Alone

[RedRain]

You guys help me, telling me about repression and everything. I always knew about the concept of repression, but never really thought it was so applicable to myself.

Whadyall think about feeling alone? Does anyone know what it's about? I feel so separate from everyone.

I guess I'm conditioned by my society to think that neediness and clinginess are terrible things. A lot of people, or some people get scared if you want to be around them.

When they get scared, they leave, which is exactly what I don't want and so I learn to try and not want company and yet I still want it so much.

I'm afraid of you. I don't understand.

I think writing this helped me to see that I was scared of scaring people away. I'll try not to be so afraid and maybe I won't be so alone.

[James81]

I wrote the book on being alone. Starting at around age 13 up until around 18, I was a recluse...coming out of hiding only to go to school or to perform my obligations. I managed to make a few friends in my Senior year of high school and we did a lot of fun stuff that year, but once we graduated they all dispersed and I found myself back where I was for a stint.

then, my ex-wife came into the picture, but even though we were together, I still felt very much alone...and I projected everything I was feeling onto her to the point where she just couldn't take it anymore...and left.

And then, I went through another bout of reclusiveness. I've always wanted to hole up away from people (to protect them from who I was, and to protect myself from them)....and then simultaneously I wanted to be "normal", to interact with people, to have friends...it was such a conflict. Because there was a part of me that just wanted to hide myself from the world (because I was ashamed), and another part of me that was so social and outgoing and craved that interaction and connection with people.

Finally, in the past year, I've made some friends again and got out of the house. At some points, it's actually where I'm only at home to sleep sometimes.

The biggest thing that helped me was to start examining my beliefs about myself. When I finally took on the courage to stop blaming the world and start taking responsibility for my beliefs, it sort of snowballed into this huge "aha" realization about myself.

The biggest realization was that I wasn't so different from people. I thought I was so different and unique and weird and that most people were boring sheep...normal and mediocre. Realizing that I am not so different from people helps me make a connection...and it also helps me to not judge them. Because in judging them, I'm actually judging myself. (the same judgment with which you mete, shall be meted unto you )

My question to you is...are you willing to take a look at what you believe about yourself?

[brendannz]

Originally Posted by James81

The biggest realization was that I wasn't so different from people. I thought I was so different and unique and weird and that most people were boring sheep...normal and mediocre. Realizing that I am not so different from people helps me make a connection...and it also helps me to not judge them. Because in judging them, I'm actually judging myself. (the same judgment with which you mete, shall be meted unto you )

Weird, I had to reach that realisation as well, I wish I reached it earlier, really..

[Criseyde]

*hugs you*

[Angela]

RedRain, I think you would get a lot of value out of doing the Landmark Forum and the Advanced Course. I think participating in those courses would give you a LOT of freedom, and also new choice, opportunity and effectiveness in all the areas you've been writing about here in the forums.

[ssandra]

I felt separated from everybody, and disconnected from everybody because I held a belief about myself that wasn't helping me.

While I am being that belief, I will continue to feel separated.

To be able to connect with others, you have to first truly 100% accept yourself. When you do that and you can choose a non-conflicting belief about yourself, you will not need the acceptance of others anymore.

And when that happens, when you don't need others anymore, you see that they come into your life willingly. And that you can accept them in your life, out of choice and want, instead of need.



Do you feel that you are responsible for all your emotions and thoughts? Do people make you feel things, or do you choose to feel things based on other peoples actions and words?

[RedRain]

Originally Posted by Angela

RedRain, I think you would get a lot of value out of doing the Landmark Forum and the Advanced Course. I think participating in those courses would give you a LOT of freedom, and also new choice, opportunity and effectiveness in all the areas you've been writing about here in the forums.

I don't have any money.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by RedRain

I don't have any money.

Yes, I understand. All the more reason why I think it you would highly benefit!

(I said the same thing before I did it, among other very good reasons. I was the Queen of Reasons!)

[James81]

Originally Posted by RedRain

I don't have any money.

You should do Landmark
I don't have any money
L-O-L! that sucks!

[Angela]

Originally Posted by James81

You should do Landmark
I don't have any money
L-O-L! that sucks!

I didn't *should,* James
Please don't put words in my mouth!
Or do, if you choose.

[RedRain]

Originally Posted by James81

The biggest realization was that I wasn't so different from people. I thought I was so different and unique and weird and that most people were boring sheep...normal and mediocre. Realizing that I am not so different from people helps me make a connection...and it also helps me to not judge them. Because in judging them, I'm actually judging myself. (the same judgment with which you mete, shall be meted unto you )

My question to you is...are you willing to take a look at what you believe about yourself?

Sooo, this hits on some things in me. I feel like what separates me the most from other people is what I believe about religion.

There's only like 20,000 people in my religion world wide and the ones I do interact with seem strange to me.

