

I define casual sex as sex outside of a "formal" relationship.

But I don't think it really matters... sex is good, when done for the right reasons (because you want to, because it feels good, because you like it), no matter the circumstances in which you have sex (relationship, one night stand, ♥♥♥♥♥ buddy etc.).

I had a friend with cerebral palsy who told me that people with disabilities often think of sex in very technical/medical terms because they are very aware of their bodies from a medical perspective. Not "love," "attachment," etc. She refers to it as "doing someone a favor."

[pyrogen]

I think of sex in terms of "agenda sex" vs "agendaless sex". A lot of the time, women have an agenda when they have "casual" sex, and much of the time, relationship sex can be agendaless.

It's not the presence or lack of a relationship that I notice, it's the presence of an agenda.

[Angelique]

Originally Posted by pyrogen

It's not the presence or lack of a relationship that I notice, it's the presence of an agenda.

Yes! I agree with this definition.

[machinarium]

So would it be hurt if your gf/wife having a casual sex?

[PraetorianX]

So here's a question to pose for the sake of a conversation.....

My wife has zero interest in sex. However, I am a sexual person and enjoy sex and sexual acts with another person. Would it be wrong then to seek out sex by other people or means?

[ssandra]

Originally Posted by PraetorianX

So here's a question to pose for the sake of a conversation.....

My wife has zero interest in sex. However, I am a sexual person and enjoy sex and sexual acts with another person. Would it be wrong then to seek out sex by other people or means?

If it is in agreement with you wife. no.

If you are doing it behind her back... , in my opinion; yes.

[elucidate]

Originally Posted by PraetorianX

So here's a question to pose for the sake of a conversation.....

My wife has zero interest in sex. However, I am a sexual person and enjoy sex and sexual acts with another person. Would it be wrong then to seek out sex by other people or means?

Maybe speaking to her about this might allow for your needs to be met too. It's not really fair if you are very sexual and she isn't that you just go without for the rest of your lives, IMO. I'm assuming that you haven't spoken to her about this already though...?

[Curtis2011]

Originally Posted by ssandra

I seriously wonder what everybody has against casual sex sometimes.

Well really, the risk of pregnancy and STD's is enough to deter most rational people from having casual sex with anyone but a very trusted friend.

You never know when someone is lying to you about an STD or about being on the pill or whatever. They might even have an STD and not even know about it.



And if you are going to go ahead and get into a very deep friendship with someone before having "casual" sex with them, you might as well be in a relationship.

[Fred Tracy]

Originally Posted by Curtis2011

Well really, the risk of pregnancy and STD's is enough to deter most rational people from having casual sex with anyone but a very trusted friend.

You never know when someone is lying to you about an STD or about being on the pill or whatever. They might even have an STD and not even know about it.



And if you are going to go ahead and get into a very deep friendship with someone before having "casual" sex with them, you might as well be in a relationship.

I'm pretty rational and I'm still down to do the dirty with random people from time to time. My thinking could be a bit silly, but to me, it's just worth the risk (using condoms, of course).

I agree with the deep friendship thing. My thing is, I don't like exclusivity, so it becomes a matter of semantics for me.

Am I in a relationship with any female friends I may sleep with? Perhaps.. maybe I'm polyamorous. Or maybe I just sleep with friends. Ah well, either way, same thing.

[agsags]

Originally Posted by Curtis2011

Well really, the risk of pregnancy and STD's is enough to deter most rational people from having casual sex with anyone but a very trusted friend.

You never know when someone is lying to you about an STD or about being on the pill or whatever. They might even have an STD and not even know about it.

Majority of people (including this thread) VASTLY over-blow chances of pregnancy/STI for sex with condoms for those who have experience using condoms.

An intact condom protects against pregnancy and all STIs but HPV and HSV. For HPV and HSV, condoms reduce the risk significantly (70%?) and those rates are far from 100% to start with. Asking your partner directly about their STI history - including HPV&HSV - will rarely yield misleading answers. Many people are uncomfortable opening up the topic, but once it's open, they will answer truthfully.

I've had what many would consider "casual sex" - intense intimate connections outside of bigger relationship. I outgrew it - today, I'm looking for ways to build longer lasting intimacies that create a rich soil for continuous practice that just yield much more joy and love. Just as my desire for sugary foods went down when I started eating more vegetables, my desire for "casual sex" went down as I started to concentrate on longer term.

