Raising vibrations in group situations

[Tanemon]

I considered putting this into the Spirituality, Psychic, or Manifestation forums - but really it is a sort of social issue.

Have you ever worked with a group or groups where there was no particular interest in "manifesting" (as a concept) nor any spiritual focus, but where the group was important to you in some way and you felt that raising the group vibration was important to harmony and to achieving a goal?

Think about something in your work life, family, or whatever... but some situation in which the people involved would be reluctant to (or put off by) talk about things in a spiritual/metaphysical vocabulary. So I'm thinking of something non-verbal, or that at least doesn't trigger anybody's 'new-age allergy'.

Group harmony, once achieved, is generally appreciated by people... though it's amazing how much bumbling or resistance there may be amongst a group of people on the path to achieving it!

I'm clear on the fact that exemplifying cooperativeness, calmness, and a sunny disposition - on my part - is important. Okay, beyond this... ??

Have you found any methods that really work for you, in this sort of situation, to facilitate a group moving toward an actual higher vibratory place?

[ssandra]

Talking about things that matter to the group

Being positive yet not "loosing sight of reality"

Pointing out how grateful you are to have this group in your life

Going to do stuff that makes all of you smile

Doing things for each other (cooking dinner, helping moving etc).

[zabjoa]

Just seeing a positive goal and smile works for me and others, now the sun started to shine.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Tanemon

Have you found any methods that really work for you, in this sort of situation, to facilitate a group moving toward an actual higher vibratory place?

Sure! One of my favorites is hakalau, which is amazingly effective in getting groups of people feeling connected and vital and alive together.

Once, I used it on a dirt-biking trip with LOL-Man, the LOL-boys, and their friends and family. A bunch of guys and me, all tucked up in the motor home. Ostensibly, I was teaching the youngest LOL-boy how to go into hakalau, and the rest of them just went along for the ride. You could hear a pin drop! As everyone brought themselves and their expanded awareness back to the room and to the group, the vibrations were palpable.

We started playing Cranium, the game where one person acts out, hums, sculpts, or draws a clue. It was just astonishing to all of us how in sync we all were. We were guessing each other's stuff in an instant -- before the person even started doing his thing! This kept happening over and over again. And when they'd work together as a team, the synching and improv was just ... amazing. So funny, so surprising, so together. They all told me they'd never experienced anything like it.

Hakalau is not a supernatural or necessarily new-agey phenomenon -- it's just using the mind-body connection to trigger yourself into an alpha state, similar to how your eyes roll up in your head when you're falling asleep. You don't have to tell your new-age-ophobes that it's a spiritual practice. You can compare it to the phenomenon of how when you smile, your mood tends to follow your face, or dancing can put you into a revitalized and happy state.

[SarahJaynee]

I have 2 young children. The 8 year old is already and instant manifester and understands the concept, however the 18 month old is not yet at the stage to understand how her thoughts are guiding her experience. So when we are all submerged in our amazing days here in Singapore or Thailand it is evident how our group vibration is raised and our trajectory aligning ourselves with the things that we want is speedy and smooth.
As an LoA veteran I love how this works even for the youngest member.
Daddy is the least conscious of our group, yet when he too submerges himself into our group he too enters a living-in-this-moment state which bestows a whole host of manifestations that even he can acknowledge and appreciate.

[Tanemon]

Some awesome responses. Thanks.

But what if the group was composed of neighbors, not people chosen by you as friends (and certainly not family)? Both men and women, but the women so far choosing to take a quieter, "listening" position? What if there were three men in the group (besides myself) who are not necessarily patient? What if two of them are semi-rednecky types who feel some wariness or even under-the-surface disdain for one another - and are barely able to supress a slight tendency to pugnacity? So that staying on a mannerly, sequential track of the agenda is always a bit of a slippery situation?

And, yet, what if the issue under discussion is a practical one that matters to all of the group?

[ssandra]

Originally Posted by Tanemon

Some awesome responses. Thanks.

But what if the group was composed of neighbors, not people chosen by you as friends (and certainly not family)? Both men and women, but the women so far choosing to take a quieter, "listening" position? What if there were three men in the group (besides myself) who are not necessarily patient? What if two of them are semi-rednecky types who feel some wariness or even under-the-surface disdain for one another - and are barely able to supress a slight tendency to pugnacity? So that staying on a mannerly, sequential track of the agenda is always a bit of a slippery situation?

And, yet, what if the issue under discussion is a practical one that matters to all of the group?

How about organizing some activities together? A nice game of something violent, and after that a barbeque or something?