I wonder if I have to not hold on to any beliefs to feel connected. I don't think I'm ready to do that.

Well, actually.

I'm not even sure why I'm posting these posts. They seem so permanent, but I have already changed in the process of writing it.

I don't know who I'd be if I did what is in front of me. I don't know if I'd write posts anymore. I don't want to disappear.

[James81]

Originally Posted by Angela

I didn't *should,* James
Please don't put words in my mouth!
Or do, if you choose.

*Should* is the new "choose"
transform your perspective now
or don't, i don't care.

[secrets0stolen]

Originally Posted by Angela

I didn't *should,* James
Please don't put words in my mouth!
Or do, if you choose.

It's a haiku war
But it is all in good fun
Don't take it wrong, Red!

[AlmostGodess]

Originally Posted by Angela

RedRain, I think you would get a lot of value out of doing the Landmark Forum and the Advanced Course. I think participating in those courses would give you a LOT of freedom, and also new choice, opportunity and effectiveness in all the areas you've been writing about here in the forums.

What is the Landmark and the Advanced Course? Is it possible to do it in Europe?
I am quite new, so sorry if I am asking an obvious question

[Angela]

Originally Posted by James81

*Should* is the new "choose"
transform your perspective now
or don't, i don't care.

To get great results
Take responsibility
One hundred percent.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by AlmostGodess

What is the Landmark and the Advanced Course? Is it possible to do it in Europe?
I am quite new, so sorry if I am asking an obvious question

Landmark Education: The Landmark Forum, Landmark Education seminars, courses, and programs for Landmark Forum graduates

Yes, they have it in Europe.

By the way, welcome, AlreadyGoddess!

[James81]

Originally Posted by RedRain

Sooo, this hits on some things in me. I feel like what separates me the most from other people is what I believe about religion.

There's only like 20,000 people in my religion world wide and the ones I do interact with seem strange to me.

I wonder if I have to not hold on to any beliefs to feel connected. I don't think I'm ready to do that.

Well, actually.

I'm not even sure why I'm posting these posts. They seem so permanent, but I have already changed in the process of writing it.

I don't know who I'd be if I did what is in front of me. I don't know if I'd write posts anymore. I don't want to disappear.

It's actually kind of funny that you mention holding onto any beliefs to feel connected and not feeling ready to do that. I was just thinking about what it might be like to "let go" of my belief in "God" for a brief space just to see what it might be like. Then, the very thought of that scared the ever-loving bejebus out of me. LOL

So, yeah, I get the conflict that comes with releasing beliefs in regards to religion.

It IS nice to see you open up a bit more. It's kind of amazing how just typing it out can change you. I've noticed that myself.

what do you mean, though, about not wanting to disappear?

[AlmostGodess]

Originally Posted by Angela

Landmark Education: The Landmark Forum, Landmark Education seminars, courses, and programs for Landmark Forum graduates

Yes, they have it in Europe.

By the way, welcome, AlreadyGoddess!

Thanks a lot, Angela! I will definitely do it!

[RedRain]

Originally Posted by James81

It's actually kind of funny that you mention holding onto any beliefs to feel connected and not feeling ready to do that. I was just thinking about what it might be like to "let go" of my belief in "God" for a brief space just to see what it might be like. Then, the very thought of that scared the ever-loving bejebus out of me. LOL

So, yeah, I get the conflict that comes with releasing beliefs in regards to religion.

It IS nice to see you open up a bit more. It's kind of amazing how just typing it out can change you. I've noticed that myself.

what do you mean, though, about not wanting to disappear?

i guess in general, i feel like if i stop thinking i need things, i won't do anything anymore, at least i'll be acting for completely different reasons. scary scary scary

[ssandra]

Originally Posted by RedRain

i guess in general, i feel like if i stop thinking i need things, i won't do anything anymore, at least i'll be acting for completely different reasons. scary scary scary

Stopping to need things doesn't mean you don't want them anymore. That's where the difference is.

I still want a LOT of things, but I don't need them anymore. It gives an enormous amount of freedom...

[James81]

Originally Posted by RedRain

i guess in general, i feel like if i stop thinking i need things, i won't do anything anymore, at least i'll be acting for completely different reasons. scary scary scary

Deja Vu moment right here. I don't know why, but I thought I'd mention it.

Anyway....

Then again, you are doing stuff right now and it's obviously not working the way you want it to, or else you'd be happier, no?

So, I think that leaves you with a choice...you can continue to do what you've always done...and get what you are getting now. (Can you live with that?) And feel safe in knowing that you can manage the pain you feel at some points, even though it consumes you at others.

Or, you can choose to try out a new perspective and see what happens.