[elucidate]

Originally Posted by Curtis2011

Well really, the risk of pregnancy and STD's is enough to deter most rational people from having casual sex with anyone but a very trusted friend.

You never know when someone is lying to you about an STD or about being on the pill or whatever. They might even have an STD and not even know about it.



And if you are going to go ahead and get into a very deep friendship with someone before having "casual" sex with them, you might as well be in a relationship.

This is also why I don't really indulge in casual sex much these days...too many people lie or don't know they have an STD and condoms aren't always 100% effective. I've known women who got pregnant even using condoms and being on the pill.

[spacecadetglow]

Pregnancy isn't this thing that just happens accidentally. There are only a few days during a woman's cycle during which she can even become pregnant. If more women were educated about fertility awareness, there would be a lot fewer unplanned pregnancies and less fear surrounding sex.

Seriously, I'd encourage any woman who is interested in having pregnancy-free sex AND who wants to get more in touch with her body to start reading up on fertility awareness. With a little diligence, you can become intimately accustomed to the signals your body gives you to let you know you are fertile (or not).

Really, just education in general is needed with this stuff. There's so much hearsay out there, and a lot of fear, but it mostly comes from lack of knowledge, I believe. Oh, and get regularly tested for STDs if you are having sex with multiple partners. No excuses.

[elucidate]

That's true, although some women have irregular cycles and it's harder for them to predict when they are the most fertile.

Originally Posted by spacecadetglow

Pregnancy isn't this thing that just happens accidentally. There are only a few days during a woman's cycle during which she can even become pregnant. If more women were educated about fertility awareness, there would be a lot fewer unplanned pregnancies and less fear surrounding sex.

Seriously, I'd encourage any woman who is interested in having pregnancy-free sex AND who wants to get more in touch with her body to start reading up on fertility awareness. With a little diligence, you can become intimately accustomed to the signals your body gives you to let you know you are fertile (or not).

Really, just education in general is needed with this stuff. There's so much hearsay out there, and a lot of fear, but it mostly comes from lack of knowledge, I believe. Oh, and get regularly tested for STDs if you are having sex with multiple partners. No excuses.

[agsags]

Originally Posted by elucidate

This is also why I don't really indulge in casual sex much these days...too many people lie or don't know they have an STD and condoms aren't always 100% effective. I've known women who got pregnant even using condoms and being on the pill.

Condoms ARE 100% effective for all major STIs except for HSV, HPV and possibly syphilis late in 2nd stage. Absolute majority of people will NOT lie if asked point blank about their STI status - including past herpes out-breaks and genital warts.

[elucidate]

Originally Posted by agsags

Condoms ARE 100% effective for all major STIs except for HSV, HPV and possibly syphilis late in 2nd stage. Absolute majority of people will NOT lie if asked point blank about their STI status - including past herpes out-breaks and genital warts.

And you know the 'Absolute majority of people', AND that they all are totally honest when it comes to their STI results? I'm impressed. That must be exhausting. I'm sure there would be many people who would tell the truth, but I'm not convinced that it would be the majority.

People lie...a lot! I work in a sexual health centre, in the lab where they actually test the urine and anal swabs, and we are always getting couples come in with one partner having "mysteriously" caught something, and didn't tell the other, but made some story up. It happens a lot, so much so that I hear the scientists cracking jokes about it now and then.

I consider HSV and HPV and syphilis to be some pretty major STI's, and Herpes makes for a very uncomfortable ride for many many people, and cannot be cured. The others aren't (apart from HIV virus), and they can be treated these days with drugs.

It's not about being afraid to have sex, it's about not wanting to contract something that will stay with you for your whole life and make your life uncomfortable. Regular check ups are fine, if you commit to doing it...it doesn't mean you will never get one though, it just means you are being responsable about your lifestyle choices and possible consequences.

Having said that though, it hasn't stopped me in the past when I liked someone. Maybe just working in that place has started to get to me?(; I see images of genital warts infested penises and vulvas riddled with herpes every day I am there,so...it's icky.

[spacecadetglow]

No, fertility awareness is still possible with "irregular" cycles. There is still usually a pattern. For example, while the follicular phase of a woman's period (pre-menstruation) may be drawn out indefinitely due to outside factors, the luteal phase (ovulation to menstruation) will almost always last 12-16 days. I always thought my cycles were "irregular" but as it turns out, I just have like a 38-40 day cycle, longer than the average. Things like stress and dietary changes probably delayed ovulation for me at times.

