Casual sex

[brendannz]

[QUOTE=elucidate;839063]

Yes, I noticed, I wrote it.

I think my logic was sound, so what's your point?

That it didn't counter James81s argument

You're assuming that someone who would call someone a slut for having multiple sexual partners thinks the same way I do. That's a pretty big assumption I think.

Someone who goes around calling women sluts obviously considers themselves entitled to make a comment about someone elses sex life...which isn't how I think.

No I wasn't, I was just saying "why would they even care?".. When I said "you gotta ask yourself..." it was more a figure of speech than an actual command

Well, you're right about that part, I just don't think james81's theory is, that's all. You are free to think he is though.

Thanks, same for you to think what you want too..

[elucidate]

Originally Posted by brendannz

That it didn't counter James81s argument

Ok.

I think it did though.

I was saying that, by his logic, unattractive women would not get called sluts because they have to work harder...but they do, so...

No I wasn't, I was just saying "why would they even care?".. When I said "you gotta ask yourself..." it was more a figure of speech than an actual command

They obviously do feel entitled to say something if they are making comments about someone elses sexual activity. Sorry, it didn't sound like that's what you were saying when I read the last post. Maybe I didn't interpret it correctly? I didn't take the second part as a command btw, I think I took it the way you were saying it.

Anyway. I think if James is not happy with my counter argument (I don't think I was even trying to argue with him...I just didn't agree with his theory.), then he is free to carry it on, but it seems like he isn't, so...let's leave it there then, ok.

[NoJobRob]

I'm kind of old fashion these days. I don't go around screwing anything with a pulse like some people do. LOL I like having a lot of sex with one woman. I wouldn't sleep with a woman who has sex with other men on a regular basis. I find that gross, but that's just my preference. Why would I want to go down on a woman if I knew some other dude's schlong was just there the night before? The thought makes me cringe. LOL But to each their own I guess. I used to sleep around more when I was younger but as I've gotten older the thrill of it isn't there anymore. Just like drinking. I had a good run but the novelty has worn off. Yeah it feels great and everything but it doesn't rule my life. I think if someone bases the quality of their life on how much sex they have then they need to get a better life. LOL

[ChrisGinsburg]

Have as much casual sex as you want as long as you're willing to take responsibility for your actions. I think the trend of people misleading others for casual sex or failing to take responsibility for a laundry list of things is what gives it a bad rap. If you're willing to accept responsibility and be clear about what's going on with the other person then it's all good.

[ChrisGinsburg]

Originally Posted by NoJobRob

I'm kind of old fashion these days. I don't go around screwing anything with a pulse like some people do. LOL I like having a lot of sex with one woman. I wouldn't sleep with a woman who has sex with other men on a regular basis. I find that gross, but that's just my preference. Why would I want to go down on a woman if I knew some other dude's schlong was just there the night before? The thought makes me cringe. LOL But to each their own I guess. I used to sleep around more when I was younger but as I've gotten older the thrill of it isn't there anymore. Just like drinking. I had a good run but the novelty has worn off. Yeah it feels great and everything but it doesn't rule my life. I think if someone bases the quality of their life on how much sex they have then they need to get a better life. LOL

+1 for use of the word "schlong" lol. BTW, are you on the toilet in your avatar?

[NoJobRob]

Originally Posted by ChrisGinsburg

+1 for use of the word "schlong" lol. BTW, are you on the toilet in your avatar?

Yes. Yes I am. LOL A public one.

[elucidate]

I do think that many women take the whole "sexually liberated" thing a bit far, I have to say.

Whilst I don't have a problem with people having lots of sex, if that is what they choose and really want...I have to wonder sometimes, if they REALLY want to sleep around with every tom, dick and harry, or if they just do it because they can?

I've known women who literally bring a different guy home every night of the week and have up to four **** buddies at one time going, and they usually just pick them up from the shops or the local dive...and with absolutely NO discrimination...they'll take anyone who'll have them!

