What To Say To Person Who Didn't Know My Mom Died?

[kenny r]

For a bunch of reasons I never had a memorial for my mom when she passed away. I didn't feel so great about it but I couldn't do it at the time and there was no one to help. (It's been over a year and I'm ok with it now.) I did my best to notify everyone I could and others also spread the unfortunate news.

Yesterday my mom received a card in the mail from someone. Now I must inform the person and apologize or something. What do you say in this situation?

[SireneB]

I'd suggest just informing them, no apology needed.

[Kishka]

Originally Posted by kenny r

For a bunch of reasons I never had a memorial for my mom when she passed away. I didn't feel so great about it but I couldn't do it at the time and there was no one to help. (It's been over a year and I'm ok with it now.) I did my best to notify everyone I could and others also spread the unfortunate news.

Yesterday my mom received a card in the mail from someone. Now I must inform the person and apologize or something. What do you say in this situation?

Although it was over a year ago, sorry for your loss. Is this someone who would have been obvious to notify, but you overlooked? Regardless of their significance in your mother's life, why would you apologize? At such a time when you are grieving and also regretful for a few reasons, most would understand the oversight. I would let them know and simply accept their condolences.

[kenny r]

Thanks for the replies and thanks Kishka even though it's been over a year. I still dream of her several nights a week.

really no apology? I thought people might be offended or upset they weren't told.

No it's not someone "obvious". And obscure friend of my mom whom I only know of (I think??) by her sending cards to my mom about once or twice a year. If she's who I'm thinking she is (!) I am surprised she didn't find out from other people who are mutual friends with her and my mom.

So a notecard? Post is the only way I have of contacting her.
Shall I mention there was no memorial (so its clear she didn't miss it)? I dont know these things.

[Chris_1977]

I think not offering some kind of apology would not be very kind. It is not necessary to mention that their was no memorial if this is not asked. No need to spread bad news just for the heck of it.

I suggest you write something along the lines of.

Dear <insert name>,

I received the card you sent to <insert name>. As the son of <insert name>, I am sorry to have to inform you that she passed away on <insert date>. <insert a one sentence description of circumstances>.

My condolences,
<your name>

Insert this small letter or card in a mourning envelope as it prepares people to receive bad news.

[ellie]

Originally Posted by Chris_1977

I think not offering some kind of apology would not be very kind. It is not necessary to mention that their was no memorial if this is not asked. No need to spread bad news just for the heck of it.

I suggest you write something along the lines of.

Dear <insert name>,

I received the card you sent to <insert name>. As the son of <insert name>, I am sorry to have to inform you that she passed away on <insert date>. <insert a one sentence description of circumstances>.

My condolences,
<your name>

Insert this small letter or card in a mourning envelope as it prepares people to receive bad news.

I wouldn't put my condolences at the end though.

Just "kind regards" or "sincerely" would be sufficient.

[t4488]

Originally Posted by kenny r

Shall I mention there was no memorial (so its clear she didn't miss it)? I dont know these things.

I think that is a good idea, some people might feel guilty about missing it or not knowing. I don't think it is really necessary but it would be courteous.

[Sivar]

Yeah, tell him/her that she passed away at date xy, and that for several reasons there wasn't any memorial. Without mentioning the memorial, it might be a little awkward, since they were close enough to write a card.

[Kishka]

Originally Posted by Chris_1977

I think not offering some kind of apology would not be very kind. It is not necessary to mention that their was no memorial if this is not asked. No need to spread bad news just for the heck of it.

I suggest you write something along the lines of.

Dear <insert name>,

I received the card you sent to <insert name>. As the son of <insert name>, I am sorry to have to inform you that she passed away on <insert date>. <insert a one sentence description of circumstances>.
?
My condolences,
<your name>

Insert this small letter or card in a mourning envelope as it prepares people to receive bad news.

I am sorry to inform you is a lot different from I apologize for not telling you earlier. I thought that was the question at hand?

[kenny r]

Thanks for the suggestions. I didn't know there was such a thing as a mourning envelope.

When I used the word "apologize" meant just saying "sorry to tell you" or something. It's saying sorry without suggesting there was any wrongdoing (and there wasn't).