"too" confident? Unsure of what to do

[The Unconquered]

Women have expressed that I come across as pompous and make sarcastic remarks about how humble I am. Men, simultaneously, think my self-confidence is incredibly sexy, and I have been told so. I treat men and women the same way as far as I can tell. I Googled "overconfidence" and I don't feel I fit the definition. I am well aware of my deficiencies and realize that only small, gradual steps in a positive direction will lead to change. Ironically, I think I was more overconfident when I had less self-esteem and not now.

I personally am fine with my attitude. As far as I am concerned, I have high self-esteem because I am in touch with Source -- it is the Source in me that is awesome, really. I am just a conduit of Source. I am often quite puzzled about why other people are so out of touch with their Source, and I have to remind myself that they haven't gone through the transformation I have gone through over the past year and a half. What I used to perceive as confidence in other people is really, too often, a since of feigned superiority over those who have "wronged" them, which isn't really confidence at all.

However, I do not want to attract inappropriate attention or rub people the wrong way if it's not necessary. I do realize that confidence is intimidating to some people and there is nothing I can do about that. I am also applying for jobs and don't want my tone or body language to get myself out of a job that I would enjoy. So this is a fine tightrope I am crossing.

Any ideas on how I can tell I am coming across as overconfident, and how I can tone it down in such situations?

[MidasGirl]

I don't think confidence is intimidating at all, a pompous attitude might be though. Confidence is an attractive quality, so if you're finding people put off by your attitude, you might want to ask yourself if it really comes across as confidence or just over-compensating?

Is it all women you come across that are put off by your attitude, and all men that find it sexy? That would be interesting. At my last job, it was more of a boys club type place, and we had one girl that was way confident. I really liked her, all the girls did, the boys seemed a bit put off by her sense of confidence.

I tend to give women a lot of credit. Maybe it's just the women I've been around, but I haven't experienced the kind of cattyness that many people speak of. I believe women are always pulling for one another. And the women I see alienating other women are the ones that want to hog the spotlight and act as if the other women don't matter.

In any case, if you want to know how you're being irritating, start by noticing how many people actually want to be around you. If every one is avoiding you, then you're not fun to be around, is what it means. If you like yourself the way you are, then no need to change.

I don't believe in the term "overconfident". I don't care for it. It's kind of a put down term. Either one is confident, or one is an ass.

[The Unconquered]

Originally Posted by MidasGirl

I don't think confidence is intimidating at all, a pompous attitude might be though. Confidence is an attractive quality, so if you're finding people put off by your attitude, you might want to ask yourself if it really comes across as confidence or just over-compensating?

I don't know what I'd be over-compensating for. There are times when I am down on myself and times when I am feeling amazing, just like anyone else. This morning, for example, I was upset I forgot something very important for an appointment, so I had to arrange to return another time. I was very down on myself on the drive home, but I realized that it just wasn't meant to be, so I moved on. I felt better later.

Originally Posted by MidasGirl

Is it all women you come across that are put off by your attitude, and all men that find it sexy? That would be interesting.

No, that's not quite it. Not all women are put off by my attitude; all of the people who criticized my attitude were women. Not all men find me sexy; but many men do. Some women do, too. I have an unusually good sense of smell, so I can physically sense their arousal.

Originally Posted by MidasGirl

At my last job, it was more of a boys club type place, and we had one girl that was way confident. I really liked her, all the girls did, the boys seemed a bit put off by her sense of confidence.

Odd how it was reversed in your job situation. I also work in a boys club type place right now.

[Curtis2011]

Originally Posted by The Unconquered

Women have expressed that I come across as pompous and make sarcastic remarks about how humble I am. Men, simultaneously, think my self-confidence is incredibly sexy, and I have been told so. I treat men and women the same way as far as I can tell.

Then there's no problem there, now is there?

There is one thing I can think of. Sometimes people are a bit "rough around the edges" or "too direct", kind of like how Donald Trump says "YOU'RE FIRED!" straight to someone's face.

Sometimes direct-ness can be misperceived as not caring about others' feelings, or being an a- hole, etc. Maybe you are just a bit too direct for most women's taste (since girls are supposed to be "sugar, spice, and everything nice").

[The Unconquered]

Originally Posted by Curtis2011

Then there's no problem there, now is there?

I wish it were that simple, but thank you.