If you pay careful attention to charting and grow familiar with your body and the types of things that can make a cycle irregular, I don't doubt there'd be a wealth of knowledge and insight there. But if you want to be defeatist about it without really knowing what's up, that's cool too.

[spacecadetglow]

Also, I have HPV, and it's not an "uncomfortable ride" at all. In fact, I think the last I read, over half of sexually active women have HPV. It doesn't always turn into cancer, and in about 80% of cases it goes away on its own in young women. So your point that it "can't be cured" is pretty misinformed, I have to say. I have to get a pap smear every 6 months, and even if it did start to turn cancerous, it's an easy procedure to remove the cells and fix it. Shrug.

[elucidate]

I was speaking more of herpes, probably should have made that clearer ( I just changed it to be more accurate). The people I know who have it have had a hard time with it, and others have a less severe case of it, but it is still very uncomfortable when they have outbreaks, sometimes painful for really severe cases. It's something they learn to live with though.

I could definately scratch up on my information about HPV though.

It's interesting what you said about fertility cycles in 'irregular' women though.

I don't want to be defeatist about it, I just didn't realize that it was something that could be worked around, if you were referring to me? I'm not someone who gets irregular periods often...once in a while they go a bit awry on me though.

I didn't say it was impossible, just harder to predict.

[spacecadetglow]

Originally Posted by elucidate

I was speaking more of herpes, probably should have made that clearer ( I just changed it to be more accurate). The people I know who have it have had a hard time with it, and others have a less severe case of it, but it is still very uncomfortable when they have outbreaks, sometimes painful for really severe cases. It's something they learn to live with though.

I could definately scratch up on my information about HPV though.

It's interesting what you said about fertility cycles in 'irregular' women though.

I don't want to be defeatist about it, I just didn't realize that it was something that could be worked around, if you were referring to me? I'm not someone who gets irregular periods often...once in a while they go a bit awry on me though.

I didn't say it was impossible, just harder to predict.

Don't mind me, I'm just hyped up on fertility awareness! I think it's so so so cool and useful, something every woman should be educated on. It is possible for women with irregular periods to track their cycles, because the body will give signs when she ovulates (whether it be 14, 20, or 30 days after menses), and her period will always occur 12-16 days after ovulation. And you're only fertile on the days surrounding ovulation.

Anyway, if anyone reading this is interested, the book to get is Taking Charge of Your Fertility.

[Fred Tracy]

Originally Posted by elucidate

I was speaking more of herpes, probably should have made that clearer ( I just changed it to be more accurate). The people I know who have it have had a hard time with it, and others have a less severe case of it, but it is still very uncomfortable when they have outbreaks, sometimes painful for really severe cases. It's something they learn to live with though.

I could definately scratch up on my information about HPV though.

It's interesting what you said about fertility cycles in 'irregular' women though.

I don't want to be defeatist about it, I just didn't realize that it was something that could be worked around, if you were referring to me? I'm not someone who gets irregular periods often...once in a while they go a bit awry on me though.

I didn't say it was impossible, just harder to predict.

lol.

Okay, I don't know anything about HPV. Maybe it doesn't itch, but it was still funny.

And yes, spacecadet is quite the fertility expert.

[spacecadetglow]

HPV doesn't make you itch or give you warts (well, it can, but not the strain I'm talking about. Whee!) or any of that. You feel completely normal and there are no physiological changes that you'd actually notice. Just some mutated cells in the vag caused by a virus.

[Lakshyayidhi Lakshmihi]

Originally Posted by Fred Tracy

Am I in a relationship with any female friends I may sleep with? Perhaps.. maybe I'm polyamorous. Or maybe I just sleep with friends. Ah well, either way, same thing.

Luckily, I'm friends with Fred. Now give up the goods, chil'.

And with something so welcoming and friendly, you just have to share. Why keep all that to yourself? There's enough of Fred's weenis to go around to all the enlightened and attractive women.

[Lakshyayidhi Lakshmihi]

Originally Posted by spacecadetglow

HPV doesn't make you itch or give you warts (well, it can, but not the strain I'm talking about. Whee!) or any of that. You feel completely normal and there are no physiological changes that you'd actually notice. Just some mutated cells in the vag caused by a virus.

Yes and many subtypes can be resolved by the healthy immune system. I had HPV when I was 21, but I no longer test positive for it. Go me! LMAO.

