Sex, generally speaking

[MidasGirl]

So, I keep hearing this, men think about sex, is it, every 3 seconds? Or was it 9000 times a day? I forget.

In any case, I don't disagree with the assertion that men think about sex a lot more than women do. What I'd like to know is, what exactly are they thinking when they think about sex?

I find this can be misconstrued to assume that it means men like sex more than women.

In a relationship, when a woman no longer seems interested in sex, I think that the man naively assumes that she is frigid, is not interested in sex in general, while in fact she is probably sopping wet every night dreaming of being taken by her favorite HOT HOT guy.

So anyway, what do you men think about when you think about sex? Are you thinking about having an hour long session later that day with your wife of 10 years? Or are you thinking of how you could hit the closest "hot tail" around you? What exactly is this "thinking about sex"?

[ssandra]

Interesting question...

Also... is "thinking about sex" seeing a hot girl (or boy, whatever floats your boat) and thinking "I'd do her?"


I agree that thinking about sex and having sex are 2 completely different things... for one thing, having sex usually requires guys to get off their favorite chair, turn off their favorite sports team, and actually do something that requires physical activity. While thinking about sex can be done during all the previous...

I hope some guys answer this one!

[Mounds]

Well, I spend about 3/4 of my day masturbating so I don't get much time to think about sex.

Sorry ladies, it was a dull day at work.



Anyway, the notion that men think about sex every 3 seconds (I've heard this as well) is hogwash. How would guys even function?
Truthfully, I think about my wife a couple times a day. Usually in the lulls. When I'm focusing on something else, sex does not cross my mind.

[MidasGirl]

Originally Posted by Mounds

Anyway, the notion that men think about sex every 3 seconds (I've heard this as well) is hogwash. How would guys even function?

Maybe that's where the cliche, "thinking with their small head" comes from?

[ssandra]

Originally Posted by Mounds

Truthfully, I think about my wife a couple times a day. Usually in the lulls. When I'm focusing on something else, sex does not cross my mind.

But do you think just about your wife, or do you specifically think about sex with your wife?

[Liz Caitlin]

I read a really cool article by a marriage counselor who had seen THOUSANDS of couples. He said that generally speaking, the man wants sex more. But, he added, in the cases of women who had "learned to enjoy sex", the woman wanted it far more than the man could possibly keep up with.

Since he is in his 70s, I'm assuming he lived during a time when there wasn't as much info available for women on sex, so a lot didn't enjoy it much. But I agree with MidasGirl & ssandra...if you're a woman who enjoys sex, you have no refractory period. You have no limits, really, on how much pleasure you can derive from repeatedly having sex. So yes, we can physically have it more often than our male partners can keep up with. I have definitely had times where I want it again right away & my boyfriend simply cannot go again at that time. He'll do other stuff for me, but he can't actually have sex again.

So...men think about it more, maybe, but physically speaking, women sort of top men when it comes to being able to do it over and over again.

[Liz Caitlin]

Originally Posted by Mounds

Well, I spend about 3/4 of my day masturbating so I don't get much time to think about sex.

Sorry ladies, it was a dull day at work.



Anyway, the notion that men think about sex every 3 seconds (I've heard this as well) is hogwash. How would guys even function?
Truthfully, I think about my wife a couple times a day. Usually in the lulls. When I'm focusing on something else, sex does not cross my mind.

The notion that men think about sex every 7 seconds IS hogwash. A bunch of social scientists tallied up how much time men thought about sex and averaged it out...which would lead to it being every 7 seconds. But averaging it out is stupid...most men think about it in chunks of time, not constantly, and certainly not every 7 or 3 seconds. Or at least that was my understanding, based on reading where that notion came from.

[Solipsist]

Originally Posted by MidasGirl

So anyway, what do you men think about when you think about sex? Are you thinking about having an hour long session later that day with your wife of 10 years? Or are you thinking of how you could hit the closest "hot tail" around you? What exactly is this "thinking about sex"?

