Do you love yourself?

[Blessing]

Hello,

First of all, This is my first post ever on this site! and I really like how suportive all members here to each other! I am from Saudi Arabia,which is very far away to some people if not all. So I hope we can all be open to our cultural differences.

Second of all, Loving someone and being loved back is a general issue for most of us, whether being loved from a family member, a friend or a lover, But what if you couldnt find love or appreciation from people around you, How can you truely love and appreciate yourself?

Let's share thoughts

[MC Kejml]

Nice to meet you Blessing,

I love myself a lot and because of that, I cultivate my personality, my surroundings and my life as a whole.

Because of that, I also can't imagine changing myself to be accepted by other people!

[Weena]

Welcome on the forums Blessing! I believe we all come from the same place, therefore we all deserve to love ourselves and others. As one of my friends used to say, nobody was born wearing a hat. So as we are able to love other for what they are, we should include love for ourselves for what we are.

[jeff18wall]

I can honestly say I struggle with loving myself. I have come along way in that department. I want to truely love myself unconditionaly and know one day I will truly love myself

[rei]

Hello, Blessing, and welcome to the forums! I really enjoy interacting with people from different cultures. As I read in a catalog recently, "Other cultures are not failed attempts at being you." Welcome

Love and appreciation from people around us is nice but it can be an unpleasant yo-yo experience when we approach things that way. It's a risk to put everything into that approach...They may not offer it, or they may at one point and then withdraw it.

In some ways it seems like it might be *easier* to feel love/appreciation about ourselves when others offer it (because most of us tend to be fairly pointed outward) but I think it's a worthy goal to look at starting from the inside (and it's never too late to start ). Maybe even more so if there's not much love/appreciation around outside of us.

I think, actually, not seeing much love/appreciation for ourselves around us can be helpful in motivating us to seek it within instead of giving others that power. Getting it outside isn't a guarantee but when we develop self-love from within then it's always there. And when others aren't offering it, then it's that much easier to shift our attention inward and focus on creating that love and appreciation for ourselves, from ourselves. In that way, their preference to not offer it can be a gift!

[The Cloud]

Originally Posted by Blessing

How can you truely love and appreciate yourself?

If there were no one to tell you otherwise, would you even need love or appreciation? Frankly, I let myself down much more often that others let me down. I wouldn't want to be dependent on myself for those things, so I think it's easiest not to need them at all, or at least not to care if I deserve them.

[Blessing]

Thank u all for your replies, I see different point of views here..

Rei, what u say is absolutely right, and that raises a question in my head: Does loving yourself lead to being selfish? is it healthy to be selfish??


In life, we all have been in situations where we are rejected and it is a PAINFUL feeling. I know i felt pain. And that made me think, am I worthy of being loved? am I asking for alot from people? I even got into depression because of these thoughts because I believe that I am an amazing person and a great friend! at the end I realized that some of the people around me may have detected that insecurity and treated me in that matter.


The cloud, It is important to love yourself even if you let yourself down sometimes.

[SethWilliams]

Loving oneself I think is necessary. How can you expect other people to love you if you cannot love yourself?

I don't think it's selfish. I think self-love is the love everybody deserves.

[Williamjw]

I think for all of us, at times its hard to love yourself for what ever reason.

But we do need to love ourself always, even when its hard to becuase no one loves you at the time. If you don't love yourself no one will love you back.

I personally find that becuase i do love myself alot, people see something different in me, i've lost count of the amount of times i've been called unique. People seem to love that about me.

I therefore conclude that loving oneself is essential to being loved no matter what the circumstances, in order to love ourself we must always be ourself, otherwise it often turns into arrogance.

[secondevolution]

There's a world of difference between loving yourself and loving your ego.

[brendannz]

Yep,

sometimes someone can love you when you don't love yourself, and if you don't know why you're loveable you just get confused & unsure what to do...

I've found

[rei]

Originally Posted by Blessing

Rei, what u say is absolutely right, and that raises a question in my head: Does loving yourself lead to being selfish? is it healthy to be selfish??

Hmm, interesting question. I think when we love ourselves, we realize it is appropriate and healthy to meet our own needs before we meet others' needs - and *other people* might call this selfish. But it is really, in most cases, their reaction to finding out they can't push us around or use us to get what they want. When a person has healthy boundaries they can understand meeting our own needs isn't selfish so they are not as likely to call us that. When they expect us to do things to get or keep their love then when we decide to focus on self-love they may find it selfish - but in my view that is basically just their attempt to get us to be more like what they expect.

The word selfish has a very negative connotation, at least in my own culture. But I do think it is healthy to focus on our own emotional needs. I think it's easier to do for others in a truly loving way - unconditional love - when we feel filled up already. Focusing inward to create self-love, people might call that being selfish but I would say it is a healthy self-care approach.

[nicbrahms]

One thing I have learned recently is that it is very important to love and accept yourself unconditionally including all your perceived flaws, past mistakes etc because only then can you give unconditional love and expect it back.

Unconditional love and acceptance all round I say, sometimes its hard to do, especially as I sometimes think I look like a ed the horse, but I love horses so thats cool.

It is as I have now gotten, the essence to your power to create in your reality, only when you fully accept and love everything can you change it.

Peace out and love.

[Angela]

I think of love a little differently. It's not something that I *give* someone or *get back* from them -- in fact, I think that applying that debtor system to love is an excellent way to promote discontent in relationships.

Love is something I'm either generating, or I'm not. It's not *for* any particular person, although it's often focused on a particular person. When I generate Love, it's *for* everyone and everything. "Others" can access that love as they see fit, or not, and that doesn't mean anything about me or my love or my choice to generate it.

