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Jhog · 09-02-2010, 02:03 PM

I hate my face and I can't speak. I don't mean I'm shy, I mean I CAN'T.

I really have no idea where to put this apart from Social & Relationships... Health and Fitness?

What I mean by that is, what I think I have is something called Body Dismorphia, but if you haven't heard of that I find my appearance, or at least my face so disturbing I can't even look at my reflection. I have sort of.. depressed 'episodes' where I just go crazy, trying to cover it up, trying to mould it as if it were plasticine, anything. I don't know where this started only that it's been getting worse. Compared to any other part of my body, I hardly pay much attention to anything else, though technically I dislike every part of my body. They're all nothing compared with my face. I just see this... bully's face, or someone else's face... it's not mine.

I don't know why I can't speak, but it's like there's something blocking the words from coming out... and something's telling me it's connected to the fact that when I've tried to run long distances or blow up balloons in the past, I haven't been able to do it. It's screwing up my life. I just want to scream something out, anything.

I'm being told to write things down as well, but I can't bring myself to do it. It feels so horrible, so impersonal... so wrong.

I need advice.. I need something... progress on getting these problems looked into has been so slow, especially when visits to any psychiatrist has just been a lot of long silences and misunderstandings.

This is a nightmare.

James81 · 09-02-2010, 02:09 PM

Has it always been like this?

Jhog · 09-02-2010, 02:13 PM

I don't know... I think it started about five years ago, or if it had before then I never noticed it. Maybe I was shy to begin with, but then things changed.

James81 · 09-02-2010, 02:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jhog

I don't know... I think it started about five years ago, or if it had before then I never noticed it. Maybe I was shy to begin with, but then things changed.

What changed?

Angela · 09-02-2010, 04:01 PM

Overcome Body Dysmorphia Disorder | Self Hypnosis Downloads

Brutha · 09-02-2010, 04:22 PM

Do you mean that you can't say a single word while being in front of the computer?
If so, can you make other sounds with your mouth?

mindset · 09-02-2010, 04:46 PM

Well you can start writing them all down in here. You're doing a great job telling us you problems, isn't it? It's great therapy too, you know. Hope things gets well for you. We are here to listen, that might ease things up a bit.

Honeywith4bees · 09-02-2010, 04:55 PM

Do you have the opportunity to visit an Energy Healer?

Many people believe that the inability to speak comes from a blocked throat chakra and that Energy Healing combined with yoga could help with that.

Take care

Nimue · 09-02-2010, 06:32 PM

I do believe you, actually.

I don't know about dysmorphia, but your speaking problem reminds me of my younger self, only in a heavier situation. It may be either relevant or just the same symptoms, but I'll tell you just in case.

I also had troubles with my appearence-my face was ok, but I was an ugly duck compared to all the other girls. Also had problems with running, breaking baloons, and speaking (I could speak, but usually it didn't seem easy, as if something "blocked" me.)
Psychologically, my parents were over-protective which had supressed me socially, also the kids in my school were bully-ish and didn't like the same things as me which meant they they didn't let me speak easily.
Physically, I had a problem with my throat-heavy allergic rhinitis-combined with problems with my tonsils. I lived in a polluted city and my parents were heavy smokers on the top of it. It completely disappeared after (1) I changed city and (2) did many things to help my self-confidence and remind myself I can speak now. After I could breathe normally I went to a gym and I could actually run well after two months of exercise. Btw I wasn't born like that either, it appeared when I was 10.

Oh, the baloons.

I was mortified on the thought of breaking one. One day I took one that was out of air and used a needle on it. After some time of breaking deflated baloons, started to manage blowing up half-deflated ones, and so on. Today I find it rather fun

Sometimes, little steps and keeping your eyes on the goal are more than enough

About the appearence-I can see how it can ruin your self-confidence, especially in a shallow world like this. It seems that the one problem has spread sadness like cancer over your life. There is a term, the "pain-body". It's a "little monster" that can wake up within us when we are sad. It is thirsty for more and more drama, so if we don't realize and keep feeding it we end up living within the drama instead of attracting happiness. And it's so easy to happen. The only way is for you to decide to fight it, and see where you are over-reacting and where not. For example, your face is a part of yourself, but even if you don't like it it is unfair for you to hate ALL yourself because of it. Use your energy to concentrate on the good things as much as you can, and if you manage to hold for a while, you'll see that that the holds will increase gradually and the darnkess will back off.