Originally Posted by Curtis2011

There is one thing I can think of. Sometimes people are a bit "rough around the edges" or "too direct", kind of like how Donald Trump says "YOU'RE FIRED!" straight to someone's face.

Sometimes direct-ness can be misperceived as not caring about others' feelings, or being an a- hole, etc. Maybe you are just a bit too direct for most women's taste (since girls are supposed to be "sugar, spice, and everything nice").

Perhaps. I once read in a book (can't verify the name *grumbles*) about Myers-Briggs communication styles that ENTP females like me are perceived as masculine by traditionalists, so that can get us into trouble. That's dead on.

I also recently read an article that said that some women (and I imagine, some men) would prefer judgments made about others to be implied, and they feel judgments should only be stated if the listener just does not get it. Unfortunately, I cannot find the link to the article at the moment.

OK: "That person just shoved me!" *pouts*
Not OK: "That person just shoved me! How rude!" *pouts*

It was written by a woman who struggles with social interaction in general, so I thought it was interesting. Anyone agree or disagree?

[Plays With Life]

Originally Posted by The Unconquered

I treat men and women the same way as far as I can tell.

Is there a sexual undertone in your interactions with men (the men who like your confidence)? How about with women?

Originally Posted by The Unconquered

Any ideas on how I can tell I am coming across as overconfident, and how I can tone it down in such situations?

Forget all that. Put on some leather and wear a whip on your belt, and strut around like there's no tomorrow. Then when people see you, they'll expect you to act pompous and confident. No one will find it odd. Problem solved.

[Plays With Life]

Originally Posted by The Unconquered

OK: "That person just shoved me!" *pouts*
Not OK: "That person just shoved me! How rude!" *pouts*

I prefer the first one. I don't see an implied judgement in the first one at all. The first one I would interpret as lacking a judgement. A person expresses what they feel about what they experienced. (What I experienced was unpleasant) Whereas in the second one they express what they think about another person's actions. (What that person did was rude)

[The Unconquered]

Originally Posted by MidasGirl

Maybe it's just the women I've been around, but I haven't experienced the kind of cattyness that many people speak of. I believe women are always pulling for one another. And the women I see alienating other women are the ones that want to hog the spotlight and act as if the other women don't matter.

My experiences with female relationships have been much different. Women have been giving me trouble since I was a little nerdy girl. When I was a kid, the ones who alienated me tended to be the more popular ones. When I saw that "Mean Girls" was being made, I was like, "Finally, some truth." I didn't feel too great about being a woman for a long time. What else could I do, when I heard men complain about women and I could 100% agree, since I had experienced similar things myself? It took me a long time to appreciate the wonder, joy, and power of female emotions -- even my own.

As I have gotten older, I have met more self-confident women who did not need to put down others to lift themselves up. They did not complain about me, so I concluded that the issue at hand was result of a lack of confidence. I was very surprised today when a good friend of mine, whose good judgment I have trusted on various matters in the past, critiqued something I wrote by saying that I would come across as pompous to people who did not know me. Of course, she may be having an off day, but taking an off day out on an innocent friend is highly unlike her. So I suspected there is something to it.

I can be less direct, but it is uncomfortable and feels dishonest, so I use it for delicate and political situations where a direct statement would be disadvantageous.

[The Unconquered]

Originally Posted by Plays With Life

I prefer the first one. I don't see an implied judgement in the first one at all. The first one I would interpret as lacking a judgement. A person expresses what they feel about what they experienced. (What I experienced was unpleasant) Whereas in the second one they express what they think about another person's actions. (What that person did was rude)

I've personally noticed that when women vent, you're supposed to pick up on the judgment without stating it, context clues, so to speak.

I found the article I am referencing. In it, a woman complained to the author that she had invited someone on 4 different occasions, and couldn't the author believe this person had turned down a 5th?

The author replied, "Yes," because logically that would be the most probable thing to conclude. However, the woman who was complaining wanted support and a tirade against the other woman who had rejected her for being insensitive.

Thoughts?

[The Unconquered]

Originally Posted by Plays With Life

Is there a sexual undertone in your interactions with men (the men who like your confidence)? How about with women?

I rarely instigate with men. I never instigate with women -- I don't live in a part of the USA where that would be acceptable in public.

