Should i experiment with same gender sex?

[aghash]

I consider myself like 90% straight but i also happen to have a "thing" for guys my age and younger(im 20) and this is only sexual, i can never see myself having a relationship with a guy but the idea of trying it with someone is exciting to me.

living in a time where we have to put a label on everything has made me a little paranoid about this little fantasy and im confused. so should i do it? or is this one of those stupid small things in life that can actualy ruin your reputation?(like getting caught with a hooker etc)?

Thanks...

[Gabo]

If it's something you want to try, then I would recommend not letting social stigmas drive you away from it. If you're really worried about what other people will think, then I would recommend keeping any experiences you have private.

Unfortunately, people in American culture tend to make a lot of assumptions about guys that stray from the accepted sexual norms. If you don't want to be labelled and treated differently as you are now, you might want to refrain from publicly declaring your sexual interest in other guys. That way you can experiment in something you're interested in without worrying about losing your reputation.

[Mounds]

Hi Aghash,

Gotta explore to find out what you love. You don't have to publicly declare your desires but you don't have to suppress them either. Do whats comfortable for you.

-Tim

[lspeirs]

You won't know how you really feel till you try...its actually not a big deal unless you make it one. If you are cool about it then other prople will be in my experience. I guess it depends where you live as to how open minded folks are. But there is no need to tell anyone if you're just experimenting anyway. Plenty of people experiment. Do what's right for you at the end of the day.

[dulaney0330]

It sounds like you want to satisfy some type of carnal pleasure that stems from boredom, selfishness, or lack of emotional intimacy.

I never think its a wise decision to do something solely to get sex and nothing else. But, I am simply conversative

[MidasGirl]

Originally Posted by dulaney0330

I never think its a wise decision to do something solely to get sex and nothing else. But, I am simply conversative

Serious question Dulaney. Do you never masturbate?

[Elrond]

Originally Posted by dulaney0330

It sounds like you want to satisfy some type of carnal pleasure that stems from boredom, selfishness, or lack of emotional intimacy.

I never think its a wise decision to do something solely to get sex and nothing else. But, I am simply conversative

I think it's funny that so many conservatives call themselves "pro-life", when so many conservative beliefs and opinions seem to be so anti-life.

[votoshka]

Personally, I think if it's something you want to try, then go for it!

I think a lot more women than men are willing to "experiment" with same sex sex... to the point where a great number of women I know have had sex with other women (not sure of exact proportions though). I imagine that many guys, like women, are curious about sex with someone of the same gender, even if they don't actually consider themselves homosexual, or even really bisexual.

If you try it, and don't like it, that's cool!

[dulaney0330]

Originally Posted by Elrond

I think it's funny that so many conservatives call themselves "pro-life", when so many conservative beliefs and opinions seem to be so anti-life.

Hey, this board is so far left, I have to balance it out a little!

[dulaney0330]

Originally Posted by MidasGirl

Serious question Dulaney. Do you never masturbate?

That's for a different topic matter

[MidasGirl]

LOL. Except it's for pure sexual gratification.

Now you make me curious, I wonder why you don't think it's ok to do something just to get sex out of it? Why not? I'm trying to understand this mindset, although if it is simply due to a religious belief, its ok let's not go there. I don't bother to argue with "sex and religion". But if it's a personal conviction, makes me very curious.

[dulaney0330]

Originally Posted by MidasGirl

LOL. Except it's for pure sexual gratification.

Now you make me curious, I wonder why you don't think it's ok to do something just to get sex out of it? Why not? I'm trying to understand this mindset, although if it is simply due to a religious belief, its ok let's not go there. I don't bother to argue with "sex and religion". But if it's a personal conviction, makes me very curious.

Its how I was raised. It has something to do with religion but most of it is just the Golden Rule. I wouldn't want a guy to come into my life just so he can have sex with me. I feel that is using another person and that is wrong.

Finally, it seems that one would be giving into selfish desires since it has much more to do with sexual release than the other person involved. There is great potential for hurt and anger to arise when such actions are carried out.

[MidasGirl]

Originally Posted by dulaney0330

Its how I was raised. It has something to do with religion but most of it is just the Golden Rule. I wouldn't want a guy to come into my life just so he can have sex with me. I feel that is using another person and that is wrong.

But what if you also just wanted to have sex with him? What if I like a guy and find him super sexy, but neither one of us is either interested in, or in a position to have anything beyond sex? What if we're both horny for each other is my question? Then in that case he's not using me and I'm not using him, right? What's wrong with that?

