Should an impotent guy settle or just live a single life?

[MovieFanUK]

I am in my first serious relationship in my 30s, and am no catch - overweight, balding, and impotent (what a winning combination). My girlfriend is also my best friend, she is a virgin and the lack of sex she can live with (perhaps it's true that you don't miss what you never had). However I'm not sure if we should be boyfriend and girlfriend or just friends. I enjoy the companship and the cuddles but miss the independance of being single, and don't really feel any physical attraction for her and never have. I am wondering if I am "settling" which I always read that I should never do, however I am really not much of a catch for the reasons above (although I am kind, caring, and a good friend) so perhaps this is as good as it gets? Without going into personal details, can anyone relate or advise? We have been going out for three years now and she speaks hopefully of the future and of moving in with me, but much as my life would be simpler if I was able to love her the way she wants what I feel is more like strong caring, friendship and deep companionship. Since I have so little relationship experience, should I stay single or try to find a way to create some romantic feelings for me?

I guess what I am asking is can a sexless companion-type relationship work in the long term, or is it destined to end in tears, and is living alone a better option?

[MyEyeIsOpen]

You're not the first to post similar questions here.

When I read posts like what you wrote, my first reaction is to want to solve all the underlying problems instead of what you actually asked.

So I guess my point is that you asked whether you try to love someone with whom you are not in love.

My answer is: you can solve all the underlying problems with your impotence, your weight, and whatever else.

My question is: do you want to solve any of those problems?

[Plays With Life]

Howdy, MovieFan! Seen any good movies lately?

Certainly some people have non-sexual relationships happily:
Asexual Visibility and Education Network

You being impotent doesn't mean you can't have sexual encounters. You have more than just your penis - go on and use everything you do have.

About not being a good catch: Become a good catch. If you don't think you can be a good catch, then become able to believe that you *could* be a good catch - and then from there, become a good catch.

About this being as good as it gets: It gets way better than this. But not if you accept less than what you want. Then you get less than what you want.

About you settling: What you described sure sounds like settling, to me. If you felt outrageous attraction for a girl, you wouldn't even be asking these questions. Go on and find someone you do feel hugely attracted to and excited to spend time with, and do a relationship with her.

Anyways, you can still cuddle as friends. You don't need to have a committed relationship just for cuddling. And if you really like cuddling, then go to cuddle parties.

[Cyllya]

Of course a sexless companion-type relationship can work in the long term. You think people who don't care for sex or can't have sex can't feel love?!

But will a sexless companion-type relationship can work in the long term (or at all) for someone who doesn't want that kind of relationship? Probably not. Sounds like your relationship is already not working, but I guess it depends on what "working means."

[James81]

It's your relationship to create as you see fit. It doesn't have to fit any kind of mold. So long as the partners involved are happy with it, then it's all good.

[Acting Like Godot]

Originally Posted by MovieFanUK

I am in my first serious relationship in my 30s, and am no catch - overweight

Lose some weight.

balding

Either get some hair, or just stay bald.

It's not a bad thing. Bald men can look very good.

impotent

See a doctor.

[elucidate]

You can set an intention to lose weight, and then work towards this. It's not as easy as some people may think to just go and "lose some weight", but it can be done if you are committed to doing so over a period of time, realistically. Healthy eating, exercise and positive mental attitude, coupled with visualising skills can give you the results you want, over time.

You can go to Advanced Hair (yeah, yeah) and see if they can help you...OR try manifesting a new head of hair with just your mind...it's possible if you believe it is.

Your impotence may stem from issues to do with your weight and feeling unattractive, OR it could be that, as you said, you just aren't attracted to your cuddle buddy...maybe it's not that you are impotent, you just aren't into her?
Maybe once you have worked on the wieght loss, and find yourself making progress, you might discover your libido returning with a vengeance

If that fails...try Viagra. What have you got to lose?

[secondevolution]

Definitely lose some weight. It'll provide you with a way to focus your energy and also, of course, help with your self-esteem issues (which are obvious from your self-deprecation). Would it possibly help with your impotency, too? Admittedly, I know very little about the subject, but is there no treatment for this?

[pyrogen]

Originally Posted by Acting Like Godot

Lose some weight.

...

See a doctor.

Not that the stuff in between wasn't important too, but the impotence could easily be connected to physical conditions in which obesity is a known factor.

So, to the OP: what ALG said.