Can young women love old men for what they are, rather than for what they have?

[The Backward OX]

In another forum, discussion took place about young women teaming up with rich old men. One poster had the following to say:

“Human beings come in all shapes and varieties. Somewhere out there is a young and nubile female with a special penchant for old, hairy men with big bellies. You don't want some bimbo whore who is faking it simply because you are rich. Figure out a way to meet the real thing who wants you for what you are; there must be at least one in the world’s population, if not more.”

But I wonder: is this really so? Is it oversimplifying? How about the man who’s not rich and who's by nature either deceitful, or apathetic, or a user of people, for example? Is there really a woman out there who’d love such a man for what he is, or had that other poster missed the details with his remark?

Perhaps the following comparison might make it easier to understand:

Man #1 is dirt poor, sees women only as sex objects, is 70. If you are a young woman, would you live with him?

Man #2 has just won $50million in lotto, sees women only as sex objects, is 70. If you are a young woman, would you live with him?

[180]

I think all girls like men for what they have, not who they are.

Women like men for what they can bring to them. Not exactly what the men brings to himself.

Hard to follow but, let's say a woman likes a man for whatever reason. I contest that 100% of the time, that woman likes that feature of a man because in some shape, way, or form... benefits her.

If that isn't the case, you could TRY to come up with a counter-example. But none exist. Even if I tried playing devil's advocate, no such example exist.

Women DO like narcassits, but that is because narcassits "have it all". The woman who's based on feelings and emotions senses that a man has it all, and so she feels attracted to that. I don't want to get into my whole tirade again about what attracts women but anyways...

Women and men are selfish by nature. It is humanity.

Let's take for example, women like a good body man, clean, probably well-off has some money, is charming, good social status, etc etc. These traits are attractive because they benefit her.

You could take a trait completely NEUTRAL and you'll notice that if it doesn't affect the woman, she won't be interested in it. For example, let's say a man prefers brown rice over white rice. IF this has no bearing to the woman at all, then she will not be attracted to a man who likes a particular rice. Notice how his quirk, if it doesn't affect her at all, is not attractive. However, let's say that he will have to drive 10 miles everyday to get brown rice, leaving her alone with the kids just so he can pick it up. This trait is UNATTRACTIVE because of how it affects her. Let's say the brown rice is healthy and improves the health of the family. It suddenly becomes attractive.

Or take another example, let's say the man's character traits that actually don't affect the woman. Women don't care if men prefer the packers or dolphins if it doesn't affect her. She's not interested if a man likes use his right hand over his left hand. Or if he likes to put his pants on before his shirt. THese personality traits do not affect the amount of value he brings to the woman.

A woman wants personality traits that affect the value he brings to her. So a woman never REALLY likes a man for who he is, rather always what he brings. It's nature at it's finest.

The same could be said for men. Men like women who have tight waists, big breasts, and a cute/sexy face. Fertility. She will produce a fine baby for him, so he prefers women like this. What about personality? Notice that men like women want a certain type of woman. And whatever that type is, servres HIS own needs. Not hers. Whatever he finds attractive in a woman, brings value to the man. So for example, most men look for a woman who will be a good mother. Or maybe they want a sexy girl who is freaking in bed. Or maybe they want a good christian girl that shares the same values.

Whatever it is, we are self serving in relationships.

[SarahJaynee]

180 said "we are self serving in relationships" and I totally agree.

We only ever seek out ANY relationship (not just sexual/romantic ones) because we want to be reflected in the eyes of someone else.
So a guy who is struggling with his impending old age will seek out a youthful sexy partner to clarify that is who he really is.
A woman who seeks out the wealthy guy is enjoying the reflection of herself via what he has to offer.
Many women seek out entirely "unattractive, aged, pot bellied" guys not because of what they have, this is just part of it, but often because the guy feels so lucky to be able to have got with a woman like that, that she feels like the "princess" each young girl is told that she is.

As you move up the spiritual chain it is interesting to see the shift away from these egoic displays as people become less interested and needy of reflections and instead are at one with their core self.

[Eduard E]

Personally, I find this distinction to be superficial. Especially when you're an older man, what you have is closely linked with who you are. Your achievements, status and resources are the result of your personality in action, in combination with your choices.

[The Backward OX]

Originally Posted by Eduard E

Personally, I find this distinction to be superficial. Especially when you're an older man, what you have is closely linked with who you are. Your achievements, status and resources are the result of your personality in action, in combination with your choices.

