Personal Development for Smart People^TM Forums

AmandaP · 03-13-2007, 01:56 AM

I've being with my partner for almost 5 years, we have been living together for 4 years and have a 4 month old. I don't have the best self image and tend not to come of of my shell unless I'm drinking. When I do however I love the person that I become. I suddendly have confidence and really love being around people. (Now by drinking I don't mean writting myself off and getting s*** faced I mean enjoying a good bottle off wine with freinds)
When I look at a person I don't see then as male or female I just see a person. I have had relationships with both male and female partners. I spent a long time in open relationships and having one night stands. I don't think of sex as some thing private or intimate, I believe it is just a physical act.
I love my partner and him only, I plan on spending the rest of my life with him. I do (and have had all of our relationship) plan on having sex with other people. My partner and I don't talk about it and never have talked about it, I am sure however that he knows about it and understands that for me it is only a phyiscal act and that I love only him. I am curious what others think about this, IS IT CHEATING OR NOT?

TheColonel · 03-13-2007, 02:26 AM

Based on what you wrote, yes. If you tell him and he agrees that it's okay, that's different.

Angela · 03-13-2007, 03:34 AM

I think you know the answer to your own question, just by the way you asked it. You haven't talked about it, but you're sure he understands?

The even bigger cheat is that you have fooled yourself into thinking that you are more loveable when you're drinking.

modern_monk · 03-13-2007, 03:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AmandaP

I am sure however that he knows about it and understands that for me it is only a phyiscal act and that I love only him.

What could you do to avoid surprises?

belugagirl · 03-13-2007, 04:20 AM

Yes, I believe it's cheating unless you have an agreement with your committed partner. Such an agreement must be VERBAL, not telepathic. If you're correct in saying that he already knows and doesn't have a problem with it, then it should be quite simple to make that "understanding" a spoken agreement, shouldn't it? If you're afraid to bring it up, you should ask yourself why that is.

About the feeling more social when you drink, this may sound silly, but it may help you practice achieving the same confidence without the alcohol: try _pretending_ to feel the effects of a buzz while drinking something non-alcoholic. Play the part. Once you see that you can feel more loosened up by pretending to, gradually you may learn to feel so by INtending to. Eventually, you may be able to put on your more confident social persona when desired with no alcohol required!

Lychee · 03-13-2007, 04:37 AM

You should really discuss this with your partner.

AmandaP · 03-13-2007, 04:57 AM

OK Thanks I get it. I'll talk with him tonight.

Shaden · 03-13-2007, 09:50 PM

Quote:

I do (and have had all of our relationship) plan on having sex with other people.

Oh come on, you're just rubbing it in the face of all us unattractive peeps!

03-13-2007, 01:56 AM	#1 (permalink)
AmandaP Junior Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Melbourne, Australia Posts: 24	Is it cheating or not? I've being with my partner for almost 5 years, we have been living together for 4 years and have a 4 month old. I don't have the best self image and tend not to come of of my shell unless I'm drinking. When I do however I love the person that I become. I suddendly have confidence and really love being around people. (Now by drinking I don't mean writting myself off and getting s*** faced I mean enjoying a good bottle off wine with freinds) When I look at a person I don't see then as male or female I just see a person. I have had relationships with both male and female partners. I spent a long time in open relationships and having one night stands. I don't think of sex as some thing private or intimate, I believe it is just a physical act. I love my partner and him only, I plan on spending the rest of my life with him. I do (and have had all of our relationship) plan on having sex with other people. My partner and I don't talk about it and never have talked about it, I am sure however that he knows about it and understands that for me it is only a phyiscal act and that I love only him. I am curious what others think about this, IS IT CHEATING OR NOT?

03-13-2007, 04:20 AM	#5 (permalink)
belugagirl Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Posts: 59	Yes Yes, I believe it's cheating unless you have an agreement with your committed partner. Such an agreement must be VERBAL, not telepathic. If you're correct in saying that he already knows and doesn't have a problem with it, then it should be quite simple to make that "understanding" a spoken agreement, shouldn't it? If you're afraid to bring it up, you should ask yourself why that is. About the feeling more social when you drink, this may sound silly, but it may help you practice achieving the same confidence without the alcohol: try _pretending_ to feel the effects of a buzz while drinking something non-alcoholic. Play the part. Once you see that you can feel more loosened up by pretending to, gradually you may learn to feel so by INtending to. Eventually, you may be able to put on your more confident social persona when desired with no alcohol required!

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03-13-2007, 02:26 AM	#2 (permalink)
TheColonel Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Posts: 319	Based on what you wrote, yes. If you tell him and he agrees that it's okay, that's different.

03-13-2007, 03:34 AM	#3 (permalink)
Angela Banned Join Date: Nov 2006 Posts: 22,520	I think you know the answer to your own question, just by the way you asked it. You haven't talked about it, but you're sure he understands? The even bigger cheat is that you have fooled yourself into thinking that you are more loveable when you're drinking.

03-13-2007, 04:37 AM	#6 (permalink)
Lychee Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Posts: 538	You should really discuss this with your partner.

03-13-2007, 04:57 AM	#7 (permalink)
AmandaP Junior Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Melbourne, Australia Posts: 24	OK Thanks I get it. I'll talk with him tonight.

Personal Development for Smart PeopleTM Forums

Personal Development for Smart People^TM Forums