Question for the women....

[James81]

What's the earliest age you ever remember getting sexual attention from guys?

Was there a certain age that suddenly men were checking you out or were you kinda oblivious to that thing?

[marinik]

I was a late bloomer so I am not a good example and it was a long time ago LOL but my 3 daughters say it was around when they were 15.

[Lightgirl]

Well... I was in kindergarten then, so I guess it started when I was about 4 or 5. I really didn't appreciate that kind of attention at such an early age . It felt very off to me, even though I had no idea about sex at the time.

I don't really know if this is connected, but even now (I'm 24) I only like to be around guys who don't feel any sexual impulses towards me (except for the guy that I'm in love with, but that's different).

[aelle]

Around 18 months old.

[marinik]

Originally Posted by aelle

Around 18 months old.

And you remember?

[aelle]

Originally Posted by marinik

And you remember?

I do have some recollection of the events, yes. I can date it because it was around the same time my brother died, whom I also remember.

[marinik]

Not a nice set of first memories it seems. Sorry my dear.

[aelle]

Luckily I've now had over 2 decades to process the whole thing

[mae]

I'd say 'healthy' attention around the age of 13 for me.

[Honeywith4bees]

I was about 15 when I started to be aware of getting sexual attention from men. At that time of my life I couldn't walk down the street with out getting harassed! (Ahhh, those were the days )

Any attention I may or may not have gotten before then went straight over my head


Why do you ask?

[butterflyeffect]

I remember getting sexual attention when I was about 4 in pre-school. I used to get alot of attention for my looks though when I was little, I was just one of those kids. Always dressed in gorgeous and girly clothing, spoke well from a young age and recieved vast quantities of attention from lots of people.

[roxyruby]

Originally Posted by James81

What's the earliest age you ever remember getting sexual attention from guys?

Was there a certain age that suddenly men were checking you out or were you kinda oblivious to that thing?

Since when you're a child you don't understand what "sexual attention" is who knows.

I first started noticing sexual attention (even from much older men) when I was 14-15. That is, presuming someone staring at you and watching you in a public place to the point of it being strange or creepy when you're in swimwear or all wet from being in water is sexual attention.

[roxyruby]

the women saying they got sexual attention when they were 5 makes me sad Pedophilic people?

Do you think children desire to be sexy and attractive too? (atleast to the other kids their age)

When I was little I loved dressing up to look beautiful & remember being "flirtacious" in a way sometimes with boys at young ages of being a child. Ofcourse that's before I developed extremely low self esteem & self worth in my whole self + physical appearance ^ ^

[marinik]

RR I don't think you can call it as awareness of sexual attention before you know the concept of sex. And thus you are right. You can say that you did in hindsight - from todays perspective.

[Kishka]

I was about 7 the first time a boy (my age) made a *pass* at me. After that, I was 11 when I got another playground *pass*, LOL. He was also around my age.

And then I moved back to my home country shortly after that and couldn't walk down the street without the standard cat-calling which was pretty common at that time. It had more to do with the culture than anything else.

I came back to the states at age 16 and like it is for most female teenagers, every day was an opportunity to get hit on....hehe...

[Angela]

I was 10 when I first noticed sexual interest from men -- men offering me rides in their cars, sidling up alongside me to ask if I had a boyfriend, double entendres, invitations, etc.

In retrospect, I can see that it started much earlier, as early as kindergarten, but I didn't recognize what it was.

[Criseyde]

I was about twelve when I started to recognize it for what it was. No idea how long it had actually been going on.

[Kishka]

Originally Posted by Angela

I was 10 when I first noticed sexual interest from men -- men offering me rides in their cars, sidling up alongside me to ask if I had a boyfriend, double entendres, invitations, etc.

In retrospect, I can see that it started much earlier, as early as kindergarten, but I didn't recognize what it was.

Angela, sexual interest from "men"? Did you mean boys?

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Kishka

Angela, sexual interest from "men"? Did you mean boys?

No, I mean men -- grown-ups and teenagers old enough to drive. Boys seemed kind of cowed by me.

[Elrond]

Methinks James is on some level worried for his daughter... ^^, either now or preparing for the future.

[rei]

James, is this thread motivated by something happening with your daughter?

I started getting this kind of attention around age 10-11, but I was a year younger than everyone else in my class. Probably got it sooner but I would not have known what it was.

[ssandra]

I started noticing attention when I was around 15. I was so extremely good looking at that age!! Too bad my self esteem was below rock bottom..

I probably got attention before that as well, but I was too dense, and too much in my own little world to actually notice it.

I actually became sexually interested in my own body at a much younger age, around 10 or so, with a high peak around the age of 13. Only after I started noticing boys and thinking they could be interesting as well.

