Moving on from first long term relationship

[kawasaki]

let me first start off by introducing myself and how i stumbled upon this great site. im 21 years old and a 2nd year student studying architecture. about 3 months ago (march) my girlfriend of 3.5 years broke up with me, ill describe the details down below. so as you all can imagine, my emotional state is all messed up and im left to piece back together all the pieces of my identity and who i am that was mixed up when she left me. i found myself surfing the net one night for more advice and finally i ended up here!

anyways, on to the juicy info...

My ex-girlfriend and i met in highschool. we were friends for a few years before we starting going out. we hit it off great and life was great. she was there for me and i was there for her. we took on the world as a team. Marriage was inevitable(or so at least i thought), she always discussed marriage and came to the point where she even bought baby clothes and such...ow..it hurts just to type this already. we never had any issues or fights. mybe small disagreements here and there but nothing substantial. which i always thought was a bit unhealthy. but hey...it just means we had a really great relationshop together. it developed into a really committed relationship and trust was never an issue. we were exclusive. but not to the point where we ditched our friends and family. i truly was going to ask her to marry me sooner or later, she knew it..and she wanted it. but like the old saying...all good things must come to an end. as i soon realized...

during the final month of our relationship, i noticed i started to grow abit distant from her. i didnt talk to her as much on the phone (mind you we talk everday on the phone for at least an hour during the 3.5 years together) i just didnt have much to say. At the same time, the work load for my studies in school also increased. things became more stressful at school for me as i continued to do the best i can for my future with her and career. Anyways...she took notice of this and slowly began telling me that we should talk more. for a few weeks, she would hint that we needed to talk more like we use to and such. but didnt take too much of it, to this day i dont know why. all the warning signs were there to take action..but i didnt. mybe it was my stress from school? mybe i was bored? i dont know. anyways, it came to a point where she felt neglected cause we didnt talk like we use to and she felt hurt. which lead to one day in mid march, i had just completed 3 exams crammed into one day. i was so tired and stressed because i had a few more exams in a few day. i met up with her right after school. i noticed she didnt talk much either. and i got a bit upset because i was looking forward to seeing her throughout the whole day only to get this treatment. so the day didnt go well and we were both quit mad. and i believe this just added more to the downward spiral of our relationship. anwyays, everynight i continued to get a text before she slept saying how she wishes we could talk more. its not like i totally ignored this situation. i did talk to her about it and told her i would try my best..

the dreadful night finally came, she called and met up with me one night and told me, word for word " i dont think i love you anymore" all the while crying saying stuff like how she would of died for me and i was suppose to be her best friend..all the emotional stuff. we talked for about 30 minutes and agreed to give it another week before any big decision was made. before the week was up. she ended it. and i cannot explain how devastated and hurt i felt. i was down and out...and it was the first time in my life i was at a complete loss. i have always been a strong person mentally.. out of frustration i said that if she were to leave, she would never see or hear from me again. she cried more and said NO!, and that the one thing she fears the most is me never talking to her ever again. i thought this was abit selfish on her part.

i knew i couldnt let her go, as i still deeply loved her. so i tried to get her back but i wasnt being needy or desperate. and this is what got me through the first few months of the breakup, thoughts that we could be together again if i did the right thing. fast forward a month (this would be april now) i initiated contact and met up for coffee with her. and we talked here and there afterwords. but contact was all initiated by me. then come june, i officially ask her out for a date. movie and a dinner. it was alright. but the ending of the night is what really upset me. before she left as i brought her home she said..word for word again "just to let you know, i have a boyfriend now and hes okay with us hanging out" OUCH! it caught me off guard and i just said "okay, bye" what else could i say? i was at a loss. but this got me really upset...we have only been separated for 2.5 months and she already has a new boyfriend...my mind cant seem to grasp how she can toss me out just like that.. not after a 3.5 year relationship. how can she quickly jump into another relationship..

Ive come to accept the fact that we cannot be together anymore. and that it is time for me to move on and begin healing myself. but the issue is, even after 3 months now of being separated. my heart still hurts though not as much as when we initially broke up. and there is a small part inside of me saying that if i continue hanging out with her, she would come back to me... i dont want to think like this.
she was my first love..how can she be so cold hearted..i need to stop all contact with her in order to move on. but is ignoring her really the right thing to do? everytime we talk or have contact, it would feel like my heart is being stabbed even more... i want to move on, i want to be happy. but a small part of me still wants her. and not to mention i cant stand the fact that she has another man now. it tears me up inside. i feel backstabbed.

what advice do you have for moving on? and is ignoring her in every way the right thing to do for my own well being?..a small part of me really does want her back, but i need to accept reality that it probably will never happen..

