Question for ladies (sex)

[moviestar]

What would a man have to do, where and how, and what kind of man would he have to be (looks, character) for you to agree to have casual sex with him? Meaning you would know that it will be casual and nothing more.

Please be honest. I know you have rules, but they all can be bent if you meet the perfect guy or the circumstances are just right (like nobody will know about you having sex with him). That's what I'm interested in.

[Angela]

Now that's an attention-getting thread title!

[joelyle]

has this to do with personal development? hmmm? please cc: me on all replies

[annie]

Originally Posted by moviestar

I know you have rules, but they all can be bent if you meet the perfect guy or the circumstances are just right (like nobody will know about you having sex with him). That's what I'm interested in.

That's quite a big assumption.

For me to have sex with the perfect guy.......the circumstances would have to be that we were married. Really old fashioned I know...but I thought I'd just throw a wrench into the assumption that all the rules can be bent if I meet the perfect guy.

And the perfect guy would have to have that same value, and basically have the same beliefs that I do. And after that the list gets quite long.

(I considered making that list, but it doesn't matter....because I know this isn't what you're looking for. But from someone who's been married for 25 years....when I was committed to that person (married) was when I had sex with him. And for 25 years, neither of us has had to wonder when the next time we'd get laid was and by who....it was a given.

It's an old-fashioned plan that still has a lot of merit.

[kgiuliani]

How old are you?

I'm asking because I'm a 45 year old women who until recently was only interested in casual sex with younger men.

I got the point in my life where I was divorced, had kids (so not a lot of time for dating), had a house and enough money to support myself. I really didn't want the whole relationship thing so I played around with younger men - my youngest lover was 22.

You might want to try an older divorced woman.

Good luck!

[smartchicme]

I'd have to be very unkind to myself, drunk and swept off my feet. Or in love, but then it wouldn't be casual, would it? Sorry, to have a man enter my body would require more than good sex... in order to enjoy it, be turned on I'd have to be attached in some way, not casual.

[Susie]

I'm married now so this doesn't apply to me at this time, but in the past if it was going to be casual sex and nothing more the guy would have to be very good looking, very good in bed, respectful, but with basically nothing (else ) in common with me so it was clear there was no future. So basically make an effort to be really good in bed, but outside of the bedroom be boring. Choose someone you have little in common with outside of physical attraction.

[bellbird]

Hahaha. I've got a partner I adore soooo the question doesn't apply to me. However, I am a woman so therefor I can say that the hot and steamy would apply (definitely) if I was still single and that I would also have to know a wee bit about the guy, meaning I would have to trust him up to some point and like him naturally. Otherwise no go. Do these answers help you at all with your 'research', question, woman PD thingybob? O yes, and safe sex (of course, doh.)

[Angela]

-- I'm getting married tomorrow, have serious doubts and unconsciously wish to resist; you are a fabulous hunk of man I meet at the all-night restaurant where I'm talking it over with my best friend. You have a pal for my friend, too.

-- The above scenario, except I'm just pretending about getting married tomorrow.

-- You're Gene Wilder.

-- I'm alone on vacation on a tropical island, where you are working with Doctors Without Borders to provide medical care to underprivileged kids. You are extremely adept with your fingers.

-- there has been some kind of disaster which has ignited that desparate horniness that can affect entire populations (remember the baby boom nine months after 9/11?) You have laid in (so to speak) a generous supply of emergency goods and pinot noir. You are a very good cook.

That's about all the scenarios I can think of right now that would do it.

[annie]

Originally Posted by Angela

-- I'm getting married tomorrow, have serious doubts and unconsciously wish to resist; you are a fabulous hunk of man I meet at the all-night restaurant where I'm talking it over with my best friend. You have a pal for my friend, too.

-- The above scenario, except I'm just pretending about getting married tomorrow.

-- You're Gene Wilder.

-- I'm alone on vacation on a tropical island, where you are working with Doctors Without Borders to provide medical care to underprivileged kids. You are extremely adept with your fingers.

