Moving on.

[freddy]

Hi all, I’m in a relationships, and it is coming to an end. I really don’t know why or what the real cause of the break up was for. I can only guess at the issue because the girl in this relationship tells me she will never date anyone again and that she loves me. SO I figure because she the one who choose to leave me, she most likely is lying about the real reasons she’s leaving me. I want to improve myself in relationships, but I don’t really know what I need to improve on.
To help me through the last 10 day before she moves out I have listed what has bothers me about her. Like why I would be better off without her in my life, because we have different life styles. Bad habits she has that I am not fond of.
I still feel hurt, and in some ways try and over look the bad habits to keep her from leaving. I know this screams of desperation and needy- ness, so how do I get beyond that. . From my stand point, I would have improved this girl life greatly from a financial point of view even to possibly getting her kids back into her life.
Logically I see this relationship as one that would take a lot of compromising mostly on my part to workout. And for some strange reason I was willing to accept some of the behaviors that I didn’t like, such as smoking for example.
How do you go from being a needy person to one who can attract more like minded people with similar goals to my own. Anyone got some answer?

[Travis Morgan]

I would guess that either:
A) you're right, and she's lying in an attempt to break it off cleanly and with less drama than if she came out and said "I simply don't love you and want to move on" or "I don't love you and have found someone else" etc., etc.,
B) she doesn't love you enough to stay, but she likes you enough to try to soften the blow of breaking up by inflating your ego, hoping that when you find out the truth, enough time will have elapsed that you won't care/won't care as much

you can review and learn from every failed relationship you'll ever have and apply them to future relationships; i suggest you try to find acceptance and move on

[Kishka]

You sound conflicted. You want her to stay, even willing to over-look her smoking habit.

But then you talk about finding someone of like-mind?

You need to think about and KNOW what you really, truly want.

[freddy]

Originally Posted by Kishka

You sound conflicted. You want her to stay, even willing to over-look her smoking habit.

But then you talk about finding someone of like-mind?

You need to think about and KNOW what you really, truly want.

When i say like-minded. I was thinking about myself. I don't drink smoke or do drugs. When she came along I guess I just was longing to be in a relationship again. And was willing to take on alot of baggage with it I guess. I know stupid, but I have a hard time getting past shyness issues.

[freddy]

Originally Posted by Travis Morgan

I would guess that either:
A) you're right, and she's lying in an attempt to break it off cleanly and with less drama than if she came out and said "I simply don't love you and want to move on" or "I don't love you and have found someone else" etc., etc.,
B) she doesn't love you enough to stay, but she likes you enough to try to soften the blow of breaking up by inflating your ego, hoping that when you find out the truth, enough time will have elapsed that you won't care/won't care as much

you can review and learn from every failed relationship you'll ever have and apply them to future relationships; i suggest you try to find acceptance and move on

I think you might be right. I have a feeling that she was going to see someone today because of her vague answer she gave when I asked her were she was going to go. Funny thing is she still wants to have sex, saying I'm great in bed. I will not be doing her any more. Mentaly I know it time to move on emotinaly is the hard one for me.
Thanks for you replies

[Kishka]

Originally Posted by freddy

When i say like-minded. I was thinking about myself. I don't drink smoke or do drugs. When she came along I guess I just was longing to be in a relationship again. And was willing to take on alot of baggage with it I guess. I know stupid, but I have a hard time getting past shyness issues.

Yes, I know you meant like your mind. Therein lies the conflict. Someone like her or someone like you.

[Kishka]

Have you come out and asked her what it was about you, (if anything) that prompted the break up? It's possible that it's all about her and not anything you did. In fact I lean towards that because she sounds like she has alot of respect for you as well as still wants you in bed. Usually if a man rubs a woman the wrong way (no pun intended) she RUNS the other way, especially when it comes to sex...

[freddy]

Originally Posted by Kishka

Yes, I know you meant like your mind. Therein lies the conflict. Someone like her or someone like you.

Could you explain a little more I'm not getting what your meaning?

As for me, No drug,drinking,smoking issues very lawful type person.
Her, Drugs in her past,some drinking and smoking,children taken from her cause she could not support them.

[freddy]

Originally Posted by Kishka

Have you come out and asked her what it was about you, (if anything) that prompted the break up? It's possible that it's all about her and not anything you did. In fact I lean towards that because she sounds like she has alot of respect for you as well as still wants you in bed. Usually if a man rubs a woman the wrong way (no pun intended) she RUNS the other way, especially when it comes to sex...