[st33med]

You have to let her go. Don't hate her for what she did. Let her go with love and have a good cry.

It's not very probable at all that you guys will get back together. Keeping your hopes up will only make the hurt more painful when you do realize it.

If it still hurts so much, delete all her contact info from your world. Stickies, facebook, whatever. It might make you feel better.

Do not ruminate on what could have been, because it hurts you even more.

You are not alone in this. I happen to be in a similar situation. Except it was not long term at all...

[kawasaki]

definitely, removing her contacts and all things that remind me of her from my site helps tremendously. "let her go with love" that really felt good to read. thankyou for bringing that up. i never looked at it this way.

and it definitely does help knowing that im not the only one going through this right now. at the most random times, i sometimes feel lonely and that im the only one in this dark hole.

aside from the usual hanging out with friends and keeping busy,. i feel that my mind has to emotionally shift to a better state.

[Laurenaus]

I don't wanna be an ******* but I hope you've learned your lesson for your own sake. She tried to maintain her cool by only sending out hints when really she was probably screaming inside to get your attention. I'm going through the same thing with a guy and neglect is a horrible horrible feeling especially when you never saw it coming in the first place.

[st33med]

Originally Posted by Laurenaus

I don't wanna be an ******* but I hope you've learned your lesson for your own sake. She tried to maintain her cool by only sending out hints when really she was probably screaming inside to get your attention. I'm going through the same thing with a guy and neglect is a horrible horrible feeling especially when you never saw it coming in the first place.

Hey. When a relationship is broken, it involves two people. It is a miscommunication; it's neither person's fault. He just lost contact overtime. They didn't talk as often. It happens. And it can be hard to recover.

The girl did not seek out to hurt the OP by getting a new boyfriend. She moved on.

If you are neglected, then it should be signaling you that he was not the right person for you if he does not feel caring for you. It is a horrible feeling, I will admit. But the only way to get over it is to realize: (s)he was not for you.

[180]

Well, I hear you about the 3.5 years and already start dating again after 2.5 months. I had a very similar experience and so I understand the pain comes more from the betrayal than anything. THAT pain hurts. Like how can she just throw you away after such a long time of being together? Didn't it mean something? Why isn't she sad?

Women are different from men in terms of relationships. For a when it's done it's done, and she can move on. There's a lot of evolutionary evidence of this and it can be explained in many ways. The most plausible one I've heard is that it's a developed evolutionary system for when men would go away and fight wars, they would die. So in order to survive the female brain has developed ways to get over men quickly. She could spend all her time crying about her dead husband, but if she does, she may not find another man to marry and continue on living. So it's evolved.

Women, love a man because of what he has or something that he provides. She wanted companionship and talking with you. to be her "best friend". Quite apparently from her pathology... She loves talking. You suited her need and therefore she could love you. When you stopped talking with her, she fell out of love because you stopped providing her with what she "needed". Love to her revolved around being her best friend. I'm not a psychologist, but I can tell she's the kind of person that really really is lonely somewhere deep inside. Possibly stemming from childhood memories of pain with socialization and friendship. She "fears" being alone. so she seeks companionship through male relationships. She is also probably closer to her father than mother. (I think it would be great if you could confirm these things. I'm always looking for validation that I can pinpoint people's modus operandi)

It's getting a bit biological, but I think you can benefit from it.
This is the scope of reality. Brush away all the fairy tale crap and here it is.

Women love men because they adhere to her survival principals. Different women believe in order to survive in life, they need something. It changes from woman to woman. Some women, it's money, fame, popularity, etc.
Whatever it is, women will choose the man most available to suit her need to fulfill her survival principals.

She does, whatever it takes to survive. As do all humans.

her grievance period has ended because you no longer suit her needs. For you , it's harder to fall out of love because she represents a mother and a womb for which you can have a baby. (Maybe consciously or unconsciously). So you still feel sad after the breakup. She is over it because she knows she can find another man to fill your spot. Whatever value you provided was not rare enough that she couldn't find elsewhere (I'm sorry that sounds very insensitive or cynical but it's the truth that most men must deal with in this modern era).

I had a hard time myself much like you, in trying to understand how my previous girlfriend could throw away a long relationship so easily. She wasn't feeling the same pain or depression as I had. The reason is the differences in biology between a man and woman and the nature of the relationship. In talking with multiple people, most of which with similar experiences of the woman, taking a whole 3 minutes to grieve over the relationship, it came to us to understand that men are used by women for things. But us as men still value women as baby makers. THAT is why we are still sad. That is why you are still sad.

