Question for the women....

[Weena]

Okay! Then i'll bookmark your link and hunt up that book!

[Angela]

Thank you for trusting me!

[Weena]

Originally Posted by Angela

Thank you for trusting me!

No... thank YOU for the recommendation. I'd be devastated if anything happened to my babies, so if i can prevent things by making them "unattractive victims" let's go for it. I found it on an Australian website... I should receive it at the end of the week...will give you a feedback then .

[dulaney0330]

15/16 years old

[aelle]

Originally Posted by ssandra

I'm wondering, all those here who seemed to have gotten this type of attention from a very early age, if you have children now, or if you look back, is there anything your parents could have done to protect your innocence from this type of attention?

I am pretty sure my parents were oblivious to what was happening to me because they were so deeply lost in the depression caused by the death of a child. I don't blame them for what happened, and think they did everything right. **** happens.

I am not sure there is much to be done to protect an infant or toddler, except not leave them out of your sight (and that is not something I am willing to do - despite my experience, I consider that the damage from an upbringing in fear of the world outweighs the risk of sexual abuse).

But as early as possible, and in an age-appropriate manner, I would teach my children about anatomy and sex. A kid who can name their nose and belly button should also be able to name correctly their penis, scrotum, vulva, clitoris, vagina or anus - the first part of being in charge of your body is being able to name it.
I would teach about consent, and implement it in everyday life. For example, ask before cuddles or physical play, and stop as soon as asked to. Respect my children's privacy from day one. Isn't it ironic that we try to teach kids that no one should do anything that they don't want to their bodies, yet we force them to distribute kisses and hugs? A hug is super invasive when you don't want it. That's not saying they shouldn't learn manners - hello, please and thank you are not options, but there is plenty of time to learn about social conventions that involve physical contact once you understand them.
I would pay close attention to what children say or convey and address it, without being overly paranoid.
As a whole I would do my best to educate about sex and bodily autonomy from a place of trust and empowerment rather than from a place of fear or shame. Then again trusting children, allowing them to build trust in themselves and to be in charge of their lives is pretty much my whole parenting philosophy.

[Bliss Sage]

The amount of sexual abuse and molestation on children that is indicated in this thread is unsettling...and disgusting.

16-17. Was very uncomfortable with my bust and I used to wear big, baggy tops to hide it. Friends came up with some creative nicknames...Was very ignorant about sex and even moreso about men and the male body, and proud of it, and still am . High school friends called me the "last American virgin" .

[dendennz]

I was 10 at first - it was kids my own age, and one little boy in particular enjoyed bumping me in the boobs. It freakin' hurt. He was fascinated about them sticking out. Same age as me.

When I got to 12, I was very well developed and I would get MEN (young men mostly - say, under 20) pulling up alongside me in cars when I was simply walking along the street propositioning me. After that time, i got scared for my safety and tried to hide my body. I found it embarrassing and I felt guilty - that somehow I'd asked for it.

I think this is some of the reason why I'm so overweight today: I don't like the attention that being well built brings....

I agree with others: there are some experiences that posters have shared here that are what I'd call "child abuse". I wish people would not sexualise or make sexual advances to kids so young. Ridiculous.

Cheers,

Jenny.

[arizonawind]

I was a major late bloomer, and very shy...I don't remember getting any "attention" until I was almost 18 (and lol even then I didn't need much more than a "training" bra). I was skinny, long legged and flat chested, I will never forget the horror of being kissed after my junior/senior prom and the fear if he got too close he would discover my breasts were in fact a pair of my brother's tube socks! But things finally started to catch up in my early 20s, and I craved the attention more than anything and went wild with it.

[Kathe76]

This is a funny story for me. It brought, I think, too much awareness of a womans sexual power over some weaker men. (I said some!)

I was in the third grade, so I must have been about 8. There were a group of boys, 3 or 4, they were friends, and they were trying to figure out who would get to ask me to be their girlfriend. This was the first time I noticed that boys had interest in girls. Here is the funny part. The boy asked me to be his girlfriend. My response was if he wanted to be my boyfriend he had to buy me a present. He came in the next day with three new pairs of earings. We were boyfriend and girlfriend for maybe a few days. I look back at that and laugh.

[reesa]

My first kiss was in first grade: a boy chased me all over the playground, knocked me to the ground, then sat on me and forcibly delivered the goods. In the face of my struggle and protests, a nearby teacher rolled her eyes and told him "don't chase the girls". Sigh.

after that, I started getting attention from older men at 10. Boys my age were happy to tease me about having boobs, but not much more than that til we were 14 or 15.

[Angelique]

@aelle: I admire your thought and emotional process about your abuse. I find your post very enlightening, especially your willingness to allow the problem to be instead of succumbing to fear. I also like the idea of asking for permission in order to teach awareness.

[Indiana]

When I was young, I totally lived in my books and imagination and I didn't notice a thing outside of them. I was a very innocent child.

When I was 11, my mum had all my long hair cut off because it was a pain for swimming. Then I got braces. And I was a very, very skinny kid, so I kinda looked like a boy for the next four years. (An unattractive boy.) Then I turned 15 and my hair was long again, and the braces came off, and I finally stopped looking so much like a pencil... and it was a whole new, and sometimes alarming world to negotiate.

[Weena]

Originally Posted by Indiana

When I was young, I totally lived in my books and imagination and I didn't notice a thing outside of them. I was a very innocent child.

That sounds a lot like me. Maybe i was not as innocent as you but my whole world was in my books and my imagination.

[ssandra]

Originally Posted by Weena

That sounds a lot like me. Maybe i was not as innocent as you but my whole world was in my books and my imagination.

For me too.. The real world for me wasn't as real as my imagination or my books were...