What is more important growing up, in your view?

[The Unconquered]

Here is Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs for those who want a reference.

During my childhood, I had allergies to common foods and my folks didn't know it. In my parents' defense, the allergic reactions weren't lethal and we lived in a part of the country -- Louisiana -- where mold was everywhere year round, so this was not unreasonable given their limited budget and insurance coverage to find the actual allergy. But knowing in hindsight why I was sick all the time, why my growth was stunted, why my moods were poor and my relationships were limited . . . I'm still angry about it. I didn't learn about these lifelong allergies until about a year ago. I turn 29 this year.

My father focused on getting us out of poverty and into a better part of the country, and I am glad for that somewhat. But my family didn't understand me, and I didn't understand them, and I . . . I don't know. Even with Katrina, the BP oil spill, and the better opportunities I have here in Texas, I would have rather had a better childhood instead, so I would have been better prepared to take the opportunities when they were available. I'm really, really, really tired of playing catch up. There's so much catch up and so many bills . . . .

[rei]

Originally Posted by TonyToneTone

I've lived in a house where my material needs were met (and exceeded) but my emotional needs weren't. I've also lived in a house(s) where neither my material needs or emotional needs were met.

With that said, definitely emotional needs are to me the most important. If you feel good about yourself, you can get all the material goods you want.

Thank you for adding your perspective, Tony. Seems a majority continues to say they would choose the emotional needs being met, given the choice.

Originally Posted by The Unconquered

Here is Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs for those who want a reference.

During my childhood, I had allergies to common foods and my folks didn't know it. In my parents' defense, the allergic reactions weren't lethal and we lived in a part of the country -- Louisiana -- where mold was everywhere year round, so this was not unreasonable given their limited budget and insurance coverage to find the actual allergy. But knowing in hindsight why I was sick all the time, why my growth was stunted, why my moods were poor and my relationships were limited . . . I'm still angry about it. I didn't learn about these lifelong allergies until about a year ago. I turn 29 this year.

My father focused on getting us out of poverty and into a better part of the country, and I am glad for that somewhat. But my family didn't understand me, and I didn't understand them, and I . . . I don't know. Even with Katrina, the BP oil spill, and the better opportunities I have here in Texas, I would have rather had a better childhood instead, so I would have been better prepared to take the opportunities when they were available. I'm really, really, really tired of playing catch up. There's so much catch up and so many bills . . . .

I am a little confused by your response, I'm afraid. Are you saying the physiological issue of the allergic sensitivity led to feeling misunderstood, or that was just another factor in shaping your experience? Is this post indirectly chiming in for the idea of preferring to get the emotional needs met, or are you saying the undiagnosed allergy was the major issue growing up, instead of having too much stuff and not enough emotional safety or too much focus on emotion and not enough on material? I can relate to the apparent gap in understanding. And I feel like my own post is unclear and confusing...

[ssandra]

So if you could choose, between being understood by your parents or having them (and you) known about your allergy, which one would you have preferred?

[Bazza]

When I was a kid we had no money. I had heaps of time around my family and was an extremely happy kid, even though I made most of my toys and my most prized possession was my fridge box It was only when school hit that I became miserable. I wouldn't have traded all the toys in the world for the time that I had with the family, and the way that my emotional needs were being met

[rei]

Originally Posted by Bazza

When I was a kid we had no money. I had heaps of time around my family and was an extremely happy kid, even though I made most of my toys and my most prized possession was my fridge box It was only when school hit that I became miserable. I wouldn't have traded all the toys in the world for the time that I had with the family, and the way that my emotional needs were being met

What was it about school that changed things? Nice that you had happy times before the change

[The Unconquered]

Originally Posted by ssandra

So if you could choose, between being understood by your parents or having them (and you) known about your allergy, which one would you have preferred?

Yes -- meaning I would have wanted both; that wasn't the question. I was emotionally torn up at the time, which probably explains why my post sounded confusing.

What I was trying to say at the time is this: I would have rather have had my physical and emotional needs understood by my parents over my parents (especially my father) being so focused on leaving the state that I felt forgotten as a person. If that meant I would still be living in Louisiana today post-Katrina and post-BP, so be it. That is how I felt the other day when I posted that.

I feel a bit differently today. I now realize that my father views giving someone the best opportunities possible the greatest way he could express his love for someone. And while that is a great way of expressing love, surely one he didn't get as a child, that's not what I would have wanted. If I were raising someone just like me, I would have focused on giving my daughter the tools for her to find her own opportunities instead of simply provide the opportunities for her. That way, my daughter would have truly felt responsible for her own success instead of being held to expectations for herself that she did not set. While I'm thinking about it, I also would have given her quality time to share her life with me, held her more, and give her written affirmations of what she means to me. Perhaps we would have moved elsewhere, perhaps not. But that is what I needed and I did not get it as a child.