Also, character plays an important role in attractiveness. Last year, a friend of mine used to get attention from all the boys, although she wasn't a model, because she acted really confident. Although I got all the "oh-so-pretty" comments I never got a bf and she's been in two relationships. So don't take anything for granted. When someone doesn't know you it's easier to judge you from appearence, but that doesn't have to last.

In any case, you have as much right to be happy as everyone, don't forget that.

curiouslyrandom · 09-02-2010, 07:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Honeywith4bees

Do you have the opportunity to visit an Energy Healer?

Many people believe that the inability to speak comes from a blocked throat chakra and that Energy Healing combined with yoga could help with that.

Take care

I would suggest the same thing. You might also look into EMDR.

votoshka · 09-03-2010, 01:39 PM

Hmm... not sure if this is relevant or not... but I went through a period where it was hard to speak. Basically, at school I had a friend (or should I say "friend") who put down EVERYTHING I said... literally, everything... and it got to the point where I couldn't speak in front of her (when we were at school with other friends, when it was the two of us, it was okay). Of course, I then got teased for being SILENT... No win situation!

I think I also have a bit of body dysmorphia disorder, but not to any great extent (well it's been suggested to me that I do lol)... This does affect me because I'm afraid of sort of getting out there and meeting people, because I am afraid of being judged negatively because of my height and weight (I'm short and overweight), and I focus on this probably too much...

Okay, I'm overweight, but I'm actually not HUGE... so I sort of magnify it, I know logically there are lots and lots of heavier women out there who don't seem to feel the need to hide!

Ultimately, I think you probably need to seek formal counselling. It is good that you are able to face up to your issues, but you need a way of overcoming them.

Jhog · 09-04-2010, 03:45 AM

I know it might not sound advisable, but my hope is to someday have some kind of surgery, and have something done about my voice as well. I'm not sure what... but I don't want to be stuck like this all my life. I don't really know a great deal about what it would involve, either for trying to alter my appearance or my voice in any way, but there must be something medical science can do about it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by James81

What changed?

Well, I just started realising how much of an impact it was having on my life, and little by little wishing I could speak more, but not understanding why I found it so hard.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brutha

Do you mean that you can't say a single word while being in front of the computer?
If so, can you make other sounds with your mouth?

I can say some things, but not a great deal. I remember a time when my words would get muddled up very easily, and there was a sensation of running out of breath. Something about exhaling the words just doesn't seem to physically come to me, if that makes sense.

Anyway, thanks for the help.

AaronB · 09-04-2010, 04:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jhog

I can say some things, but not a great deal. I remember a time when my words would get muddled up very easily, and there was a sensation of running out of breath. Something about exhaling the words just doesn't seem to physically come to me, if that makes sense.

Anyway, thanks for the help.

Have you ever played a breath instrument? Trumpet, saxophone, something you breathe into in order to make music? This can reconnect your breathing to sound. Even if you only play one note instead of playing music, try this for about 10 minutes and then try speaking again after that. I would recommend a solid sounding instrument over an airy sound, because you want to reconnect a solid sounding voice. ie. stay away from a flute or a recorder.

After 10 minutes of making music from an instrument you will feel a very noticeable difference in how speaking feels.

dream · 09-04-2010, 05:22 AM

I agree with curiouslyrandom as EMDR is usuful with people who have suffered traumatic events and you have expressed being "disturbed" by your facial features. Your doctor appears to be using psychotherapy as this method of counseling proves effective for underlying issues but it takes some time. There is a famous example of a patient that went to see Freud and he was able to help her get her voice back after being unable to speak due to a traumatic event she could do nothing about. She was diagnosed as having "Hysteria". Person's with hysteria transfer energy away from affected parts of the body. Like a boy who couldn't walk as a result of not being able to get away from danger. Once he was empowered he could walk again. So check out EMRD and symptoms of Hysteria.

HoneyHeart · 09-09-2010, 10:16 PM

Jhog, I have social anxiety and I've experienced episodes where I feel like I can't talk... Sometimes I'm scared to try because I don't know how it's going to sound when it comes out, or if anything is even going to come out. And when possible, if I'm feeling like that I just nod rather than speak.

I was at some service window taking care of something important at school,.. nervous the whole time,... and the last thing I tried to say was inaudible...