[Angela]

Originally Posted by ssandra

A nice game of something violent

LOL!

There are no conflicts that can't be resolved by finding the shared higher purpose -- and there's ALWAYS a shared higher purpose. You can be at cause in the matter of finding out what the value is that you would have all of you satisfied and fulfilled, feeling like everyone wins, in the situation. The quiet women, the semi-rednecks, the pugnacious, and you -- you all have a common higher purpose, if you look.

Find it. Ask yourself, "what do I want?" And about that, "For what purpose is that?" and about that, "That, for what purpose?" and so on.... go as high as you can, write 'em down. Then ask yourself about each of them, "what do they want?".. etc. Go as high as you need to to find a purpose that all of you have in common.

The in the meeting, start with and focus on that shared purpose. Then you can move back down the ladder in conversation with them until you find the lowest level of mutual agreement -- what action can you all agree would serve that shared higher purpose? And if it gets a little dicey, immediately move back up to the higher level, get agreement, and move sideways again to try another lower level of mutual agreement. Don't try to talk anyone into your point of view -- just keep looking for the higher perspective through which you can all see successful resolution.

It's funny. when I learned this technique, we used really dramatically opposing points of view, like pro-life, pro-choice; religion vs. atheism; etc. and it was AMAZING how we were all able to find accord and rapport and satisfying resolution, even where agreement looks impossible.

[Tanemon]

Originally Posted by ssandra

How about organizing some activities together? A nice game of something violent, and after that a barbeque or something?

Oh!! I never thought of that!

My, you are creative.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Tanemon

Oh!! I never thought of that!

My, you are creative.

Try not to hurt the quiet girls too badly.

[Tanemon]

Originally Posted by Angela

Try not to hurt the quiet girls too badly.

You have a good point, Angela. This is a rural situation... could move toward some sort of "game" involving axes or revving chainsaws.


Fun is fun, jokes are jokes... But, honestly... this is a real situation I've been inquiring about.

[Angela]

Did you read my post #8? It was most seriously intended.

[Tanemon]

Originally Posted by Angela

Did you read my post #8? It was most seriously intended.

Yes, I did read it. And, thank you.

[james6]

This is only my experience, other experiences apply.

Raising the energy in anything is positive for the individuals in that group, but if the group has an objective then that objective is driven by an individual who may now be more energised and not as aware, so energised to make choices that may not reflect your own. If you are that person who dictates the objective then no problem because your goal will match your energy levels and manifest a reflection of that.

All this is relative to your ego, usual terms and conditions apply.

[Tanemon]

Originally Posted by james6

Raising the energy in anything is positive for the individuals in that group, but if the group has an objective then that objective is driven by an individual who may now be more energised and not as aware, so energised to make choices that may not reflect your own. If you are that person who dictates the objective then no problem because your goal will match your energy levels and manifest a reflection of that.

Well, in the case I was thinking of and which I described, the objective is shared among all the people.

But other dynamics (old resentments with two or three of the people) have been mixed in.

[james6]

Then use the energy to heal those resentments for those people first, or, get rid of them, if you are on a time limit.

There's nothing more chaotic than an energised group which is haphazardly fighting a collective ego as well as their own. It can cause all manner of nonsense to the people involved, and has lots of unnecessary distractions, except you, because you are aware. But, there's is nothing more amazing than an aware, fully energised group. It's the Jesus shepherd thing.

[Tanemon]

Originally Posted by james6

Then use the energy to heal those resentments for those people first, or, get rid of them, if you are on a time limit. There's nothing more chaotic than an energised group which is haphazardly fighting a collective ego as well as their own.

No option to rid the group of these guys, james. It's a group of neighbors and not people initially chosen by me as friends. The group is small to begin with, and we need the male brawn for the action stages. We are neighbors who need to upgrade a shared rural water system serving five households. What's under discussion is obviously something necessary for cooking, laundry, bathing, gardens, house clean-up, toilets...

[Tanemon]

Originally Posted by james6

Then use the energy to heal those resentments for those people first, or, get rid of them, if you are on a time limit.

James, am I mistaken or ar you in that discussion (thread) about listening... the one that marinik started?
Are we truly ready to hear what other people have to say Might be a different "James"...

Anyhow, by page three of that thread, the problem of "alpha male" guys in the workplace was introduced. I think that's the biggest problem amongst the group I'm trying to work with: two of the guys are in the habit of trying to operate as alpha males - opinionated, assertive, stubborn, sometimes aggressive, short on empathy and resistant to coaching. So they've locked horns, not only within our group meetings but previously... and they bring their "baggage" into the meetings.

