Am I expecting to much from my friends

[little miss sunshine]

I had sinus surgery a couple of days ago was only in hospital over night but have not had any contact from any of my friends. I thought the thing to do when one of your friends was ill was to give them a call, see how they are doing, visit them and cheer them up bring flowers, chocolates those soughts of things. That is what I would do - but I have not got this from any of my friends. Am I expecting to much from my friends.

[spacecadetglow]

Aw, sorry to hear that, that's a suck feeling. People are flaky and get caught up in their own lives... I wouldn't take it personally, but I understand how you feel.

[Anthoneee]

Maybe you are wanting something these friends aren't capable of.

[curiouslyrandom]

Depends on age and maturity level. When I was in my 20's, no, my friends would have been busy with school or figured I was only in for a day, so what's the big deal? In my 30's, they'd probably be busy with work and families. After that, I don't know. Not there yet.

A friend of mine in his 40's had emergency surgery recently, and I couldn't make it to the hospital while he was there. I visited him at his home, instead, just to check in and see how he was recovering. He had done the same for me a year before.

[elucidate]

Originally Posted by Anthoneee

Maybe you are wanting something these friends aren't capable of.

What...a visit? A phone call? Hmmm...

Yes, people can really suck sometimes. I find it is usually a good lesson on who your real friends are during times like these...though, from the sounds of it, it doesn't sound like you have any. Sorry to hear.

Do they actually know you are ill though? maybe they didn't think it was a very serious procedure, and thought you could handle it without them? Are you really that ill? did you downplay it to them when you told them? These could be reasons why they haven't called?

Do you usually play the tough person who doesn't need anyone?

[ginkgo]

Sinus surgery and one day in the hospital is not a big deal. If you want to see how they respond then have a heart attack or something serious. But why does it make a difference? Many people are very, very busy with things.

[pinky3]

I would feel the same way. For sure. I was in the hospital once, also for something minor, and no one phoned to check on me. I was also really upset. To me it's not the severity of the reason in hospital, it's the fact that you're there and you would like to feel cared about.
I would say that it's not because your friends are bad ones... it's just they don't think like us for me it's always a bit difficult to understand things that others do different to me.
I love visiting people when they're not feeling good... that's my job as a friend

[Angelique]

I don't know the answer to your question, but I hope you're feeling better now.

[180]

Your story reminds me of what happened to this guy I know.

There was this guy I knew for only... like a few months. I probably met him max 7 times, but anyways, he had a very life serious threatening surgery, and I went to visit him. This was all in Korea, I'm a foreigner and got lost on the way. So anyways, I finally meet him, and I'm like...

"Wtf where is everyone?" I was the ONLY person who came to visit him (except his mother). I remember hearing there was a fatality rate of 10% and no one came. The ONLY person who came barely knew him and was a foreigner.

How sad that is... It made me wonder what kind of friends he had. Then I thought, how many people would visit me if I had a serious surgery. The numbers came in and it was a whopping 1 (not including family). Anyways, after that he sort of realized that his other friends weren't good. And he even joined facebook just to keep in contact with me these days.

I don't think you're expecting too much but at the same time, I think that frame that the world "cares" about you shouldn't be there. I mean honestly, have you ever tried asking friends for money?

There was this guy, who needed something like $2000 because he was in financial trouble. He called like 20 different people. No one helped him. Then finally he was so desperate he called a guy he barely knew, but he was so desperate he had to. That guy, said "yes". Why? I'm not really sure, it's a story from a friend of a friend of a friend. Not all the gaps were filled. Anyways, so he gave him the money and like 2 years later he could pay him back. He told him "I always though I had real friends, ones that I can depend on in hard times. But then I saw who my real friends are. They can be there when I laugh and want to do something but when I really needed it you were there. Even though you barely know me, whatever compelled you to help me, thank you very much. You truly are more than a friend to me.

I Think this says a lot about friendship. It's cloaked. You can't really tell who's your good friend until hard times come. That's not to say that your friends are ******** or jackasses, but we have fair weather friends and "foundation friends". It's important to cultivate both.