I can't speak for all men, but I think I can speak for most men when I say that "thinking about sex" isn't really thinking, at all. Though it may generate thoughts about sex, it's more like a drive--a subconscious compulsion to penetrate the feminine sex and deposit seed, and, often enough, at any cost. It's rather a major component of our physical and psychological nature.

If (sex) we "thought about sex" (sex) every seven seconds (sex), (or whatever the [sex] time frame was according to [sex] such reports [sex])as Mounds suggested (sex), we wouldn't be (sex) likely to (sex) function very well (sex).

180 may better answer this, but I think it's along the same lines as most women's propensity to nest and nurture.

[Weena]

Originally Posted by Solipsist;634298

If (sex) we "thought about sex" (sex) every seven seconds (sex), (or whatever the [sex

time frame was according to [sex] such reports [sex])as Mounds suggested (sex), we wouldn't be (sex) likely to (sex) function very well (sex).

funny.

I can't say for sure but I can't quite imagine my husband at work thinking about sex all day. Maybe men who work at an adult store...but men who have a job requiring concentration i don't think they could combine...

[180]

Liz Catlin has the facts that coincide most with the literature I've read.

Men think about sex but somehow came up with a weird figure and interpret the data to say men think about sex like... every 7 seconds? As Liz said, it's chunks at a time... If we were to look at it more directly how about 1/7 of our day thinking about sex. That's much more accurate. That's about 3-4 hours a day.

Being sexually turned on involves two facets, the natural brain chemistry that was built in us and what we "learn".

For men the natural part is easily turned on and it's almost similar for all men. This is why men pursue "pretty girls". Hot ass, nice face, big breats, etc... you know the drill. This stuff naturally turns on light switches of dopamine in the heads of men.

Then there is the psychological side where men find things like piercings, dominatrix, school girl uniforms, maids, etc... attractive. This stuff is more... variable and it totally depends on how the child's environment raised them.

For women, it's MUCH more psychological. Women generally don't "suffer" from the instinctive drive to mate with every moving object.

So to go back to your original question. Yes men think about it plenty. We see a pretty girl a pretty face, slight cleavage, short skirt. We think sex immediately. A woman doesn't see a man's bicep and say "Man I wanna tap that" but when a man sees a nice .7 hip-waist ratio he's thinking of ways to screw her in 8 different directions (north south east west, frontwards, backwards, horizontal and vertical) theres probably more but I haven't had coffee today and I'm not feeling creative.

It's a lot. And it's an extremely powerful. Look at it this way, if men didn't think about sex... no way no how would we ever want a relationship with a woman beyond friendship. Women are sometimes good to talk to because they aren't competitive psychos like men. But if men didn't think about sex, They wouldn't ask women out on dates, be paying for dates, or more importantly acting pathetic.

We would, undoubtedly be hitting women, smacking women around, "putting them in their place" and not be putting up with a lot of the BS we take now. Can't tell you how many times I wanted to throw a psycho woman off a bus. If it was a man, I would have already done it.

But because we think of sex all the time. You have complete control over us. Good job.

[Liz Caitlin]

Originally Posted by 180

But because we think of sex all the time. You have complete control over us. Good job.

Nature DID do a good job.

Originally Posted by 180

We would, undoubtedly be hitting women, smacking women around, "putting them in their place" and not be putting up with a lot of the BS we take now.

Men do hit women quite a bit, actually. LOTS of domestic violence out there. And women were subjugated for how many centuries of human history...?

[wccr1993]

So far, I have never met a guy who can keep up with me sexually...

[James81]

Originally Posted by MidasGirl

So anyway, what do you men think about when you think about sex? Are you thinking about having an hour long session later that day with your wife of 10 years? Or are you thinking of how you could hit the closest "hot tail" around you? What exactly is this "thinking about sex"?

See hot girl.

Think: Damn, I'd **** her.

If horny enough, imagine how it would go down.

Most of the time, though, it's just "Damn, she's hot, I'd have sex with her" and then I check her out in all the sexy places.

