Sexual Bias

[straysweeper]

I've been noticing more and more frustrations and judgments of those are the type to 'hook up', 'get ass', and or 'no strings sex', and other emotionless or surface relationships.

This is becoming a very strong polarization for me. Wanting to avoid people and situations like this.

I keep thinking of this:

“Vice is a monster of so frightful mien, As to be hated needs but to be seen; Yet seen too oft, familiar with her face, we first endure, then pity, then embrace"

[Plays With Life]

Stay away from me. (but feel free to judge me all you want. Go ahead, really. )

But, I wouldn't call any sex "emotionless" or "surface". Having sex with a person who you don't have a long-term relationship with doesn't mean that the sex itself lacks something. It does mean that you don't have a long-term relationship with that person, at that particular moment.

[straysweeper]

I think this is coming from the fact that I've made a different choice for myself a long time ago, and I still in some ways believe in it, but being around these others makes me feel like I'm wrong. Often times they 'seem' happy at least in the moment, though I do see that sometimes the happyness fades into longer lasting negative emotions.

While I suspect you can't be with someone and not feel something, for me, I can't be with someone unless I do. I've tired, they were disasters.

I get the lure of surface or temporary connections, cause I do believe not all temps are surface only, but it just repels me.

I'm drawn too the idea of lifelong connections. I am aware that I have a lot of healing to do, which may play a part.

[Plays With Life]

Originally Posted by straysweeper

I think this is coming from the fact that I've made a different choice for myself a long time ago, and I still in some ways believe in it, but being around these others makes me feel like I'm wrong.

Do you mean, you made the choice to not have sex outside of long-term relationships? Or, was it that you made the choice to seek out and have a lifelong committed relationship?

Originally Posted by straysweeper

Often times they 'seem' happy at least in the moment, though I do see that sometimes the happyness fades into longer lasting negative emotions.

Do you see people in lifelong relationships who don't have this experience?

Originally Posted by straysweeper

While I suspect you can't be with someone and not feel something, for me, I can't be with someone unless I do. I've tired, they were disasters.

Well, if you can't be with someone and not feel something .. then it wouldn't be possible to be with someone when you don't feel something, right? So you don't ever have to worry about that happening.

Originally Posted by straysweeper

I get the lure of surface or temporary connections, cause I do believe not all temps are surface only, but it just repels me.

What about lifelong, committed relationships with multiple people at the same time? Would you feel comfortable with that situation?

Originally Posted by straysweeper

I'm drawn too the idea of lifelong connections. I am aware that I have a lot of healing to do, which may play a part.

Well, I don't see how you wanting lifelong connections means that you have healing to do. It seems to me that it just means that you want lifelong connections. Go on and have 'em. It'll be awesome.

[Plays With Life]

Love the signature, by the way.

[straysweeper]

Do you mean, you made the choice to not have sex outside of long-term relationships? Or, was it that you made the choice to seek out and have a lifelong committed relationship?

I made a choice to wait for love basically. And seems that waiting is what I'm doing. (First time I've noticed that LoA). I want a committed LTR. Its not something I've experienced, and I'm more of the believer in the fact Less is More.

Do you see people in lifelong relationships who don't have this experience?

I was talking about people in one night stands or sex only relationships. I know of a few longer term relationship people that seem happy but I'm not as up close. But almost all those that go for sex along seem to be unfulfilled. Not that they are, or that all seekers of sex only are.

Well, if you can't be with someone and not feel something .. then it wouldn't be possible to be with someone when you don't feel something, right? So you don't ever have to worry about that happening.

Well, I was with someone, and during and after I felt sick. Compared to one person I 'loved' (whom turned out to be a 'user') was something else entirely.

What about lifelong, committed relationships with multiple people at the same time? Would you feel comfortable with that situation?

I've considered this, but I guess I'm more old school romantic. Though, I can't say what I'll think 5 years from now.

Well, I don't see how you wanting lifelong connections means that you have healing to do. It seems to me that it just means that you want lifelong connections. Go on and have 'em. It'll be awesome.

