Let the kinks hang out?

[90802]

HI gang,

I'm looking to hear from females on this one.

What would you think of a guys dating profile that listed specific sexual kinks. I'm not talking about graphic details (no Penthouse Letters ), but general interest.

For example: exploring domination/submission, roleplay, etc.

I'm having a hard enough time getting responses now, I don't want to kill it by letting it all hang out

Ladies, what are your thoughts?

[TonyToneTone]

I know I'm not a lady but it did work for Steve when he listed all that stuff.

[90802]

Originally Posted by TonyToneTone

I know I'm not a lady but it did work for Steve when he listed all that stuff.

I don't have the same following as Steve does

[Angela]

It might be a bit offputting for me to be presented with a man's sexual kinks before we've established at least some (emotional) intimacy/connection between us.

That's just me, though; to a woman for whom sexual specifics is a higher value, it might be just the ticket. If it's a high value for you, saying so upfront might be a great way to filter out others for whom it isn't, or who, like me, would be put off by it.

[st33med]

Like, putting out that you have a sexual fetish for painting bodies.

THAT might put off some women

[MidasGirl]

Wouldn't do it for me.

I prefer to know a person's kinks after I've already started to like them. I wouldn't want a relationship defined by kinks, but that could be because I can take or leave them.

@Tone: Steve's worked for him, because the people responding to that already knew him, and more than likely already liked him, and perhaps even were already pining for him. If you're doing that with complete strangers, you might be more off putting than not.

[90802]

Originally Posted by Angela

It might be a bit offputting for me to be presented with a man's sexual kinks before we've established at least some (emotional) intimacy/connection between us.

That's just me, though; to a woman for whom sexual specifics is a higher value, it might be just the ticket. If it's a high value for you, saying so upfront might be a great way to filter out others for whom it isn't, or who, like me, would be put off by it.

Yeah, I can't figure out how important it is to me. Maybe I need to make it more general and say I need someone that's adventurous and needing to try new things?

I don't want to scare off potentially great matches, but I also don't want to get a bedroom dud...doh!

Let me start keeping score:

Let it hang out: 0
Wait till there's a bit of a connection: 2

@st33med-

Hmm, painting bodies...I guess I always have time to develop a new fetish

[Angela]

Originally Posted by MidasGirl

@Tone: Steve's worked for him, because the people responding to that already knew him, and more than likely already liked him, and perhaps even were already pining for him. If you're doing that with complete strangers, you might be more off putting than not.

Yup. Fame -- even marginal fame -- tends to be an aphrodisiac for many people.

You could develop your own sort of marginal fame, and then... what's the word I'm looking for here: capitalize? exploit? um, use to your advantage? you know what I mean -- use it as a tool to get the results you want.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by 90802

someone that's adventurous and needing to try new things?

That won't necessarily be construed as being adventurous sexually, though -- you might get a lot of responses from sexually repressed rock climbers and bungee jumpers.

I like the word "sensuous." Women will know what you mean.

[TonyToneTone]

Originally Posted by 90802

I don't have the same following as Steve does

Doesn't matter. Try it anyways.

[ssandra]

If it is important to you, I would put something in as: sexually adventurous and open minded but in your own description, not in what you are looking for in a woman.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by ssandra

If it is important to you, I would put something in as: sexually adventurous and open minded but in your own description, not in what you are looking for in a woman.

Oh, yeah.... that might be a good way to go about it - make it about you, not her.

[st33med]

(I don't actually have a fetish yet! Definitely not a paint fetish anyway..)

The sexual experiments maybe even fun without your own kinks.

[Hern]

It sounds like a great HR plan to me! Cuts out on all those who need not apply. And I know some women that know exactly what they are looking for. That is an instant zeroing in on you target market so to speak. Why wait for the 6th date to tell her you like to be slathered in yams before sex? That is just lost time you could have been with someone who likes the idea or is ok with it.

[elucidate]

Slathered in yams hey...that's a new one. Is this some new insight into your world you are sharing with us Hern?

I agree with you for the most part...it could have the effect of zeroing in on his target market...but if he is only looking for a sexual thing and not an emotional relationship with a woman then many women might find this off-putting. But I'm sure there are at least some who would like his up-front attitude and it would cancel out the need for surprises and "the talk" later on...they can just get down into the dirty pit they dig!

Originally Posted by Hern

It sounds like a great HR plan to me! Cuts out on all those who need not apply. And I know some women that know exactly what they are looking for. That is an instant zeroing in on you target market so to speak. Why wait for the 6th date to tell her you like to be slathered in yams before sex? That is just lost time you could have been with someone who likes the idea or is ok with it.

[MyEyeIsOpen]

Originally Posted by st33med

(I don't actually have a fetish yet! Definitely not a paint fetish anyway..)

This strikes me as really hilarious. The "yet" part is classic, like you're working on it but you haven't quite achieved it "yet," lol. Gold.

[metamorph]

Depends on what your fetish is and how important it is for you. If it is important for you and exotic (BDSM, foot fetish etc) put it on. You might find same minded folks easier.
If it is role playing, outdoor sex etc, I would leave it out until you meet in person.

[theorique]

Originally Posted by 90802

HI gang,

I'm looking to hear from females on this one.

What would you think of a guys dating profile that listed specific sexual kinks. I'm not talking about graphic details (no Penthouse Letters ), but general interest.

For example: exploring domination/submission, roleplay, etc.

