Is being polite seen as weakness?

[kaye]

I read something on one of the treads where one person told another that he was polite and therefore seen as weak. Does anyone agree/disagree? I am a nice, kind and polite person because I was taught to be. I dont want to hurt anyone or make them uncomfortable because I know all too well how that feels. I hope that does not make me appear weak.

[RT Wolf]

It doesn't and it isn't. Politeness combined by the other marks of low confidence can be.

[CFPurpose]

Originally Posted by kaye

I read something on one of the treads where one person told another that he was polite and therefore seen as weak. Does anyone agree/disagree? I am a nice, kind and polite person because I was taught to be. I don’t want to hurt anyone or make them uncomfortable because I know all too well how that feels. I hope that does not make me appear weak.

I don't think there is really an honest answer to that Kaye. Weakness is in the eye of the beholder just as strength and beauty is. Depending on how someone was raised may in fact cause an individual to view weakness in many different ways. I for one, used to be the person who viewed the kind, polite and quiet to be weak. Why? Because my father instilled that in me of course!! Why? Because each kind and polite person I met was getting ran over by someone else they knew. As a child, I just formed the view point that the kind and polite were merely weak and in order to grow strong, one must be rude, outspoken and honery. (msp?)

--- Sounds like I came from a ruff home eh'? Not really. I just perceived things in the way my mind wanted to perceive it.

Thank God, I now know being kind and polite means nothing of being weak!!!! Sometimes it actually takes more strength to smile and say hello.

There's not a definition to put towards weak and strong. It all depends on the situation and the individual in question as one polite and nice person may be strong as an Ox, the other one you meet may be weak as a mouse.

See ya around.

[soccer7]

Was it my thread on "how to tell someone you dont like them" ? Well, i still want to be polite, i just dont want that to hold me back from saying what i want to say and who i say it to.

being polite is not neccassary weak, but if being polite means that you can't stand up for yourself when someone is annoying you then i think that is weak.

[MartialDev]

At the Seattle Martial Arts Club, I am always polite to the people I punch and throw around. I don't think they would call me weak because of it.

[John P]

Being polite can be seen as weak certainly, but in my experience it is usually seen as such by those who feel insecure and weak themselves and want something to which they can feel superior. Strength is an inner quality and I believe it is mostly independent of politeness. I've known strong people who were unfailingly polite and I've known strong people who were um, quite brusque.

[pinkhighlighter]

I do not see being polite as a weakness at all.
Although, when it comes to confronting someone and standing up for yourself, I have noticed that doesn't really work. In my expeience it makes people think they can walk all over you.
I am quite a polite person, but if, for instance, someone does something to me that is inappropriate, I don't need the feel to sound overly nice. I don't use bad words, but I am definitely firm.

[cylon]

Being friendly and courteous, respectful... I choose to be that way because that's how I expect other people to treat me. There's nothing weak about being polite. It just goes with living in a civilized society. I always say please and thank you, make eye contact and smile, try to be approachable. Why NOT be like that?

But there's a difference between being polite because you "get it" and being a push-over. Sometimes people will use you, and if you're overly polite after something like that happens, is when weakness comes into the picture. Always be assertive, always stick up for yourself. If there's a problem with someone else, for me I just write them off mentally, but still remain "civil". At that point it's about respecting yourself and your boundaries, yet choosing to be the bigger person.

Also, dont' be too concerned with the feelings of other people, like, if they like or approve of you or not. That's weakness. If you are a decent person, and treat people with respect, you don't really need to be actively conscious of whether or not you are being polite. It's just a decency that comes out of you. No thinking necessary.

[da1prophet]

Originally Posted by kaye

I read something on one of the treads where one person told another that he was polite and therefore seen as weak. Does anyone agree/disagree? I am a nice, kind and polite person because I was taught to be. I dont want to hurt anyone or make them uncomfortable because I know all too well how that feels. I hope that does not make me appear weak.

100% incorrect....in fact, I'd suggest the opposite that politeness is a sign of strength. I'm confident enough in my abilities and status in life that I can afford to be polite to everyone unless they give me good reason to do otherwise. It makes day to day life much more pleasant and its just a good thing to do. I've never had anyone think that I was "weak" because I'm polite and well mannered....