Originally Posted by Plays With Life

Forget all that. Put on some leather and wear a whip on your belt, and strut around like there's no tomorrow. Then when people see you, they'll expect you to act pompous and confident. No one will find it odd. Problem solved.

LOL.

[Plays With Life]

Originally Posted by The Unconquered

I found the article I am referencing. In it, a woman complained to the author that she had invited someone on 4 different occasions, and couldn't the author believe this person had turned down a 5th?

The author replied, "Yes," because logically that would be the most probable thing to conclude. However, the woman who was complaining wanted support and a tirade against the other woman who had rejected her for being insensitive.

Lmao. That sounds like complaining about mistreatment. "This person done me wrong!" It's still a judgement of another person's actions - which I don't find useful. I guess I have encountered women who do this sort of thing. But I don't tend to interact with them very much; and when they go off on a rant about another person's behaviour, I don't get caught up in it. "Can you *believe* this person did this?!" They usually give me a weird look after a few minutes of me not responding with affirmation of their judgement, get a little awkward, and either excuse themselves or change the subject.

Anyways, most women I interact with don't do this sort of thing. At least not when they're interacting with me. Maybe the author was just surrounded by discontent women.

[Plays With Life]

>But this was, by far, the wrong answer - and would be met with mortal insult. "What do you mean, YES!? What are you saying, that my parties suck?! Some friend you are!!" I'd find myself reeling. What just happened?

Bwahaha. Yeah, this sounds like a 10 year old throwing a tantrum to me. I'd tell that author to get new people.

[Illuminatus]

The men are responding positively to you because confidence is attractive.

The women are responding negatively because you are competition. This is IDENTICAL to how many men will refer to guys who display dominant traits as "jerks" -they are intimidated because deep down they know confident people have more sexual options.

Originally Posted by The Unconquered

Any ideas on how I can tell I am coming across as overconfident, and how I can tone it down in such situations?

I've lived both lives. I've been in-your-face confident in the past. Then I got a full-time job and found myself toning everything down for the workplace. This then seeped into the rest of my life.

I'd rather have the confidence back. And when I leave this job, that's the first thing I'm going to do.

So my advice to you is: Keep the confidence, and tell anyone who doesn't like it to **** off.

[brendannz]

If people have a problem with your confidence, they might be perceiving superiority, or arrogance, whether they're right or wrong..

[Kishka]

The number one observation from men and women, about me is that I seem extremely confident and *calm*.

Ive never been told that I am arrogant or pompous. Other women have even called me a 'sweetheart'.

I don't run across competitive women or any that find me threatening. For example, one friend commented that she couldnt believe that I was already dating in my new town, but she wasnt threatened or avoiding me after she learned this. We laughed about it...

Men are the ones who seem a TAD bit intimidated by me but as *I* open up to them, more and more, they interact with me in a respectful and loving manner. In other words, I get back what I project to men...and women of course.

I don't see women as a threat, or competition, so they don't see me that way either.

You mentioned 'mean girls'...could it be that your childhood experiences with other girls tainted your impressions of women and you never changed you THOUGHTS about them, and so that continues to be your EXPERIENCE with them?

It's all a reflection of what's going on in your mind...

[ssandra]

I'm reading a pretty interesting book right now, about the Ego.

It says that too much ego is just as bad (in business situations, it's a business book) as too little ego.

Too much ego leads to bad decision making, sticking with decisions just because you once decided it, it can lead to not having the best idea win, but the idea that is yours etc.

On the other side too little ego can lead to making decisions based on popularity, not making any decisions at all etc.

According to the author the golden middle for ego is called humility.

Definition in the book: Humility is intelligent self-respect that keeps us from thinking too much or too little of ourselves. It reminds us how far we've come while at the same time helping us see how far short we are of what we can be.

I think that what can put others off to over confidence can be 2 things

1. They see the lack of confidence in themselves and believe that nobody is allowed to showcase their own confidence. Mainly women are raised to believe that is a bad thing

2. Your confidence is not tempered by humility. Nobody likes a show off. It is perfectly fine to know what you can do, and show that, but when you make it ALL about your ideas and how great they are, that can be off putting.

I'm not sure which one is your issue with most women, or maybe a bit of a combination of both.

Either way, just wanted to share with you, hopefully it helps!

[James81]

Originally Posted by ssandra

According to the author the golden middle for ego is called humility.