You mentioned how writing this stuff feels permanent. The thing about changing perspectives is that you don't *have* to keep the perspective you switch to. You can have your old one back whenever you'd like, fully knowing that you're going to get what you've always gotten. But on the flip side, choosing a new perspective might very well be more effective for you, even though the thought of it is scary.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by AlmostGodess

Thanks a lot, Angela! I will definitely do it!

That's wonderful! I hope you'll let me know how it goes! You'll be given the opportunity to call people and share what's going on and invite them to do it -- it's both their self-marketing AND an excellent thing to do for yourself, even if you choose not to invite anyone. I'd love to make myself available to you as a go-to person that you can call and share with, without feeling like you have to invite me!

RedRain, one of the reasons I think that participating in Landmark -- or CGW -- would be great for you is that I think that you tend to want to work things through on your own, and I suspect that it's your self-beliefs that have you doing that -- and it's those very beliefs that have you staying put in the alone perspective and feeling.

Participating in Landmark would put you into a group of people in whom you could see yourself reflected, and vice-versa. It's often much easier to see what's going on in your own head by seeing it in others, and Landmark, and I think, CGW, although I haven't been to that one, is a very safe place to do that -- to be safely on your own, but also in a place where you can observe and absorb and get learnings. That's in the Forum, where you don't have to ever share anything publicly or raise your hand and talk, if you don't want to (although doing so can be SO great -- you get one-on-one coaching from one of the most personally powerful people you'll ever meet. But success in the course doesn't require that.)

My point is that it will take something of you to have a breakthrough in this area -- maybe not Landmark or CGW, but actually being at cause in the matter of having a shift for yourself. Moving your feet in the direction of where you want to go. If you want to feel connected and related, my opinion is that it's more effective to do something where there are people around.

[RedRain]

Originally Posted by James81

Deja Vu moment right here. I don't know why, but I thought I'd mention it.

Anyway....

Then again, you are doing stuff right now and it's obviously not working the way you want it to, or else you'd be happier, no?

So, I think that leaves you with a choice...you can continue to do what you've always done...and get what you are getting now. (Can you live with that?) And feel safe in knowing that you can manage the pain you feel at some points, even though it consumes you at others.

Or, you can choose to try out a new perspective and see what happens.

You mentioned how writing this stuff feels permanent. The thing about changing perspectives is that you don't *have* to keep the perspective you switch to. You can have your old one back whenever you'd like, fully knowing that you're going to get what you've always gotten. But on the flip side, choosing a new perspective might very well be more effective for you, even though the thought of it is scary.

Once I've seen the other side there's no going back. Once it isn't unknown, it's known. The unknowing separates me.

[James81]

Originally Posted by RedRain

Once I've seen the other side there's no going back. Once it isn't unknown, it's known. The unknowing separates me.

Yeah, I do this with my bank account all the time. I spend and spend and spend, and don't look at my balance. And the more I think about how I need to go look at my balance, the more it intimidates me. So, I bury my head in the sand, and sometimes it works out, sometimes I get burnt by it.

The thing is, my not knowing what my balance is, doesn't change the fact that it's changing. My not knowing what the balance is doesn't stop me from spending too much.

Not knowing just leaves me in a state of tension. And a state of fear. I'm so afraid of checking the balance because I'm afraid I spent too much.

But the fear is really just an illusion. In fact, it's part of the problem. If I knew my balance all the time, I'd know when I can spend money and when i couldn't. Which, then, gives me more power...and stops me from draining my account or putting me in a hole.

The problems only come when I remain willfully ignorant of my balance.

[AlmostGodess]

Originally Posted by Angela

That's wonderful! I hope you'll let me know how it goes! You'll be given the opportunity to call people and share what's going on and invite them to do it -- it's both their self-marketing AND an excellent thing to do for yourself, even if you choose not to invite anyone. I'd love to make myself available to you as a go-to person that you can call and share with, without feeling like you have to invite me!

Sounds wonderful! I'll take up the offer. I have been looking for quite some time for a program to enroll in, so I am happy to have discovered it today.

[RedRain]

Hmm, I'm realizing I had some reasons for posting this thread that only now have I become aware of

[James81]

Originally Posted by RedRain

Hmm, I'm realizing I had some reasons for posting this thread that only now have I become aware of

You became aware
of reasons for posting thread
but you did not share.

[RedRain]

Originally Posted by James81

You became aware
of reasons for posting thread
but you did not share.

I judged them to be unsuitable for discussion.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by James81

You became aware
of reasons for posting thread
but you did not share.

Like Danielmadar,
whose brother made the riddle
We all want to know!!

[Angela]

Originally Posted by RedRain

I judged them to be unsuitable for discussion.

And thus you generate the disconnection, the separateness, the aloneness. I'm not suggesting you *should* share, or that you're wrong for wanting to keep it private. Just acknowledging your awesome creative power!