Feel like I have something to hide when really I don't

[Susie]

Sometimes I dread social interaction with new groups of people because they're going to ask all kinds of questions, and for some reason I feel like I have something to hide, even though I've done nothing illegal or (particularly ) immoral.

Like for example when I'm with a group of people that are all Ivy Leaguers and I'm the only one who went to a state school. I did grow up with challenging life circumstances and just getting a university degree at all was an accomplishment. But now I feel like having "just" a state university degree makes people think I'm less than, like they'll doubt my intelligence, etc. I guess the problem is I get a lot of (I think visible) anxiety when that topic comes up, and I want to get over it because it's not like I can go back in the past and change which university I attended. This is just one example.

I even once had a (rather pesky) coworker tell me that I always act like I have something to hide. I guess there is something to be said for maintaining an aura of mystery , but I'm tired of feeling like I'm a closed person and just wish I could be more OPEN, darnit.

Maybe what it comes down to is learning to be proud of who I am, regardless of whether or not my life story or situation matches what I perceive to be ideal. But how to do that? Any advice?

[Akashic_Librarian]

Remember who you are. Remember from whenceyou came. That eternal place of peace and harmony. Know that in life you are here to accomplish something. Be yourself. But don't throw yourself onto people. If they think less of you because you went to a state school and not an Invy League school then you gotta ask yourself, are they really the sort of people you want to be around?

Don't be afraid to be who you are, but don't assume people want to know you. Never apologize, never explain. Your past is your own. You, and you alone, know what you are capable of and its up to others to find that out.

[Love]

Hi Susie. I feel for you. Who hasn't been thrust into that situation where you feel that you stick out in some way? The only way to deal with this is to build your self up. I actually had a strange dream last night, about a blue man, but I kept hearing/sensing over and over SELF-DEFINITION. As in, you define yourself and don't let other people. I know it's easy enough to say, but how do you do it? Currently I'm trying some NLP techniques; making other people's voices seem quieter, etc. I figure there are a variety of tricks that will help you to feel more confident about your achievements. For me, I tried to imagine getting great recognition for the work that I do. I thought of a museum, with a giant painting displayed, with the artist's name duely credited. I'm not an artist or anything, but that was a good image for my mind of success, especially because it seems many artists don't get recognition for work they do until many years later, but they do eventually get it. So now when I want some credit for something I'm doing, I imagine a representation of whatever I'm doing on a huge giant painting in a museum, with my name printed beside, and that helps. However, I'm definitely still working on this issue, and I bet a lot of other people are too. But if there's one thing I feel confident about, is that we can win in the end. Good luck!

[Susie]

Thanks for your replies. I've been thinking about this more today and I keep telling myself, if someone doesn't like something about me or chooses to be judgemental, that's their problem, not mine. I can enjoy my life and be proud of my personal history and like one of you said, I shouldn't feel a need to apologize or explain. I am who I am, if you have a problem with it, that's of no concern to me. I need to keep repeating that as a mantra, though. :-)

[mattsonn]

Originally Posted by Susie

Sometimes I dread social interaction with new groups of people because they're going to ask all kinds of questions, and for some reason I feel like I have something to hide, even though I've done nothing illegal or (particularly ) immoral.

Like for example when I'm with a group of people that are all Ivy Leaguers and I'm the only one who went to a state school. I did grow up with challenging life circumstances and just getting a university degree at all was an accomplishment. But now I feel like having "just" a state university degree makes people think I'm less than, like they'll doubt my intelligence, etc. I guess the problem is I get a lot of (I think visible) anxiety when that topic comes up, and I want to get over it because it's not like I can go back in the past and change which university I attended. This is just one example.

I even once had a (rather pesky) coworker tell me that I always act like I have something to hide. I guess there is something to be said for maintaining an aura of mystery , but I'm tired of feeling like I'm a closed person and just wish I could be more OPEN, darnit.

Maybe what it comes down to is learning to be proud of who I am, regardless of whether or not my life story or situation matches what I perceive to be ideal. But how to do that? Any advice?

When you're talking to others in a group, do you make yourself smile or force interest even when you don't feel like it? Just a random question, but there might be a connection.

And btw, I think you arrived at the right solution already. And remember that state schools are way more fun!