When conversating with someone very different from you

[roxyruby]

I was just having a chat with someone in the chatroom on my website.

It became clear to me they had very different beliefs from me.

They believed that I would get married soon and want to get married soon cause "thats what girls want and do"

They believed we are supposed to pro-create and that over-population was ok, that their would be floods or something would happen that would lessen the population on this planet.

They believed in God.

So I remember when I had some conservative beliefs too and was a Christian, and knew how judgmental or upset they might be if I mentioned some of my very different beliefs,

So most of the time I just didn't mention how differently I thought just cause I didn't want to be bothered having a possible argument or upsetting them.

Although I did express my opinion about population, that I don't plan on having children cause of it, and that no, I don't have plans for getting married.

They also said they had a job as an engineer, which they didn't like, doing it just for the money, and also they didn't like the job cause it contributed to pollution. That they wanted to do something positive for the world.

I said something like "You could make a living doing something contributing something positive to humanity" Like what they do is their choice, I was just telling them they might have that option.

Is that appropriate?

So. Is it important? Do you think? Is it important to always express what you believe even if it is different to what the other person believes? Should you only sometimes express what you believe, where it is appropriate, and also focus on not upsetting them too much? Or should you just focus on doing what makes you feel happy in the conversation, which may include not bothering to talk about many beliefs of yours which may cause an argument?

[Mounds]

I think it's important to stand up for what you believe in. That doesn't mean challenge anyone who has a different belief though
For instance, I wouldn't find the most pious Christian around and tell him his religion is a sham. But if it came up in conversation and he asked me what my beliefs are, I wouldn't hesitate to tell him.
As for what you told them Roxy, relax. If they fall apart over your statement, that's their problem. Some people can and will get offended over anything you say. Unless your purposely stirring the pot, don't worry.

-Tim

[Weena]

It's possible to get along with people that are very different so long as there is respect on both sides. One of my best friends is very Christian, believes everything that is in the Bible. I don't mind hearing her views about hell and she doesn't mind me mentioning aura colours. We are more oriented on the love we have for each other, the things we have in common and don't mind having different opinions. I think it all comes down to mutual respect. And tolerance. For example, you mention you believe having kids is not green so shouldn't be done. I agree it's not quite green but i believe the more "good people" bring people into this world, the better the world will be. See, we have different opinions but it does not make me think i'm right and you're wrong. We both are right to a certain extend. We both share this planet. our soul both come from the same Source. So it's cruisy.

[James81]

The assumption that they are very different than you is what creates the issues you have with this. If you learn to focus on the similarities you have with everybody you meet, the tension you feel will dissolve.

[AjaTrinidad]

Why would it need to become an argument? You can simply share your beliefs with the other person. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that, and besides, spreading different beliefs actually makes for good conversation and mental stimulation.

If the other person feels the need to argue and you don't want to argue, follow this advice: Don't argue!

I watch tons of people, (in forums, on YouTube, in real life) who state their points, and as soon the other person disagrees, they go back and forth debating it. There's no need for that. If you feel strong about what you believe in, stay grounded in that. There's no need to convince someone else of your belief, nor is there a need to stress that your differences may offend the person.

But if the person does get offended, I suggest a simple "I'm sorry. My intention was not to offend you at all. We can talk about something else."

But if they're interested in what you have to say, and are open-minded, absolutely engage in a discussion about you guys' different beliefs!

Just remember: If it turns into an argument, you can stop it there. There's no need to engage in a tit-for-tat. Just leave it alone and move on to something else.

Best,

Aja

[Ecce Homo]

Originally Posted by roxyruby

Is that appropriate?

The good news is only you get to decide that!

Is it important? Do you think?

I don't think it is. I never need to express my beliefs, whatever they happen to be at any given moment. I'm not sure anyone else does either, although it does seem that plenty of people believe otherwise.

Should you only sometimes express what you believe, where it is appropriate, and also focus on not upsetting them too much? Or should you just focus on doing what makes you feel happy in the conversation, which may include not bothering to talk about many beliefs of yours which may cause an argument?

I don't see that any of us should or shouldn't do anything other than what we actually end up doing. And once again, you get to decide what the right answers are to your questions, for yourself.

I tend to notice what is going on inside of me when I am sharing my thoughts with someone though. The emotional guidance system helps the mind sort out what it is and is not believing and why. If I feel defensive for example, I know that is my cue to take a look inside. It's been my observation that what is true never needs a defense, which makes arguments superfluous. Ego-land stories on the other hand always need defending via verbal warfare.

[codenamesmiley]

Roxy,

You don't need any outer human validation or permissions.

Follow your heart, and you will always come out right where you belong.

Love to you.