[elucidate]

Originally Posted by spacecadetglow

Don't mind me, I'm just hyped up on fertility awareness! I think it's so so so cool and useful, something every woman should be educated on. It is possible for women with irregular periods to track their cycles, because the body will give signs when she ovulates (whether it be 14, 20, or 30 days after menses), and her period will always occur 12-16 days after ovulation. And you're only fertile on the days surrounding ovulation.

Anyway, if anyone reading this is interested, the book to get is Taking Charge of Your Fertility.

Hey, it's a great thing too. Things would be much easier and smoother sailing if more women did take greater interest in the fertility. I used to be right into it as well, but this has made me realize how much I have been neglecting my own cycles, though I do mark my periods on a calendar to keep track of them.

I'm not really active at the moment sexually, so I guess that's probably why I haven't been taking that much interest in it. Thanks for raising my awareness about that spacey.

[elucidate]

Originally Posted by Lakshyayidhi Lakshmihi

Yes and many subtypes can be resolved by the healthy immune system. I had HPV when I was 21, but I no longer test positive for it. Go me! LMAO.

I think so too. Can you name some others Laks?

I think with herpes, keeping a healthy immunity and not letting too much stress into your life can make a huge difference as to how often and how severe the outbreaks get.

[spacecadetglow]

Originally Posted by elucidate

Hey, it's a great thing too. Things would be much easier and smoother sailing if more women did take greater interest in the fertility. I used to be right into it as well, but this has made me realize how much I have been neglecting my own cycles, though I do mark my periods on a calendar to keep track of them.

I'm not really active at the moment sexually, so I guess that's probably why I haven't been taking that much interest in it. Thanks for raising my awareness about that spacey.

Yay! Glad to inform. I'm gonna keep going with it because it's so fun!

One way to tell whether or not you are fertile is by your vaginal secretions (cervical fluid). It usually progresses something like this:

menstruation -> dry -> gummy -> creamy -> wet and stretchy (nearing ovulation, your cervical fluid becomes very "welcoming" to the incoming sperm by providing a fluid environment for it to swim in!) -> dry -> menstruation

Ever notice wetness coming out of your vag after you have a bowel movement? Most likely, you are close to ovulating! The cervical fluid gets pushed out of the vag during a bowel movement, but you can feel it on there anytime of day. I've been checking mine a couple times a day now, and have actually noticed the progression I laid out above. It's so neat!

Also, many women experience PMS-like symptoms during ovulation. For years and years, I would start to get symptoms 2 weeks before my period. It actually wasn't PMS at all, just ovulation!

[elucidate]

Yes, I do get a bit confused at times as to what is actual ovulation and what is just normal secretions. Generally I get white fluid run uncontrollably out of me, and the feeling is really peculiar and I get a bit , not embarrassed, but it's just something that I can't control so I feel a bit...gah, I can't even say what the feeling is but it's not all that pleasant.

I have noticed wetness after a bowel movement, and suspected that it was ovulation occuring, so I will keep an eye on that next time.

I think I have started to experience PMS symptoms during ovulation, and it's been confusing to say the least. I'll expect to start bleeding any day and then it doesn't come for two weeks in which time I start to wonder why it is late.

Thanks space.

[spacecadetglow]

Originally Posted by elucidate

Yes, I do get a bit confused at times as to what is actual ovulation and what is just normal secretions. Generally I get white fluid run uncontrollably out of me, and the feeling is really peculiar and I get a bit , not embarrassed, but it's just something that I can't control so I feel a bit...gah, I can't even say what the feeling is but it's not all that pleasant.

I have noticed wetness after a bowel movement, and suspected that it was ovulation occuring, so I will keep an eye on that next time.

I think I have started to experience PMS symptoms during ovulation, and it's been confusing to say the least. I'll expect to start bleeding any day and then it doesn't come for two weeks in which time I start to wonder why it is late.

Thanks space.

Yup yup. Remember, menstruation will almost always occur 12-16 days after ovulation, so that two week mark is right on the money.

Yeah, I get the gushing too. All women are different, but it'd be interesting to see at what point that occurs during your personal cycle. There will always be secretions, except right after your period and right before, but their quality changes. You can also tell when you ovulate by taking your waking body temperature every morning, before you get up to do anything (even pee!). Temperature will fluctuate with things like illness (obviously, if you have a fever), alcohol consumption, and some other outside factors, but generally your temp will shoot up immediately after you ovulate and stay on that level until your period. This is possibly an easier sign to determine fertility than cervical fluid, but again, all women are different.