HELP MY gf lost sexual attraction

[rickster]

here my problem.

My girlfriend and I have been dating for a year and half. Last night i got her to tell me whats been bothering her so much. SHe starts crying and i have to beg her to tell me what it is. she says "shes not sexually attracted to me anymore" But she says shes been feeling this way after finding out I gave her Glamidia, then a week or so later i found out that i also had HPV low risk and was showing warts. well its been about 6-9 months now since then and we havent had sex for that long cause of it. and she wouldnt let me do anything to her not even touch her much. Im so heart broken and want to kill the bitch that gave this to me. my life feels like its over and cant stop crying. SHes not showing any signs of having it at this point and im not sure if shes going to break up with me. We both love eachother very much and idk what to do. SHes suppose to call me tonight after she gets off work. But If she feels this way and has been for a few months now without telling me, I feel its over. anyone have advise please help thanks.

[CoachChar]

Rickster,

Speaking from personal experience, what I've found is that when I don't trust a man, I have trouble sharing myself with him sexually. Perhaps this is the case with your girlfriend. You've been together for about 18 months, and about halfway into that time, the two of you were diagnosed with STDs. It sounds like she might be thinking you cheated on her and gave her a disease in addition to causing her emotional pain.

If this is the case then the two of you must work out the trust issues and repair this (possible) breach of trust before you can move forward. Have you accepted responsibility for your actions? Have you shown her, through your actions, that you will not betray her trust in the future?

I notice you have a lot of rage directed at the person who you believe passed the STDs to you. I'd look at that rage as opportunity for you to heal some issues you have with YOURSELF. This is not about that woman, whoever she is. Could it be that you're more angry at yourself than anyone else? If you have not forgiven yourself, why expect your girlfriend to forgive you?

Perhaps you'll find a way to work things out with your girlfriend. Then again, maybe this relationship is over already. Whatever the outcome, I encourage you to use this experience as a way to grow. And, as they say, be sure to "wrap it up" (use condoms and get tested) before you engage in sexual relations in the future.

[rickster]

I think she does trust me cause i told her that I never cheated and possibly gotten it from the last girl i was with. I never come off shady or anything and always tell her the truth. I think when the gyno told her that u have can glamidia for years and not know it, or gotten it from someone else and not know it and is cureable. she calmed down since i said her ex could have given it to her. but later when i told her i had hpv she got upset again and i dont think she can take the fact that theres no cure. Or shes still lieing to me and using this all as an excuse. when possibly she never had any sexual attraction from the start. cause we were having some problems before at the start with sex and she seemed like she was bored with me and i wasnt pleasing her. she would always say it hurt, but to me i think it was a lie since she seems to be a bit loose. and I dont think im big enough for her. Im above average and have 5in of girth. Shes only been with like 7 guys so i dont think she can get that streched out. but she was with one guy for 2 years. Im really angry now that i have this cause of what shes telling me now. idk what to do.

[CoachChar]

You have options here. You can seek counseling together if you feel there's hope for the relationship and she will agree to go with you.

You can continue in the relationship without any sex.

You can have a peaceful parting of ways and find a woman who is more compatible with you sexually and otherwise.

It takes two to make a successful relationship.

Best wishes!

[rickster]

Shes tells me that the only reason is that i have hpv and shes afraid of getting it and she feels it wont change anything untill its gone.

[rickster]

maybe somone can tell me more about HpV. I know my Gf has had 2 pap tests and are clear. now they say womens immune system can fight off the virus on its own. but say if we still continue to have sex could she still get it if i still have a few warts. which are only on my base.

[Dharma]

The male condom is not as effective at preventing HPV transmission as it is for the prevention of other STDs; the male condom does not prevent all skin-to-skin contact during sex. The female condom provides wider coverage and therefore might offer greater protection. Most infections do not have symptoms--no warts or Pap smear abnormalities-- but transmission of the virus is possible even though there are no visible signs of infection.

Viruses are quirky little beasts. You can have the deadliest of viruses in your blood and tissues and never come down with them all your life. You and your GF will never know who had HPV first, or maybe you both had it at the same time and it only showed up as warts on you. Assigning blame is a waste of both your time.

Since this is a spiritual based forum, I'm going to go a little deeper with this.

What you have to do is look at why am i showing myself warts on my genitals at this time?

It's drawing your attention to your penis and I'm sure the warts signify something wrong with you. The genitals are symbolic of our sexuality, so look at feelings/beliefs within yourself about your sexuality being wrong. Look for any guilt you carry or any shame that might be there. Start there.

Are you doing anything to treat the warts? I don't know if medication is effective, but I hear lasers work well.

[rickster]

well i told her that i probly got them before i was with her maybe i should have told her otherwise. Im treating them with ALDERA it seems to be working but still after 6 mnths not all are gone. the stubbern few are starting to get larger then then will shrink, seems how it works on me. But me GFs mind is set and since she says theres no cure shes just going to leave me. SHE keeps saying well theres a chance it can come back and shes can get over that. I wish there was something i can do, but convinceing her isnt working. I layed out the facts i told her how much i loved her. i told her she needs to make a decission. I cant leave her unless she tells me it over. idk why shes still trying to hang on when her mind is set. after a long upsetting convo we had tonight i should get an answer sooner then later. all i can tell is she thinks she doesnt have it and if we have sex she will get it also.

[rickster]

if my warts are gone, is she still at risk off getting them? or does her immune system keep fighting off HPV

[Aphrodite]

there is now an immunisation against the HPV virus. It is a big killer of women, not the actual virus but the fact it can change the cells of the cervix to cancer cells. she has every reason to be worried.

An Australian scientist has found a vaccine, show her this link and tell her to see her doctor and perhaps to show some love you could offer to pay for the vaccine.

HPV vaccine - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

the clamidia is treatable with antibiotics.

[rickster]

she knows about it but What she keeps telling me is she cant be sexual with me anymore cause i have warts and even when they are gone she says it still can come back. SHes constanly looking at the small part of things. Shes kept this from me for 4 months to see if things would change and they havent for her.

[Aphrodite]

rickster you may have to move on then honey. If she loved you properly she would be able to overcome it. let her go.

[rickster]

thats what i tried finding out, i think i might still go see her on weekends ive been doing it for 4 months now with her feeling this way. im not just about to move on it will take time. no sex for 6 months makes it somewhat eaiser