How to expand your social circle.. if you have no friends?

[SAE]

I have many friends but they're so distant (in their own little circles) that it's hard to reach out. I have a close friend but he's exactly like me. In fact, he only goes out only when I invite him to something.

So, anybody got any advice on how to increase my social circle?

[Sparklymoocow]

How about you go out more with the friend you say is similar to you, maybe join a club or something?

In what way are your other friends distant? Do they not live near or do they just have different interests to you? If the friendhships are there maybe it's just a case of putting more effort into seeing these people and developing the friendships you already have.

[Mounds]

Hiya SAE,

My advice: do lots of stuff. Attend lots of events, join clubs, always be out and about. You'll be overwhelmed with friends before you know it.
Like Sparkly said, developing friendships you already have is a great way to fast track it as well. All you gotta do is pick up the phone

-Tim

[James81]

The biggest lie I ever told myself was that "I have no friends."

At the time it *felt* like I had no friends because I wasn't actively pursuing and being friendship. Or, rather, I wasn't filling the meaning I had attached to friendship, which was: to hang out with people on a consistent basis.

When I opened my eyes, I realized that even in the times I felt I had no friends, I had friends all around me. I was just choosing to create a space between me and them, a space that was of my own choosing. And, when I resolved the inner conflict surrounding that, I managed to move past that limited thinking and put myself back into the world. This was a little over a year ago. I decided to create a meetup group (which is still going strong after a year), I decided to volunteer in my community (both as a cub scout leader and on the little league board and as a coach), and I chose to start accepting invitations from the people who extended them (mostly family at the time). I learned to see everybody as a friend, even when they aren't friendly (or when I wasn't friendly).

The belief that helped me do that was:

I am a great place to be, and, as such, I want to bring people into my world so that i can share all the great things I have to offer.

Now, after a year, I add an addendum to that belief and that is:

...and to also partake in the great things THEY have to offer.

Your physical reality is based on internal beliefs you have about yourself and the world. So, starting with what you belief about yourself and what you believe about the world would help you overcome most of the blocks you are facing in this regard.

You are cut from good stuff (or you wouldn't be on a personal development message board trying to improve your life). Let people know it.

(As an aside, I want to acknowledge a family member of mine who helped me come to those different beliefs. He's been an inspiration to me, and helped me to see those beliefs which have inspired me to come back into the world and meet people again.)

[90802]

Originally Posted by SAE

I have many friends but they're so distant (in their own little circles) that it's hard to reach out. I have a close friend but he's exactly like me. In fact, he only goes out only when I invite him to something.

So, anybody got any advice on how to increase my social circle?

One that has worked very well for me is CouchSurfing - Participate in Creating a Better World, One Couch At A Time
I've met a ton of great people through that site. It's not just for travelers either. I don't know your location, but there is probably a very social group of locals looking for things to do.

Here's the location to search groups:
CouchSurfing - Find Groups

Meetup.com...not sure if they have that in the UK, but if they do, check it out. They have meetups for just about anything (personal development, blogging, social media, rock climbing, etc).

Hope that helps!

Chris

[Eduard E]

Find social hobbies. Things you may like to do which also give you the opportunity to meet other people. Like taking a personal development training, or a class for learning a new language, or dancing, or yoga or something. Once you're in an environment doing things with other people or next to them, it's time to get sociable

[neilward2]

Read this...

How To Be More Social

[branigan]

It depends on what "stage" in your life you're at.

If you're only in high school or your early teenage years, well, school is probably gonna be the best place to develop your social life.

If you're college age, realize that many cultures have a sort of intermediate period in between adolescence and adulthood where people of that age group go off on their own and mature together while they become full-fledged adults. In our culture, I think college basically fulfills that role. I'm not saying you *need* to go to college, but realize that, if you don't attend a university, that could be one of the reasons for you feeling socially left out.

If you're older than college age, you can still make friends with and interact with college kids anyway. Or, you can talk to the people you work with...make friends with them. Join a few clubs or something. Move to a place where there are more people. Spend less time on the internet. Remember, the more friends you make, the more opportunities for new friends you will have.

[hiddenmaverick]

Thank you all so much for the tips - I know I'm not the original poster, but I'm in a similar situation and this will definitely help.

[SAE]

Thank you for all of your replies. I'm actually in the process of moving college, having not been able to make many friends at the one I'm currently at (caused by ex girlfriend who followed me everywhere). So, joining a new one will hopefully widen my social circle, especially when I'm doing a course I'm actually interested in, rather than what everybody else is doing.

I do meet up with a huge group of people once a week, but only find myself speaking to four or five people - not really connecting with the people I'd like to. I meet somebody new occasionally, but they don't usually go beyond a facebook friend request. I'm considering going again, but without drinking alcohol, which will allow me to practice being more sociable in my default state.

Originally Posted by Sparklymoocow

How about you go out more with the friend you say is similar to you, maybe join a club or something?

In what way are your other friends distant? Do they not live near or do they just have different interests to you? If the friendhships are there maybe it's just a case of putting more effort into seeing these people and developing the friendships you already have.