Definition in the book: Humility is intelligent self-respect that keeps us from thinking too much or too little of ourselves. It reminds us how far we've come while at the same time helping us see how far short we are of what we can be.

That seems limiting to me.

It kind of smacks of "thinking too much or too little of ourselves" is a bad thing. (Big surprise there, huh? )

I think my preference would be to think of myself in terms of my highest possibility, and to realize that it's not "thinking too highly of myself" but, rather, realizing exactly who I am and that "I am what I am" without judgment as to the quality of who I am.

And in that realization (and here's where that "humility" theme comes in, although I wouldn't call it humility), I realize that when I am being the highest possible version of myself, am being more aware and more in tune with who I am, that the creative power that develops in me not only touches me, but the people who surround me. And that creation raises the vibration of those people and the realization that they, too, can be the highest version of who they are.

[James81]

P.S. I'm reading Conversations with God again.

And that's something I just read this morning actually, so it's really funny how congruent it is with everything else that is happening/has happened. And it's fun reading it with a new persepctive.

[ssandra]

Originally Posted by James81

That seems limiting to me.

It kind of smacks of "thinking too much or too little of ourselves" is a bad thing. (Big surprise there, huh? )

I think my preference would be to think of myself in terms of my highest possibility, and to realize that it's not "thinking too highly of myself" but, rather, realizing exactly who I am and that "I am what I am" without judgment as to the quality of who I am.

And in that realization (and here's where that "humility" theme comes in, although I wouldn't call it humility), I realize that when I am being the highest possible version of myself, am being more aware and more in tune with who I am, that the creative power that develops in me not only touches me, but the people who surround me. And that creation raises the vibration of those people and the realization that they, too, can be the highest version of who they are.

I agree with you here. What I'm reading as thinking too highly about myself from the way the authors use it, is more about thinking too highly about myself at the expense of others. Such as not hearing other ideas anymore, because I already have my own idea.
Not willing to listen to feedback from others, because I believe I am GOD incarnated and beyond normal human feedback

I agree that I wouldn't call it humility either, but with their definition, I can get behind it.

This book is a follow up from a study done to see what makes good companies great, and how there seems to be only 1 common denominator. That that seems to be the CEO> Only CEO's with the quality humility seem the be able to be level 5 leaders, and only with level 5 leaders can a company grow from good to great.

[James81]

Originally Posted by ssandra

Not willing to listen to feedback from others, because I believe I am GOD incarnated and beyond normal human feedback

Heh, this is funny considering what I'm reading.

How about a flip of perspective that carries all the power without the "pride"?

We are not incarnated by God, he is incarnated by US.

Another way to put it is...there is no separation between him and us. "He" surrounds us and envelops us like a blanket and, thus, we are all the same and we are all "God."

(I use "God" loosely there btw. I'm not talking about angry God who will smote thee and spike you into hell like a football at halftime of the Monday night football game here. "God" would be more like what we refer to as "consciousness" around here.)

[ssandra]

Originally Posted by James81

Heh, this is funny considering what I'm reading.

How about a flip of perspective that carries all the power without the "pride"?

We are not incarnated by God, he is incarnated by US.

Another way to put it is...there is no separation between him and us. "He" surrounds us and envelops us like a blanket and, thus, we are all the same and we are all "God."

(I use "God" loosely there btw. I'm not talking about angry God who will smote thee and spike you into hell like a football at halftime of the Monday night football game here. "God" would be more like what we refer to as "consciousness" around here.)

That's why my use of the word and.

I think this book is interesting but very low level personal development on a business level. It is interesting to see some of the studies done (also interesting how they misinterpret the results)

I believe that we are all the possibility of infinite light. Of god. God is us, we are God.

What I was talking about here was the idea that some people seem to have that they are GOD (old testament God) and that nobody is better then they are, or could possibly have a better idea, or that they could be wrong in any way shape or form.

Even when I'm being the possibility of being SUNSHINE, I still can be wrong I can still forget something. I can still be improving.

[MidasGirl]

Originally Posted by Kishka

The number one observation from men and women, about me is that I seem extremely confident and *calm*.

Ive never been told that I am arrogant or pompous. Other women have even called me a 'sweetheart'.

I don't run across competitive women or any that find me threatening. For example, one friend commented that she couldnt believe that I was already dating in my new town, but she wasnt threatened or avoiding me after she learned this. We laughed about it...

