Dealing with negative emotions after breakup

[inconditus]

I'm horrible at telling stories so please excuse me if this sounds jumbled.

I've dated this boy on and off for years and stayed friends throughout. I have also had a cord attached to him throughout this entire time.... recently he has raised his vibrations immensely and took it upon himself to cut my cord to free both of us and has decided it would be better for us to keep a distance for a while.

He has been completely honest with me through this whole experience and I would love to say that I am 100% happy for his new growth and love him dearly... but my ego keeps getting in the way. I fight with negative emotions constantly. I reached my limit a few days ago. He called me to check up on me and I had a panic attack because I had such a hard time controlling my "demons" and trying to consciously keep myself from attempting to reattach the cord.

Right now I find it easiest to ignore his existence, something I know is not beneficial in the long run. I deleted him from facebook, his contact information on my phone and when I see his ID pop up on this forum I either avoid the post or his comments in them. This keeps the negative thoughts at bay because, well, if I don't acknowledge him then I also don't acknowledge the feelings of resentment, inadequacy, jealousy of his new partner and then guilt for having all these feelings and the painful process of building my consciousness up again after falling so low.

I would like for this not to be the case though. I want to feel love and happiness for him without shifting through different emotions and guides telling me not to. I would like to be able to read his advice blogs on facebook because I know they are beneficial... and many other things that my current state is not allowing me to do...

I feel lost and would appreciate any advice on how to change my current situation. What can I do differently? Is this just a process that time will mend? Anything O.o

[180]

These feelings are natural.

While I do think most feelings are destructive, in the case they are natural. You lost a good partner to someone else and jealousy is erupting. It's a very natural human emotion.

As I've told others before, if you want to forget an ex, you probably should acknowledge that the loss isn't as great as you think. Any guy out there will be someone else just as good for you.

[zenrealized]

The thing is you were keeping him on that cord for some reason. To me it sounds like you didn't really want to be with him. Not completely. So now he's out there looking for someone who would want to be with him completely. Maybe you are a little bit out of his league. I'm sure he senses that you feel that way. Maybe you're better looking realitively that he is. To keep him on the cord so to speak you threw him morsels of physical contact at your leisure.

Eventually the hungry will start looking for better sources of food so that they can get full. Your ego should have nothing to do with it. If you really think about it look what you have put this guy through. It sounds like he accepted inferior attention for a long time.

You're doing all those things like erasing the facebook etc because you want to increase his pain. You're making it as hard as possible for him to get what he needs from someone else because you find yourself too valuable to give him what he needs. You're trying to keep your options open all at the same time so when the type of guy you imagine yourself to be equal to comes along you can leave him high and dry.

Maybe a little part of you realizes that you might lose this guy and that you really love him. Maybe he's as valuable as you are and that's what scares you.

You have to make a choice to commit to this guy if you can get him back and not regress with him as soon as you have ruined his chances with the new girl. It's you who needs to totally assure him that you aren't going to go away anymore. That you really love him. It's you that has to ask for him. Or you have to reinstall the facebook thing and act mature about it and not contact him in any other way so that he can get over you.

[inconditus]

Zenrealized, I appreciate your feedback; however, I don't think you understand what I meant.

I subconsciously kept a psychic cord attached to him, specifically his solar plex chakra because I was so afraid of losing him. It sounds like you interpreted this as me keeping him on a leash of sorts. This is not the case.

[inconditus]

180, then do you think it's something that I just need to let time do it's job??