It's like my throat muscles are tense and closing up.... And I have to force the words out, but I don't want to have to try so hard to speak because if it's not just going to come out naturally, it's bound to sound "effed" up.... And I feel like I won't be able to control the volume of my voice... I don't want to not force the air out enough so that it doesn't make audible words with my throat being all tight and stuff,.... and I don't want to try to force it out wit mad effort to get past the inaudibleness cuz I can't tell how much air pressure I need to apply and I don't wanna jus' bark out words, it'd be like "oohhhhh sh*******".... I even have a "nervous voice"... it's higher than when I'm talking to, say, my mom,.. in comfort ...... Guys like it tho... but sometimes it gets bad.... Sometimes my vocal chords actually hurt.... And then I feel short on breath too....

Maybe you have social anxiety...

09-02-2010, 02:03 PM	#1 (permalink)
Jhog Junior Member Join Date: May 2010 Posts: 15	You're not going to believe me... I hate my face and I can't speak. I don't mean I'm shy, I mean I CAN'T. I really have no idea where to put this apart from Social & Relationships... Health and Fitness? What I mean by that is, what I think I have is something called Body Dismorphia, but if you haven't heard of that I find my appearance, or at least my face so disturbing I can't even look at my reflection. I have sort of.. depressed 'episodes' where I just go crazy, trying to cover it up, trying to mould it as if it were plasticine, anything. I don't know where this started only that it's been getting worse. Compared to any other part of my body, I hardly pay much attention to anything else, though technically I dislike every part of my body. They're all nothing compared with my face. I just see this... bully's face, or someone else's face... it's not mine. I don't know why I can't speak, but it's like there's something blocking the words from coming out... and something's telling me it's connected to the fact that when I've tried to run long distances or blow up balloons in the past, I haven't been able to do it. It's screwing up my life. I just want to scream something out, anything. I'm being told to write things down as well, but I can't bring myself to do it. It feels so horrible, so impersonal... so wrong. I need advice.. I need something... progress on getting these problems looked into has been so slow, especially when visits to any psychiatrist has just been a lot of long silences and misunderstandings. This is a nightmare.

09-02-2010, 06:32 PM	#9 (permalink)
Nimue Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2010 Posts: 939	I do believe you, actually. I don't know about dysmorphia, but your speaking problem reminds me of my younger self, only in a heavier situation. It may be either relevant or just the same symptoms, but I'll tell you just in case. I also had troubles with my appearence-my face was ok, but I was an ugly duck compared to all the other girls. Also had problems with running, breaking baloons, and speaking (I could speak, but usually it didn't seem easy, as if something "blocked" me.) Psychologically, my parents were over-protective which had supressed me socially, also the kids in my school were bully-ish and didn't like the same things as me which meant they they didn't let me speak easily. Physically, I had a problem with my throat-heavy allergic rhinitis-combined with problems with my tonsils. I lived in a polluted city and my parents were heavy smokers on the top of it. It completely disappeared after (1) I changed city and (2) did many things to help my self-confidence and remind myself I can speak now. After I could breathe normally I went to a gym and I could actually run well after two months of exercise. Btw I wasn't born like that either, it appeared when I was 10. Oh, the baloons. I was mortified on the thought of breaking one. One day I took one that was out of air and used a needle on it. After some time of breaking deflated baloons, started to manage blowing up half-deflated ones, and so on. Today I find it rather fun Sometimes, little steps and keeping your eyes on the goal are more than enough About the appearence-I can see how it can ruin your self-confidence, especially in a shallow world like this. It seems that the one problem has spread sadness like cancer over your life. There is a term, the "pain-body". It's a "little monster" that can wake up within us when we are sad. It is thirsty for more and more drama, so if we don't realize and keep feeding it we end up living within the drama instead of attracting happiness. And it's so easy to happen. The only way is for you to decide to fight it, and see where you are over-reacting and where not. For example, your face is a part of yourself, but even if you don't like it it is unfair for you to hate ALL yourself because of it. Use your energy to concentrate on the good things as much as you can, and if you manage to hold for a while, you'll see that that the holds will increase gradually and the darnkess will back off. Also, character plays an important role in attractiveness. Last year, a friend of mine used to get attention from all the boys, although she wasn't a model, because she acted really confident. Although I got all the "oh-so-pretty" comments I never got a bf and she's been in two relationships. So don't take anything for granted. When someone doesn't know you it's easier to judge you from appearence, but that doesn't have to last. In any case, you have as much right to be happy as everyone, don't forget that. Last edited by Nimue; 09-02-2010 at 06:50 PM.