Men are the ones who seem a TAD bit intimidated by me but as *I* open up to them, more and more, they interact with me in a respectful and loving manner. In other words, I get back what I project to men...and women of course.

I don't see women as a threat, or competition, so they don't see me that way either.

You mentioned 'mean girls'...could it be that your childhood experiences with other girls tainted your impressions of women and you never changed you THOUGHTS about them, and so that continues to be your EXPERIENCE with them?

It's all a reflection of what's going on in your mind...

This has exactly been my experience. I speak my mind quite freely, I am firm with people, I don't hold back letting people know the truth of how I feel, yet I've never been called pompous or overconfident (not to my face anyway).

It wasn't always this way however. In the past I was more timid inside, and ended up overcompensating by trying to be a people pleaser. I've seen some people overcompensate by being too loud and rambanctious, or being, well, pompous.

You wouldn't know it from my posts here, lol, but I'm one of those people that everyone gets along with in the office, yet I refuse to kiss anyone's ass. [Well, except if I have a cute boss then I might kiss his ass]

I think one of the biggest shifts I've made is in being self aware and highly conscious of how my way of being is affecting those around me. Somebody once said that "the meaning of your communication is the response you are getting". Sometimes some people are just really kind of not aware of how to fine tune their delivery so that it works on a win/win level. Part of it too could be just surrounding yourself with the wrong people. But if you truly are always pulling for others around you to be their best self, you will be your best self in the process.

I find that what I had to also drop are stereotypical suspicions that say things like, women are this way or that, eg women are always gossiping, or women are catty. As a result, I don't attract gossipy or catty situations. I enjoy being around women as much as men!

[dulaney0330]

One of my favorite books on male and female communication, "you just dont understand," states that as young girls, everything has to be equal and fair (hence more women are liberal )

As boys, there is a heirachy. If your better, you rise to the top.

With girls, you are alienated, put down, or rejected for being prettier or smarter.

Knowning this, I find it easier to deal with my female friends.

It sounds like women find your confidence intimidating and since they do not have it themselves, there is a rejection.

[Criseyde]

I've gotten the kind of criticism that you're getting, about being arrogant, snotty, know-it-all, whatever. I still get it occasionally, but much less now than in the past. I had to learn to figure out where it was coming from. Some people just don't like an air of reserve, which I definitely have, and some people don't like anything that's not couched in sunshine and flowers, which I don't necessarily do, and I am okay with being seen as arrogant/snotty/aloof by people who don't like that. That's the price I pay. But sometimes, I had this "I'm x and other people are y" script running when I talked (and x was me being better in some way), and even if I wasn't expressing that on the surface, people still knew it was there. I still do that sometimes; I'm working on it. People are really good at picking up on scorn/contempt -- it comes across in your face, even if it's not in your words.

Here's why I think this might apply...

Originally Posted by The Unconquered

I personally am fine with my attitude. As far as I am concerned, I have high self-esteem because I am in touch with Source -- it is the Source in me that is awesome, really. I am just a conduit of Source. I am often quite puzzled about why other people are so out of touch with their Source, and I have to remind myself that they haven't gone through the transformation I have gone through over the past year and a half. What I used to perceive as confidence in other people is really, too often, a since of feigned superiority over those who have "wronged" them, which isn't really confidence at all.

Maybe instead of thinking of it like this, you could try to see the awesomeness of Source in others and honor it, even if you don't think they see it themselves.

Of course, if you are fine with the way you're viewing others, then don't worry about it. But just realize that this may be the price.

And since we're talking about awesomeness and Source, Namaste.

[Angela]

There's seeing yourself as your highest possibility -- thinking highly of yourself, and then there's believing your thoughts are The Truth. Two different things.

If you see yourself as Magnificent Being, that doesn't mean seeing others as any less than utterly magnificent, and it doesn't mean you believe you're right and others are wrong -- that your thoughts are what other people *should* think, if they want to be present to The Truth.

I think that if you see another person as less than, wrong, or bad, that's an opportunity for you to see yourself in their reflection. In what way are you believing that an aspect of you is less than, wrong, or bad? When you release that judgement in yourself, all you can see in the other person is their unlimited magnificence -- there's nothing wrong here. And vice-versa, when you deliberately look for the magnificence of others, your own unconscious mind takes it personally and sees it in yourself, as well. It's an upward spiral, whichever direction you put into spin.