[MidasGirl]

So I'm trying to penetrate the male head, so to speak.

James, if you happen to have a hot girl around you all the time, that you can't have sex with, for example, a married hot girl at work, do you think about sex every time you see her? As in, if she's right next to you 10 hours a day, are you thinking about sex with her 10 hours a day?

[James81]

Originally Posted by MidasGirl

So I'm trying to penetrate the male head, so to speak.

James, if you happen to have a hot girl around you all the time, that you can't have sex with, for example, a married hot girl at work, do you think about sex every time you see her? As in, if she's right next to you 10 hours a day, are you thinking about sex with her 10 hours a day?

Sometimes I think about baseball.

Seriously, I wouldn't say it's a constant thing, but yes it would be pretty frequent.

For a while at least. Even the most attractive woman becomes kinda "old hat" after a while. At first, it would be a constant thought, but the longer it goes, usually, the less you think about it, but you DO still think about it sometimes even after you're kinda "jaded" to it.

And then, of course, there's what happens when you go home after being all worked up over a hot girl you can't have sex with. Imagination and masturbation go together like lamb and tuna fish (or spaghetti and meatball if you're more comfortable with that analogy ). Yes, we guys do pleasure ourselves to the thought of having sex with women we know. At least I do, and I really don't think I'm alone in that sentiment.

[James81]

There's a funny little saying I've heard other guys say on the net before:

"With or without you, I'm having sex with YOU tonight."

[ssandra]

James, how does that constant thinking translate in action?

(if it's too personal, let me know)

I mean... if you are with a hot girl, I'm guessing for the first weeks you'd have sex whenever even remotely possible... but after a few months, would you still prefer sex over your favorite sports game / book / movie / whatever?

[ssandra]

Oh, and a question for all the guys:

Do you sometimes prefer masturbation over real sex, simply for the easiness of it? Less mess, less taking other person into consideration etc?

[Mounds]

Originally Posted by 180

Look at it this way, if men didn't think about sex... no way no how would we ever want a relationship with a woman beyond friendship. Women are sometimes good to talk to because they aren't competitive psychos like men. But if men didn't think about sex, They wouldn't ask women out on dates, be paying for dates, or more importantly acting pathetic.

We would, undoubtedly be hitting women, smacking women around, "putting them in their place" and not be putting up with a lot of the BS we take now. Can't tell you how many times I wanted to throw a psycho woman off a bus. If it was a man, I would have already done it.

But because we think of sex all the time. You have complete control over us. Good job.

I'm sorry 180 but after reading some of these posts, I'm not sure were living on the same planet, lol. Where do you get your information from?
Are you referring to a specific culture? My family is from Europe and so is my wife's side. Your theories are so alien to us that I honestly think you are talking about certain cultures.

[James81]

Originally Posted by ssandra

James, how does that constant thinking translate in action?

(if it's too personal, let me know)

I mean... if you are with a hot girl, I'm guessing for the first weeks you'd have sex whenever even remotely possible... but after a few months, would you still prefer sex over your favorite sports game / book / movie / whatever?

The desire waxes and wanes over the long term (for me at least). Sometimes, I wanna have sex all the time. Others, I really don't care if I get it or not.

When it's with the same person, if you do the same thing over and over again, it's going to get BOOOOORING, though. I think with enough variety (in regards to the same partner I mean), sex would probably never get boring.

Also, I discovered in my marriage that I didn't want to have sex with her. And that was because I was so stressed and down on LIFE, that I didn't FEEL like exerting the energy to have sex. So, I'd say if a guy isn't wanting sex with you, it's not always about YOU. (general "you")

Originally Posted by ssandra

Oh, and a question for all the guys:

Do you sometimes prefer masturbation over real sex, simply for the easiness of it? Less mess, less taking other person into consideration etc?

Absolutely.

Sometimes, to put it crudely, I just want to get the nut and be done. Nothing really compares to actually having sex, but pleasing yourself is a close enough second if you're tired or had a rough day or whatever.