-- there has been some kind of disaster which has ignited that desparate horniness that can affect entire populations (remember the baby boom nine moths after 9/11?) You have laid in (so to speak) a generous supply of emergency goods and pinot noir. You are a very good cook.

That's about all the scenarios I can think of right now that would do it.

Okay...seriously LOL (not as an expression, but really, I laughed)

Gene Wilder?? what movie makes you want to lay him? (I really want a reply )

I second the tropical island scenario()....so moviestar...better go to Med school

[Angela]

Gene Wilder was my masculine ideal of beauty way back before all that speeding train crap, and before Danger Man of course. When he married Gilda Radner, my whole world fell apart, because I felt she was the only woman I could never even begin to compete with.

At this point he's probably pretty rickety, but I'd probably do him anyway, for nostalgia's sake.

If you're not Gene Wilder, being Daniel Craig (the new 007) would be fine.

[Baltar]

Originally Posted by Angela

Gene Wilder was my masculine ideal of beauty way back before all that speeding train crap, and before Danger Man of course.

First thing that came to mind when I saw "Gene Wilder" was Willy Wonka. And I was like "wow, what a kinky woman!"

[Elenny]

eeeeeewwwwww

[Michael Chui]

I didn't see how this thread could possibly degenerate. Now I know.

[moviestar]

Now I knew this thread would be a bit controversial but I didn't expect this. Gene Wilder?? This one with the mustache http://www.comedy-zone.net/images/pe...ilder-gene.jpg ?
This is very interesting. Could we follow this path more, I want to know more why Gene Wilder .

Thanks for all the replies. I'll sum up to this point but please give more. So an ideal man to have casual sex with is:

- a medical student, doctor or someone good with his hands
- very good looking
- trustworthy
- boring
- Gene Wilder

anything else?

What about these fantasy scenarios from porn movies. Like you're home alone and a handsome guy named Sancho comes to your house to fix your sink. I was always curious. Is this a male fantasy or a female fantasy?

[bellbird]

Who said boring??? NOOOOOO WAAYYYYYYY okay
Good looking yes yes ofcourse (again: doh!)
The guy to fix the sink?? Pa-leazzz not for me. Come on! get 'real' (haha)
I just thought of something really sad, I would have to get wobbly knees. Honestly! (I know I know oh my God can't-believe-I-typed-that.....) And porn is so like:

eeeeeewwwwww

Not doing it... ok? Erotic stuff fine, but porno-ish fantasies? pa-leaz no. Well sorry, but I would like something a bit more tasteful eventhough it ends up in (as they say) wonderful shagging anyhow
Does that help you in any way?

[C33]

Honesty( I would like to know this is casual sex, beforehand and no married/ in a relationship man), safe and clean,not necessarily good looks but sensuality, sexually proficient, respectful, kind, gallant, and younger.

[moviestar]

Oh, someone wrote that he would have to be good in bed. But how do you know that before having sex with him? Is there a way you can sense that he will be good in bed?

[bellbird]

Damn right; you wouldn't have a clue before hand! You might get an idea of it but still.... could be a major bummer instead! hahaha how funny to be discussing these things.

[Baltar]

Originally Posted by moviestar

Oh, someone wrote that he would have to be good in bed. But how do you know that before having sex with him? Is there a way you can sense that he will be good in bed?

Ask for references and call them up?

[moviestar]

Originally Posted by Baltar

Ask for references and call them up?

Lol, exactly . That's not a bad idea. What if your best friend said that she knows this unbelievable guy, and you are guaranteed 1 orgasm. Would you meet him?

[Angela]

That wouldn't do it. We can get an orgasm from anybody, or nobody. Our new cfb would have to provide something richer than that!

[Michael Chui]

Originally Posted by Angela

That wouldn't do it. We can get an orgasm from anybody, or nobody. Our new cfb would have to provide something richer than that!