And the more I choose to generate Love, the more present I am to the Love that others are generating. It's all around. The place is thick with it.

[rei]

Originally Posted by Angela

When I generate Love, it's *for* everyone and everything.

What is the process you use to generate Love? And when you say it is for everyone and everything, does that mean it flows from the inside out?

[st33med]

That's easy! We are all love generators.

Just think loving thoughts at people. Even just thinking, "I love him/her/it/you" can generate love.

Loads of love
Andrew

[Angela]

Originally Posted by rei

What is the process you use to generate Love? And when you say it is for everyone and everything, does that mean it flows from the inside out?

The process is to choose it. It's a toggle switch -- either I'm generating Love or I'm not.

And when I say it is for everyone and everything, yeah, I guess you could say it flows from the inside out, and back in again, too, in a spiral. It's just like anything else that I generate -- acceptance, resistance, peace, conflict, joy, energy, generous listening, whatever.... when I generate it, it's not mine, it belongs to the world, and all the aspects of the world, including this avatar called "Angela," get to do with it what they will.

In each moment, I get to choose what I want to manufacture for the world. Nobody has to do anything in particular about it; no one has to *pay me back.* When I'm choosing Love, I tend to experience the world as Love -- it's just about all I see. So it's a fun thing to choose to generate.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by st33med

That's easy! We are all love generators.

Just think loving thoughts at people. Even just thinking, "I love him/her/it/you" can generate love.

Loads of love
Andrew

I love to be around Generators -- people who just create inspiring stuff like Love, just because that's what they choose. And for some reason, the place is crawlin' with 'em!

I agree that all it takes sometimes is just deliberately thinking and feeling that thought: "I LOVE this person!" to get the Love Machine humming.

Loads of love with you, Andrew,
Angela

[james6]

Sometimes. The more i love myself, the less i need outside confirmation that i'm ok and i'm aware, that that relationship makes me feel ok about being me and thats ok. Do i love myself? Sometimes, but i still wouldn't make the choice not to keep trying.

[st33med]

Originally Posted by Angela

The process is to choose it. It's a toggle switch -- either I'm generating Love or I'm not.

And when I say it is for everyone and everything, yeah, I guess you could say it flows from the inside out, and back in again, too, in a spiral. It's just like anything else that I generate -- acceptance, resistance, peace, conflict, joy, energy, generous listening, whatever.... when I generate it, it's not mine, it belongs to the world, and all the aspects of the world, including this avatar called "Angela," get to do with it what they will.

In each moment, I get to choose what I want to manufacture for the world. Nobody has to do anything in particular about it; no one has to *pay me back.* When I'm choosing Love, I tend to experience the world as Love -- it's just about all I see. So it's a fun thing to choose to generate.

Oh yes, nowadays, I leave my switch on and I feel like my heart is illuminating with love

Loads of love with you Angela,
Andrew

*hugs*

[MidasGirl]

Are we talking about loving yourself as an action, or as a feeling? When I generate feelings of love within me, then there's never a question of whether I love myself or not. The very thought of generating love within me causes me to feel love. I can then project that love to those around me.

Now of course, sometimes I allow external circumstances to interfere, and cause me to focus my energy in a direction that does not serve me (negative) and therefore dimming my love generating energy.

To feel love, simply BE love.

[Solipsist]

I see everything and everyone as One.

That said, what or who else is there to love but One's Self?

[Andrew Brunelle]

There are many ways to love oneself. But as long I you love yourself, you'll never be alone. Love is a tricky word sometimes, but to love yourself you have to authentic to yourself. You have to love who you are, not who others (including yourself) want you to be. Loving and accepting yourself take time, and it can be difficult, but it is well worth it, because in order to love others, you must love yourself.

[MidasGirl]

Originally Posted by Solipsist

I see everything and everyone as One.

That said, what or who else is there to love but One's Self?

Yes. It's a false perception that there is a "me" and a "them", moreso when it comes to Love. Denying others your love is denying yourself your love. Love isn't like tea in a kettle that you just pour out and give it to some and deny it of others at your will. Every time we disconnect from love, in an effort to punish others, we disconnect from loving ourselves.

[Acting Like Godot]

Originally Posted by Blessing

How can you truely love and appreciate yourself?

Seriously speaking, I don't think I've ever had any problems loving myself. Or at least, liking myself very much.

It must be tough, if you dislike yourself. You spend 24 hours a day with yourself. Can you imagine it? Being around all day, all night, every day, with someone you dislike.

[SethWilliams]

Originally Posted by Angela

I think of love a little differently. It's not something that I *give* someone or *get back* from them -- in fact, I think that applying that debtor system to love is an excellent way to promote discontent in relationships.

Love is something I'm either generating, or I'm not. It's not *for* any particular person, although it's often focused on a particular person. When I generate Love, it's *for* everyone and everything. "Others" can access that love as they see fit, or not, and that doesn't mean anything about me or my love or my choice to generate it.

And the more I choose to generate Love, the more present I am to the Love that others are generating. It's all around. The place is thick with it.

That is how i feel exactly about Love. Its like an force. Generating it, whatever way you can, just makes things better.

[summerwish]

Originally Posted by Acting Like Godot

It must be tough, if you dislike yourself. You spend 24 hours a day with yourself. Can you imagine it? Being around all day, all night, every day, with someone you dislike.

It is very painful. Unfortunately when people are abused as children, when they are told that they are stupid and good for nothing, when they are physically hurt by people who they are helplessly dependent on they internalize this reality. As adults they do spend 24 hours a day with someone who hates them. It is all they know. It takes a lot of conscious effort to turn this around and become someone who likes themselves.