Thinking back a lot of the games I played had a sexual undertone on it, but I never really saw it that way. They were just games. I'm not feeling bad about them either. I think they helped me in a tremendous way to grow a healthy sexual confidence.


I'm wondering, all those here who seemed to have gotten this type of attention from a very early age, if you have children now, or if you look back, is there anything your parents could have done to protect your innocence from this type of attention?

[Angela]

Originally Posted by ssandra

I'm wondering, all those here who seemed to have gotten this type of attention from a very early age, if you have children now, or if you look back, is there anything your parents could have done to protect your innocence from this type of attention?

I think if I were to go back and parent myself, I would do my best to help that little girl fully trust her feelings and to articulate them effectively. She just didn't have the resources to deal effectively with what was happening, and so she made up lots of meanings about herself -- meanings that I'd be on the lookout for, so that I could help her to examine them and develop more and more effective resources.

One thing I'd do for sure, no question, if I had a child would be to invite her to do the Landmark Forum for kids! Boy, oh, boy, if I had had that resource available to me before I went through puberty.... wow! It blows my mind to think about -- and the kids I've seen who've done Landmark are by far the most effective, articulate, dynamic, personally powerful, and great feeling young people I've ever come across.

I would also recommend to any parent the book "Protecting the Gift" by Gavin de Becker. I actually think that book should be required reading before you get your procreation license.

[Eliza]

I was 12 years old. I have a strong recollection of this event because prior to it I had absolutely no idea about the nature of men, so it was quite a shocking revelation. Before that I thought that men and women were basically the same. I also remember feeling a freaky type feeling when I would think about it - a feeling perhaps similar to disgust but I don't really have a better name for it.

I remember another event around the same time; one day I was with my friends and they were all laughing about how they had found their Dad's porn collections. I said to my friends, in all seriousness, "but my Dad's not like that". They all laughed!

[ohTen]

The first incident i remember (that wasn't childish elementary school comments about my early-developing boobs) was around age 11. It was still an occasional thing until age 17, when I moved to NYC and suddenly I began getting cat-calls, whistles, and unwelcome gropes literally every single time i walked outside. That's still the way it is today. It was literally like going from 0 to 90 in a matter of weeks. Probably had a lot to do with the fact that it was new york, but it happens everywhere now.

[Weena]

When i finally slowly reached a small cup B size... 15.

[Angelique]

I'm not really sure. I want to say 12 because that's when everybody, men and women, thought I was much older than that. Unless it was blatant like a cat call or someone staring at me or asking me for a hansky (when I did massage therapy lol) I usually didn't notice..at least that's what people tell me.

I should mention that I am the youngest and was sheltered for a long time.

[tamzdance]

For me, it was around age 13 but, like SSandra, I discovered my own sexuality much younger (10 or 11). I had a gigantic crush on an older guy who was a mechanic at our local gas station. He was an Asian man who I found to be the most beautiful male I'd ever seen....and at age 13, that's quite a revelation! He started noticing me too. But, that could have to do with the fact that I walked past the gas station several times a day and waved at him. Ha!

[Weena]

Originally Posted by ssandra

I'm wondering, all those here who seemed to have gotten this type of attention from a very early age, if you have children now, or if you look back, is there anything your parents could have done to protect your innocence from this type of attention?

My mother got kidnapped/abused when she was a child. One day recently-ish we were talking and she said "So your sister told me i was keeping you prisoner at home, is that how you felt too?", so i said "Pretty much...the two princesses were never allowed outside the Ivory Tower"...So she said "I'm sorry. You know what happened to me. Not only your sister and you were girls, you were incredibly pretty little girls, i wanted to protect you".

It was probably an over-protection system though. I like to think my children are safe and protected but not in a naive way. I did cut off a couple because the man told very inappropriate stories and freaked me and my husband, we just don't want our son anywhere near those kind of people. The only time my son was baby-sat it was by a grandparent/my sister/my best friend who has two children herself and is the safest person you could find.

Angela: that book seems interesting but i find it scary at the same time, as in i fear I'd start obsessing on the potential dangers and attract danger to them doing so. But i guess when they start being school age and don't have their parents guardian angels with them all the time it could be of help.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Weena

Angela: that book seems interesting but i find it scary at the same time, as in i fear I'd start obsessing on the potential dangers and attract danger to them doing so. But i guess when they start being school age and don't have their parents guardian angels with them all the time it could be of help.

It's more about training your kids (and yourself, too) to be unattractive victims. When you learn what predators are looking for, it's easier to be something else. It's also about teaching your kids to trust their appropriate fear -- that is, fear of authentic threat.

My little nieces and I had a lot of fun doing the little exercises -- they're really quite empowering.