[MidasGirl]

Originally Posted by James81

Also, I discovered in my marriage that I didn't want to have sex with her. And that was because I was so stressed and down on LIFE, that I didn't FEEL like exerting the energy to have sex. So, I'd say if a guy isn't wanting sex with you, it's not always about YOU. (general "you")

I think it was about her though, because the stress was related to the marriage, no? So in your perception she must have been the cause of the stress, I'd imagine. I suspect you didn't just not want to have sex, you just didn't want to have sex with her. Am I right?

Sometimes, to put it crudely, I just want to get the nut and be done. Nothing really compares to actually having sex, but pleasing yourself is a close enough second if you're tired or had a rough day or whatever.

I think most women though, as long as they are still sexually attracted to the guy, would never choose masturbation over making love to their man, regardless of how rough a day they had. In fact, the rougher the day, the more they'd want to feel closer to their man through love making. I don't mean to speak for all women, but I suspect it's that way for most.

The point I'm trying to make here is that, in a LT relationship, there's a very high chance that a woman wants to have sex a lot more than the man does.

[James81]

Originally Posted by MidasGirl

I think it was about her though, because the stress was related to the marriage, no? So in your perception she must have been the cause of the stress, I'd imagine. I suspect you didn't just not want to have sex, you just didn't want to have sex with her. Am I right?

At the time, yes. When I got out of the marriage, I was befuddled as to why the stress continued. Took a while to realize that my marriage sucked because of other areas in my life "sucking," and even longer to realize that those other areas of my life sucked because I chose to let them suck.

That being said, yeah, I just didn't want to have sex with her.

Originally Posted by MidasGirl

I think most women though, as long as they are still sexually attracted to the guy, would never choose masturbation over making love to their man, regardless of how rough a day they had. In fact, the rougher the day, the more they'd want to feel closer to their man through love making. I don't mean to speak for all women, but I suspect it's that way for most.

Yeah, that always befuddled me too. ("Befuddle" is a fun word.)

Originally Posted by MidasGirl

The point I'm trying to make here is that, in a LT relationship, there's a very high chance that a woman wants to have sex a lot more than the man does.

I'd agree with that. But I don't understand why you are making that point.

[MidasGirl]

LOL, sorry if I lost you. I'm making that point because this thread was born (in my head) from a comment 180 made in another thread, that women have less libido than men, and then he used the "men think about sex more than women" justification for it.

[James81]

Originally Posted by MidasGirl

LOL, sorry if I lost you. I'm making that point because this thread was born (in my head) from a comment 180 made in another thread, that women have less libido than men, and then he used the "men think about sex more than women" justification for it.

But I'm just one guy!

(But if you choose to make a generalization based on my comments, I'd prefer it if you used my name with a dash before it. Makes me seem more dashing. )

Example:

Beffudled is a funny word. --James81 (the 81 produces a rolling "S" sound...like a snake.)

[James81]

180 says that
women have less libido
we know it's not true

[gigij]

Originally Posted by James81

Took a while to realize that my marriage sucked because of other areas in my life "sucking,"

This is huge - and some people never realize it - so many get divorced and then can't understand why they are still unhappy. They haven't addressed the problem!
It's easy to look at your relationship as the source of your problems because it is right there every day staring you in the face.

Anyway - that's why I am still working on my marriage - well working on 'myself' inside of my marriage.

(Sorry - a little OT - but it stuck out for me.)

And as for the topic - I'm pretty sure I think about sex a lot more than my husband does - but as men are usually visual you can easily get them thinking about it so it isn't really a problem.

[SnerpGoodWord]

Originally Posted by Mounds

Anyway, the notion that men think about sex every 3 seconds (I've heard this as well) is hogwash. How would guys even function?
Truthfully, I think about my wife a couple times a day. Usually in the lulls. When I'm focusing on something else, sex does not cross my mind.

Agreed, this idea is nonsensical.