Now the rub, I want one. Specifically with one person right now, whom doesn't share the same thoughts. And the idea of finding someone else seems impossible, given other life situations. Considering it took me years to build up my relationship with her.

[straysweeper]

Originally Posted by Plays With Life

Love the signature, by the way.

Thanks, its something always in the back of my mind. It and "don't die with your music still in you."

Its speaks to my desire to live and play full out, yet that I do not. Why? Good question.

[Plays With Life]

Originally Posted by straysweeper

I made a choice to wait for love basically. And seems that waiting is what I'm doing. (First time I've noticed that LoA). I want a committed LTR. Its not something I've experienced, and I'm more of the believer in the fact Less is More.

Well, I guess you're getting what you decided to have. Nicely done.

Originally Posted by straysweeper

I was talking about people in one night stands or sex only relationships. I know of a few longer term relationship people that seem happy but I'm not as up close. But almost all those that go for sex along seem to be unfulfilled. Not that they are, or that all seekers of sex only are.

Where are you seeing these people who go only for sex? Do you see them in bars and nightclubs? In my experience, a lot of people go out to bars and nightclubs looking for a "fix" - something to make them feel better. They do tend to seem unfulfilled, whether they're out for just sex or not.

Originally Posted by straysweeper

Well, I was with someone, and during and after I felt sick. Compared to one person I 'loved' (whom turned out to be a 'user') was something else entirely.

It sounds like you didn't really have a connection with that person. What if you met someone, and immediately made a connection with them - like a love-at-first-sight experience? What if you had sex with that person, on that day, without a long-term relationship - then you never saw them again? Would you feel OK about having sex with a person you loved without a long-term relationship?

Originally Posted by straysweeper

I've considered this, but I guess I'm more old school romantic. Though, I can't say what I'll think 5 years from now.

You are awesome.

Originally Posted by straysweeper

Now the rub, I want one. Specifically with one person right now, whom doesn't share the same thoughts. And the idea of finding someone else seems impossible, given other life situations. Considering it took me years to build up my relationship with her.

Oh, please - you'll find it. I'm excited for you already - it's on the way.

If you LoA that waiting-for-love experience in so easily, then you clearly have the power to LoA what you want - right? So decide that you want a loving, lifelong relationship right now (rather than "waiting for a loving, lifelong relationship") - and you'll get exactly what you want. And don't tie it to a particular person. If this person you're thinking of doesn't want what you want - does your vision include that? Being with a person who doesn't want the same thing you want? I'll bet it doesn't include that. This person doesn't match the experience you're envisioning - so let them go, and allow a new experience to come to you. I'm totally convinced it's going to be awesome.

[James81]

Originally Posted by straysweeper

I think this is coming from the fact that I've made a different choice for myself a long time ago, and I still in some ways believe in it, but being around these others makes me feel like I'm wrong. Often times they 'seem' happy at least in the moment, though I do see that sometimes the happyness fades into longer lasting negative emotions.

While I suspect you can't be with someone and not feel something, for me, I can't be with someone unless I do. I've tired, they were disasters.

I get the lure of surface or temporary connections, cause I do believe not all temps are surface only, but it just repels me.

I'm drawn too the idea of lifelong connections. I am aware that I have a lot of healing to do, which may play a part.

I was gandering at an excerpt of some book in the bookstore one day recently, and the thing that jumped out at me was a simple statement that went a little something like:

When a person is not used to getting what they want, sometimes they will decide that they never really wanted that in the first place. This decision is then used as a coping mechanism for not getting what they want and does not necessarily reflect a true desire or belief.

That statement (it's not a direct quote, but it's my interpretation of what I can remember) was profound to me.

How often do we say we don't really want something under the guise of an excuse (such as moral or ethical reasons)?

[straysweeper]

Originally Posted by Plays With Life

Well, I guess you're getting what you decided to have. Nicely done.

Its is strong realization for me. I never thought that saying I'd wait for love, which was intended as a loving thing, to then create the loneliness and hurt that I feel from not having it. Be careful what you ask for, you just might get it right?

