im new to this...but i need advice pls

[eva]

i was assaulted by my 7 month boyfriend this year, quite recent.Things just got out of MY control and the "friendship" condition that i asked from him, turned into a normal relationship at his eyes.He was everywhere and all over me.Had great good things but very bad ones too.Since he was charged he totally disappeared.There is also a Restraining Order attached...But while he was on bail and needed my support, i was there for him.Now im just picking the crambles he left.His familly says "I could have STOPPED this".But seriously no one cared for me or even asked if i needed any support..(my familly doesnt live here, and normally in this situations no one wants to interfere).Ive been everywhere looking for him and nothing.His mother asked me"Do you want to see my Son arrested?"...My mind only thinks about him.Dont know where to go or what to do.I feel that im loosing my mind

[TonyToneTone]

What do you want out of the situation?

[James81]

So you feel like nobody is supporting you? Even though in this case it sounds like you are the victim, yet outsiders don't seem to care or notice what you might be going through?

[brookie81]

I know it can be hard to be in a "friendship" or relationship with someone that you truly care for that treats you that way. I went through it for 3 years. He abused me and was sent to jail.... I would hope that he would just call me from jail so we could "talk" it out. I ended up making the choice the day before he got out to just get out of dodge and moved out of state to my family, who cared for what I was going through.

Now looking back, I "thought" that I loved him. But it isn't love when they are possessive, obsessive, and abusive. And as for the guy's mother don't look to her for understanding or support, because that abusive man is her baby and that is how she will always see it. You are just the one who put him in jail and don't worry sweetie.... YOU could not have stopped this... if it wasn't you he would have done it to another woman. I am not trying to be harsh, but I was in the exact same boat, only way too long! All I can say is cut your losses and hurt. It hurts for a good while, but as you become more involved with new people and BETTER situations he will fade from your mind and become nothing but a bad dream.

[eva]

Originally Posted by james81

so you feel like nobody is supporting you? Even though in this case it sounds like you are the victim, yet outsiders don't seem to care or notice what you might be going through?

yes you entirelly right.its been almost 4 months and seems like was yesterday for me.appart from myself, havent find anyone that asked me how do i feel.

[eva]

Originally Posted by brookie81

i know it can be hard to be in a "friendship" or relationship with someone that you truly care for that treats you that way. I went through it for 3 years. He abused me and was sent to jail.... I would hope that he would just call me from jail so we could "talk" it out. I ended up making the choice the day before he got out to just get out of dodge and moved out of state to my family, who cared for what i was going through.

Now looking back, i "thought" that i loved him. But it isn't love when they are possessive, obsessive, and abusive. And as for the guy's mother don't look to her for understanding or support, because that abusive man is her baby and that is how she will always see it. You are just the one who put him in jail and don't worry sweetie.... You could not have stopped this... If it wasn't you he would have done it to another woman. I am not trying to be harsh, but i was in the exact same boat, only way too long! All i can say is cut your losses and hurt. It hurts for a good while, but as you become more involved with new people and better situations he will fade from your mind and become nothing but a bad dream.

i understand his mother position.it must be hard for a mother to realise that her "baby" is a bully or a psycopath..she also told me to start a new life, like her "baby" is doing.probably this is the best for me.but i feel love for him.and i believe he loves me too.ive read a lot about this.and i also believe this was a mistake.or maybe im trying to convince myself that he is good.thing is he didnt had any criminal convictions before.

[eva]

Originally Posted by james81

so you feel like nobody is supporting you? Even though in this case it sounds like you are the victim, yet outsiders don't seem to care or notice what you might be going through?

what i feel is im by myself, alone.im the beast.

[eva]

Originally Posted by tonytonetone

what do you want out of the situation?

honestly i wanted to speak or see him.i might sound crazy but i think couples can work things out....or i might be wrong.

[votoshka]

I don't think there's any way you can make this one work. You are much better off moving on and staying as far away from him as possible! Don't look for him, and try as hard as you can NOT to think about him all the time!

[James81]

Originally Posted by eva

yes you entirelly right.its been almost 4 months and seems like was yesterday for me.appart from myself, havent find anyone that asked me how do i feel.

So, how DO you feel?

Originally Posted by eva

what i feel is im by myself, alone.im the beast.

So this situation has shown you that you are alone. That you feel alone. And it makes you feel like you need him to make that feeling go away.

What does "I'm the beast" mean, though?

[RedRain]

Originally Posted by votoshka

I don't think there's any way you can make this one work. You are much better off moving on and staying as far away from him as possible! Don't look for him, and try as hard as you can NOT to think about him all the time!