I'm not a woman so this isn't my personal perspective but just a statement of fact: there exist dating / social networking web sites for which explaining your personal kinks is not only unusual, but expected - e.g. fetlife.com

[SatvikBeri]

Originally Posted by Angela

Yup. Fame -- even marginal fame -- tends to be an aphrodisiac for many people.

You could develop your own sort of marginal fame, and then... what's the word I'm looking for here: capitalize? exploit? um, use to your advantage? you know what I mean -- use it as a tool to get the results you want.

Leverage.

And 90802, just make multiple profiles, and try different things. Then you'll know what really works as opposed to what people think may work.

[90802]

Originally Posted by theorique

I'm not a woman so this isn't my personal perspective but just a statement of fact: there exist dating / social networking web sites for which explaining your personal kinks is not only unusual, but expected - e.g. fetlife.com

I've checked out fetlife, I think I might be a bit too vanilla for that one

So I'm probably over-thinking this. I'm using OK Cupid, and on the kink scale I rate 0%, which I reckon means average.

Now that I think about it I'm not looking for anything that extreme. I reckon I just have super vanilla friends that get freaked out when I talk about some of the things I'd like to try. Time to find some new friends

Originally Posted by SatvikBeri

And 90802, just make multiple profiles, and try different things. Then you'll know what really works as opposed to what people think may work.

I've thought about doing that. But I figure I'd need to make totally different pictures for something like that. Or maybe I should try different profiles on different sites?

[st33med]

Originally Posted by MyEyeIsOpen

This strikes me as really hilarious. The "yet" part is classic, like you're working on it but you haven't quite achieved it "yet," lol. Gold.

LOL! I haven't had actually sex yet, so...

[Angela]

Originally Posted by SatvikBeri

Leverage.

Perfect. Thanks.

[ssandra]

Originally Posted by 90802

Now that I think about it I'm not looking for anything that extreme. I reckon I just have super vanilla friends that get freaked out when I talk about some of the things I'd like to try. Time to find some new friends

used to be one of my favorite hobbies, shocking my friends with the stories of what I did on the weekend

[elucidate]

Originally Posted by ssandra

used to be one of my favorite hobbies, shocking my friends with the stories of what I did on the weekend

I knew a woman who did this with me...she'd tell me that she'd just finished fisting a fella she was playing with, and go into detail...which I didn't really want to hear. She was morbidly obese, and the mental images were just not that pleasant for me to think about...but more power to her

[90802]

Originally Posted by elucidate

I knew a woman who did this with me...she'd tell me that she'd just finished fisting a fella she was playing with, and go into detail...which I didn't really want to hear. She was morbidly obese, and the mental images were just not that pleasant for me to think about...but more power to her

After reading this I really question my kinkiness.

[ssandra]

Originally Posted by elucidate

I knew a woman who did this with me...she'd tell me that she'd just finished fisting a fella she was playing with, and go into detail...which I didn't really want to hear. She was morbidly obese, and the mental images were just not that pleasant for me to think about...but more power to her

I only did it with my very much vainilla friends who DID want to hear more.. I'd probably just have mentioned the fact that I'd just had a great weekend with a nice fellow and we had some nice bed play... if there are more questions (which there always were, especially once they knew the kind of stories that were to follow), I'd tell more

[TiffyLove]

Here is the thing.

This is a reoccurring theme for you. Trying to get responses with online dating.

Is it a game to you?, trying to learn the tricks of getting lots of responses? Or are you truly looking for a significant other?

If you are looking for a significant other, it only takes ONE right person to respond.

If you are looking for that ONE person, then be honest (one of your other posts touched the subject of honesty) and put all your sexual kinks on there too. If you like something like DOM, you put it on there and if it scares someone away, well she wouldn't have satisfied you sexually anyway.

If you are looking for that special person, then be as honest as possible, put as much as possible.

If you are trying to figure out how to get more and more responses well, tell them all lies. Why don't you put a fake picture up there and lie about everything.

Yes some sexual kinks on there will probably scare the majority of women away. But the ones it doesn't will be the ones that like exactly what you are into.

Relax, be yourself. This online dating isn't your last resort, you don't have to do it perfectly. Dare to make some mistakes.

Choose a focus, like being true to yourself and every time you can't decide what to say, ask yourself what would the answer that is being true to yourself look like?

You wouldn't want to attract a woman that wouldn't like you for you anyway.

There are MILLIONS of single people out there and tons of dating sites and tons of people you run into everyday. I think the key is learning to be yourself authentically and having confidence in exactly who that is.

[Hern]

Originally Posted by elucidate

Slathered in yams hey...that's a new one. Is this some new insight into your world you are sharing with us Hern?

I agree with you for the most part...it could have the effect of zeroing in on his target market...but if he is only looking for a sexual thing and not an emotional relationship with a woman then many women might find this off-putting. But I'm sure there are at least some who would like his up-front attitude and it would cancel out the need for surprises and "the talk" later on...they can just get down into the dirty pit they dig!

HAHA, Actualy it is something a officer I knew in the Army was into. It was just way too much info!

[Indiana]

I think it depends on a) how extreme the kink is and b) how crucial it is to your happiness.

I would be annoyed if I went on a series of dates with a guy only to find out that he can't get off unless I tie him up and spank him till he bleeds. Because that is never going to happen. Everyone's time has just been wasted. So if it's extreme and crucial, list it.

If you are just interested in meeting someone who is a bit open-minded about trying new things, but at the end of the day, you're not going to feel sexually deprived if she's amazing in most ways but just doesn't want to play doctors and nurses with you, then just put that you're looking for someone sensual / adventurous / open-minded / whatever.