Men note attractive women, certainly, and if investigated I'm sure that attraction translates to "I would gladly have sex with someone that looked like her, at least in the abstract" although I doubt any guy thinks it out. But this doesn't happen every three seconds (or likely, 3 minutes). Maybe a few times a day for me depending on how many attractive women happen to be around.

I think about my partner fairly frequently, both when we're together and apart. Mostly that consists of fantasizing about fairly conventional sex. Again, this might happen a few times a day.

[Liz Caitlin]

Originally Posted by MidasGirl

I think most women though, as long as they are still sexually attracted to the guy, would never choose masturbation over making love to their man, regardless of how rough a day they had. In fact, the rougher the day, the more they'd want to feel closer to their man through love making. I don't mean to speak for all women, but I suspect it's that way for most.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. So not true for me! I mean, I'd want sex probably to calm down, but...when I'm really stressed out, I want a series of fast, easy, awesome orgasms, and nothing quite gets me there like doing it myself. And often when I'm stressed I want to be left alone for awhile, though later I'll come out and want to be close to my guy. It's both for me I think.

[Solipsist]

So much I want to respond to, here (though, I'm not sure why )

Originally Posted by MidasGirl

James, if you happen to have a hot girl around you all the time, that you can't have sex with, for example, a married hot girl at work, do you think about sex every time you see her? As in, if she's right next to you 10 hours a day, are you thinking about sex with her 10 hours a day?

Originally Posted by James81

Sometimes I think about baseball.

Seriously, I wouldn't say it's a constant thing, but yes it would be pretty frequent.

For a while at least. Even the most attractive woman becomes kinda "old hat" after a while. At first, it would be a constant thought, but the longer it goes, usually, the less you think about it, but you DO still think about it sometimes even after you're kinda "jaded" to it.

I know the question was for James, but I wanted to concur with James' response. A strong man will get over her 'hotness' soon enough, and see her for the person that she is. But, he will likely still keep her in the back of his mind, just in case.

Which goes back to what I said about sex being a natural 'drive' for men. Do women go through the same thing?

Originally Posted by James81

There's a funny little saying I've heard other guys say on the net before:

"With or without you, I'm having sex with YOU tonight."

Yup. I've said this myself, before.

Originally Posted by ssandra

Oh, and a question for all the guys:

Do you sometimes prefer masturbation over real sex, simply for the easiness of it? Less mess, less taking other person into consideration etc?

Not in my case, no. To me, masturbation is a necessity for when I can't get any sex.

Originally Posted by MidasGirl

I think most women though, as long as they are still sexually attracted to the guy, would never choose masturbation over making love to their man, regardless of how rough a day they had. In fact, the rougher the day, the more they'd want to feel closer to their man through love making. I don't mean to speak for all women, but I suspect it's that way for most.

The point I'm trying to make here is that, in a LT relationship, there's a very high chance that a woman wants to have sex a lot more than the man does.

Perhaps in a LT relationship, but such conditions depend on the people involved. Somebody always wants the other more, usually.

I suspect that maybe you just have a high libido, MG? (Not that there's anything wrong with that )

Originally Posted by James81

180 says that
women have less libido
we know it's not true

As a man, I'm siding with 180 on this one. And I don't usually take sides.

[rei]

Originally Posted by Solipsist

As a man, I'm siding with 180 on this one. And I don't usually take sides.

Depends on how you define libido, I think. Men have more testosterone on average, but women seem to enjoy a sensory, connecting experience more than the average man.

I think the experience tends to be the woman ends up wanting a more sensuous experience, ambiance, etc. (because we tend to be wired for this) and while this tends to be more common in the beginning it can end up less so as people get in a groove. At least in my experience guys tend to slack off in this area, want to rush, and then wonder why the girl is less into it. And that, in turn, may make his interest wane as well.

MG, your self-service comment, I would agree with Liz on this one. Sometimes I just want the guaranteed O as a stressbuster even if I'm into the guy.