He is 18 years older than me..Feelings of "matching up" and self esteem...

[crescive]

Ok, so there is a wonderful man who I fell in love with last year around this time. We had a really amazing relationship, we fell in love from the moment we locked eyes and shared an insane connection. We lived in 2 different states when we met but it was perfect timing because I had just graduated from college and was ready to move anyways, so I moved in with him within 3 months.

He is a successful artist who does projects around the world and took me with him through it all which was lovely and exciting. Obviously, I felt extremely lucky to have found someone who is so inspiring and loving and generous and I was extremely attracted to almost everything about him but I think as much as I enjoyed flying around with him and doing exclusive VIP things and all that wonderful stuff, it made me feel insecure about my own self. I got kind of caught up in this idea that I'm in his shadows or hanging on to his coattails and other ridiculous things. It's not like he's ever made me feel insignificant or has done anything to make me feel inferior, it is all my own doing. But because of my high sense of self worth and pride, I have broken up with him many times for insignificant things that FELT bigger than they probably should and made him fight for me many times and he has done a lot for me but it never felt like enough. I was starting to feel really unfulfilled and unhappy and we would fight a lot and I ended up breaking up with him for real. It was sad but it felt like the right decision. I knew I just needed to be my own person and be independent and find myself. I have since moved into my own place and have a job and my own life.

It's been a couple months and we started speaking again. He told me how hard this breakup has been for him and how much he loves me. He still wants me back. At first, I was unsure but now know I threw something really amazing away because I was insecure and I have work to do about being confident with who I am and what I'm doing.

I would like for you guys to please help me. I think I'm on the right track of understanding what my problem is yet I would love it if any of you could offer your insight into my situation. I think my problem is that I'm judgmental and am afraid that others are judging me as well. I just don't know how to stop this. I think I was more worried about the fact that he's so much older, that he's more successful, that he has a daughter, that he has an ex wife, etc. I think I started focusing on those things as the reason we shouldn't be together because I never imagined myself in this situation instead of seeing what is really there which is that he is a loving father, he is mature and responsible, he is doing what he loves and is successful at it, and he also really, really loves me.

Is it that I didn't feel worthy of his love and therefore broke up with him to prove myself a higher ground? I think I thought that ideally I would find someone closer to my age who was as compatible with me...but I don't think compatibility works like that and that it actually is really rare?

Has any of you been in a similar situation? I'd love to hear about it.

[Solipsist]

To me, actual physical age means nothing. You align with whom you align.

I think the question here is whether you really align with him, or whether you both are just in it for the experience, or "find love," or what have you. That really takes some deep examination on both your parts.

Whatever the case may be, Love and Peace to you both.

[crescive]

I think we do align. I mean, mentally and emotionally we feel like we're completely on the same level. It's just that our physical realities seem mismatched, do you know what I mean? The fact that we're in completely different places in our lives. He is settled in his career and home and family. I'm still searching for a career and everything else. I just feel lost sometimes as to what I should be doing.

[rawxstasy]

Couldn't you still have your own career so you don't have to feel you are "hanging on his coattails." Maybe you could start your own business (like online or he could help you invest in something) then you would be more free to fly around the world with him. I think when you stop being judgemental about other people you stop caring about what other people think about you. When you feel yourself thinking a judgemental thought - just stop the thought - or redirect your thoughts. Eventually you will overcome being judgemental. I don't think people think too much about age difference if the woman is younger - its accepted.

It could also be you felt unworthy of him. Build up your self esteem. Maybe because you're young you felt like you haven't "accomplished" enough. I think you should look at your own successes in life. It sounds to me like you have a rare amazing connection with this guy. I wouldn't throw it away.