What if you never find someone?

[Magicinthenight]

I was just talking to a friend of mine and complaining how hard it is to meet someone compatible (I know I know, if I'm saying such things I'm creating them but that's really not the issue here.. or at least I don't think it is) and they said:

"So what if you don't? What would that mean?"

And that really left me puzzled. What would it mean? If I knew now for certain that I will never meet someone who I want to committ to or even anyone I'd be attracted to ever again. How would that feel?

As it is a pretty fresh thought, I'm still not sure how I'd feel. But the insight is still there: if I'm stuck in a mindframe where not having someone means something very negative and to be fully happy I would need to meet someone... Does that mean I'm not fully accepting the way things are. Because I am single now and if I don't accept this situation (ie. be ok to continue like this) then I'm only creating resistance?

Gah, I'm confused already. However, I'd love to hear from you: what would you feel, how would you deal with the knowledge you'll never be with anyone again? Or is it even a question worth thinking about?

[AjaTrinidad]

I've been single now for 2 years, and for some reason, people think I should be very depressed about this. I'm not of course. And I don't really think "when is my next relationship going to be??"

To more directly answer your question, as strange as it sounds, if I knew that in the future, I'd never find someone again, I'd be ok. I don't actively seek relationships (i.e., go to places for singles, or try to meet people online), but I'm very open to a relationship if it comes my way. People seem to think that you have to go "looking" or else, "how will it happen?" but my experience has always been that, when a relationship is supposed to happen for me, it happens.

Maybe your feelings are a sign that you should work harder on 1. being happy as you are (single) and 2. not focusing so much on the future

Don't worry about it so much

[Magicinthenight]

Originally Posted by AjaTrinidad

I've been single now for 2 years, and for some reason, people think I should be very depressed about this. I'm not of course. And I don't really think "when is my next relationship going to be??"

To more directly answer your question, as strange as it sounds, if I knew that in the future, I'd never find someone again, I'd be ok. I don't actively seek relationships (i.e., go to places for singles, or try to meet people online), but I'm very open to a relationship if it comes my way. People seem to think that you have to go "looking" or else, "how will it happen?" but my experience has always been that, when a relationship is supposed to happen for me, it happens.

Maybe your feelings are a sign that you should work harder on 1. being happy as you are (single) and 2. not focusing so much on the future

Don't worry about it so much

Oh you're right of course. I am very happy with my life, however I must admit, the thought of never being with someone does feel daunting despite all that. So maybe I'm not as content as I could be.

Most of my friends are in relationships, all of my colleagues are in a relationship so yes, I do find myself sometimes stuck in the frame of mind that in order to have a "complete" life you need a relationship, too. Of course lot of those people have lots of other things which I do not feel any pressure to have. Yet whenever someone says: how come you're still single, it makes me cringe. I don't get the same feeling if someone asks me "how come you don't have a doctorate/kids/big house/etc". So yeah, there is definitely something there I need to work on.

[Minimabs]

I've been single since my divorce a few years back. I've dated here and there but none of them have been what I call long term partner material.

If you'd have asked me following my divorce my feelings about single forever i would have panicked and probably felt longer term that I would also be incomplete. But as time has passed I've become more interested in my own development, interests, friends and family etc.

I guess because my life has unfolded in such a positive way over the last few years I feel like I have a lot of faith in the future now - whatever it holds. If it's a single but fulfilling life then I can accept that and if someone knocks me off my feet that that would be good as well.

I don't think it's a bad thing to want to have a partner to share your life with - us humans do like to pair up. But I wouldn't accept a compromised relationship just for the sake of having someone in my life. I wouldn't be wanting perfection in another because I can't offer that in return but the person would have to add a lot of value to my life to be in it.

I think what I'm trying to say is - I've let go of the future in that respect. If it happens then great and if it doesn't then I will have a good enough life on my own.

No right or wrong answers or feelings I think.

[Piercetheveil]

I thought I would never find one person that encapsulated all that I desired. Unrealistic expectation I thought. I will just have multiple people. All having their area of bestness. I let go. I was okay with it.

Then she showed up.

[Magicinthenight]

Originally Posted by Minimabs

But I wouldn't accept a compromised relationship just for the sake of having someone in my life. I wouldn't be wanting perfection in another because I can't offer that in return but the person would have to add a lot of value to my life to be in it.

Absolutely agree. I'm not willing to compromise, yet I do sometimes find myself doubting that decision. Which is why, Pierce, your post really made me smile, it sounds awesome. Aww, I'm such a hopeless romantic, you really should elaborate on how you met her.

[James81]

Originally Posted by Magicinthenight

I'm not willing to compromise, yet I do sometimes find myself doubting that decision.

Why aren't you willing to compromise?