Gaming Addiction

[homeboy]

I have a roommate who I've known for about 4 years already. We've been 'friends' for the same time too but I think he's just taking advantage of us. I have been pulling myself away from him cuz he seems like a very bad introvert. He plays this game called FFXI for 4 years on the dot and gotten every single expansion that has come out. On the timer in game its been clocked as more than a year. That means hes been logged on for a year in that game. It's driving me crazy. He has no real life friends and when people ask him to go to partys or events he just shruggs it off. I tell him to go meet new people and stuff but he says he doesn't need friends who do drugs and drink alcohol which seems hypocratic since his online friends do it too. All he does in the last 4 years which I have witnessed is talk on a microphone with his group online. It's driving me crazy and it gets me very angry cuz hes wasting every second. Please note I have tried all the MMORPGs out there: Star Wars Galaxy, World of Warcraft and his stupid Final Fantasy 11 all to which I think is a complete waste of time and money. I'm so happy I'll be graduating so I don't get to see or hear from him anymore. I've tried throwing a birthday get2gether for him but he just goes back to his room. Dunno what to do anymore, anybody got a good book I could actually buy him so he'd get off being a potato?

He does not admit that this is a problem.

[bettyboo11]

hi homeboy..sorry to hear about your situation.. but i can totally relate.

my boyfriend was a world of warcraft 'addict' for about 2 years. my experience is that you can't force someone out of this situation..it is a decision they have to make for themselves.

although, i had to break up with him for a good six months. he numbed himself with the game, speaking only to his online friends through a microphone as well. eventually he realized that he had no 'real life' and was wasting his life away as a blue troll. -__-

this was the video that inspired him to quit (it's geared towards wow addicts, so not sure if it'll work for your roommate though):
Good bye blue sky - Google Video

it wasn't that groundbreaking to me, but i think he was on the verge of quitting anyway.

anyways, it's nice of you to worry about him, but part of me thinks you're just disgusted that he's living his life in a way that you don't agree with. i had the same problem with my roommate, but then i chose to accept her for who she was.. i just chose not to be around her as much. now she doesn't drive me crazy anymore and we have very cordial relations.

it's probably really annoying to look at him wasting his life, but don't let that waste YOUR life. he'll snap out of it when he's realizes what he's doing, but until then you can't physically force him to not play.

"a man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still."

and plus, you're going to be graduating so soon..once you move out, i doubt you'll even think of him anymore.

sorry this is so crappily wrote, but im tired. good luck!!

[Tasaio]

Originally Posted by bettyboo11

hi homeboy..sorry to hear about your situation.. but i can totally relate.

my boyfriend was a world of warcraft 'addict' for about 2 years. my experience is that you can't force someone out of this situation..it is a decision they have to make for themselves.

...

anyways, it's nice of you to worry about him, but part of me thinks you're just disgusted that he's living his life in a way that you don't agree with. i had the same problem with my roommate, but then i chose to accept her for who she was.. i just chose not to be around her as much. now she doesn't drive me crazy anymore and we have very cordial relations.

it's probably really annoying to look at him wasting his life, but don't let that waste YOUR life. he'll snap out of it when he's realizes what he's doing, but until then you can't physically force him to not play.

"a man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still."

and plus, you're going to be graduating so soon..once you move out, i doubt you'll even think of him anymore.

Hi homeboy,

I agree with the above points.

The fact is, no one can decide how or with whom your roommate spends his time. Would you appreciate him telling you to get over your addiction to offline socialization? He probably feels that you are the one wasting your life.

I happen to hate MMORPGs, but I'm not going to start criticizing my friends who play them. I don't hate them for the reasons you do, but I do recognize the enormous time commitment they require. However, how is investing your time in a cerebral, strategic game a "bad" thing? It's no different to investing your time in, say, playing chess, pool, or some other sport. It's better than playing a drinking game.

I'm also curious how you know that his online friends do drugs. Also, I'm not sure I understand this point (please don't be offended if I'm wrong): Are you saying that your own friends do drugs? If that's the case, then I think it's better to limit such contact to the internet, as your friend does.

Lastly, this is only a problem if it's interfering with your roommate's studies. However, I would once again suggest that you don't worry about it.

I think you're letting someone so very different to you frustrate you. I know what it's like, because I live with people who are nothing like me. In the end, all you can do is work on your own activities, and let them speak for you.

If your friend pursues different activities, then that is his own choice.

