Can you really be happy alone?

[Noelle]

I just got out of a 7 month relationship with a guy I loved dearly. He made my heart beat faster than anyone, and even now I feel like my world is a little emptier without him, though we broke up on amicable terms and still remain friends.

My question and the topic of the thread is this: Can you really be happy single and alone? I ask because, while I still love the guy and smile fondly when I think about the fun times we had together, some part of me is deeply glad to be single again, I love having the freedom to do what I want when I'm single, and I love being accountable to no one but myself. It occurs to me that if I'm going to start a new relationship with someone in the future, I'll have to give up this freedom again, and I'm not sure if it's worth it. At heart, I'm pretty much a loner, and while being in a relationship is always loads of fun, I'm not sure if I could sustain a long term one with without feeling like I'm losing a part of myself. Which is partly why we broke up, btw.

Do you have any thoughts? Any input on the idea of being single and happy?

[Cochonette]

I feel you, Noelle. I am kind of a loner myself. Never been in "a relationship" in 21 years of my life. And do wonder if, being in one, I'd feel as you did. At the same time, I know the powerful effect one amazing person can have on my life... and yes, I feel emptier without that.

[elucidate]

I am also like you in this regard.

I'm starting to get sick of being alone...it's been 3 years now. I love my freedom, and giving that up is not something I look forward to, but I'm also feeling that emptiness you speak of.

The most I can say is that you can return to your state of enjoying your freedom, after a while, and can be content with this. It's up to me to make myself happy, whether I am in a relationship or not. It takes work, doing what makes me happy regularly...feeling like I DESERVE to be happy is a big one, but once I allow myself to recognise that I do, of course, then it flows with greater ease.

[metamorph]

Originally Posted by Noelle

Do you have any thoughts? Any input on the idea of being single and happy?

Depends on your personality. I know a lot of people who would think being sinlge is the worst thing imaginable and they rush from one relationship into the next. For them being single is a social stigma similar to being a sociopath.

People vary as to hoe much space they need in a relationship. When a good friend of mine once said something in the first person "My plans are..." his long-term girlfriend literally interrupted" there is no me anymore but only us...". Gave me a chill!

You will need to find a partner with whom you can balance both the freedom and the joy of sharing...

[ZephyrusX]

I agree with metamorph. It depends on the personality. I’ve been a ‘loner’ (I prefer introvert) at heart for most of my life, but I live a reasonably happy and meaningful life. If I am feelingly lonely or if I am looking for someone to share one of my little adventures with, I still have family and friends there for me. Its mainly the prospect of a long term, ‘live in’ situation that bugs me. If I actually tried living with someone, I think I’d tell them to get out after a month or two. I just like being alone too much.

Why don’t you just try living alone for a few months? Even a few years? I don’t believe that people fundamentally do not change throughout most of their lives. If at the moment you feel like living alone, do so. You can always change your mind in the future. I too feel this ‘emptiness’ and if it happens to overwhelm my desire to be alone in the future, so be it. Things change, but my lifestyle right now is giving me a unique opportunity to learn about my self and to live strictly on my terms without much accountability.

So long as you don’t become a complete social recluse, I don’t see any harm in being single. I think elucidate said it well: it is up to us to live happily regardless of whether we are in a relationship or not.

[elucidate]

I've done the live in situation before...and it was a total disaster which nearly (well, it truthfully did) drove me over the edge. Never again. The next person will have to have their own home to go to when I need my space back...that's pretty much a pre-requisite for me

Originally Posted by ZephyrusX

I agree with metamorph. It depends on the personality. I’ve been a ‘loner’ (I prefer introvert) at heart for most of my life, but I live a reasonably happy and meaningful life. If I am feelingly lonely or if I am looking for someone to share one of my little adventures with, I still have family and friends there for me. Its mainly the prospect of a long term, ‘live in’ situation that bugs me. If I actually tried living with someone, I think I’d tell them to get out after a month or two. I just like being alone too much.

Why don’t you just try living alone for a few months? Even a few years? I don’t believe that people fundamentally do not change throughout most of their lives. If at the moment you feel like living alone, do so. You can always change your mind in the future. I too feel this ‘emptiness’ and if it happens to overwhelm my desire to be alone in the future, so be it. Things change, but my lifestyle right now is giving me a unique opportunity to learn about my self and to live strictly on my terms without much accountability.

So long as you don’t become a complete social recluse, I don’t see any harm in being single. I think elucidate said it well: it is up to us to live happily regardless of whether we are in a relationship or not.

[AlmostGodess]

I think one be happy alone. Look at the monks or at some of the greatest gurus of our world. But for me the difficulty comes when I face the others. I am single for a few months and the only single in my group of friends. And guess what? I feel great when I am all by myself, doing my stuff. And I feel like hell each time I meet my friends and they talk about their couples. So, I decided that, until I am not getting rid of this stupid feeling, I am not commiting to any new relationship

If being who you are is a joy to yourself, then, yes, you can be happy and single!

[Kishka]

I was alone for about 2 years before I met the guy I am currently dating. I spent the first year and a half doing alot of seeking and searching. In the last 6 months I gave it all up because I was just sick of always seeking. I was ready to be happy to be alone.

The phrase 'it's just me and God...' kept running through my mind. That was when I had my spiritual awakening. Suddenly I was extremely happy that I was alone. I read that what I was going through was 'the dark night of the soul'. I was relieved and ecstatic to finally have answers to my *spiritual* seeking. I embraced it all and allowed myself to go into a sort of social hibernation.

Finally, with the realization of the true nature of reality and myself, I found peace and JOY. I understood that my reality was simply a reflection of ME. With that knowledge I met my guy, and he is a pure reflection of me. It's very, very good. Especially knowing that my core joy will always be, no matter what..

[Stacedoll]

I'm currently going through a similiar situation, I have ended my long term relationship, jumping into it 2 months after ending another long term relationship.

I held off for a year thinking no you love him, you have experienced so much together and you cant walk away from that.

Instead, the need to be on my own increased, so much so I have been suffering from depression, fighting what I really wanted to keep someone else happy

Its only at the early stages and im terrified of being alone after so long but something in me is telling me I need to do this, ive always loved my own company, maybe the case of not being able to think about just me got me in the end and now its time for a new part of my life to open up, to learn to be me, and only me.

[MusicalMatt]

I just ended the first dating relationship I had in my life last week. It was mutual, the chemistry just wasn't there, but I could tell that during the nearly 10 months I dated I enjoyed my alone time almost as much as my time with her. Right now I'm not sure if that was because I'm an only child and have spent most of my life content in my own mind or if it was that I'm one of the people who just can't commit all my time to making others happy.

I'm in a big transition period of my life so only time will tell what my dating life is to be. Right now I'm rather optimistic

[Angela]

I wonder what would be available for you if you were to shift your focus from being single and happy to resolving your inner conflict: the false dichotomy of your beliefs about what it means to be single and what it means to be in a relationship.