Think about it right now. What if, your best male friend and you fought and suddenly broke up. Would you cry? Would you be like.... Oh my god I loved him. Why is he gone. Probably not. The reason is because he holds no value to you in making babies. IF he could have your baby, (god what an image!) you might start eating ice cream by the tubs and watching sad movies crying on the couch.

I could talk more about this but I've made several posts of the same thing about this topic...

[Indiana]

The end of a first relationship is always hard. But let me assure you, it's not the end of the world, and she's not the only girl for you. You WILL move on, even if it doesn't much feel like it right now.

In terms of your girlfriend seeming to move on so quickly... as other people have pointed out, she started to grieve the end of the relationship earlier than you did. At the point where she started to feel like things were changing, and you were moving away from her, she started to grieve the loss of it. That's often the way break-ups work. One person feels the relationship has disintegrated (in this case, her needs were not being met, as 180 says, although I think that's true for both sexes - if a guy feels like his needs are not being met in a relationship, he will leave too). As you saw, she reached out to you time and time again, but felt she was not really being heard. So to her, it felt like the relationship was over from your side, and she started to prepare herself emotionally.

Two and a half months after you break up, she's seeing someone else. It's interesting that you say you feel like she'd 'thrown you away' by getting a new relationship. But wasn't the decision to abandon the relationship made two months earlier when you two broke up?

From what you say, it seems like you didn't regard the breakup as final, while she did. So you're experiencing the actual 'break' and loss of hope for the revival of the relationship properly now, whereas she did that two and a half months ago, or even longer, when she was asking you to try to save the relationship. It'll be interesting to see where you're at in another two and a half months, now that you realise the finality of the break. I'll bet you'll even be considering dating again, if you meet a girl who really interests you.

[kawasaki]

there is a lot of valid points here.

180, my ex was the type of girl that needed to be heard and listened to. i WAS the one that was there to listen to her, to talk to her, to comfort her, someone she can talk about anything to. and you are right, i stopped providing her that comfort. you are spot on about her being closer to her father.

you are right about her grieving over the end of our relationship months ago. the day we broke up, she told me that she had countless nights of crying in bed.

however, i absolutely will not blame myself as the core issue of the breakup. i tried my best...i really did. i in no way neglected her through other avenues. i still treated her like a princess and did things for her. i fell short on the communication side and this happens.. she knew i loved her and cared for her. she told me that specifically. however in my defense. whenever there was a problem, she would bottle it up most of the time and not address it directly with me in person. these small concerns communicated through texts is a poor way of addressing issues in my opinion.. but come on, im not here to point fingers at whos wrong and right. im interested in coping with this situation and moving on.

in terms of accepting the end of the relationship. i believe i am truly accepting it now after all is said and done. i know i want to move on and i put all hopes of reconciliation behind me. but for right now, i find that if there is contact it would just hurt me more. im at a crossroads...do i decide to be FRIENDLY, because i know i cannot be her friend right now. or...i cut off all contact and ignore her from my life untill the day i can talk to her again..whenever that day is.
im confused of which is best both for me and for the long term.

[SeaRod]

You know your answer, you know what you Really want to deep. Search deep within, noone here has the answer but you.

Anyways, just remember this: it was 2.5 years, not 25 years. You will learn from this, grow, and become a better person. What a bargain!

[180]

Originally Posted by kawasaki

there is a lot of valid points here.

180, my ex was the type of girl that needed to be heard and listened to. i WAS the one that was there to listen to her, to talk to her, to comfort her, someone she can talk about anything to. and you are right, i stopped providing her that comfort. you are spot on about her being closer to her father.

you are right about her grieving over the end of our relationship months ago. the day we broke up, she told me that she had countless nights of crying in bed.

however, i absolutely will not blame myself as the core issue of the breakup. i tried my best...i really did. i in no way neglected her through other avenues. i still treated her like a princess and did things for her. i fell short on the communication side and this happens.. she knew i loved her and cared for her. she told me that specifically. however in my defense. whenever there was a problem, she would bottle it up most of the time and not address it directly with me in person. these small concerns communicated through texts is a poor way of addressing issues in my opinion.. but come on, im not here to point fingers at whos wrong and right. im interested in coping with this situation and moving on.

in terms of accepting the end of the relationship. i believe i am truly accepting it now after all is said and done. i know i want to move on and i put all hopes of reconciliation behind me. but for right now, i find that if there is contact it would just hurt me more. im at a crossroads...do i decide to be FRIENDLY, because i know i cannot be her friend right now. or...i cut off all contact and ignore her from my life untill the day i can talk to her again..whenever that day is.
im confused of which is best both for me and for the long term.