If you would like to get different results with the person who sees you as too this or too that, you might want to try making a bold commitment to seeing that person as limitless power, joy, and abundance -- a shining, brilliant beacon of light standing there in front of you -- who is temporarily or partially not present to her own magnificence. (If she were fully present to self-acceptance and self-love, that's what she'd be seeing in you, as well.) Does that give you some access to compassion? Just like you and I sometimes are not present to our own magnificence for one reason or another, that person is, too. Forgive yourself -- forgive all aspects of yourself -- by which I mean: see that we're all in this together, and we're all doing the best we can with the resources we have available at the moment.

It won't necessarily make ever person who's projecting their judgements onto you let go of their judgement, but when you bathe people in the light of acceptance, freedom, and boldly seeing them as the limitless wonder that is Who They Are, it does tend to make it easier for them to see themselves in the fabulous, clear mirror that you're being. Not everyone's going to look in that mirror, but that's okay -- it doesn't mean anything about YOU.

[Solipsist]

I became very interested in thread, and was going to respond with something, but I think Angela's post says about all I could say.

Great post, Angela!

For the record, Unconquered, yes, your confidence is indeed sexy, but your hysterically-laughing avatar is what I find even more attractive.

Also, I think the only difference between confident and pompous is pride, which is always alleviated by a dose of humility. But I'd like to add that I don't see humility as a character trait in and of itself, but rather just an antidote.

Otherwise, I seem to be progressively losing contextual perception of gender qualities, so I cannot comment on that.

[Plays With Life]

Originally Posted by Solipsist

But I'd like to add that I don't see humility as a character trait in and of itself, but rather just an antidote.

Could you send me a jar? I've never taken any.

[The Unconquered]

Originally Posted by Criseyde

Maybe instead of thinking of it like this, you could try to see the awesomeness of Source in others and honor it, even if you don't think they see it themselves.

This is, in fact, what I used to do until recently. The problem was that I ended up staying too long in a relationship situation that turned abusive. The reason? I saw all this good in this person, and they didn't think they deserved all this good treatment. The person explicitly stated this on multiple occasions; I'm not making it up. The person also knew I would always be there for them, resulting in a push/pull situation when the person felt really self-hating.

I eventually had to leave the person. The person responded by burning the bridge behind me. It brings me such sadness and regret to realize that if a person doesn't see the awesomeness that I see in them, I will have to leave quickly, because they will just try to drag me down to their level. While I always will believe in the essential good in this person, my energy is too precious to waste on people who blatantly refuse to believe in themselves.

[The Unconquered]

Originally Posted by Plays With Life

Maybe the author was just surrounded by discontent women.

I think this is really the case.

[Solipsist]

Originally Posted by Plays With Life

Could you send me a jar? I've never taken any.

Humility is like anything else--it's there for the asking, but you have to ask for it. What prompts you to ask for it is the recognition of your own pride. Some people, it seems, never recognize it, and remain pompous.

Originally Posted by The Unconquered

This is, in fact, what I used to do until recently. The problem was that I ended up staying too long in a relationship situation that turned abusive. The reason? I saw all this good in this person, and they didn't think they deserved all this good treatment. The person explicitly stated this on multiple occasions; I'm not making it up. The person also knew I would always be there for them, resulting in a push/pull situation when the person felt really self-hating.

I eventually had to leave the person. The person responded by burning the bridge behind me. It brings me such sadness and regret to realize that if a person doesn't see the awesomeness that I see in them, I will have to leave quickly, because they will just try to drag me down to their level. While I always will believe in the essential good in this person, my energy is too precious to waste on people who blatantly refuse to believe in themselves.

I think what Criseyde meant by "others" was "all others." The situation you describe above, and your ultimate conclusion ("my energy is too precious to waste ...") reveal a bit of pomposity, IMO. I don't say this to judge you, but only attempt to answer the question in the OP.

Which goes back to humility. With humility, you can see that anyone who refuses to believe in themselves has their own issues to resolve. Granted, though you may or may not be able to help them, it is not your responsibility to do so. But to dismiss them as something less than yourself is what reveals pride.

With confidence, you know that someone else's issues will ultimately be corrected, but accept that it is not on you to correct it.