To me, just because you can, doesn't necessarily mean you 'should'. I can sleep with whoever I want, that doesn't mean I'm out every night of the week looking though, cougardom or not. Maybe I'm not as sexual as other women though? I just sometimes wonder how much of it is genuine desire and how much is just left over from the sexual revolution?

These days, I'm not so into casual sex. I don't go looking for it...if I find it though, and it feels right, I might go with it?

[AlmostGodess]

Originally Posted by pyrogen

^^ this

It's very rare that I separate emotional attraction from physical attraction. Chances are if I wanted to sleep with someone in the first place, I probably also want to date them. I called myself a "romance fetishist" in other posts, just like a foot fetishist needs feet to "get off".

I feel the same. I only had intimate relations with men I was in love with. It would be a great challenge for me to have casual sex.

[Rezzy7]

Originally Posted by rei

Seems more likely a throwback to the dowry days, to me.

I think that explanation is a hold-over from dowry days...

Originally Posted by elucidate

Unnattractive women have to work harder to have sex with a man, and they will still get labelled a slut for sleeping with lots of men, so that kinda throws your theory out of the water.

Whether the woman has to make any effort or none at all is irrelevant to James81's explanation. It has long been believe by many people, wrongly, that any woman who "gives it up" too readily gets labeled with one of those unfortunate terms. Sex has been considered in the West, probably due to Christianity, as something reserved only for marriage. If a woman consented to sex prior to being wed she has sinned. Granted, the man has also sinned, but notice the woman is often given the blame in religion; man is Teflon.

[elucidate]

Originally Posted by Rezzy7

Whether the woman has to make any effort or none at all is irrelevant to James81's explanation. It has long been believe by many people, wrongly, that any woman who "gives it up" too readily gets labeled with one of those unfortunate terms. Sex has been considered in the West, probably due to Christianity, as something reserved only for marriage. If a woman consented to sex prior to being wed she has sinned. Granted, the man has also sinned, but notice the woman is often given the blame in religion; man is Teflon.

It's possible that I misunderstood what james was saying. I thought, from what I read, that he meant that the whole labelling thing came from the fact that men had to work hard to get sex, whilst attractive women did not, and so that was the reason they got labelled sluts. It seemed as though he was saying that it was based on some form of resentment on the part of the men?

You're argument that it is based on religious beliefs, whilst it makes more sense to me, has nothing to do with what James81 was saying, unless I am missing something?

[Rezzy7]

Originally Posted by elucidate

You're argument that it is based on religious beliefs, whilst it makes more sense to me, has nothing to do with what James81 was saying, unless I am missing something?

I didn't intend to correct you, I just wanted to say I think the ideas mentioned in James81's theory seem to have come about due to religious attitudes (not his attitudes, people's).

Originally Posted by NoJobRob

Why would I want to go down on a woman if I knew some other dude's schlong was just there the night before? The thought makes me cringe. LOL But to each their own I guess.

You might not want to kiss her either, depending what they did together!!

We can assume most people we have sex with have had sex previously. So, considering NoJobRob's comments, how long is long enough since the last time your partner had sex with another person? A week? Two months? Does it matter?

Originally Posted by elucidate

...I have to wonder sometimes, if they REALLY want to sleep around with every tom, dick and harry, or if they just do it because they can?

I've known women who literally bring a different guy home every night of the week and have up to four **** buddies at one time going, and they usually just pick them up from the shops or the local dive...and with absolutely NO discrimination...they'll take anyone who'll have them!

I'm wondering, too, if attitudes about promiscuity and casual sex have become more and more relaxed. I say this because it appears teens seem even more openly promiscuous than ever, celebrating being a "ho" or a "pimp". But then, that's a whole other thread and I don't intend to hijack.

[elucidate]

Originally Posted by Rezzy7

I didn't intend to correct you, I just wanted to say I think the ideas mentioned in James81's theory seem to have come about due to religious attitudes (not his attitudes, people's).

Oh I see. In that case, yes I think that's highly possible.