Finally, it seems that one would be giving into selfish desires since it has much more to do with sexual release than the other person involved. There is great potential for hurt and anger to arise when such actions are carried out.

I don't understand what's wrong with giving in to fleshy desires, if both parties are legal and consenting? It's not like it's harmful to the body, like doing drugs or eating bad food....

As for potential for hurt...isn't there potential for hurt when someone has sex in a marriage?

[newmark]

Originally Posted by MidasGirl

I don't understand what's wrong with giving in to fleshy desires, if both parties are legal and consenting? It's not like it's harmful to the body, like doing drugs or eating bad food....

Well, it can be harmful to the body, but apart from that, some people become attached much more easily than others, and therefore can become hurt more easily.

[dulaney0330]

Originally Posted by MidasGirl

But what if you also just wanted to have sex with him? What if I like a guy and find him super sexy, but neither one of us is either interested in, or in a position to have anything beyond sex? What if we're both horny for each other is my question? Then in that case he's not using me and I'm not using him, right? What's wrong with that?

I don't understand what's wrong with giving in to fleshy desires, if both parties are legal and consenting? It's not like it's harmful to the body, like doing drugs or eating bad food....

As for potential for hurt...isn't there potential for hurt when someone has sex in a marriage?

My moral compass is different from yours. I have difficulty imagining having sex with someone I was not really interested in. For me, sex is not a recreational sport but rather an emotional, spiritual, physical uniting of man and woman in a commited relationship.

Other than my explanations so far, I am unable to further express myself on this matter. Its simply a different road for me and one, I understand, is seldom taken

[secrets0stolen]

Originally Posted by dulaney0330

Its how I was raised.

Interestingly enough, I never hear this answer in defense/explanation of liberal beliefs. Not picking on you, dulaney, just an observation.

[SheldonCooper]

If you want to and it is consensual why not?

[dulaney0330]

Originally Posted by secrets0stolen

Interestingly enough, I never hear this answer in defense/explanation of liberal beliefs. Not picking on you, dulaney, just an observation.

I did not mean it to mean conservative but rather my mom's parenting: she made it a point for my sisters and I to volunteer, put others first, and to think of how it would affect the other person.

I guess you can say my mom nurtured a tender heart.

[dulaney0330]

Originally Posted by SheldonCooper

If you want to and it is consensual why not?

While I find this thinking sad (not to demean you but being honest), it is something nearly all my peers did so I am somewhat used to it.

Using one another is not personal development for smart people!

[st33med]

Originally Posted by dulaney0330

While I find this thinking sad (not to demean you but being honest), it is something nearly all my peers did so I am somewhat used to it.

Using one another is not personal development for smart people!

"Using" each other is not bad!

Me and a friend 'use' each other to empower ourselves through our lives.

Why not 'use' each other to feel pleasure and lust?

[dulaney0330]

Originally Posted by st33med

"Using" each other is not bad!

Me and a friend 'use' each other to empower ourselves through our lives.

Why not 'use' each other to feel pleasure and lust?

I go by the golden rule. I wouldn't want someone to use me for pleasure and lust and I will not do the same.

Your standard is different.

[Indiana]

Originally Posted by dulaney0330

I go by the golden rule. I wouldn't want someone to use me for pleasure and lust and I will not do the same.

Your standard is different.

Ah, but in this case, the OP has no problem with someone having sex with him as a purely physical experience, so the Golden Rule would say it's not incongruent for him to look for someone to do it with.

That's what everyone is saying about it being fine if it is consensual. As long as everyone knows it's a bit of fun and not the start of a relationship, no problem. Obviously you would be a poor candidate for being one half of the equation (as it does not fit your preferences) but someone else might be very happy with the arrangement.

[dulaney0330]

Originally Posted by Indiana

Ah, but in this case, the OP has no problem with someone having sex with him as a purely physical experience, so the Golden Rule would say it's not incongruent for him to look for someone to do it with.

That's what everyone is saying about it being fine if it is consensual. As long as everyone knows it's a bit of fun and not the start of a relationship, no problem. Obviously you would be a poor candidate for being one half of the equation (as it does not fit your preferences) but someone else might be very happy with the arrangement.

I do not know if that's entirely true since he did come on a message board to receive advice. By his post, he expressed apprehension and that is why I wanted to give my thoughts on it. If he posted that he wanted to have sex with a man and how to go about it, I would not have posted.