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09-02-2010, 02:09 PM	#2 (permalink)
James81 Banned Join Date: Apr 2009 Posts: 12,690	Has it always been like this?

09-02-2010, 02:13 PM	#3 (permalink)
Jhog Junior Member Join Date: May 2010 Posts: 15	I don't know... I think it started about five years ago, or if it had before then I never noticed it. Maybe I was shy to begin with, but then things changed.

09-02-2010, 04:01 PM	#5 (permalink)
Angela Banned Join Date: Nov 2006 Posts: 22,520	Overcome Body Dysmorphia Disorder \| Self Hypnosis Downloads

09-02-2010, 04:22 PM	#6 (permalink)
Brutha Family Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Berlin, Germany Posts: 8,749	Do you mean that you can't say a single word while being in front of the computer? If so, can you make other sounds with your mouth?

09-02-2010, 04:46 PM	#7 (permalink)
mindset Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2010 Posts: 939	Well you can start writing them all down in here. You're doing a great job telling us you problems, isn't it? It's great therapy too, you know. Hope things gets well for you. We are here to listen, that might ease things up a bit.

09-02-2010, 04:55 PM	#8 (permalink)
Honeywith4bees Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2007 Posts: 861	Do you have the opportunity to visit an Energy Healer? Many people believe that the inability to speak comes from a blocked throat chakra and that Energy Healing combined with yoga could help with that. Take care

09-03-2010, 01:39 PM	#11 (permalink)
votoshka Family Member Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Australia Posts: 2,547	Hmm... not sure if this is relevant or not... but I went through a period where it was hard to speak. Basically, at school I had a friend (or should I say "friend") who put down EVERYTHING I said... literally, everything... and it got to the point where I couldn't speak in front of her (when we were at school with other friends, when it was the two of us, it was okay). Of course, I then got teased for being SILENT... No win situation! I think I also have a bit of body dysmorphia disorder, but not to any great extent (well it's been suggested to me that I do lol)... This does affect me because I'm afraid of sort of getting out there and meeting people, because I am afraid of being judged negatively because of my height and weight (I'm short and overweight), and I focus on this probably too much... Okay, I'm overweight, but I'm actually not HUGE... so I sort of magnify it, I know logically there are lots and lots of heavier women out there who don't seem to feel the need to hide! Ultimately, I think you probably need to seek formal counselling. It is good that you are able to face up to your issues, but you need a way of overcoming them.

09-04-2010, 05:22 AM	#14 (permalink)
dream Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: USA Posts: 614	I agree with curiouslyrandom as EMDR is usuful with people who have suffered traumatic events and you have expressed being "disturbed" by your facial features. Your doctor appears to be using psychotherapy as this method of counseling proves effective for underlying issues but it takes some time. There is a famous example of a patient that went to see Freud and he was able to help her get her voice back after being unable to speak due to a traumatic event she could do nothing about. She was diagnosed as having "Hysteria". Person's with hysteria transfer energy away from affected parts of the body. Like a boy who couldn't walk as a result of not being able to get away from danger. Once he was empowered he could walk again. So check out EMRD and symptoms of Hysteria.

09-09-2010, 10:16 PM	#15 (permalink)
HoneyHeart Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2010 Posts: 404	Jhog, I have social anxiety and I've experienced episodes where I feel like I can't talk... Sometimes I'm scared to try because I don't know how it's going to sound when it comes out, or if anything is even going to come out. And when possible, if I'm feeling like that I just nod rather than speak. I was at some service window taking care of something important at school,.. nervous the whole time,... and the last thing I tried to say was inaudible... It's like my throat muscles are tense and closing up.... And I have to force the words out, but I don't want to have to try so hard to speak because if it's not just going to come out naturally, it's bound to sound "effed" up.... And I feel like I won't be able to control the volume of my voice... I don't want to not force the air out enough so that it doesn't make audible words with my throat being all tight and stuff,.... and I don't want to try to force it out wit mad effort to get past the inaudibleness cuz I can't tell how much air pressure I need to apply and I don't wanna jus' bark out words, it'd be like "oohhhhh sh*******".... I even have a "nervous voice"... it's higher than when I'm talking to, say, my mom,.. in comfort ...... Guys like it tho... but sometimes it gets bad.... Sometimes my vocal chords actually hurt.... And then I feel short on breath too.... Maybe you have social anxiety...

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