I'm wondering, too, if attitudes about promiscuity and casual sex have become more and more relaxed. I say this because it appears teens seem even more openly promiscuous than ever, celebrating being a "ho" or a "pimp". But then, that's a whole other thread and I don't intend to hijack.

Yeah, and have you seen the sheer number of really young girls on porn websites these days? It's a bit disturbing, though I guess not if you are from the netherlands or sweden, where it's the norm.

[Agota]

James theory about where the double standarts come from is interesting and makes sense to me

My theory is that double standarts developed as society's way to protect itself and protect women in some form.

It's now we have condoms and even if you get pregnant abortions are relatively safe and even if you don't want to get an abortion you are able to make baby's daddy to take responsbility because DNA test will prove he has an obligation to contribute to child's wellness and even if you have no idea where that guy is right now and therefore you can't get DNA test, it is possible for single mother to support herself and her child.

When you compared that to older days, where there was no contraception, abortions were very dangerous, there was no way to prove who is baby's dad and it was very difficult for a woman to make a living and support herself and her child, well... I guess many girls (as well as many guys who would take responsibility if a girl gets pregnant) who sleep around now would think twice in those conditions.

Therefore I guess those double standarts served to protect society as a whole from a lot of troubled single mothers and uncared children.

..and today, since not that many people take time to examine their beliefs, those double standarts are still alive.

On the other hand, well maybe it's only my experience, but I hear guys/men saying something along those lines very rarely and most of the times I heard it from girls/women. I came to conlusion that women are actually fueling this, whether consciously or unconsciously, and it's usually they call other girls names because of jealousy (and feminine jelousy is a horrible force!) or their own low self-esteem and issues with sexuality.

I mean, I don't say that there are no guys who think like that because there are load of them, but imagine: all women in western world suddenly drops this belief. It's already majority, and if you add all guys who are better than holding beliefs like that an overwhelming force of majority would wash out these double standarts in few decades.

* * *

I agree with someone here - why would you bothered if someone called you a slut anyway?

..I mean, slap them and forget it

People call each other names all the time and I guess it's impossible to avoid that. There's always someone who is projecting their own issues on you, well, if they want to waste their energy on you too bad for them.

* * *

It's my personal preference, but I wouldn't like to have sex or be in a relationship with a guy who slept around a lot, therefore I understand guys who are not into girls who sleep around.

I don't sleep around myself because somehow I find idea of casual sex completely boring.

I love sex. It makes more sense to me to get into a long term relationship and then have loads of it. Casual sex seems too much trouble for too little reward in my opinion.

* * *

I guess sleeping around to the extreme level when you sleep with anyone who will agree shows either addiction to sex or extreme self-esteem issues.

It might be that women who pick up guys in shop and change partners every night are just looking for male approval and gets it in the form of sex.

[dreamlearner]

Originally Posted by BillyTheAdult

My only problem with it is that I'm not having any.

ha ha same problem here.I never had any casual sex.

[hockeyman316]

Casual sex is not a bad thing. Every person is different, and every person has their different views on things. I have always been more of a relationship person. I like to have someone else in my life, so we can always better one another. That being said, I have also had my share of casual sex. When single, it is nice because it gives you some of the benefits of a relationship, while not having to deal with some of the hassles of a relationship. If someone just wants to have casual sex, I say good for them! It is certainly better than just keeping a boyfriend/girlfriend around until you ultimately cheat on them, or leave them because you are bored and want a different partner.

[lookcloser]

I have nothing against casual sex, but being the paranoid person I am I don't engage in it(actually in any sex, even with a steady partner) because first I do NOT want to take even the slightest risk of pregnancy because it could absolutely ruin my life and just the thought makes me go .
Second, I have this deep rooted fear of being 'used' by my partner(Yes, I'm gradually working my way out of it)
Third pre-marital sex still makes 90 percent of the people in my country go ballistic and nuts, I personally don't care if I'm 'shunned' by my society but my parent's lives revolves around 'what others say'. And being their daughter I have certain 'responsibilities' and I have to keep up the family name
And fourth, I've been a little confused about my sexuality lately. And no one has managed to turn me on enough. Yeah, kinda sucks. But I have my whole life ahead of me right? Something good ought to come way eventually... I don't want to lose my V-card just for the heck of it. I don't want to make a deal out of it either...Lol this is becoming all about me.

