|07-23-2010, 03:15 PM||#1 (permalink)|
Join Date: Jan 2009
What if you never find someone?
I was just talking to a friend of mine and complaining how hard it is to meet someone compatible (I know I know, if I'm saying such things I'm creating them but that's really not the issue here.. or at least I don't think it is) and they said:
"So what if you don't? What would that mean?"
And that really left me puzzled. What would it mean? If I knew now for certain that I will never meet someone who I want to committ to or even anyone I'd be attracted to ever again. How would that feel?
As it is a pretty fresh thought, I'm still not sure how I'd feel. But the insight is still there: if I'm stuck in a mindframe where not having someone means something very negative and to be fully happy I would need to meet someone... Does that mean I'm not fully accepting the way things are. Because I am single now and if I don't accept this situation (ie. be ok to continue like this) then I'm only creating resistance?
Gah, I'm confused already. However, I'd love to hear from you: what would you feel, how would you deal with the knowledge you'll never be with anyone again? Or is it even a question worth thinking about?
|07-23-2010, 03:28 PM||#2 (permalink)|
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New York City
I've been single now for 2 years, and for some reason, people think I should be very depressed about this. I'm not of course. And I don't really think "when is my next relationship going to be??"
To more directly answer your question, as strange as it sounds, if I knew that in the future, I'd never find someone again, I'd be ok. I don't actively seek relationships (i.e., go to places for singles, or try to meet people online), but I'm very open to a relationship if it comes my way. People seem to think that you have to go "looking" or else, "how will it happen?" but my experience has always been that, when a relationship is supposed to happen for me, it happens.
Maybe your feelings are a sign that you should work harder on 1. being happy as you are (single) and 2. not focusing so much on the future
Don't worry about it so much
|07-23-2010, 03:44 PM||#3 (permalink)|
Join Date: Jan 2009
Most of my friends are in relationships, all of my colleagues are in a relationship so yes, I do find myself sometimes stuck in the frame of mind that in order to have a "complete" life you need a relationship, too. Of course lot of those people have lots of other things which I do not feel any pressure to have. Yet whenever someone says: how come you're still single, it makes me cringe. I don't get the same feeling if someone asks me "how come you don't have a doctorate/kids/big house/etc". So yeah, there is definitely something there I need to work on.
|07-23-2010, 05:08 PM||#4 (permalink)|
Join Date: Nov 2009
I've been single since my divorce a few years back. I've dated here and there but none of them have been what I call long term partner material.
If you'd have asked me following my divorce my feelings about single forever i would have panicked and probably felt longer term that I would also be incomplete. But as time has passed I've become more interested in my own development, interests, friends and family etc.
I guess because my life has unfolded in such a positive way over the last few years I feel like I have a lot of faith in the future now - whatever it holds. If it's a single but fulfilling life then I can accept that and if someone knocks me off my feet that that would be good as well.
I don't think it's a bad thing to want to have a partner to share your life with - us humans do like to pair up. But I wouldn't accept a compromised relationship just for the sake of having someone in my life. I wouldn't be wanting perfection in another because I can't offer that in return but the person would have to add a lot of value to my life to be in it.
I think what I'm trying to say is - I've let go of the future in that respect. If it happens then great and if it doesn't then I will have a good enough life on my own.
No right or wrong answers or feelings I think.
|07-23-2010, 05:13 PM||#5 (permalink)|
Join Date: Mar 2009
I thought I would never find one person that encapsulated all that I desired. Unrealistic expectation I thought. I will just have multiple people. All having their area of bestness. I let go. I was okay with it.
Then she showed up.
|07-23-2010, 05:21 PM||#6 (permalink)|
Join Date: Jan 2009
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