How can I deal with my strict husband?

[purgatory]

Hi there,

I've married less than 5 months and from the first day I encountered my husband's strange, negative, skeptic, and above all strict ideas about me and life. On the day of marriage he asked me not to shape my eyebrows!!! I guess even tribal girls in far-fetched villages in the world do shape their eyebrows. when i did that, he started a series of horrible arguments, and after my eyebrows grew normally like girlhood, he didnt let me do that again. he even doesnt let me remove my unwanted facial hairs, which i suppose all women remove them. my relatives, family members and friends started making fun of me and the man i chose as husband, and i dont dare facing anyone due to the fact that i'm not living as a married woman would live!! i feel shy being in public and i escape being with my family, relatives and friends. my self-confidence was destroyed badly during married life. I also dont have the right to work, nor the right to continue my studies since my husband thinks it will prevent me doing my wife duties in house. I cannot also go out of house when he is not at home, it's a long time i'm (in a sense) locked at home, and i feel being humiliated. i really need practical advices and solutions rather than your sympathies. for some strange reasons i still love him, but his skepticism, negativism, and his strictness is torturing me in a way. please in need of quick, useful, practical and positive answers from all of you.

thanks to all

[ZephyrusX]

Have you spoken to your husband and tried to set up clear boundaries? If you don’t make it very clear that there are strict boundaries in your life (I.E that you want to take your studies or work or shape your eyebrows regardless of what he thinks), he’ll continue to make decisions for you. I get that you still love him. But loving a person doesn’t give them the right to make major life changing decisions for you. I personally wouldn’t argue the point with him. Just state that you have the right to make major decisions on your own and that he has to learn to accept it.

Also, has his behaviour changed recently? Is it possible that he is going through some ‘crisis’ that is making him act negatively when he is with you? I’m assuming that your relationship was good before the marriage so why the change in behaviour?

I cannot also go out of house when he is not at home, it's a long time i'm (in a sense) locked at home, and i feel being humiliated.

This is what worried me the most. Do you have any contact with friends or family so that you can get emotional support and advice ‘in real life’? Have you spoken to them about this? I remember you said something about being humiliated when around family and friends, but if you are going through a difficult time, I don't think it is a good idea to isolate your self.

[pinky3]

Originally Posted by purgatory

Hi there,

I've married less than 5 months and from the first day I encountered my husband's strange, negative, skeptic, and above all strict ideas about me and life. On the day of marriage he asked me not to shape my eyebrows!!! I guess even tribal girls in far-fetched villages in the world do shape their eyebrows. when i did that, he started a series of horrible arguments, and after my eyebrows grew normally like girlhood, he didnt let me do that again. he even doesnt let me remove my unwanted facial hairs, which i suppose all women remove them. my relatives, family members and friends started making fun of me and the man i chose as husband, and i dont dare facing anyone due to the fact that i'm not living as a married woman would live!! i feel shy being in public and i escape being with my family, relatives and friends. my self-confidence was destroyed badly during married life. I also dont have the right to work, nor the right to continue my studies since my husband thinks it will prevent me doing my wife duties in house. I cannot also go out of house when he is not at home, it's a long time i'm (in a sense) locked at home, and i feel being humiliated. i really need practical advices and solutions rather than your sympathies. for some strange reasons i still love him, but his skepticism, negativism, and his strictness is torturing me in a way. please in need of quick, useful, practical and positive answers from all of you.

thanks to all

The only way someone can "control" you or your actions is if you allow them to. I don't mean that this is your fault in the negative sense but have you ever wondered what would happen if you just did what YOU want to do?
I would suggest explaining these things to him and asking him his reason behind all these decisions that he's making for you. Is there some way you could explain to him why you want to do certain things??

What would he do if you did shape your eyebrows?? Have you ever gone against what he wants you to do? I'm also wondering if you ever have any rules for him? Or does he just have rules for you??

[metamorph]

How long have you known him before marriage?

Where do you live (Islamic country?)?

If he has changed significantly and suddenly after marriage, I would consider this a deal breaker or deceit....

[MidasGirl]

Originally Posted by purgatory

i really need practical advices and solutions rather than your sympathies. for some strange reasons i still love him, but his skepticism, negativism, and his strictness is torturing me in a way. please in need of quick, useful, practical and positive answers from all of you.

thanks to all

Where you live (plus cultural implications of this sort of thing) is going to determine if we can give you useful practical advice.

If I were you (and you're not me so I'm not saying you have to do this) I would quickly get out of a marriage situation like this. This isn't going to get better. This is this man's character. I'm sure some people are less cynical than me though, and they'll tell you to talk to him, communicate, love him more, do this or that.

I'm one of the most optimistic people I know, but I can spot a hopeless situation from many miles away.

He sounds like a pathological control freak. If I were you, I'd get out now before it becomes impossible especially as it gets complicated by children and what not.

All the best.

[joyfulgrowth]

Originally Posted by MidasGirl

Where you live (plus cultural implications of this sort of thing) is going to determine if we can give you useful practical advice. (

Agree. Would you be willing to give us some hint in which region you live - US, Europe, Middle East, India, Asia...?

From what you write in the other thread, it seems like your husband's strict ideas also have to do with his spiritual views, which don't seem to be shared by the other people in your area, right?

I'm locked at home, I need a job which I can do at home

[joyfulgrowth]

I wonder if you could find a personal coach who could work with you via telephone/skype?

My guess is that you could greatly benefit from having someone support you on a regular basis.