Personal Development for Smart People^TM Forums

Afro Boy · 07-22-2010, 10:05 PM

Hi folks,

A little background ...
I've been "chatting" with this girl online for a couple months now. I say chat but I mean having a video stream and typing frantically into the text window! We converse through reading/writing as neither of us knows each other's language. This isn't that difficult because of the extra few moments to Google translate things before typing your response or asking the next question.

I have started learning her language (which is insanely foreign to English by the way) and can deal with the basic phrases but I have a long way to go yet.

Anyway, things have always clicked for us since we first started talking online. We have similar ideas about life, music, etc. So ... I decided to visit her (am in her country now actually!).

What happened today ...
Today we had our first in-person real life meeting. We have both been excited and really looking forward to it for months now. We agreed that she would bring a friend along who spoke some English to help translate if we ran into trouble. I'm glad she was there because it wouldn't been even worse if she wasn't.

The "date" was a complete disaster. For some reason the conversation never really got started. Huge embarrassing pauses of us looking into our drinks. We went for a walk around the shopping centre, she was excited to look at some new clothes. Great, the "walk and talk" is much easier than sitting at a table thinking up things to say. Unfortunately it didn't end up that way.

We walked back to the train station about an hour later, we agreed to write again in the next day and I said goodbye.

My question(s) ...
We obviously have a connection but the language barrier in real life terms may just be too big. Do people think this can be overcome? Any tips/ideas for how to handle a "date" where language isn't the key focus?

Any tips/ideas for conversation topics? I tried to get her to talk about her recent holiday and only got back the simple "it was great, relaxing, sunny, had a swim, didn't do anything else."

Finally, should I just move on and give this one a miss?

Cheers,
Af.

Donkey1 · 07-22-2010, 10:31 PM

Man, sorry dude it went bad for you. It sounded like it could be a potential very interesting date. I'm a fan of non conventional dates for some reason.

But yeah, does she play sports? Or do you? Take her to a court, and play some tennis, do an activities that don't involve much talking. Or better yet, take her dancing. Show her around the city if she's not from there, etc. I'm sure you'll be able to figure something out.

Good luck.

Afro Boy · 07-22-2010, 10:43 PM

Thanks for the quick reply Donkey.

We're not into sports that much but we are into music. Unfortunately sitting listening to a band could be just as painful. But ... the unconventional date idea sounds perfect.

An activity of sorts is exactly what we need! Three have popped into my head so far ...

1. I have invited her to join me and another of her countrymen (who I also know) for a tour of his town. He's a few years older so kinda gets the need to "help" the conversation along so it could work well, or could be another disaster. Oh dear!! :-/

2. I'm staying in the major city here and she lives in one of the other towns. She hasn't visited here often so maybe a "ghost tour" if I can convince her to visit at night.

3. I wonder if I can find a cooking lesson of sorts. She likes a guy who can cook and I really love cooking but it could be too domestic for her.

I'll sleep on it and write back if I dream up any good ideas. Thanks for the point in this direction - I like!

Cheers,
Af.

Marty McFly · 07-23-2010, 12:02 AM

If there is no rapport from the get go the relationship is not going anywhere. The love flows in with ease and unexpectedly.

Afro Boy · 07-23-2010, 10:25 AM

Thanks but I tend to believe that these types of things can take work. Since I'm here for another week and a half I'd like to think I could put in some effort to at least see if there is a chance of it working.

Anyway, I haven't heard back from her yet but will walk about town, do some touristy stuff and she if she emails me back.

Cheers,
Af.

MyEyeIsOpen · 07-23-2010, 02:11 PM

It sounds like if you're serious about her you need to take some intensive language courses and get comfortable with her language.