[Michael Chui]

Politeness is an indicator of similar social upbringing, nothing else. If it was the cultural norm to belch loudly after a good meal, then it would be utterly rude not to.

Strength, or weakness, is completely unrelated.

If you were referring to soccer7's thread, the issue was not and never was politeness, as he points out himself.

[purplepower]

This is perhaps stretching a long bow on this topic however. . . . Can I pose a question to the forum for their thoughts on what seems ( to me) to be a related issue ?

I am aware that not all on this board subscribe to Christian belief or possibly any belief system, however the principles involved are not confined to nor the exclusive "property" of Christianity or any other religion so I would open up this question to all.

At what point does being kind ( for kind substitute your own word to suit your own spiritual persuasion ) become weakness; can it be posing as something morally superior when it may more likely be a disinclination to make the effort to refuse to submit to unacceptable demands. ie does weakness and LOMF sometimes masquerade as kindness/charitableness/peace-seeking.

As a rider to that, does kindness (turning the other cheek - or its equivalent for non-Christians ) simply result in TWO slapped cheeks ? Does it in fact, sometimes act as an incentive to unethical behaviour ? (thereby becoming "wrong" itself ?)

[alexyeo]

IMHO, politeness is only deemed as a weakness to the person whom you are polite to, if he thinks you are afraid of him. If you are always courteous to him but he takes advantage of it, you need to stand up and show him that you needed some respect.

In general, its always a nice trait to be polite. It shows how you are being brought up and what values your parents impart to you.

[Michael Chui]

Originally Posted by purplepower

At what point does being kind ( for kind substitute your own word to suit your own spiritual persuasion ) become weakness; can it be posing as something morally superior when it may more likely be a disinclination to make the effort to refuse to submit to unacceptable demands. ie does weakness and LOMF sometimes masquerade as kindness/charitableness/peace-seeking.

As a rider to that, does kindness (turning the other cheek - or its equivalent for non-Christians ) simply result in TWO slapped cheeks ? Does it in fact, sometimes act as an incentive to unethical behaviour ? (thereby becoming "wrong" itself ?)

Well, to begin with, it's possible to dissociate this question from the Christian context, in my opinion. That out of the way...

Strength (or weakness) refers to the reason you do something (much like, I notice, polarization). For example... If you do something because you've been told to and you're going along with it, it's weakness. If you do something because you've been told not do and think it should be done, then it's strength.

If you make a matrix out of it, you get

                     Obedience   Defiance
                   ------------+----------
Believe it's right             | Strength
Believe it's wrong   Weakness  |

To take kindness as an example, since that was your question...

The actual act of kindness would be strong if everyone believed you should be uncharitable. If you've seen the movie 300, or know much about Spartan culture, it would be an act of strength to be kind to someone who was cast out of the city and equally, an act of weakness to fail to be kind to someone who was disabled or deformed.

Acting in a kind manner would be weak, however, if you looked at a bum and thought to yourself, "He's clearly not going to help himself no matter what I do," but because your friend gave him a dollar, you give him a dollar, too.

On the other hand, consider the case of the bum again: you wouldn't call an act of kindness strong if you gave him a dollar because he looked like the kind of guy who was just down on his luck and would do better the next day. Nor would you call it weak to turn away from someone who you think would simply drown himself in beer and even your friends think so.

The actual actions can all be called kind: whether they are strong, weak, or neither depends on why you did it and in what context.

[purplepower]

Michael :

You have a gift for putting things well! You took my garbled thoughts (or seeds of thoughts!) and, casting aside the dross, distilled them beautifully. Clear, rational and insightful . Thank you !

[soccer7]

hey kaye, i'm wondering is there someone in particular you dislike and is steping over you because your too polite or something similar, or is this just a question out of the blues,

basically does your question relate to a real life situation or something ?

[CeciL]

From my real world experience in various social situations it depends on the social group / environment the judging person is currently experiancing...

Polite Weakness - bar, club, school, young / immature peers, gangsters, prison, any chaotic gathering, wrong side of the tracks
Here you'll be considered soft and taken advantage of...

Polite Strength - work, store, family, mature peers, church, any formal gathering, right side of the tracks
Here you'll be considered well mannered with good character...