I'm in total agreement. You are not to blame. Neither is she. It's just what happened. I never thought you were to blame. Just stating that she wanted something, she didn't get it, so there was break up. You are not to blame. I had a girlfriend who wanted to snuggle every night. I swear to god, it was like sleeping next to a fantastic 4 member called... the human torch. I didn't want to, so she broke up. IN all reality, the sex sucked so it was fine.

As for friendly relations with her now...

The rule usually goes you can't be friends after a breakup. Why? Because somewhere jealousy is going to spark. IT already has. SHe will say something like "Oh I gave my boyfriend a blowjob the other night, He's SOOOO good. Oh and he's rich and handsome... you were never like that".

Happened to me.
I wanted to make an introduction. Heavy metal chair, meet my soon to be dead ex girlfriend's skull. She told me about her new boyfriend and how "funny" he is (if you follow me on the forums it's like my biggest psychological hangup). The rage swells up and you feel like KILLING someone.

Bro, I know how you feel. Sucks and it's a terrible feeling.
We're on your side.





...I know you want to kill her.... if you stay friends... it will grow...

[kawasaki]

180, your comments are very realistic and its good to know that someone else can also relate to what i am feeling right now. your comments are very uplifting! as with everyone else.

the mid section of my previous post was more directed to the user Laurenaus (no offense, it just seems like you are posting out of your own frustration in your own relationship in terms of being neglected, i do hope the best for you though..)

180, may i ask how you are handing communication with your ex? are you ignoring her? replying but with limited response? and how has your decision affected your mental state? just curious is all.

as i analyze my feelings more..it seems like i am missing the "relationship" more than i am missing her. any thoughts?

[Indiana]

Originally Posted by kawasaki

as i analyze my feelings more..it seems like i am missing the "relationship" more than i am missing her. any thoughts?

Entirely possible. I have found, post-break-up, that it's quite helpful to think of 'the relationship' as a third entity that is neither her nor you, but something that existed separately from each. So the breakup was not because there was something wrong with you, or wrong with her, but simply because 'the relationship' between the two of you did not work.

[180]

Originally Posted by kawasaki

180, your comments are very realistic and its good to know that someone else can also relate to what i am feeling right now. your comments are very uplifting! as with everyone else.

the mid section of my previous post was more directed to the user Laurenaus (no offense, it just seems like you are posting out of your own frustration in your own relationship in terms of being neglected, i do hope the best for you though..)

180, may i ask how you are handing communication with your ex? are you ignoring her? replying but with limited response? and how has your decision affected your mental state? just curious is all.

as i analyze my feelings more..it seems like i am missing the "relationship" more than i am missing her. any thoughts?

3 times I tried remaining friends with ex's.

NOT GOOD

What happens is, EX's EXPCECT you treat them the same after the breakup. In their mind, it's technically 2 boyfriends at once. Really you'll see it...

For example, I used to send text messages complimenting my ex from time to time. Saying how wonderful she was. When we changed to friends, she complained I didn't do the same things...

You should have seen my face...

I mean, she still expected me to send her messages at night saying how wonderful she is and how she is my little "bunny" (her pet name). I thought she was nuts. Friends don't do that. Her concept of boyfriend and fried were totally out of scope with mine. It was more apparent. But heres the thing, she will treat YOU very differently. She won't be nice, and she won't do the same things. In fact, you'll see what's called her "true" face.

Remember how I said that she's probably closer to her father? The reason I know that is that when a baby girl grows up, she has potential to become a "daddy's girl". This sort of girl generally gets her way by manipulation of her father. She knows to turn on the cute and the innocent and she learns from an early age that if she does things a certain way, she can manipulate men. The major thing being that daddy is the power of the house. It's a repeat of all the things she learned from before.

What will likely happen is that you will see her "true" face. She'll treat you so differently and you're going to wonder why. It's because she puts down the front if she thinks she has you in the palm of her hand.

Anyways, besides me being jaded. Experience has taught me, once it's over-You drop her like a bad egg. If she wants to contact you, tell her you're busy and you're doing other stuff. Find other girls. It's not imperative. But if she sees you with other girls... she'll have this burning jealousy.