[Scorpio]

I don't think it's a totally clear cut case of someone just having different interests. Spending an entire year online? A frickin' year? Spending four years of his life playing one game non-stop? Not having any outside social life? Just liking to play computer games is one thing, but my common sense is telling me that what this guy is doing is unbalanced and unhealthy. Going overboard with anything can be bad. I think the original poster has some cause for concern when he says his roommate never wants to go out and shuns all real-life social interaction.

One day the MMORPG addicted roommate is going to come to and realize he's wasted a large chunk of his life, and that he's behind everyone in terms of personal development, and that he hasn't had sex in years.

Still, there's nothing you can do really. It's not your place to police his behavior. If he wants to screw up his real life then that's his problem. If he wants to change he'll do it when he's ready...

...on the other hand, when people are alcoholics or crack heads, people have interventions for them. Why would this be any different? Something to talk about more I guess.

[earlybird]

Ok, here is a bit of a major for me. IVE been there. I was addicted to a game called "Counterstrike" until fairly recently (not chronically, but I played it alot.) It got in the way of things. It wasn't too bad, considering what I've heard from others, but it was bad. I find that after having such an addictive experience I suffer VERY badly if I play computer games anymore. From a kid I played them on and off, then I found ones I really liked and played them constantly. I bought my first computer game in a year the other day and I simply cant play it. Its an old one I used to play as a kid, revisited. It makes me moody and horrible. So I threw it away. Seriously. £20 wasted in one week. But it was worth the £20 to know I didn't want to go back there.

My studies werent harmed, I had girlfriends and plenty of friends too, so for me it wasn't that bad. But I know people that are that bad. I know people that have white faces because they never see light of day. No education, no lifestyle, nothing. And no matter what I do or say, they wont listen. The above posters are right. It's a choice they have to make. Once they realise how it affects their behavioural patterns (it does) they may try to change it. And changing it takes a long time. It took me a year of on and off (it was hard to do it properly, as its addictive) dedication to stop. I uninstalled games several times only to install them again later on. But now, I'm free.

However, I'd be careful using the words "waste of time". That is subjective. It is only a waste in your eyes. If they are happy, then so be it. You'll find they're much more moody, but altogether more happy. Unfortunately living with them can be a pain. Just be happy you have not succombed to such a thing.

This may not have been helpful, but you have to realise this one of the small things that only the person can change. I know that, as I've been there.

[escapee]

I play casual games now (shameless plug ) for entertainment purpose because i know that MMORPG or core games are simply too time consuming and addictive for a mid-age guy like myself .

Yes, I used to get addicted to a MMORPG a few years ago ( I thought i would never .. )and i had to delete the whole game from the HD to get off the addiction. MMORPG is a mind drug ..

[homeboy]

Thanks bettyboo for the link but I doubt he'll watch all of it. I used to play games addictively too like StarCraft and Diablo2 for like 6 months run, but they eventually stopped. Nothing like 4 years ongoing.

Tasaio - Yes I've done drugs and my friends do it too. We aren't addicts just curious. We drink every other weekend but thats just to hang out again before everythings over. He told me they were playing high and sometimes they're drunk online so I know they have done things too.

I guess there's not much I can do except wait for graduation. I hope he breaks out of it soon. I know his parents doesn't let him play often at home. As for a waste of time... looking back on the good ol days, yes they were fun times but I regret not doing something else instead like picking up an instrument. So personally I do feel like its a waste, but I can relate. I still play games on and off.

[Bruce Achterberg]

Originally Posted by homeboy

I have a roommate who I've known for about 4 years already. We've been 'friends' for the same time too but I think he's just taking advantage of us. I have been pulling myself away from him cuz he seems like a very bad introvert. He plays this game called FFXI for 4 years on the dot and gotten every single expansion that has come out. On the timer in game its been clocked as more than a year. That means hes been logged on for a year in that game. It's driving me crazy. He has no real life friends and when people ask him to go to partys or events he just shruggs it off. I tell him to go meet new people and stuff but he says he doesn't need friends who do drugs and drink alcohol which seems hypocratic since his online friends do it too. All he does in the last 4 years which I have witnessed is talk on a microphone with his group online. It's driving me crazy and it gets me very angry cuz hes wasting every second. Please note I have tried all the MMORPGs out there: Star Wars Galaxy, World of Warcraft and his stupid Final Fantasy 11 all to which I think is a complete waste of time and money. I'm so happy I'll be graduating so I don't get to see or hear from him anymore. I've tried throwing a birthday get2gether for him but he just goes back to his room. Dunno what to do anymore, anybody got a good book I could actually buy him so he'd get off being a potato?

