Dads are Parents too!!!

[Elrond]

Originally Posted by rei

Isn't it patriarchal to work from the bias that women are better caregivers for children? Men work, women bear and raise kids - isn't that rather patriarchal?

Patriarchy is the social system in which the father or the eldest male, has authority over the women and children, and is the head of the household.

Before 1813, it was a legal principle in America that the father had the right to the children in case of a divorce, no matter what the cause of the divorce was. I think that the practice of "men work, women bear and raise kids" was in effect back then too. But children were still thought of as the property of the father.

[James81]

Originally Posted by LockedHeart

Point taken and agreed with completely!!! Understand that I am not in a woe is me attitude. My anger is properly placed and directed in a manner to benifit the situation. I so much want to start an activist organization to help fathers in similar situations and to create a united voice to be heard by courts and lawmakers nationwide. I dont know how to do that, YET!!!

ok while typing this, I made a first step in creating a united voice. My facebook page now has a group attached to it. Feel free to visit it and make any suggestions you think would be apropriate:
Dads are parents too | Facebook

Congratulations! Glad to see you take the first steps towards a different approach.

Do you think that there is a more effective feeling than anger (even anger directed towards what you feel are more beneficial sources)? What I mean is, using anger as your fuel (even if it's toward the "right" people) will have a big effect on how you view the situation and your outlook.

What if you were to let go of your anger and try something else? Something that gives you a little more freedom to move around and to be at cause for your emotional state (instead of driven by it)?

[LockedHeart]

Originally Posted by ssandra

I truly do believe that a lot would be solved if children (no matter what age) would be appointed a lawyer by the court who only works in their (the childrens) best interest.

Is a lawyer what the children really need? Maybe the court system should appoint a family counselor which any party in the family can contact at anytime to gain advice and /or counselling. And which will be there to help the children cope with the emotional damage caused by divorce. The counselor could also make recomendations to the court based on facts given by all parties involved.

Currently, in most states, there are classes that divorcing parents must complete. What a joke these classes are. I recently attended one. About 2 hrs long. WTH? And no followup to be certain that parents are doing what is best for the children.

And yes there are dead-beat dads out there! Far too many of them!!! I have a bitterness towards any parent, male or female, who do not take the utmost care to ensure the emotional and physical well-being of innocent children!!! I call them a waste of perfectly good air!!!

[ssandra]

Originally Posted by LockedHeart

Is a lawyer what the children really need?

I think someone who is only out for the best interest of the child is what a child needs. In a perfect world that would be the parent, but unfortunately, that is usually not the case.

Maybe the court system should appoint a family counselor which any party in the family can contact at anytime to gain advice and /or counselling. And which will be there to help the children cope with the emotional damage caused by divorce. The counselor could also make recomendations to the court based on facts given by all parties involved.

Sure, a counselor would work as well. But a counselor would still work for the best of the family, leaving the children without someone to fight for them.

And yes there are dead-beat dads out there! Far too many of them!!! I have a bitterness towards any parent, male or female, who do not take the utmost care to ensure the emotional and physical well-being of innocent children!!! I call them a waste of perfectly good air!!!

Did you read the article?

Because it is not about dead beat dads, it is about dads like you. Who want the best for their children yet are not allowed because of the court rules and the moms.

[secrets0stolen]

Originally Posted by Elrond

Patriarchy is the social system in which the father or the eldest male, has authority over the women and children, and is the head of the household.

Before 1813, it was a legal principle in America that the father had the right to the children in case of a divorce, no matter what the cause of the divorce was. I think that the practice of "men work, women bear and raise kids" was in effect back then too. But children were still thought of as the property of the father.

I have an issue with children being thought of as property period, whether it's the mom or dad that "owns" them.

[LockedHeart]

Originally Posted by ssandra

I think someone who is only out for the best interest of the child is what a child needs. In a perfect world that would be the parent, but unfortunately, that is usually not the case.



Sure, a counselor would work as well. But a counselor would still work for the best of the family, leaving the children without someone to fight for them.




Did you read the article?

Because it is not about dead beat dads, it is about dads like you. Who want the best for their children yet are not allowed because of the court rules and the moms.

Yes , I know this is about the good dads. I was responding to someone else in my statements about dead beat dads. I am new here and do not know how to quote differents parts like you did here.

The reason for the counsellor IS for the benifit of the children. Not for mom and dad to fuss about one anothers faults. The sole purpose of the counselor would be that all parties get to be truely heard and investigated to the end that the children's rights and well being are truely what is being protected by the court. After all, isnt that what the purpose of custody hearings are, to do what is in the best interest of the children? If both parents are accountable to someone in regards to the well being of the children, then courts can make a more informed decision when placing custody. Also, a counselor would give the children someone to turn to when there is a problem with either parent.

Naturally, I do not have all the details worked but somehow, the children need someone there for them. Fact is, lawyers can twist anything around to make one person or the other look better in a short custody hearing but an investigation over a period of time by someone specifically trained to look out for the best interest of the children, then the facts presented to the court
would definately be better for the children in the long term.