You do it for revenge or sex is up to you. Either is good. I mostly did it for revenge.


I'll tell you the story of another Ex. This one ex, totally thought I was under her control. So after I breakup she occasionally still messaged me like I'm garbage or something. She said things like "I only messaged you because I was bored". Now, let me tell you she was CERTIFIED bipolar (which is probably why the sex was so amazing lol).

I mean, she was diagnosed with bipolar. So I treated her like this poor thing and tried to help her. Ultimately, she thought that I was in the palm of her hand and was a total bithch. So I blocked her. Couldn't have made a better decision.

Holding onto girls is almost never a good idea. We think it is because we can come back to them later. But generally when it's done it's done.

Look if she got over you in 2.5 months, it's not a good sign. You will never trust her, so you'll never marry her. She probably won't put out either. When a girl is done, it means she is done usually.

Best thing to do in my experience is to get a new girl. RUB IT IN HER FACE AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE. Give the new girl EVERYTHING, do more for her than your previous girlfriend and rub it in her face. She'll come crawling back! But YOU DON'T TAKE HER BACK. YOU let her burn with jealousy. You say, look you had your chance.... it's over.

AND YOU LAUGH! HAHAHAHAHA

OH MY GOD THAT FEELING IS LIKE WHOOOOOO!

I did it once, I frequent a cafe. and that same bipolar girlfriend I told you about? Well I was with another girl and we were talking and having a good time. She saw me and I could feel her eyes piercing the girl I was talking to. SHE WAS ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ LIVID. She went nuts, came up to her and started getting in her face, oh the jealousy.

I said, look i insert bipolar girls name here you had your chance. I'm sorry it's over. I don't look back and now I'm with Janet. She makes me happy.

HOLY CRAP! REVENGE tastes way better than sex.

[kawasaki]

the last time i met up with my ex which was a few weeks ago. i talked about this other girl friend of mine. and since then, she has gone to ask one of my buddies who this other girl is. i suspect it was jealousy provoking her. your comments confirms it more.

either way, i have come to terms with accepting that she is gone. the only thing i can do is let her go. letting her go because i "loved" her so much. i once told her that i would do anything to make her happy. by letting her go live her life without me and making her own decisions about who she wants to be with seems to be making her happy. and that honestly puts a small smile on my face. i guess sometimes loving someone is letting them go. i want her to be happy..and most importantly, I want to be happy.

you are absolutely right 180. i will probably never trust her like i use to again let alone consider marrying her ever again. do you have any small lingering feelings of wanting your ex back? or does that usually disappear when you meet somewhere else? does it ever fully disappear?

i feel you about finding a new girl and letting her know about it. as evil as it sounds, it does make me feel pretty good. haha

indiana, by thinking that the relationship is a "third party entity" does make coping a lot easier. but i think its mostly because this third party entity can easily be replaced by another...if you allow it

[Laurenaus]

my frustrations are very similar to the frustrations your girlfriends was feeling which prompted me to respond--good luck

[LifeFirst]

Tell you the truth....

You can get over ANYONE in a matter of 3-4 days.

The problem is that you think that she's the ONE for you, you know, the right one.....whereas there can be a lot of "ones" out there in the World who are also right for you.

You'll meet someone just as good, if not better, than her very soon if you allow it.

Just how the world works...

[180]

Originally Posted by kawasaki

the last time i met up with my ex which was a few weeks ago. i talked about this other girl friend of mine. and since then, she has gone to ask one of my buddies who this other girl is. i suspect it was jealousy provoking her. your comments confirms it more.

either way, i have come to terms with accepting that she is gone. the only thing i can do is let her go. letting her go because i "loved" her so much. i once told her that i would do anything to make her happy. by letting her go live her life without me and making her own decisions about who she wants to be with seems to be making her happy. and that honestly puts a small smile on my face. i guess sometimes loving someone is letting them go. i want her to be happy..and most importantly, I want to be happy.

you are absolutely right 180. i will probably never trust her like i use to again let alone consider marrying her ever again. do you have any small lingering feelings of wanting your ex back? or does that usually disappear when you meet somewhere else? does it ever fully disappear?

i feel you about finding a new girl and letting her know about it. as evil as it sounds, it does make me feel pretty good. haha

indiana, by thinking that the relationship is a "third party entity" does make coping a lot easier. but i think its mostly because this third party entity can easily be replaced by another...if you allow it

I had lingering feelings for quite a while.

I can tell you... the people at baskin robbins know my face because I'd come in crying and asking for buckets of Rocky road ice cream and be like "uuuhhhhhnnnngg I brokeup boo hoo".

hahahahahaa.