This^

[Sasha]

What is wrong with being alone?

[Sasha]

You sound very young. Is this your first relationship?

I am trying to find a way to make this sound less harsh but you have to face some hard realities here; he will continue to beat you if you continue to see him.

The reason why no one gets involved in this situation is fairly simple; no one can change this for you; only you and only by walking away. Most people have enough problems on their own; the general opinion is that women that get beaten by their partner can end it by walking away. Now, I know, we can discuss psychology and emotions etc. but this is "their" reason to not get involved. It's not their problem; you want their help they'll tell you "walk away"; you don't take their "advice", they'll think you're just playing for attention. Right or wrong, doesn't matter.

You need counseling to understand why you are in this unhealthy mindset.

Take care of yourself.

[TonyToneTone]

Originally Posted by eva

honestly i wanted to speak or see him.i might sound crazy but i think couples can work things out....or i might be wrong.

Why would you want to see someone who treats you that way? Don't you deserve better?

[eva]

the beast means "the Beauty and the Beast"...you right somehow i feel like i need his presence to go over this.

[eva]

Originally Posted by tonytonetone

why would you want to see someone who treats you that way? Don't you deserve better?

i guess that will be my thought to move on yes

[eva]

Originally Posted by sasha

you sound very young. Is this your first relationship?

I am trying to find a way to make this sound less harsh but you have to face some hard realities here; he will continue to beat you if you continue to see him.

The reason why no one gets involved in this situation is fairly simple; no one can change this for you; only you and only by walking away. Most people have enough problems on their own; the general opinion is that women that get beaten by their partner can end it by walking away. Now, i know, we can discuss psychology and emotions etc. But this is "their" reason to not get involved. It's not their problem; you want their help they'll tell you "walk away"; you don't take their "advice", they'll think you're just playing for attention. Right or wrong, doesn't matter.

You need counseling to understand why you are in this unhealthy mindset.

Take care of yourself.

thank u.

[eva]

Originally Posted by sasha

you sound very young. Is this your first relationship?

I am trying to find a way to make this sound less harsh but you have to face some hard realities here; he will continue to beat you if you continue to see him.

The reason why no one gets involved in this situation is fairly simple; no one can change this for you; only you and only by walking away. Most people have enough problems on their own; the general opinion is that women that get beaten by their partner can end it by walking away. Now, i know, we can discuss psychology and emotions etc. But this is "their" reason to not get involved. It's not their problem; you want their help they'll tell you "walk away"; you don't take their "advice", they'll think you're just playing for attention. Right or wrong, doesn't matter.

You need counseling to understand why you are in this unhealthy mindset.

Take care of yourself.

iam 36 years old and no its not my first relationship.its another relationship that has a bad end.i guess.

[eva]

Originally Posted by votoshka

i don't think there's any way you can make this one work. You are much better off moving on and staying as far away from him as possible! Don't look for him, and try as hard as you can not to think about him all the time!

i guess you right.maybe because im very disappointed and hv few people that are trully interested in hearing what i have to say, maybe thats why its been so hard.

[eva]

Originally Posted by sasha

what is wrong with being alone?

there isnt nothing wrong with being alone.thing is i live alone, in a foreign country,few friends.so im alone most all the time.i miss someone at my side thats all.problem is with this kind of relationships i will never form a familly...and thats my sadness.

[codenamesmiley]

Originally Posted by eva

i guess you right.maybe because im very disappointed and hv few people that are trully interested in hearing what i have to say, maybe thats why its been so hard.

So, do you think that possibly the problem isn't not being able to talk to him, or see him, but more like a feeling of needing to be "heard"? Can just anyone "hear" you, or does it have to be him?

When you need closure in the form of being heard it is healthy to sit and write a letter to whoever you need to have hear you. (Or To the Universe, or a poem, if you aren't sure "who" you want there to listen)

When you are finished, burn it to ashes and be done with it. This way, your message goes out to the Universe. Who knows, it may result in the Universe sending you someone who will listen at a level you feel you need to be heard in order to feel loved.

I hope the sun shines in your heart today.
Be Blessed,
Rebecca

[eva]

Originally Posted by codenamesmiley

So, do you think that possibly the problem isn't not being able to talk to him, or see him, but more like a feeling of needing to be "heard"? Can just anyone "hear" you, or does it have to be him?

When you need closure in the form of being heard it is healthy to sit and write a letter to whoever you need to have hear you. (Or To the Universe, or a poem, if you aren't sure "who" you want there to listen)

When you are finished, burn it to ashes and be done with it. This way, your message goes out to the Universe. Who knows, it may result in the Universe sending you someone who will listen at a level you feel you need to be heard in order to feel loved.

