Can't get close with someone..

[yassine]

Hi everyone I am a 21 years student who has never been close to a girl. I have never even kissed a girl. I am not shy when I am with a girl, I can give great first impressions and have girls want me for my charms. But when every moment gets serious into a physical stage I just freeze and keep my distance. I really can't get close to a girls, an invisible wall is blocking me from other people to want me.
I know some of you might say that the cause is from a childhood situation/ trauma that made me like this. Who knows? My personal explanation about my weird behavior keep changing to why I can't get intimate with girls. Maybe I haven't found the right one, Maybe something is wrong with me, Maybe I am not the problem, Maybe I just need to man up. Thoughts like these ran through my head, but there seems to be a barrier which could be me.
Any advice guys? any similar...

[Brutha]

There a very clear solution for the freeze problem and from preventing yourself from keeping distance.
Take Salsa or Tango lessons.

It provides physical contact with woman in a safe environment where the contact doesn't have to mean anything and is therefore nonthreatening. It takes a few month but afterwards your brain doesn't see the need to freeze anymore.

A woman who was interested in me invited herself over to me house to explain her some university stuff. I wasn't mentally able to establish any physical contact. Afterwards I took that experience as the need to change something about myself and joined a salsa class. Poof. Now I don't have a problem on my end with establishing physical contact anymore.

[Kishka]

Brutha makes an excellent point. I took a few salsa lessons last year and one guy was REEEEAAAALLL comfortable with me LOL. I had to tell him we wouldn't be able to dance together if he didn't calm down...

Originally Posted by Brutha

There a very clear solution for the freeze problem and from preventing yourself from keeping distance.
Take Salsa or Tango lessons.

It provides physical contact with woman in a safe environment where the contact doesn't have to mean anything and is therefore nonthreatening. It takes a few month but afterwards your brain doesn't see the need to freeze anymore.

A woman who was interested in me invited herself over to me house to explain her some university stuff. I wasn't mentally able to establish any physical contact. Afterwards I took that experience as the need to change something about myself and joined a salsa class. Poof. Now I don't have a problem on my end with establishing physical contact anymore.

[TonyToneTone]

Go have a drink or two and then you'll want to get closer to everyone. It just sounds like anxiety. Have a drink or two to settle the nerves and then go!

[Brutha]

Brutha makes an excellent point. I took a few salsa lessons last year and one guy was REEEEAAAALLL comfortable with me LOL. I had to tell him we wouldn't be able to dance together if he didn't calm down...

Of course it's good to keep the feelings of the girl in mind as well but after a while you can mostly feel what closeness is okay for the girl because the girl normally tenses up when it's to close for her.

As long as you have problems with closeness yourself you however don't have to worry about that problem.

[yassine]

Originally Posted by Brutha

Of course it's good to keep the feelings of the girl in mind as well but after a while you can mostly feel what closeness is okay for the girl because the girl normally tenses up when it's to close for her.

As long as you have problems with closeness yourself you however don't have to worry about that problem.

Wow I never thought about that way, that is great advice. don't you need a dancing partner to start salsa classes? Or I can show up and they assign a dancing partner.

[Brutha]

Wow I never thought about that way, that is great advice. don't you need a dancing partner to start salsa classes? Or I can show up and they assign a dancing partner.

In a lot of salsa classes it's perfectly fine to show up and they will assign you a partner.
Often they also rotate the partners so that everyone guy dances some time with every girl in the class.

At best you Google for local Salsa classes. It's probably specifically written on their homepage whether you need a partner. If it isn't, sent them a mail and they will tell you.

[Angelique]

I agree with the salsa idea. This worked for me too. Before I started a couple of months ago, I thought dancing with a partner was just too intimate for me and made me very nervous. I was affectionate, but being so close to someone for more than a couple of seconds (for a hug) didn't sit well.

The other dances related to salsa will help with this too (Bachata, Merengue,etc most likely you'll dance them too) because sometimes you dance them even closer. You can even have a very sexy dance with someone's spouse and it doesn't mean anything. After the song's over you look for a new partner.
It's worth learning.