I ask my friend to go out a lot. Usually we don't end up speaking to anyone new or he can't be bothered to go out.
My other friends are distant because I never see much of them, or have in depth conversations with them, and we don't have the same interests.

I can honestly say that I try my hardest to develop a friendship with these people, I can hold a conversation for a very long time with them, purely because I know they want to talk about themselves, so I let them. It doesn't improve the friendship. Next week, it would be like nothing had ever been said.

Originally Posted by James81

The biggest lie I ever told myself was that "I have no friends."

Me too. I often contradict myself when I say this and tell myself I have got many friends, and then Mr Negative comes along and tells me that they're not 'real' friends. I don't believe they really are, they feel more like mutual friends with completely different interests.

Originally Posted by neilward2

Read this...

How To Be More Social

Amazing stuff! I've done number 9 recently! I've found myself a cool old friend and have had a lot of fun moments. The past is a great conversation topic, because it talks about both of you.

Unlike you, however, I don't get many invitations to things. I'd like to, and I'd happily accept an invitation to a play that my friends sister is in on a Wednesday night. In fact, I've done something exactly like this several times

I definitely need to start exchanging details with people. When I connect with someone new, I lose touch almost as soon as I leave the building, with just a first name.

The main trouble I'm having is finding the places to be to expand my social circle. I'm not getting invited to anything, but I'd attend if asked, always!

[neilward2]

I don't want to post too many of my pages on here or I may be accused of spam... but the answer to your question is on my site, it tells you all the places to go to meet new people and socialise - The page title is: 'how to get a girlfriend' ... but the principles apply to all social settings, not just to getting a girlfriend.

Good Luck and I'm glad you enjoyed my initial advice,

[Hern]

Take a Kendo or other martial arts class. Make a new social circle and learn something at the same time.

[SAE]

Originally Posted by neilward2

I don't want to post too many of my pages on here or I may be accused of spam... but the answer to your question is on my site, it tells you all the places to go to meet new people and socialise - The page title is: 'how to get a girlfriend' ... but the principles apply to all social settings, not just to getting a girlfriend.

I've bookmarked your site. You're right, that page is full of ideas! I might force myself to go down the list. The Part 2 link of that page doesn't work for me, leads to a 404 error. Thanks a lot, can't wait to try some of these out.

Originally Posted by Hern

Take a Kendo or other martial arts class. Make a new social circle and learn something at the same time.

Great idea! I'm browsing around for local martial art classes now. This seems to be a popular way people expand their social circle

[ssandra]

Originally Posted by SAE

The main trouble I'm having is finding the places to be to expand my social circle. I'm not getting invited to anything, but I'd attend if asked, always!

Maybe it is time to start inviting people instead of waiting to be invited?

If there is something you'd like to do / see and someone you'd like to be better friends with, why not call them (or if you don't have their phone number shoot them a message via facebook) and let them know that you are going to this and this, and that you'd like to invite them...?

[neilward2]

Oops, yeah I just remembered that I deleted part 2. I've just changed the link to the book store instead.

I actually need to update that page anyway now, I've found a few new gems to add to the list...

Good luck,

[Angela]

Are you crazy?!? There is a planetfull of friends out there waiting for you to recognize 'em! Boy, how you're gonna be laughing when you realize that they are right there in front of you all along, already related, just waiting for you to connect. You'll probably snarfle your beer.

[SAE]

Originally Posted by ssandra

Maybe it is time to start inviting people instead of waiting to be invited?

I've done this in the past, but most people have an excuse or simply don't turn up.

Originally Posted by Angela

Are you crazy?!? There is a planetfull of friends out there waiting for you to recognize 'em! Boy, how you're gonna be laughing when you realize that they are right there in front of you all along, already related, just waiting for you to connect. You'll probably snarfle your beer.

You are reaaalllyy positive! Thanks

[Xionel]

Thanks for adding this thread SAE, I'm in the same situ. that you are and this has helped me loads too ^^
I hope everything you try works out

[ginkgo]

Originally Posted by Mounds

Hiya SAE,

My advice: do lots of stuff. Attend lots of events, join clubs, always be out and about. You'll be overwhelmed with friends before you know it.
Like Sparkly said, developing friendships you already have is a great way to fast track it as well. All you gotta do is pick up the phone

-Tim

Check for your area. In my area they have Do something, Learn something, Share something, Change something - Meetup.com There are tons of local groups with all sorts of inerests on this site.

[Lenie]

Go deeper with the existing friends.

Get excited to be with yourself. Develop your own interests. Become as much yourself by delving into your favorite activities and interests till you are perfectly satisfied with being alone in your own company.

In the meantime, take advantage of all the chances you have to meet people all day. The person who rings you up, the bus driver, the mail carrier, etc.

Practice being interested by asking them questions and really listening. Show them you're listening by adding something relevant, but in the form of a question.

Borrow a neighbor's dog unless you have one yourself and walk it to the park.
This one's the easiest, since people will actually stop you to talk about how cute, fluffy, etc. the dog is.

Really - listening is the number one thing. The more interested you are, the more you learn, and the more people will like you.

But follow the top advice as you do it so you've got something to maintain your end of the friendship with.