what sould i do with a negative mom?

[fballer11]

I just reread http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/200...gative-people/
(The helping negative people one).

My mom is an "energy vampire". She is a victim to the extreme, and I can't stand it. I dread going home. She doesn't abuse me or anything, but I have tried to help her, but she really doesn't want help. She just covers up her problems with medical marijuana, and no action to get out of her rut.

I am sixteen.

I am a positive person. What should I do? Leave? Or am I overreacting?

It is hard to continue like this

[Boreas]

I know I started the other thread on the same issue and here is what I have basically done.

I have got really active, I have joined a lot of clubs and other activities. Also when my Mom starts nagging or talking negative, I just change the subject to something positive I have done in the day...whatever happens after then, just keep talking about yourself and all the good things you have done. Even if the conversation doesn't make sense anymore.

Negative people twist everything into their own problems, you have to twist everything into your own strengths.

Also the more clubs and activities you have, the less you are at the house anyway.

Don't ditch your home or your mom though. Get her some inspirational books for her to read, or print stuff of the internet, and just leave it lying around the house.

[Lychee]

Joining activities which require you to be outside of your home is a good way to expend your energy in more productive areas while avoiding negativity. Although it may be difficult for you to be around your mother for long periods of time, maybe you can learn to utilize the time that you have so you can turn it into something positive. I doubt your mother is even aware that she is harming you in some way. If you make slight adjustments with yourself (by engaging in meaningful activities, or by seeking to improve yourself for example) your mother may see this change in you and also desire to change herself. If that doesn't happen, you can always be gentle with her and try to turn her negative tendencies into positive ones by acknowledging things to be grateful for in a conversation and the like.

[ElizaJ]

Avoid her like the Plague!

[StarFish]

I was just about to post something similar. I love my mom so much, but she's always down on her self, wont seek help because she's had one experience were a therapist didn't help, and and WORRIES SO MUCH it effects me. I've tried to help her, but nothing I do works because she doesn't want help. I wish I knew what to tell you, but I don't. But, getting out of the house more sounds like a good idea for the both of us.

[da1prophet]

Originally Posted by StarFish

I was just about to post something similar. I love my mom so much, but she's always down on her self, wont seek help because she's had one experience were a therapist didn't help, and and WORRIES SO MUCH it effects me. I've tried to help her, but nothing I do works because she doesn't want help. I wish I knew what to tell you, but I don't. But, getting out of the house more sounds like a good idea for the both of us.

That's really the best thing to do--like any negative person, they're best avoided. It's a little trickier since she's your mom, but it doesn't negate the concept. I'm very fortunate to have a mom that is highly supportive and positive. My mom's mother was a constant worrier, and she (my mom) learned early on that its essential to not let that wear off on you.

[Boreas]

Originally Posted by Lychee

Joining activities which require you to be outside of your home is a good way to expend your energy in more productive areas while avoiding negativity. Although it may be difficult for you to be around your mother for long periods of time, maybe you can learn to utilize the time that you have so you can turn it into something positive. I doubt your mother is even aware that she is harming you in some way. If you make slight adjustments with yourself (by engaging in meaningful activities, or by seeking to improve yourself for example) your mother may see this change in you and also desire to change herself. If that doesn't happen, you can always be gentle with her and try to turn her negative tendencies into positive ones by acknowledging things to be grateful for in a conversation and the like.

This is exactly it, and other people are echoing the sentiment. I have done this, I get out more and I am in more activities, and my Mom now tries to support it as a positive change, and is looking to make more friends herself. Use the law of attraction to put it in your head that your life can change and that people want to meet you, and that you can do a lot of activities. Join a sport group, or other club, try find ones that take trips. All these things are great.

[taylor2]

why is mom on medical marijauna?she is in pain? maybe she does not feel very good. it is hard to be perty and positive if u are in pain.i hope she is ok.poor lady.anyway.just wondering.take care.

[Dan.Linehan]

How often does she initiate contact with you, and how much does she get in the way of your goals?

[CamC]

I hear you on this one. Both my parents are very negative, and you have to get away from it AS FAST AS YOU CAN (without trashing your future).

I was in NH and went to TX to get away from my mom, and got a full-time job. I came with my dad who wasn't AS BAD. Then we got here and he became terrible and ended up going back to NH. Anyways, now I don't answer their calls to my cell and they've pretty much given up besides maybe trying once or twice a week.

Remember, people will try to make you feel guilty about it (ohh they're your parents... I don't understand how you could ignore your own parents... who do you think you are... they'll be there for you when no one else is... blah blah blah stfu.

So after you've lived with them for a while they will be very influential on you (negatively) so if you want ANY shot of succeeding you HAVE TO get away from it.

Think of it this way:
When a tree is first growing it can be easily stepped on and crushed by outside forces. But if left alone, it grows to be huge and stable. At this point no one can come along and step on it, or kick it over.

What I mean by this is that you need time to grow enough so that your strong enough that their influence doesn't bother you anymore. At which point you can start talking to them again. Try to explain them the situation, but don't expect them to understand.

Hope it helped.

[taylor2]

well i am concerned for you cause u are 16.Have u finished school?you say your mom has not been abusive to u.she is negative but if she is sick and i know to be on medical marijuana-u have to be pretty sick.maybe u can over look her flaws.u will have to over look alot worse in life when u get out on your own. a negative boss,bad people who act like they are for u but are not.parents are human.maybe u could over look her stuff so u can get what u need.a place to be while u finish your schooling.take care.

[NDavid]

I agree with what Lychee and Boreas said. If you can involve yourself in more positive activities, your mum will see this and might take more action herself. If there's something positive for her to focus on (namely you, her child) then she's less likely to focus on the negatives in her life. However if there's nothing else taking her attention away, then she's just going to default to thinking about al her problems and fall into a negativity slump. Good luck to you and your mother with this issue :-)

Regards

NDavid

[starlet]

My mother is the same way - victim mentality, and a lot of the time its apparently all my fault. I'm lucky, I'm an adult now and can control my contact with her but as a kid and teen she helped keep me in the place of being worthless very very well.

Get involved in every club you can, stay after school in the library to do your homework, just stay away as much as possible.