I'm fine with casual making out though

[ssandra]

Originally Posted by elucidate

Yeah, and have you seen the sheer number of really young girls on porn websites these days? It's a bit disturbing, though I guess not if you are from the netherlands or sweden, where it's the norm.

Are you saying that in the Netherlands it is the norm for young girls to be in porn movies?

I think I'm misunderstanding you here... cause that is definitely NOT the norm...

Interesting fact though; (not in reply to you Elucidate, just general interesting fact).
The Netherlands (and other, more open minded countries) have a way lower rate of teen pregnancy then the US. And our teens really do not have less sex

172.061 births per 1 million people for the Netherlands
1,671.63 births per 1 million people for the US (which I can only assume is that lots of teen moms have multiple children....)

Teenage pregnancy (per capita) (most recent) by country

[NoJobRob]

Originally Posted by Rezzy7

You might not want to kiss her either, depending what they did together!!

We can assume most people we have sex with have had sex previously. So, considering NoJobRob's comments, how long is long enough since the last time your partner had sex with another person? A week? Two months? Does it matter?

I think it matters. Some people have really bad hygiene, women included. LOL I haven't exactly done any scientific research on the matter, as I have better things to do, but I think it's safe to assume that it's generally better to not have sex with someone shortly after they've had sex with someone else. There's a reason prostitution is frowned upon, and generally disgusting as a profession.

[ssandra]

Originally Posted by NoJobRob

I think it matters. Some people have really bad hygiene, women included. LOL I haven't exactly done any scientific research on the matter, as I have better things to do, but I think it's safe to assume that it's generally better to not have sex with someone shortly after they've had sex with someone else. There's a reason prostitution is frowned upon, and generally disgusting as a profession.

Really? There are people who think prostitution is disgusting? Hmmm that's a surprise for me. I know that there are people who are against it, but I didn't think people would actually find it disgusting... Oh well.... learn something new every day

For me, as long as they take a shower and have good body hygiene (which is needed anyway if they want to have sex with me) I don't care if their last time was 10 years ago or 10 minutes. Non of my business.

The fact that they are clean and not smelly.. THAT is my business

[90802]

Hmm, how are we defining casual sex? Is it strictly a one night stand kinda thing, or is there more to it?

[danas]

my criteria for casual sex is- the guy needs to be physically sexy but unintelligent, or have some other very unattractive trait in his personality (Like unhealthy)
If I feel too smart next to them, I dont mind having casual sex with them bc then I know I wont get attached.

If however I make the mistake of having casual sex with a guy who is both smart and sexy- I am doomed. Because Ill want a relationship.

Ive noticed this pattern

[NoJobRob]

Originally Posted by ssandra

Really? There are people who think prostitution is disgusting? Hmmm that's a surprise for me. I know that there are people who are against it, but I didn't think people would actually find it disgusting... Oh well.... learn something new every day

I think most people would agree that prostitution is a dirty business. How isn't it dirty? I should probably add that my dad is an OBGYN, so I've heard some pretty gnarly (but truthful) stories over the years. LOL

[Green Lady]

I never had any casual sex and not considering that in the near future...but hey, who knows? Each to their own...

All I know is that my friends who have **** buddies end up in love with them. That is, it always ends in tears (for them) but maybe not everyone is the same.

[90802]

Originally Posted by danas

my criteria for casual sex is- the guy needs to be physically sexy but unintelligent, or have some other very unattractive trait in his personality (Like unhealthy)
If I feel too smart next to them, I dont mind having casual sex with them bc then I know I wont get attached.

If however I make the mistake of having casual sex with a guy who is both smart and sexy- I am doomed. Because Ill want a relationship.