In other words, start at 5 and work up. Practice.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Michael Chui

In other words, start at 5 and work up. Practice.

50's my personal record. It's not numbers were looking for, it's something smoother, sweeter and hotter.

[Alvin]

Originally Posted by Angela

50's my personal record. It's not numbers were looking for, it's something smoother, sweeter and hotter.

Ooh. I wanna be a woman in my next life

[Susie]

Guy fixing the sink: no

I guess the reason I said the guy should be boring outside of the bedroom is that if you want to only have casual sex with a woman without her wanting a more serious relationship-- I think you have to be missing something that would make her WANT a serious relationship with you. I had a few hot but no-strings things going on in my early 20's and they worked for me because they were great physically but I knew there was no future and so didn't get emotionally invested. I was happy with it just as it was, at least until I met someone that I could connect with on all levels. But each of those scenarious DID start out in kind of typical dating scenario, it certainly wasn't with the plumber who was fixing the toilet. Oh, but more than one of them were musicians that I met when I saw their bands play. Can you play an instrument or sing?

As far as how you know if they're good in bed...someone can be sexy and seductive which might make you think you could be in for a very good time. But if you're going to continue the casual relationship, knowing there is no future, you need to be getting SOMETHING out of it, hence the good in bed thing.

[renie408]

Originally Posted by moviestar

What would a man have to do, where and how, and what kind of man would he have to be (looks, character) for you to agree to have casual sex with him? Meaning you would know that it will be casual and nothing more.

Please be honest. I know you have rules, but they all can be bent if you meet the perfect guy or the circumstances are just right (like nobody will know about you having sex with him). That's what I'm interested in.

I don't think I have EVER been someone who would have casual sex with anybody. Right now I am the most married peson alive, so the only person I have casual sex with I am married to. For whatever reason, sex has always been important to me. I feel (don't laugh. I am not trying to be corny or old fashioned, I just am) that sex represents the spiritual union of man and woman to make a whole. Sort of a marrying of yin and yang thing. It has just never felt casual to me.

BTW...I wanted to add that I never judge anybody else for having casual sex. I have friends who have happy and healthy single sex lives where they meet guys, have fun and casual sex with them for a few weeks and happily move on. They have a very 'no harm, no foul' feeling about the whole thing and even I think it is normal and healthy. Just not for me.

[moviestar]

I don't think I have EVER been someone who would have casual sex with anybody. Right now I am the most married peson alive, so the only person I have casual sex with I am married to.

Yeah but we're talking here about an ideal situation. There might be something that would make you do it. Maybe 5 minutes before the end of the world or something like that?

I guess the reason I said the guy should be boring outside of the bedroom is that if you want to only have casual sex with a woman without her wanting a more serious relationship-- I think you have to be missing something that would make her WANT a serious relationship with you. I had a few hot but no-strings things going on in my early 20's and they worked for me because they were great physically but I knew there was no future and so didn't get emotionally invested. I was happy with it just as it was, at least until I met someone that I could connect with on all levels. But each of those scenarious DID start out in kind of typical dating scenario, it certainly wasn't with the plumber who was fixing the toilet. Oh, but more than one of them were musicians that I met when I saw their bands play. Can you play an instrument or sing?

Sure I play the guitar. I am also unbelievably good looking and I would bore you to death .

[Angela]

Originally Posted by moviestar

Maybe 5 minutes before the end of the world or something like that?

Oh, boy. If I had a nickel for every time a guy used the old "the world is going to end in five minutes" line on me....

[renie408]

Originally Posted by moviestar

Yeah but we're talking here about an ideal situation. There might be something that would make you do it. Maybe 5 minutes before the end of the world or something like that?

I don't think so. I hate to sound prudish, but I don't think casual sex would be ideal. Don't get me wrong. I like sex. I just don't think I would want to do it for the hell of it. I think maybe it is social conditioning. I was raised by conservative parents in a conservative community. I can't think WHY you would want to have sex with someone you don't genuinely care about emotionally.