Ordinary good group communication prctices don't seem to be adequate. That's why I've been feeling some metaphysical, subtle 'lifting' influence is needed.

[James81]

Originally Posted by Tanemon

James, am I mistaken or ar you in that discussion (thread) about listening... the one that marinik started?
Are we truly ready to hear what other people have to say Might be a different "James"...

Nah, that's me. He's james6, I'm James81 (but the 81 is silent).

Originally Posted by Tanemon

Anyhow, by page three of that thread, the problem of "alpha male" guys in the workplace was introduced. I think that's the biggest problem amongst the group I'm trying to work with: two of the guys are in the habit of trying to operate as alpha males - opinionated, assertive, stubborn, sometimes aggressive, short on empathy and resistant to coaching. So they've locked horns, not only within our group meetings but previously... and they bring their "baggage" into the meetings.

Ordinary good group communication prctices don't seem to be adequate. That's why I've been feeling some metaphysical, subtle 'lifting' influence is needed.

Someone recently told me that I have a "way of getting things" around the office. There is (actually was because she retired yesterday) a woman in the office that everybody just can't stand. And she just so happens to be the woman who is in charge of the finances. So, when people want something, they have to go through her to get it.

And people flip out and worry about it, because they say she's so nasty and people are always bucking and fighting with her.

I, on the other hand, just don't see it. She's a fellow smoker, so she's outside sometimes when I go out, and we're always talking and laughing and making jokes. I've never had a moment where I've argued with her or had to fight to get something. Whenever I *need* something, I go to her or mention it to her and am like "welp, this is broke, can we get someone to fix it/replace it?"

I managed to score the people down here dual monitors (which is badass ) and we just got a giant honkin' printer for the people in this corner of the building.

And she just does it. No resistance, no fighting, no hard feelings. And we kept on smoking and laughing about stuff.

I discovered that the more you resist people, the more effort it takes to persuade them to your point of view. I keep getting an image of a video I saw in the Seven Habits course I took recently at work, where Stephen Covey challenges a guy to an arm wrestling match. His first words were "I've NEVER lost." And then he lays out the rule...the way you win in this game is to win as many times as you can before the time is up. That's it. Just win as often as you can.

So they start...and you can see this guy, he's all hyped up, ready to really "resist" and beat Stephen. But what is interesting is that Stephen doesn't resist him. In fact, he just stands there and "let's him win." And in the beginning, the guy only takes his hand halfway...completely vertical and then back down (to beat Stephen), and then back to a vertical position.

The more he does that (and the more Stephen lets him win), he begins to realize that he can actually win MORE if he let's Stephen win too. So instead of only bringing stephens hand up halfway, he discovers a more fluid motion is to let Stephen win and use the momentum from that to win himself. Highlighting the idea of a "win-win" attitude.

And that's exactly what happened with "bitter" finance lady. I've never resisted her. I just let her be who she is, and I was who I was. And in doing that, I noticed that the more I talked to her, the more she seemed to loosen up with me...the more she smiled around me...etc.

When you've got stubborn people, let them win a couple times. The more they win, the more flexible they become...the more apt they are to let you win as well.

[rei]

Originally Posted by Tanemon

James, am I mistaken or ar you in that discussion (thread) about listening... the one that marinik started?
Are we truly ready to hear what other people have to say Might be a different "James"...

Anyhow, by page three of that thread, the problem of "alpha male" guys in the workplace was introduced. I think that's the biggest problem amongst the group I'm trying to work with: two of the guys are in the habit of trying to operate as alpha males - opinionated, assertive, stubborn, sometimes aggressive, short on empathy and resistant to coaching. So they've locked horns, not only within our group meetings but previously... and they bring their "baggage" into the meetings.

Ordinary good group communication prctices don't seem to be adequate. That's why I've been feeling some metaphysical, subtle 'lifting' influence is needed.

If that is the case, then I do think there is something to ALG's comment in that thread about "matching" the alpha tendencies in one's approach.

As in being bold, brash, assertive or aggressive, calling them on their crap in a direct way, and the like. It's not about "being mean," but rather it is about meeting them where they are at and getting their attention and "showing" them that you can act that way too so they will be more naturally interested in listening. Sometimes people won't let you in or take you seriously or even try to cooperate unless you match where they're at. Or if they are using this situation as an excuse to focus on the bad blood between them, then it might take this alpha approach to keep things on track.