I hope the sun shines in your heart today.
Be Blessed,
Rebecca

Hi Rebecca thank u!Ive written a letter.But you know i just wanted to see him, or speak with him.I guess he might blame me for loosing his licence as Security.Also he was planning to go abroad end of this year, and now he cant because he has Conditional discharge for 12months....

[pinky3]

Originally Posted by eva

the beast means "the Beauty and the Beast"...you right somehow i feel like i need his presence to go over this.

This is the one post that stuck out for me. Beauty and the Beast? Him the beauty, you the beast? The way I always see beauty and the beast is that what people perceive to be the bad person is actually the better person. (All on the inside no reference to looks). Could that not be true for you? Are you not the better person just waiting to be seen by others? You've said there's no one to talk to or to understand or care what you have to say, maybe you could go to a group counselling centre or something where you could get support?

Also could you not find someone else that's better for you?

Hope things work out!

[eva]

Originally Posted by eva

i was assaulted by my 7 month boyfriend this year, quite recent.Things just got out of MY control and the "friendship" condition that i asked from him, turned into a normal relationship at his eyes.He was everywhere and all over me.Had great good things but very bad ones too.Since he was charged he totally disappeared.There is also a Restraining Order attached...But while he was on bail and needed my support, i was there for him.Now im just picking the crambles he left.His familly says "I could have STOPPED this".But seriously no one cared for me or even asked if i needed any support..(my familly doesnt live here, and normally in this situations no one wants to interfere).Ive been everywhere looking for him and nothing.His mother asked me"Do you want to see my Son arrested?"...My mind only thinks about him.Dont know where to go or what to do.I feel that im loosing my mind

God or just pure coincidence made us to bump into each other next to where i live after a month of disappearing on me.His reaction was running away.Mine was going after him.I needed to say something.He mentioned his love for me again, also with Restraining Order the main subject of conversation.Said with the Restraining Order he doesnt want me anymore in his life.Not sure if he is scared to be arrested or just the fact that i have the law on my side, trigered his action of not wanting me anymore just because i have a some sort of power.Told me his feelings are the same but with the restraining order he wont even talk to me.Weird enough i called his old work number and he answered the phone!So he is still performing his role as a Security...For a moment i was thinking about taking out the Restraining Order...But next couple of days i tryed to speak again, and again his colleagues told me he isnt there...lies...i feel like i was the person who commited the Crime honestly..

[ColinH]

I don't understand these sentences
>> Things just got out of MY control and the "friendship" condition that i asked from him, turned into a normal relationship at his eyes.He was everywhere and all over me.Had great good things but very bad ones too.


You seem to be saying your friends are not supportive of you in this situation. Friends would be the first to turn to in times like this, but if they aren't there, could you see a professional counsellor? I think that will help. You could also call your family even if they are in another country.

We are here to support you! Feel the love.

[eva]

Originally Posted by ColinH

I don't understand these sentences
>> Things just got out of MY control and the "friendship" condition that i asked from him, turned into a normal relationship at his eyes.He was everywhere and all over me.Had great good things but very bad ones too.


You seem to be saying your friends are not supportive of you in this situation. Friends would be the first to turn to in times like this, but if they aren't there, could you see a professional counsellor? I think that will help. You could also call your family even if they are in another country.

We are here to support you! Feel the love.

THANK U.I HAVE TO BE HONEST.THAT ONLY ON THIS SITE I FOUND MYSELF BEING NOTHING BUT MYSELF.AND THE FEEDBACK I GOT IS:WOW!Regarding my case, i had to cut our relationship of boyfriend/girlfriend to friendship.Because i noticed his controling and abusive ways.I didnt cut everything, or finish the relationship, so i told him that being friends was the only way for us.But i guess not.Now its been a month and a couple of days that i dont know nothing from him.Last week we accidentally bumped into each other.And i managed to talk a litle with him.Although i saw he didnt wanted to and he always mentioned The Restraining Order .After this i managed to find him at his work by calling the number and him to answering the phone.We spoke again and seems like he hasnt done nothing wrong, and iam the bad person here.He mentioned Restraining Order a couple of times again.Stating that if i didnt drop it, he wouldnt risk to speak with me.All these encounters were quick and i didnt had time to think.Tryed again to speak with him and i got them all colleagues saying he wasnt there(ive been having this since the Sentence came).So he is really playing everybody against me, i think...And i feel that i need to do something...more!Was thinking in going to his work( with a criminal conviction like battery howcome he can still be a Security Officer?) and leave him a final message or something...l