He does not admit that this is a problem.

It's quite possible your friend is harbouring an unhealthy addiction, but I wouldn't be so quick to say that the game(s) he plays is/are a waste of time.

Whether you are aware of it or not, every game makes a statement of some sort, and all games teach -- or at the very least, utilise -- certain skills. Non-gamers often look past such subtleties (I did for many years, even as someone who plays games), but they are there, and they’re often more useful then you think.

He may later use his experience and knowledge with games to develop one himself one day and create a profitable business or a source of income from it. And the notion of good and bad is relative to the individual, so while other activities may seem better to you, it may not quite be the case with him. For example, I believe that your friend has some good points about drugs and alcohol (his logic may not be 100% sound, but still).

For example, I’d be curious to know how many hours some people have used on such activities such as drinking and hanging out with their friends... activities that may or may not produce any meaningful results that could be seen as equally “wasteful” from a certain perspective. I'd bet I've spent close to a year on activities that haven't really given me great results, but that doesn't make them bad. Personally, I'd go as far to say that so long as there are no major negative consequences, it's better your friend is doing something he enjoys rather then slaving away at something he doesn't (people with jobs they hate and constantly complain about yet do nothing to improve their situation come to mind, and while most would consider this to be "normal" due to their social conditioning, I sure don't share that perspective and see it as a sort of "addiction" in itself -- an addiction to action that causes suffering).

Now don’t get me wrong -- I'm not saying what your friend is doing is good, but I’m saying that it’s not necessarily bad either, or at least, as bad as it seems. If you are genuinely interested in helping him (and not just trying to make him less irritating to you, since that would be more about your personal preferences and may not be in his best interests -- which isn’t a bad thing, it just requires a different approach to the one I’m suggesting), I’d recommend that you either talk to him and ask him what he does like to do and set a date to go out and do it (if he’s willing to do so), or try to propose some activities for him to do that mesh closely with the reason why he likes playing the games he does in the first place. Once he discovers that there are other sources for what he seems to enjoy so much, he’ll probably be more likely to adventure out and mix things up a bit.

But, really, it’s all about free will and personal preference. If he doesn’t want to do things, you can’t force him (well, you can, but that won’t be a very effective approach and will likely just cause unwanted drama). Maybe the best option is just to leave him be and let him learn from his action (or inaction). And if he doesn’t learn, revel in the fact that he’s living life the way he wants to live it.

Additionally, here are some article from Steve that you may find useful:

• Understanding Human Relationships
• Soulful Relationships

[Haris]

I had an addicition towards counterstrike, WoW and age of empire and I used to waste my 5-6 hours per day on games. eek!

Someday, I realized that I was wasting my 5-6 hours per day. I uninstalled my games and I never touch those CDs again. All my subscription has been expired.

[Vipa]

Originally Posted by bettyboo11

hi homeboy..sorry to hear about your situation.. but i can totally relate.

my boyfriend was a world of warcraft 'addict' for about 2 years. my experience is that you can't force someone out of this situation..it is a decision they have to make for themselves.

this was the video that inspired him to quit (it's geared towards wow addicts, so not sure if it'll work for your roommate though):
Good bye blue sky - Google Video

it wasn't that groundbreaking to me, but i think he was on the verge of quitting anyway.

Love the choice of music to that video. NIN. perfect.

[Jugga J]

It depends on values, I used to be quite a game player because most of mates became avid players. But then suddenly you make the conscious jump of realizing that computer games do nothing to enhance you life, after every game i used to think 'how has this changed my life?' Fortunately I made the jump at a young age, while some don't till there late twenties. I'm 16 and my friends still play a lot of MMORPGs, I try to make them quit but they don't, its defiantly a conscious jump. Now I spend more time doing things like music, chess, exercise etc. and I'm a lot more grateful for it.

Originally Posted by Tasaio

It's no different to investing your time in, say, playing chess, pool, or some other sport. It's better than playing a drinking game.

Chess - its like brain exercise and improves logic and STM of the visual memory, also theres a correlation between top chess players and high IQ. Has various others

Pool is a social event that improves your social status if your good at it. Improving social life means you're more likely to find a potential mate and more likely to pass on your incredible gene pool.

Drinking games are downright fun.

Computer Games? Improve Imagination possibly? If That?