(The situation you describe doesn't have to be one where they use it as an excuse to focus on their history. That also doesn't have to happen. If there are only these two males and yourself involved, that may be a different dynamic, but if this is a larger group then you're probably not the only one who just wants to get it done.

I think people are people. Sometimes it works well to create a sense of connection in a vibration sense. Sometimes it's clear folks are choosing to maintain a certain approach to things. If the back and forth and tension is lowering your own vibe because the situation is getting to you, it honestly might be worth trying on a 'less civilized' approach to get done with it sooner.

Perhaps meditations to get in touch with your limitless personal power to express it as the mover, shaker, action-oriented person who they can see has your stuff together enough to get things done and lead the group.

Oh. Are you the official leader, or even the unofficial leader of this group?

I was also thinking you might get something from doing research into management? Because in a way this sounds like a management scenario and I'm sure there's a lot out there for how to manage people who aren't getting along.

Hmm, I guess my point is - if I were in your shoes and I had already tried a lot of different things that were specifically affirming and respectful and fitting of my chosen way of being - and nothing had changed - I might put on the frame of the bold alpha, express more power, and just focus on getting it done so I was no longer subjecting myself to the conflictual situation. You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar but once in a while people seem to only respond to vinegar. (Oh, not to mention, sometimes vinegar is really honey to some people, such as the sort of person Clint Eastwood plays in Gran Torino.)

I'd also add, that sometimes we don't have to make others switch to our own preferred way of being and interacting. Sometimes it ends up more effective and efficient - and there ends up being a greater sense of connection and kinship - if we choose to temporarily set aside our own ideal and match them. I think this is a permutation of the acceptance/resistance stuff James was sharing above. Sometimes I willingly choose to express myself more in line with how others are being, because it is better suited to my preferences and goals. At least, I'll do that at times as long as I realize I'm really doing it for me.

Anyway, I hardly got any sleep so I hope this made some sense.

[Angela]

Win! win win win WIN win win win win... win! everybody win.

[James81]

Originally Posted by Angela

Win! win win win WIN win win win win... win! everybody win.

There's nothing like dancing bananas to raise a vibration.

All we need now is a banana phone.

[ssandra]

What you might do is visit with each of these 2 persons individually and talk to them about the situation.

Tell them that you understand the issues that they are having, that you can totally see their point of view.

Let them vent for a little bit about the other person, just let them have it all out, so that they really feel like you understand them.

Don't try to fix anything here, just listen.

Then tell them that you completely understand why they react so strongly to this other persons, it makes complete sense. You would too if you were in their shoes.

Then ask tell them that you feel that because of the situation, you (and all the neighbors) will not get it resolved without the help of this persons. You really NEED him. He is the person in the neighborhood that has a lot of influence. And you KNOW that he wants the best solution as well, both for his family as for all this friends and neighbors.

So, you ASK him if it is possible for him on the next meeting to be the bigger person. And no matter how many foolish things that other person might say, for them to not react to it, for the greater good. That they can be the bigger persons.

Repeat this (in short) 5 or 10 minutes before the meeting.

If you do this with both, they will both feel very important and in doing so you have made it Macho and Alpha to shut up, and be the better persons, instead of screaming the loudest and having to have a fight.

It is something you might want to try.

It is very manipulative, but it will help the neighborhood, it will help your 2 neighbors and it will help you. Win-win-win I think

[ssandra]

Originally Posted by James81

There's nothing like dancing bananas to raise a vibration.

All we need now is a banana phone.

Don't understand what you need it for, but here it is:

[Tanemon]

Originally Posted by rei

Perhaps meditations to get in touch with your limitless personal power to express it as the mover, shaker, action-oriented person who they can see has your stuff together enough to get things done and lead the group.

Oh. Are you the official leader, or even the unofficial leader of this group?

Hmmm... I'm the convener. I've been mentioning to people the need for an upgrade of the equipment for five years or longer. No one else has acted to convene the group, though everyone sees that we need to achieve the goal, do the work (not the discussion, but the actual achievement of the goal itself).

These people don't know each other all that well, and don't necessarily feel they have that much in common - except for a very practical need: household water.

I'd say people perceive me as calm, open-minded, and a peacemaker.

I've been a manager before, a manager of small teams, project groups, etc (I spent some years being a business-association manager, etc). But respect for me and/or my abilities to convene a meeting and express myself clearly does not solve the interpersonal problems among the other people.

My instinct has been to try to find a way to raise the overall vibration of the meetings so that people can find the wherewithal to transcend their knee-jerk reactions and antipathies.