But now those feelings of wanting her back are totally totally gone. When I realized there is nothing unique about her, I stopped caring completely. The hangup was I thought she was unique.

I mean, top of her class, gorgeous, piano player, went to top college, rich. I couldn't ask for anything more. But for all that, she lacked any "real" knowledge. She WAS one of those fairytale girls. She was a daddy's girl too. And I began to see her pathology... I knew she could never be the mother I'd want her to be. In that case, ALL feelings wiped away.

If you can't see her as the mother of your children, it shouldn't be hard to get rid of those lingering feelings. It would have never worked out.

[James81]

Originally Posted by 180

I had lingering feelings for quite a while.

I can tell you... the people at baskin robbins know my face because I'd come in crying and asking for buckets of Rocky road ice cream and be like "uuuhhhhhnnnngg I brokeup boo hoo".

hahahahahaa.

But now those feelings of wanting her back are totally totally gone. When I realized there is nothing unique about her, I stopped caring completely. The hangup was I thought she was unique.

I mean, top of her class, gorgeous, piano player, went to top college, rich. I couldn't ask for anything more. But for all that, she lacked any "real" knowledge. She WAS one of those fairytale girls. She was a daddy's girl too. And I began to see her pathology... I knew she could never be the mother I'd want her to be. In that case, ALL feelings wiped away.

If you can't see her as the mother of your children, it shouldn't be hard to get rid of those lingering feelings. It would have never worked out.

You know, I get the impression that if someone were to crack open your outer shell and peer down inside, that they'd see a whole lot of unresolved stuff in there that seems to manifest itself in terms of evolutionary theory and projections of that stuff onto the rest of the world.

You're a smart, articulate fellow, but man you've got a really narrow view on human relationships.

[180]

Originally Posted by James81

You know, I get the impression that if someone were to crack open your outer shell and peer down inside, that they'd see a whole lot of unresolved stuff in there that seems to manifest itself in terms of evolutionary theory and projections of that stuff onto the rest of the world.

You're a smart, articulate fellow, but man you've got a really narrow view on human relationships.

It's not narrow, it's realistic.

As much as I would LOVE to see humans for a altruistic wonderful caring species they are, only evidence proves contrary. It's not jaded and I'm not angry about it. Just need to accept reality for what it is.

I'm just not convinced that everyone loves me and that they love me for who I am and not what I can do for them.

If you really believe humans are wonderful loving creatures etc etc... that's a fine view to take. You'll probably happier in your life too. I just have too many life experiences contrary to fairy tales to know that I'm not living in one.

And every movie, or belief I have/had, are all questionable and need to analyzed in a framework that makes sense.

Biology, psychology, physics, these are scientific principals in which I analyze the world around me.

[James81]

Originally Posted by 180

It's not narrow, it's realistic.

As much as I would LOVE to see humans for a altruistic wonderful caring species they are, only evidence proves contrary. It's not jaded and I'm not angry about it. Just need to accept reality for what it is.

I'm just not convinced that everyone loves me and that they love me for who I am and not what I can do for them.

If you really believe humans are wonderful loving creatures etc etc... that's a fine view to take. You'll probably happier in your life too. I just have too many life experiences contrary to fairy tales to know that I'm not living in one.

And every movie, or belief I have/had, are all questionable and need to analyzed in a framework that makes sense.

Biology, psychology, physics, these are scientific principals in which I analyze the world around me.

You create that reality by believing it's the objective truth. *shrug*

It's kind of hard to believe something *isn't* reality when you haven't experienced anything outside of it to the contrary.

But this begs the quesiton....which comes first? The reality? Or the beliefs about reality?

Maybe we need another thread about this.

[kawasaki]

love...so unforgiving.

in terms of rebound relationships, i cant help but wonder if this is the case for her. i think the given facts so far can give a pretty probable opinion. what are your thoughts?

for me, it highly seems like it. she was hurt a lot and it just so happens one of her friends was there to fill the void that i left in her heart. as 180 suggested in an earlier post, deep down inside she is probably lonely and i can agree.

this could very well be her way of coping and dealing with the end of our relationship. i highly doubt this would be true love for her.

of course im not speculating all this with hopes of her leaving her new man and coming back to me.

i have a lot to learn and experience in terms of relationships. the only way that can happen is through other people. she is my very first girlfriend, so i dont expect her to be "the one". although in some cases like 1 in a million finding the one in the first relationship is true. not for my situation though.