Ive noticed this pattern

You may have just helped me discover the reason I'm really conflicted over casual (in this instance meaning one night stand) sex.

I find it next to impossible to separate the physical from the...rest? Meaning that if I'm physically attracted to her, but she's dumb, I'll no longer find her attractive.

I don't know if I can separate the two, damn it. Ugh, I'm such a girl (ps, I'm a guy)

[faithsdaddy]

I think if you're ♥♥♥*ed up, you will make bad choices. As a couple of examples, someone who had a loveless childhood may have many partners in a vain attempt to find love. Or someone who was brought up to believe sex is bad, may be fearful and end up unable to enjoy it at all and have few or no partners.

If you're mentally healthy and you like lots or little sex with many or few partners- then that's pretty cool. If you're careful, the health risks are fairly low.

So there you have it... since most people are messed up, any extremes of sexual behaviour will often be a physical manifestation of this.

Come on, let's 'ave it. I'll take ya all at once

[st33med]

I have a counterpoint to James logic. I remember this argument from... a TV show (Two and a Half Men), so sue me if it isn't 'right'.

Attractive women (as in generally attractive to the public, ie big boobs and butt and such; there are varying definitions of what's attractive) are actually the most loneliest women. Reason: men are too shy to ask them out because they are afraid to get rejected because they aren't good enough for her. Made a little sound sense.

But of course, that's not my expectation of women either. I've seen unattractive girls being hit on or having gfs, I've met some stunning girls who wouldn't fit the 'public' attractiveness and who get hit on or asked for a date. I've know that there are some attractive girls who do get hit on a lot.

[faithsdaddy]

Originally Posted by st33med

I have a counterpoint to James logic. I remember this argument from... a TV show (Two and a Half Men), so sue me if it isn't 'right'.

Attractive women (as in generally attractive to the public, ie big boobs and butt and such; there are varying definitions of what's attractive) are actually the most loneliest women. Reason: men are too shy to ask them out because they are afraid to get rejected because they aren't good enough for her. Made a little sound sense.

But of course, that's not my expectation of women either. I've seen unattractive girls being hit on or having gfs, I've met some stunning girls who wouldn't fit the 'public' attractiveness and who get hit on or asked for a date. I've know that there are some attractive girls who do get hit on a lot.

Don't agree. I'm at best average looking, but I've been happy to ask great looking women out. Doesn't always pan out, but if you're going to ask someone out, surely you'd go for the person you're most attracted to.

Is this not common sense?

[AlmostGodess]

Originally Posted by st33med

I have a counterpoint to James logic. I remember this argument from... a TV show (Two and a Half Men), so sue me if it isn't 'right'.

Attractive women (as in generally attractive to the public, ie big boobs and butt and such; there are varying definitions of what's attractive) are actually the most loneliest women. Reason: men are too shy to ask them out because they are afraid to get rejected because they aren't good enough for her. Made a little sound sense.

But of course, that's not my expectation of women either. I've seen unattractive girls being hit on or having gfs, I've met some stunning girls who wouldn't fit the 'public' attractiveness and who get hit on or asked for a date. I've know that there are some attractive girls who do get hit on a lot.

I think you'll get a lot of rep from all the attractive women on this forum for this post. I just tried too, but they did not let me

[st33med]

Originally Posted by AlmostGodess

I think you'll get a lot of rep from all the attractive women on this forum for this post. I just tried too, but they did not let me

There is also the point that being hit on doesn't matter. If you are actively seeking for someone to be your sex partner and such and don't have an limiting beliefs blocking that wish, then that can happen.

[rei]

Originally Posted by Rezzy7

I think that explanation is a hold-over from dowry days...

I disagree. His theory is about supply, demand and access.

I think the double standard is left over from a time when women were viewed as property. So your property was less valuable if it was, er, second hand. You were marrying to get a virgin back then.

While there is an element of value in his theory it misses the objectification which I think is residually expressed in that double standard.