Do you struggle to express your feelings?

[Kenny Lindsay]

Dear friends,

This is something that some people seem to suffer from more than others. I certainly know that I for one used to struggle a lot with this and while I am still not perfect I have certainly improved.

One of the ways I find effective for doing this is to pretend that today may be my very last day on earth. By living this way I am more likely to act on my intuition and real desires instead of being scared or insecure.

What I would like is if in this thread we could all share ways that we can use to express our feelings better!

If we all contribute one idea I am sure very shortly we can have LOADS of good ideas!

Kenny

[JHL]

I think you've raised a very prevalent issue here Kenny, certainly applies to me! For me, expressing my feelings verbally is akin to squeezing dom perignon from a pressed tulip.

The one thing that has helped me along is the realisation that expressing my truth is liberating. And withholding it is debilitating. Every feeling I withhold and repress, becomes baggage I have to deal with later.

It can take a lot of courage to express oneself, especially for a person not used to doing so. But its actually a habit, just like any other. Get a few small victories behind you, and you're on your way.

I would also add that its a process that takes some time. But its one in which the reward exceeds the effort.

[Trina]

It takes practice. I am good at expressing exactly how I feel in ways that don't offend other people, but it has taken years of practicing how to do it (through trial and error) to get it right. I have six younger siblings and I have been part of a military community that for the most part doesn't agree with my point of view on a lot of things, so learning how to do it so that I can be honest about myself and still keep my relationships in tact was essential for me to be happy. I think it all comes down to remembering that your feelings and opinions matter as much as the next guys, not being afraid to express them, and always keeping how what you say may sound to other people in mind. There is little point in expressing what you think or how you feel if you don't do it in a way that the people you want to hear it can receive it without getting defensive. You have to be willing to explain yourself again without becoming defensive yourself if what you said didn't come across in a way the other person could take it without feeling attacked.

I have no idea if that is what you were talking about, but that's what came to mind for me.

[soccer7]

I have heard this strategy used on many things, besides helping yourself to express your feelings freely, like to go after our dreams, to live life to the max and be to feel as happy and fullfilled as possible.

But i think this is not just a strategy, it's more a realisation to the fact that we are mortal being and can be killed any time anywhere in any situation.

So its only right that we should learn to overcome our social fears like humilation, nervousness, worries and etc, cause once you die you will realise that all those negative emotions were such a waste of your time, when you could have asked that special someone out, talk to your parents, sing that song on the talent quest, help others to grow, or what ever it is you dream of doing but were tied down by fear and worries.

Isn't it better to do first and maybe regrete later then procastinate and regrete for sure. But even as i write this, i know i'm going to forget this latter onwards, i will start to feel that i'm safe and going to live at least up to 70 or something, and i'll stop pushing myself so hard, its happens.

Other ways to better express your feeling is to practice, we are socially condition to feel fear when a particular situation arises, for example you are pushed onto a stage and pressured to entertain the audience while they fix some technical problem.

Our subconcious mind says, "hey according to what i've been taugh, from tv and examples from others, i think in this situation i MUST feel nervous and embarrassement, ok then i'm gona start sending out some chemicals that will make the body feel nervous."

So how to go about finding a way out of the fear, change your beliefs such that your subconcous does not associate the feeling of nervous and embarrassment with what ever situation your trying to remove fear from. I understand that this is easier said then done, but this is the solution, well at least the best and most effective one that i can think of, so what can we do? Practice.

hope this helps.

[Dharma]

Watch the movie Liar Liar. See the transformation that happens to Jim Carey when he tells the truth for one day and expresses that truth exactly as he feels inside.

[Cassie]

I find I struggle to express my feelings more as I get older. With every disappointment and painful scar, I retreat into a cocoon-mode more as a protection barrier. (I realize this is harmful)

Perhaps it's a type of innocence lost ..