07-22-2010, 10:05 PM	#1 (permalink)
Afro Boy Junior Member Join Date: Jun 2010 Posts: 4	That first meeting where you don't say a thing ... Hi folks, A little background ... I've been "chatting" with this girl online for a couple months now. I say chat but I mean having a video stream and typing frantically into the text window! We converse through reading/writing as neither of us knows each other's language. This isn't that difficult because of the extra few moments to Google translate things before typing your response or asking the next question. I have started learning her language (which is insanely foreign to English by the way) and can deal with the basic phrases but I have a long way to go yet. Anyway, things have always clicked for us since we first started talking online. We have similar ideas about life, music, etc. So ... I decided to visit her (am in her country now actually!). What happened today ... Today we had our first in-person real life meeting. We have both been excited and really looking forward to it for months now. We agreed that she would bring a friend along who spoke some English to help translate if we ran into trouble. I'm glad she was there because it wouldn't been even worse if she wasn't. The "date" was a complete disaster. For some reason the conversation never really got started. Huge embarrassing pauses of us looking into our drinks. We went for a walk around the shopping centre, she was excited to look at some new clothes. Great, the "walk and talk" is much easier than sitting at a table thinking up things to say. Unfortunately it didn't end up that way. We walked back to the train station about an hour later, we agreed to write again in the next day and I said goodbye. My question(s) ... We obviously have a connection but the language barrier in real life terms may just be too big. Do people think this can be overcome? Any tips/ideas for how to handle a "date" where language isn't the key focus? Any tips/ideas for conversation topics? I tried to get her to talk about her recent holiday and only got back the simple "it was great, relaxing, sunny, had a swim, didn't do anything else." Finally, should I just move on and give this one a miss? Cheers, Af.

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07-22-2010, 10:31 PM	#2 (permalink)
Donkey1 Banned Join Date: Oct 2009 Posts: 347	Man, sorry dude it went bad for you. It sounded like it could be a potential very interesting date. I'm a fan of non conventional dates for some reason. But yeah, does she play sports? Or do you? Take her to a court, and play some tennis, do an activities that don't involve much talking. Or better yet, take her dancing. Show her around the city if she's not from there, etc. I'm sure you'll be able to figure something out. Good luck.

07-22-2010, 10:43 PM	#3 (permalink)
Afro Boy Junior Member Join Date: Jun 2010 Posts: 4	Thanks for the quick reply Donkey. We're not into sports that much but we are into music. Unfortunately sitting listening to a band could be just as painful. But ... the unconventional date idea sounds perfect. An activity of sorts is exactly what we need! Three have popped into my head so far ... 1. I have invited her to join me and another of her countrymen (who I also know) for a tour of his town. He's a few years older so kinda gets the need to "help" the conversation along so it could work well, or could be another disaster. Oh dear!! :-/ 2. I'm staying in the major city here and she lives in one of the other towns. She hasn't visited here often so maybe a "ghost tour" if I can convince her to visit at night. 3. I wonder if I can find a cooking lesson of sorts. She likes a guy who can cook and I really love cooking but it could be too domestic for her. I'll sleep on it and write back if I dream up any good ideas. Thanks for the point in this direction - I like! Cheers, Af.

07-23-2010, 12:02 AM	#4 (permalink)
Marty McFly Banned Join Date: Feb 2008 Posts: 137	If there is no rapport from the get go the relationship is not going anywhere. The love flows in with ease and unexpectedly.

07-23-2010, 10:25 AM	#5 (permalink)
Afro Boy Junior Member Join Date: Jun 2010 Posts: 4	Thanks but I tend to believe that these types of things can take work. Since I'm here for another week and a half I'd like to think I could put in some effort to at least see if there is a chance of it working. Anyway, I haven't heard back from her yet but will walk about town, do some touristy stuff and she if she emails me back. Cheers, Af.

07-23-2010, 02:11 PM	#6 (permalink)
MyEyeIsOpen Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Posts: 700	It sounds like if you're serious about her you need to take some intensive language courses and get comfortable with her language.

Personal Development for Smart PeopleTM Forums

Personal Development for Smart People^TM Forums