What do you do when you no longer think the same as your friends?

[absvan]

A couple of years ago I was a usual college student. My life was about satisfying my ego, lots of drinking, smoking, clubbing, partying, judging people etc.

Then it was a big transformation for me especially last year. My thoughts and patterns changed and I began my journey into the world of the spirit. Today I think and act different. I dont smoke anymore. No more paryting, drinking, making fun of people, started meditating and reading books about imporvement, physically at my fittest etc. I must say that I am still a work in progress cos every now and then the "past me" pops up. But I know I have come a long way I feel a lot better.

My question is that my way of thinking no more matches with that of the friends that I have. I still cherish the friendship but I can see that we no more have the same bond we used to have. Not a lot of things in common. In fact the only time we meet is to do things that we have in common. I dont know if its just me and a fault in my thinking.........but I am learning to accept people for who they are. I just wanted to know if anybody had a similar experience and how you dealt with it. Did you try to attract more friends into your life?

Fortunately my girl friend understands, listens and accepts me better than my friends.

[RT Wolf]

Find new friends and spend more time with the friends who have more in common with you.

[shesaboutspirit]

As you grow, relationships will fall away as they no longer fit anymore. Some might stay, but they would probably also need to be evolving to be a fit. I think the main reason marriages break up is because one partner decides to consciously grow, while the other wants it to stay the same. Nobody is wrong, just very different.

Now when I'm looking for friends or a partner, I tend to seek out others who also value growth. They seem to be few in my opinion, but I'm probably not trying that hard to seek them out right now.

If I was serious about making new acquaintances who were a better fit, I would go to those places where they might be found. Yoga classes, Spiritual communities etc.

You may be surprised over the years as some people decide to grow and come back into your life at times. An ebb and flow, sort of.

The old you might even pop up down the road and look them up for a visit at times...

it's all good, I think.

Pam

[Safferbeauty]

I had a best friend since 1995 but since I moved to UK and come back it has not been the same. We had both changed. This does happen so its natural. Just try make new friends and you will see everything will be bright and rosey. Easier said than done though. Good luck

[Brad Isaac]

I too have had friends that stopped growing at a certain stage of their lives. We stopped sharing things in common. I had to move on to spending my major time with new friends that I had more in common with.

Sometimes I'll still see them on rare occasion and it's good. It's fun to talk about the old days. But in small doses. Alot of people get stuck at a certain point and never move beyond it. Warning...here's my post on the subject: Don't be like Uncle Rico.

So although it's tough, some of these friendship changes are necessary in order for you to grow and be happy.

[rene_stpierre]

Hi,

Since you have been reading about Personal Development, you most likely have read about the "Circle of Influence" and the impact it has on someone's success (or failure).

People we spend the most time with have a direct influence on us. Think of how you began drinking or smoking ... you were most likely with friends.

Now if you want to succeed, you need to surrender yourself with people who have a mindset in line with yours and, ideally, who have already succeeded. Their influence will help you get there too.

So in my opinon, you need to find a way to spend less time with your current friends.

Good Luck!
René

[absvan]

Thanks everybody for your opinion and suggestions. I truly appreciate it. I know I will find new friends.......and NO I WONT BE LIKE UNCLE RICO

[Brad Isaac]

Originally Posted by rene_stpierre

Since you have been reading about Personal Development, you most likely have read about the "Circle of Influence" and the impact it has on someone's success (or failure). snip...

Rene you are of course right. Who we hang around with can influence us more than we might think. I've been hit by this myself in the past, if I hung out with slack friends I tended to think "hey, I'm at least doing more than them, so...that's ok." When in reality, I was doing far less than what I was capable.

[bettyboo11]

hi absvan =)

as a fellow college student i can completely relate! becoming spiritually-minded seems so lonely at first when all your other friends are living the normal college lifestyle. it's hard to meet people when you are meditating, working out or reading the pavlina's blogs, eh? xP

ever since i stopped drinking and partying, i hardly see any of my old friends except for a couple of close friends that i can relate to on a deeper level than that.

i wouldn't really worry about falling out of touch with your old friendships, though. remember high school when we thought those people would be our best friends forever? you can still care for them and be happy that they were in your life, but i've come to peace with the fact that things will never be the same with them again.

as for advice, i can't give you much because i've been pretty isolated lately (my own fault).. but i'm trying to meet people who i can bond with, without the whole drinking/partying scene. they don't even need to share your own spiritual beliefs, as long as their friendship brings you joy..and you have a few people (or this forum) to discuss other things.

i'm glad your girlfriend is supportive =) my boyfrend seems amused when i tell him that i meditate or he sees me reading "the power of now" ..hehe..but as long as it makes me happy, he doesn't say anything about it. i wish i could get him into it, though..

best of luck!

[absvan]

Thanks bettyboo. I understand it. Sometimes it happens that we talk over the phone and there is nothing to talk about like old days. Well its not just about spiritual growth. I have also changed in the way I think and act. I feel good about it.

Well for the moment, I am pretty packed with a lot of things to do and so I dont feel any kind of loneliness as such...............I intend to attract ideal friends and relationships that will enrich me into my life.

[PMcDonald]

This is such a wonderful yet very scary notion to explore.

There does come a point on our lives when we realize that our "circle of influence" does not really align with our goals and dreams.

I faced this reality a short while ago - with friends and with family as well. It is a difficult thing to do, however we must realize that if the people we spend the most time with are not positive, inspirational, etc. and only bring us down - well then the time comes to make that difficult decision to spend less and less time with those people.

It is very true that you are a mirror of the people you spend the most time with so choose your friends well. Choose to align with people who will make you a better person and who will help you grow and help you get to where you want to be, which will most likely be where they are.

It is a difficult decision - but it is imperative if we are to continue the journey we are on.

Go to meetup.com and find some local groups that are in alignment with where you are going. It's a great way to meet new people

[Holden McNeil]

I used to think the same way (read: about 3 months ago).

But what I've found is that by improving myself, my relationships with everyone in general improves. Even my friends who have nothing in common with me - I feel more bonded to them now than I did before all this PD stuff. I guess it's through acceptance, and loving reality, I naturally see their positives. I used to get really cut if one of them was being pessimistic, but now I'm far more accepting. Most of it rolls off me like water off a ducks back, now, and I find myself throwing PD techniques without thinking (like asking them casually where they see themselves in 5 years, and whether they're in alignment with it). Before that, I used to be so caught up in myself, I never noticed the people around me, and never asked them about themselves. Now I feel like I know them more than ever.

HTH.

[John Wesley]

You are in a difficult position, and I sometimes feel like I'm in a similar one. There are two things you can do, ditch your old friends and try to find new ones, or try to bring your old friends up to your level.

I think the best thing to do is a combination of the two. The best thing you can do is question the thoughts and actions of your friends that you no longer agree with. Let them know you don't think drinking and smoking is a great idea anymore. Explain to them why you feel this way. You may find that they've had similar thoughts, but needed someone to push them in the right direction.

I think just leaving them for new friends is a bit low. These were people who you bonded with for some reason. It would be wrong not to share your feelings with them.

If they don't respond well, then maybe you will have to leave them.

You should also start reaching out to others whose thinking is more inline with yours. Forums like these are a good place to start, but real world relationships are much more meaningful, although they are much harder to find and develop.

[RT Wolf]

Originally Posted by John Wesley

I think just leaving them for new friends is a bit low. These were people who you bonded with for some reason. It would be wrong not to share your feelings with them.

Why do you feel that its a bit low?