A man can be highly successful in business and still for example see all women solely in terms of their sexuality - a possibly less than desirable trait.

[Eduard E]

Originally Posted by The Backward OX

A man can be highly successful in business and still for example see all women solely in terms of their sexuality - a possibly less than desirable trait.

Yes, but you're only looking at what he has in one part of his life (the professional one). If he also has that view of women, he may also have a social circle with few, or very submissive women.

[Lamusa]

Sure, why not? Anybody can love anyone under the sun for what they are, rather than what they have and vice versa. Open yourself up to what's possible. Relationships we consider "unlikely" happen all the time. We just don't always hear about them. What we hear are the stereotypes because it's easier not to believe you can have the relationship you want to have no matter what age you are. We all have patterns, yes, but we are also unique individuals. Anything is possible, but less likely, of course, if you suffer from self-doubt and cynicism at any age.

[OutOfSocket]

I agree with you Eduard, and i think this is so superficial its an insult. I'm 22 and have always been with older me, up to 2.5x my age, and all have been poor. I myself don't make very much money and would never go for someone because they "worship" me. There can be someone for everyone, if not multitudes of "right" people for someone. Everyone needs to be attracted to their partner both physically and emotionally, but what those characteristics consist of is completely unique to the individual.

[The Backward OX]

Originally Posted by OutOfSocket

I agree with you Eduard, and i think this is so superficial its an insult. I'm 22 and have always been with older me, up to 2.5x my age, and all have been poor. I myself don't make very much money and would never go for someone because they "worship" me. There can be someone for everyone, if not multitudes of "right" people for someone. Everyone needs to be attracted to their partner both physically and emotionally, but what those characteristics consist of is completely unique to the individual.

You also like Eduard have completely missed the point of my questions.

[aabbcc]

Originally Posted by Lamusa

Sure, why not? Anybody can love anyone under the sun for what they are, rather than what they have and vice versa. Open yourself up to what's possible. Relationships we consider "unlikely" happen all the time. We just don't always hear about them. What we hear are the stereotypes because it's easier not to believe you can have the relationship you want to have no matter what age you are. We all have patterns, yes, but we are also unique individuals. Anything is possible, but less likely, of course, if you suffer from self-doubt and cynicism at any age.

I agree. Well said.

[openeyes]

Originally Posted by The Backward OX

Perhaps the following comparison might make it easier to understand:

Man #1 is dirt poor, sees women only as sex objects, is 70. If you are a young woman, would you live with him?

Man #2 has just won $50million in lotto, sees women only as sex objects, is 70. If you are a young woman, would you live with him?

So no option of "older guy who has very little cash, but has a great set of lifelong friends, is genuinely interesting, and treats women well", only poor old jerk versus rich old jerk?

[The Backward OX]

Originally Posted by openeyes

So no option of "older guy who has very little cash, but has a great set of lifelong friends, is genuinely interesting, and treats women well", only poor old jerk versus rich old jerk?

Go back and re-read my original post, especially the paragraph starting "But I wonder: is this really so?"

[Solipsist]

Originally Posted by SarahJaynee

As you move up the spiritual chain it is interesting to see the shift away from these egoic displays as people become less interested and needy of reflections and instead are at one with their core self.

And how!

Well said.

[Elrond]

Originally Posted by SarahJaynee

As you move up the spiritual chain it is interesting to see the shift away from these egoic displays as people become less interested and needy of reflections and instead are at one with their core self.

"Spiritual chain" sounds inherently hierarchal to me. Which seems like an "egoic display" (and ego might be good or bad, or both, for all I know).

Maybe it's just me.

[OutOfSocket]

Originally Posted by The Backward OX

You also like Eduard have completely missed the point of my questions.

i thought i had... what people are attracted to is completely unique to each individual, so there probably is a girl who'd go for the poor jerk. asking "Is there really a woman out there who’d love such a man for what he is?" ya, as many people are in the world somewhere out there there probably is.

[MidasGirl]

Originally Posted by The Backward OX

Man #1 is dirt poor, sees women only as sex objects, is 70. If you are a young woman, would you live with him?

No

Man #2 has just won $50million in lotto, sees women only as sex objects, is 70. If you are a young woman, would you live with him?

No

[secrets0stolen]

Originally Posted by MidasGirl

No


No

You took the words right out of my mouth.

But seriously, like someone already said, poor old jerk vs. rich old jerk is a lame choice.