O and counter strike apparently imrpoves your reflexes by about 0.3%

Like I said, when people start to value there time, thats when they make the jump, when they want to make something of their life etc.

Note: To make jump you must have brain.

[earlybird]

I know his parents doesn't let him play often at home.

Can I point out that if he had that freedom at home, he would probably not be using his time in this way now? Many people who have replied to this post, me included, had to get over it ourselves in our own time at home at younger ages. He has not been allowed this. Maybe this is half the problem?

after every game i used to think 'how has this changed my life?'

Amen. I always used to come off playing for 3 hours and thinking; "you know, I could have been doing this, this or this." I really felt like a loser for the rest of the day and didn't do anything as I was in self pity mode. So it ended wasting my days. I always found after playing a game for a long time, I couldn't not play it for the rest of the day. It's like eating one bite of chocolate!

[Zach]

Originally Posted by bettyboo11

eventually he realized that he had no 'real life' and was wasting his life away as a blue troll. -__-

LOL, I wasted a good year of my life playing something similar to "a blue troll" in WoW. It was bad. I would sometimes play in excess of 12 hours a day, completely ignoring my family and everything. Just wake up and hop on and start raiding dungeons.

One day I "woke up" and realized how much I was degrading from playing this stupid game. It's a relationship destroyer, money pit, health eliminator, education deterrent, just about everything negative possible.

[Dan.Linehan]

For me, it was Quake One. I skipped meals to play for 12-16 hours a day. I was really damn good too, unfortunately it was in the days before there were any real tourneys (1997-1998) or I would have made some money for sure.

I played expert mod (alliance mod in the subsequent quake iterations) with the offhand grappling hook and unlimited weapons and ammo. It was so badass.

Quake changed my life for the best overall. It made me think of real life as being like a game. It made me realize that I could redirect all that energy into better everyday living. It got me into web development and eventually programming. It showed me that I could be the best at something if I threw myself into it.

Quake was never exactly an escape for me, it was a fascination. I wasn't depressed when I played, or afterwards. I was just enthralled and competitive.

But I haven't been able to get into another game since. They all seem really boring compared to playing the game of life.

I currently have a good friend who is hopelessly addicted to WOW, 12 hours a day and all that. I don't worry about him anymore. I did for a while, but heck, I was doing the same thing 10 years ago. He'll get over it when he's ready.

I think it comes down to the reason why he is playing. If it is an escape, even if the game wasn't available he would find another way to escape. And that would be his decision. For me, I played to conquer the game: I started my own clan, ran my own server eventually, took video captures of matches, etc. Then, when I quit playing, I moved onto trying to "beat" other things. Mostly, I've been trying to beat the game of "career" which turns out to be much, much more challenging.

If your roomate wants to escape from life, he'll escape with or without the game. If he wants to be a winner, he'll move onto winning at life at some point. WOW is just the medium, not the message. His intention, his reason for playing is more important.

[Steve Pavlina]

I found that my interest in games naturally faded as I began thinking of real life as the ultimate game. Computer games seem so boring to me now since the risks and rewards are all simulated, although they can feel real. I've since become addicted to the game of life -- I want to face real risks and enjoy real rewards.

I think playing certain games can be a good training ground for real life in the long run, as long as you eventually graduate. In real life you get to define your own quest and develop your character with a lot more flexibility than you can in a game. It may take longer to build your stats, but they really serve you well.

[Isis Kali]

He was an EverSmack addict first, plus a tabletop junkie. He ran a forum, worried about recruitment, spent money running a radio station. When EQ started to not be his cuppa, he then turned his addiction to WoW...where he then met his long-distance girlfriend, who neglects her children to sit online and spew gaming crap at him. Wow. I'm suppose I'm jus' jellus of their twu luv- gag.

This 32 year old man is a sad, sad case. He'd started to leave the house to go out dancing, or to visit with my friends who had become his friends, as well. We were having a BLAST, becoming great friends, having a ball.

No dice. He went right back to the game. The game turned him belligerent; he figured that, since he was in a position of power in the game, that no one in real life really mattered. He expected Mom (or me!) to feed him and clean his house. When he got liquored up to play, he'd blast his music (I cannot stand loud music, and he knew that, but didn't care). He'd delay doing his job to play, lying to his bosses so that he could sit on the computer.