Originally Posted by Plays With Life

Where are you seeing these people who go only for sex? Do you see them in bars and nightclubs? In my experience, a lot of people go out to bars and nightclubs looking for a "fix" - something to make them feel better. They do tend to seem unfulfilled, whether they're out for just sex or not.

Acctually, some are close to my best friend whom is the person I'm interested in. But as James says below they don't share the same feeling, and I think that belief of not wanting it to begin with has kicked in. She, is also a bit on the casual side, but I see 'something' in her. There is much I can't say, but I think there is gold buried there. Just weather or not I'm the one to mine it.

Originally Posted by Plays With Life

It sounds like you didn't really have a connection with that person. What if you met someone, and immediately made a connection with them - like a love-at-first-sight experience? What if you had sex with that person, on that day, without a long-term relationship - then you never saw them again? Would you feel OK about having sex with a person you loved without a long-term relationship?

Well, without being fully associated with it, I'd probably say I'd be okay with it, during. But afterwards be like, damn. The anaology of a thirsty man in the desert being given a 1 liter bottle of water. You quench it for a few gulps, but then your more thirsty than you were? But in this instance is the giving and expressing of love. Which is why I'd be okay with it initially as I'm a love bug.

Originally Posted by Plays With Life

You are awesome.

Thank you, not so bad yourself

Originally Posted by Plays With Life

Oh, please - you'll find it. I'm excited for you already - it's on the way.

I know I'll find it. If what I've been through hasn't got me yet, then nothing else will. I'll never give up. I still have to become Hokage after all

Originally Posted by Plays With Life

If you LoA that waiting-for-love experience in so easily, then you clearly have the power to LoA what you want - right? So decide that you want a loving, lifelong relationship right now (rather than "waiting for a loving, lifelong relationship") - and you'll get exactly what you want. And don't tie it to a particular person. If this person you're thinking of doesn't want what you want - does your vision include that? Being with a person who doesn't want the same thing you want? I'll bet it doesn't include that. This person doesn't match the experience you're envisioning - so let them go, and allow a new experience to come to you. I'm totally convinced it's going to be awesome.

Synchronism, I've thougth that myself about some other things I'm able to LoA. I have applied it unknowing with great success in sometimes in my life and only a few times more consciously. Though this is something more difficult as it is unclear to picture something so unknown to me. Though you provoke a journal entry to say the least.

Your certainty and enthusiasm is contagious, refreshing and very appreciated.

Originally Posted by James81

I was gandering at an excerpt of some book in the bookstore one day recently, and the thing that jumped out at me was a simple statement that went a little something like:

When a person is not used to getting what they want, sometimes they will decide that they never really wanted that in the first place. This decision is then used as a coping mechanism for not getting what they want and does not necessarily reflect a true desire or belief.

That statement (it's not a direct quote, but it's my interpretation of what I can remember) was profound to me.

How often do we say we don't really want something under the guise of an excuse (such as moral or ethical reasons)?

I really like this interpreted quote. Do you remember the book that jumped out at you? I think this explains a lot about my life over the years. Cause I can see immediate places where small brick walls appear, and I get too accepting rather than going through them.

I suspect your saying I'm a closet player, but since I consider it to be so 'bad' that I make that part of me wrong? Feel free to correct me if this is not the case. Though, I have had the same thought and the same conversations in my head. I usually conclude that since it isn't something I've ever experienced, in terms of finding random woman for sex, that want me and I want them. I still know that I in a sense 'feed' of the energy between a deeper connection. It juices me. Sex and orgasms are temporary, and repeatable, but its the time between events that really matters, and what those events make of you during this time that I think is important.

There are times I say sex is meaningless, but that comes from my 'painbody'/ego, cause sex is also a expression of love for me. So, while I am not as certain as I was when younger about storybook love, I still believe in soul-mates. And I will always contend that sex as a spiritual and connection practice is best.

As Steve once said "There's no experience quite like looking into your lover's eyes and seeing blissful unconditional love staring back at you while you're inside her. It's very intense."