[MidasGirl]

Originally Posted by dulaney0330

My moral compass is different from yours. I have difficulty imagining having sex with someone I was not really interested in. For me, sex is not a recreational sport but rather an emotional, spiritual, physical uniting of man and woman in a commited relationship.

Other than my explanations so far, I am unable to further express myself on this matter. Its simply a different road for me and one, I understand, is seldom taken

Actually, I don't even believe in morality, so I don't have a compass at all, thank God. I believe in treating myself and other people with dignity, respect, compassion and reverence. I take Jesus' "treat your neighbor...." a notch higher, "treat others as they would want to be treated".

But I do respect the fact that your view of sex is that it's not a recreational thing. I think it is though -- but to me that I see it that way whether it's within marriage or outside of marriage. I'm guessing what you're saying here is that you feel that sex should be had only for purposes of procreation. If not, then I'd like to know what other uses of sex you feel there are? I guess I'm not sure if the "uniting man and woman" means they can just use it recreationally within their marriage?

And by the way, here is where we agree: but rather an emotional, spiritual, physical in a commited relationship-- I absolutely agree with you. The difference though is I see the commitment as the actual act you are engaging in, if it is consensual. I think you see commitment only as marriage, while I see commitment as honoring each other, being present for one another, in the present moment.

[MidasGirl]

Originally Posted by newmark

Well, it can be harmful to the body, .

How so?

[MidasGirl]

Originally Posted by newmark

but apart from that, some people become attached much more easily than others, and therefore can become hurt more easily.

Yes, and I'm one of those people. I'm really talking about people communicating like adults and being upfront as to what their expectations are. You can't blame the other person if you don't make it clear what you are doing, but if you are and they mess with your heart, then that's a different story. But also my point is, from my experience, the hurt seems to be even much much worse when the hurt happens within marriage. This isn't about being against marriage, I'm trying to dispel this myth about being hurt only if you have sex outside with someone you're not committed to. When you're committed, your ego is even that much more attached. With the high rate of infedility and divorce, nobody is really protected from hurt.

[MidasGirl]

Originally Posted by dulaney0330

While I find this thinking sad (not to demean you but being honest), it is something nearly all my peers did so I am somewhat used to it.

Using one another is not personal development for smart people!

Lol, why is it not "using one another" when it's a committed relationship or marriage? What is the using aspect here? Using them for pleasure or what? I mean, in marriage they aren't using each other for pleasure?

I don't see sex as using one another anyway, regardless of the nature of relationship. I see it as enjoying one another, having mind blowing fun, just like sharing an incredible meal. It's no different than getting a hug (only a bit more intense). Why is a hug not using each other. Or is penetration what makes it "using"?

Or is it because this involves organs that we normally were taught to be ashamed of?

[SheldonCooper]

Originally Posted by dulaney0330

While I find this thinking sad (not to demean you but being honest), it is something nearly all my peers did so I am somewhat used to it.

Using one another is not personal development for smart people!

I find it sad that you think that way.

[dulaney0330]

Originally Posted by MidasGirl

Yes, and I'm one of those people. I'm really talking about people communicating like adults and being upfront as to what their expectations are. You can't blame the other person if you don't make it clear what you are doing, but if you are and they mess with your heart, then that's a different story. But also my point is, from my experience, the hurt seems to be even much much worse when the hurt happens within marriage. This isn't about being against marriage, I'm trying to dispel this myth about being hurt only if you have sex outside with someone you're not committed to. When you're committed, your ego is even that much more attached. With the high rate of infedility and divorce, nobody is really protected from hurt.

I do appreciate your willingness to respect my views and while its difficult on both ends, it is refreshing to speak politely on this topic.

It's evident that it comes down to my moral beliefs, stemming from Christianity, that conflict with most of the posters here. I grew up in a public school system where 99% of my classmates were sleeping around in the 8th and 9th grade. As adults, they continue to do the same and I find that behavior appalling. Now, to them, its normal and natural. To them, its fun and fits into their lifestyle.

My path was different from the start and I have learned to embrace it. Many times, it alienated me from others because I did not participate in certain activities. But, it strengthened my resolve and moral character and has enabled me to pursue geniune intimacy with my husband.

[dulaney0330]

Originally Posted by SheldonCooper

I find it sad that you think that way.

Well, I find it sad that you think its sad