I moved out. I couldn't take being aroun dthe negative energy sinkhole any more. Yeah, let me be judgemental here. There are gaming addicts, they suck, and they need to get a gooddamned life. It's an addiction, just like any other. It can ruin friendships, homes, relationships, income...all of it. This guy wouldn't even go to the store to buy food. He'd wake up at 9:30 AM, flop down in his chair, and get up for bed at 4 AM. The Japanese gov't is running clinics for these people now. At this point, I hate gaming so much that I won't date a man who plays them, full stop.

PS- This guy used to date my ex best-friend. His behavior broke up the only local love relationship he's ever been able to find and keep.

No pity here. Not a bit.

[Michael Chui]

Heh. One of my housemates plays WoW constantly. I've met his girlfriend. She's pretty nice. They met in WoW. She flew up from California.

But it's okay. I don't mind if you guys mistake causation for correlation. I'm sure it makes you feel better, to escape from a reality you don't understand.

Note: I do not play any MMORPGs. They bore the life out of me. I just talk to the developers every now and then and chat about designing the systems.

[escapee]

I do not play any MMORPGs. They bore the life out of me.

That's what i thought without playing them at first.

[earlybird]

Originally Posted by Steve Pavlina

I found that my interest in games naturally faded as I began thinking of real life as the ultimate game. Computer games seem so boring to me now since the risks and rewards are all simulated, although they can feel real. I've since become addicted to the game of life -- I want to face real risks and enjoy real rewards.

I think playing certain games can be a good training ground for real life in the long run, as long as you eventually graduate. In real life you get to define your own quest and develop your character with a lot more flexibility than you can in a game. It may take longer to build your stats, but they really serve you well.

I'm amazed at that response, Steve. Very poignant. That's helped me very much with my perspective on games, at least.

[Brutha]

I happen to hate MMORPGs, but I'm not going to start criticizing my friends who play them. I don't hate them for the reasons you do, but I do recognize the enormous time commitment they require. However, how is investing your time in a cerebral, strategic game a "bad" thing?

A MMORPG is no strategic game.

Even Games like Warcraft 3 or Command and Conquer don't really need that much strategy. As long as you are fast enough with your mouse you do well in them. Maybe a bit tactics but strategy?
Chess in contrast needs strategy. You don't have the time to make good strategic choices in a Warcraft 3 or Command and Conquer game. You simply use your reflexes and apply prelerned tactics.

[Michael Chui]

Correct. In Warcraft 3 and most other RTS games, strategic choices are made before the game begins.

[JasonS76]

I think it's a phase, at least for me. You just begin to realize there are more important things in life than just games.

[yossarian]

For me games were a place that I could put my energy where my energy actually counted towards changing something.

Reality at school was that I had these extremely boring classes learning banal things and moving through material so slowly that you can't even remember what concept you worked on last time. It was so unengaging and unrewarding, but I was brainwashed into thinking it was neccessary and so I stuck with it and tried my hardest to take it seriously. Social life was similarly pointless, does anyone actually care about whatever is on TV or the latest gossip and drama?

Games to me were an escape from banality. In a game I could try really really hard and my results would be commensurate with my effort. I mainly played games that took real skills which you must develop over time (Tribes series ) and so because of this I was actually able to see results from my efforts. The results were only that I could beat tons of people at shooting guns and jetpacking around but the point is that these actually counted for something because they were measurable.

If I had a bad day my skill would go down and so would my results. If I wanted to win in the game I needed to be at my best all the time. It was this challenge that I enjoyed, that I couldn't get anywhere else.

In the real world, it didn't matter how little I tried I would get the same exact result.

Sadly these properties don't apply to modern MMORPGs since they are nothing more than treadmills and your power in the game goes up automatically with playtime. It takes no skill of any kind whatsoever, except tolerance for boredom. So WoW is like the opposite of a game I enjoy.

My gaming addiction was cured by the gaming industry because they stopped making good, challenging games. Everything they make these days is garbage. I would rather play iSketch and online Chess than a piece of crap like WoW.

[bettyboo11]

yossarian, that is exactly why my boyfriend plays games..and eventually quit wow.

you should try this game called 'company of heroes.' as a strategy game, i think it's very intelligent. it's won many game of the year awards. i won my first game online yesterday and i was so proud..haha.

[yossarian]

Originally Posted by bettyboo11

yossarian, that is exactly why my boyfriend plays games..and eventually quit wow.

you should try this game called 'company of heroes.' as a strategy game, i think it's very intelligent. it's won many game of the year awards. i won my first game online yesterday and i was so proud..haha.

hah, i've already beaten that game to death

it's a good one