Okay guys i need help

[Nimxx]

Hi, i need some advice and i feel i cant go to anyone i know about it...

So i've been with my boyfriend for 3 years now, but at the start of our relationship i told some screwed up lies. I was very young and looking back i am so ashamed of it. Until recently i thought it was forgotten about but his parents have brought it up now. If this lie gets out it will ruin my perfect relationship with my family, whom i love so much. And i cant tell my boyfriend its a lie as he will be unbelievably hurt and i cant lose him. Please, what do i do?

[crescentia]

You tell him the truth and hope he understands.

What were the lies you told?

[ginkgo]

I do not know of a 3rd option. You can tell him or not tell him. Actually for now you can wait and decide later. I do not have a time machine where you can go back in time and change it the way Superman did.

Another option I am not suggesting is to tell him a worse lie like that you make money now with prostitution. Then after he goes through shock then you can tell him the real truth and he may be relieved that you are not a prostitute. Or you can tell him that you used to be a man.

[VinceG]

Originally Posted by Nimxx

Hi, i need some advice and i feel i cant go to anyone i know about it...

So i've been with my boyfriend for 3 years now, but at the start of our relationship i told some screwed up lies. I was very young and looking back i am so ashamed of it. Until recently i thought it was forgotten about but his parents have brought it up now. If this lie gets out it will ruin my perfect relationship with my family, whom i love so much. And i cant tell my boyfriend its a lie as he will be unbelievably hurt and i cant lose him. Please, what do i do?

First off, your relationship with your own family isn't subject to what you tell your boyfriend. Give your family a little more credit. You love your family, but what you're forgetting is that they love you too. You'd forgive them anything, and they will forgive anything of you too. Own up to it.

Second, a three year relationship means nothing in the long run. You think you can't lose him, but you can. It'll suck for awhile but you'll get over it. What you've done here is created a reality for yourself where you cannot win. You need to create a different reality.

I wish I could do better, but without knowing the specifics of the situation, nobody here really can. About the only thing we can say is, "the lie isn't nearly as bad as you seem to think it is." But we can't convince you of that unless we know what the lie is. Are you a closet serial killer and you told him that you aren't, or something?

[Curtis2011]

Originally Posted by Nimxx

Hi, i need some advice and i feel i cant go to anyone i know about it...

So i've been with my boyfriend for 3 years now, but at the start of our relationship i told some screwed up lies. I was very young and looking back i am so ashamed of it. Until recently i thought it was forgotten about but his parents have brought it up now. If this lie gets out it will ruin my perfect relationship with my family, whom i love so much. And i cant tell my boyfriend its a lie as he will be unbelievably hurt and i cant lose him. Please, what do i do?

How do his parents know about it if he doesn't? ermmmmm what?

I am confused.

[votoshka]

Originally Posted by Curtis2011

How do his parents know about it if he doesn't? ermmmmm what?

I am confused.

I think she means he told his parents the lies, and they believe them to be the truth...

[lookcloser]

Hmm...You can tell us the lies that you told him so we can better understand the magnitutue of the problem, your anonymous here anyway and trust me no one here is gonna judge you
But if you don't wanna share its cool. All I can say is, you can lie all your life which is not SO BAD. Really, so many do it. But it might make you feel uncomfortable time and again. And if you get caught MUCH later it might be a problem.
Telling the truth is hard but how it makes life so simple is awesome. You can feel free after.
Just make sure you don't hold onto any guilt regarding it. It happens, we all lie sometimes.

[Nimxx]

Okay here goes, i told my boyfriend that my dad used to hit me. As i said i was very young and messed up, me and my dad never got on but i went way too far with these lies and i am so ashamed of myself.
my problem now is that i found out my boyfriends parents know, and within the next month both our parents are meeting for the first time, and i am terrified something will be said and i honestly dont know wat to do, i will lose everyone and everything...

[lookcloser]

You can explain to him WHY you lied about that. When you tell him the truth tell him the COMPLETE truth. Since you guys totally love each other I'm sure he'll get you when you make it clear enough for him. Tell him how you felt, what drove you to make that up, how you feel now, how you have changed as a person over the years. We all used to wet our pants before, now most of us don't.
Don't be afraid. Not when your in love! (Cheesy me )
You get that all out and either your relationship may end OR it may become so much stronger and fulfilling
Good Luck! Let us know how it goes

[wolfgang]

Originally Posted by Nimxx

Okay here goes, i told my boyfriend that my dad used to hit me. As i said i was very young and messed up, me and my dad never got on but i went way too far with these lies and i am so ashamed of myself.
my problem now is that i found out my boyfriends parents know, and within the next month both our parents are meeting for the first time, and i am terrified something will be said and i honestly dont know wat to do, i will lose everyone and everything...

you feel this way because your emotions are telling you how out of alignment to your truth you are.

let's say the parents meet and nothing is said about the lie - how will you feel then?

let's say you tell your bf and his parents you made something up - how would you feel then? would that not be a relief?

[Jaxi]

maybe if you tell us what the lie is - no matter how hard - it would help us give you more advice - or help us determine how 'big' it really is.

tell one lie, have to tell 7 others = how long do you want to keep doing that. takes a lot of energy to lie. your b-friend will find out anyway - if you are lying to him now about something, your relationship is already doomed. you lack honesty, communication and trust.

[SarahJaynee]

Of course you must get through the imminent meeting of parents, but I urge you to - whether you tell your boyfriend or not - take a look at why you told the lie in the first place.
What emotion were you hoping to illicit? Were you looking for protection, pity, understanding from your boyfriend, or are there resentments towards your father in another capacity.
The lie came for SOMEWHERE. There were millions that you could have told, but this one was specifically about your father, or about how you somehow did not have a good childhood - maybe you were subconsciously looking to be accepted fully into your boyfriends family?

Learn the lessons that this lie has to teach you. But don't lose too much sleep over it. You sound young and from your perspective this is a BIG deal. Relax and know it is not. Be who you are, be truthful and honest. Find out why you told this lie and stand by the frame of mind you were in when you said it, then you will gain peace with who you are, where you are from and who you are becoming.