The break up came as a result of me allowing her cousin and her daughter to move in with us. As a result of her becoming homeless. The daughter moved back to NJ withoout her mom. The cousin moved in with some other guy about a hour away from me. A month latter the guy kicked out the cousin, and my girl freind pleaded with me to let her come stay again, witch I agreed to for one month. The cousin pays for nothing, and my girlfriend feels she cannot have her cousin homless and wants me to let her stay another 6 months. I said No. As I push the issue for here to be out at the end of this month. My girlfriend decides she would move out with her. My girlfriend get a gov check to live on and some food stamps along with some other guy they plan on renting a trailer to live in. She claims no sex interest in this other guy. So that were we are at this point.

[Indiana]

Originally Posted by freddy

Her, Drugs in her past,some drinking and smoking,children taken from her cause she could not support them.

Originally Posted by freddy

The cousin pays for nothing, and my girlfriend feels she cannot have her cousin homless and wants me to let her stay another 6 months. I said No. As I push the issue for here to be out at the end of this month. My girlfriend decides she would move out with her. My girlfriend get a gov check to live on and some food stamps along with some other guy they plan on renting a trailer to live in. She claims no sex interest in this other guy. So that were we are at this point.

My friend, I believe this situation is what they refer to as "a dodged bullet". Don't search for reasons she's leaving. Just be grateful she is.

[Kishka]

Originally Posted by freddy

The break up came as a result of me allowing her cousin and her daughter to move in with us. As a result of her becoming homeless. The daughter moved back to NJ withoout her mom. The cousin moved in with some other guy about a hour away from me. A month latter the guy kicked out the cousin, and my girl freind pleaded with me to let her come stay again, witch I agreed to for one month. The cousin pays for nothing, and my girlfriend feels she cannot have her cousin homless and wants me to let her stay another 6 months. I said No. As I push the issue for here to be out at the end of this month. My girlfriend decides she would move out with her. My girlfriend get a gov check to live on and some food stamps along with some other guy they plan on renting a trailer to live in. She claims no sex interest in this other guy. So that were we are at this point.

Okay, in light of this new information, yes, definitely move on...nuff said...

[interchangeable]

In future, don't get into a relationship with anyone unless you want her specifically.

You have issues with being very shy and you really want to be in a relationship. So you'll take any girl who comes along that is willing to hook up with you? How romantic.

Think about this for just a minute. Do you want to tell a girl that you are in a relationship with her because you respect her viewpoints, her values and her way of being? That you admire the way she parents her children, treats her friends, takes care of business? Or do you want to tell a girl that you're in a relationship with her because you were desperate and she was there .

No girl is gonna feel special to you if your criteria is *she's breathing*. Decide on some basic standards - at the very least - and don't settle for any girl who comes along, out of sheer desperation.

[freddy]

Originally Posted by Kishka

Okay, in light of this new information, yes, definitely move on...nuff said...

Well I told her I wanted her out tonight, I just get the feeling I was being used and lied to and she said OK. She called her guy friend, and moved most of her and the cousin stuff and will be back in a day or so to get the rest.
This relationship went for about 6 months.
For the comming months is there any work I could be doing to help me in choosing so that I won't be setting myself up for more emotinal turmoil in the future? How do I go about being less needy?

I'm thinking for future dates some questions like this. Do you smoke? Yes Sorry next. Do you do drugs? Yes Sorry next. Might be in order. Thanks for all the comments to help me clear my head on this sh--.

[votoshka]

Originally Posted by freddy

Well I told her I wanted her out tonight, I just get the feeling I was being used and lied to and she said OK. She called her guy friend, and moved most of her and the cousin stuff and will be back in a day or so to get the rest.
This relationship went for about 6 months.
For the comming months is there any work I could be doing to help me in choosing so that I won't be setting myself up for more emotinal turmoil in the future? How do I go about being less needy?

I'm thinking for future dates some questions like this. Do you smoke? Yes Sorry next. Do you do drugs? Yes Sorry next. Might be in order. Thanks for all the comments to help me clear my head on this sh--.

I don't know if you really want to give each girl the third degree when you go out on dates with them! If I went out on a date with a guy and he started questioning me like that, it wouldn't matter whether I DID or DIDN'T smoke or whatever, I'd be put off!