Facebook

[moonrambler]

It took me forever to join Facebook because I figured it would be a gigantic time-sucker and for awhile, it was -- I looked for practically everybody I ever knew. I had an idea I was going to get on there and Friend practically everybody I ever knew. But -- I kind of froze. In some ways, it seems like it would be fun to Friend PEIEK. On the other hand, I get nervous about it. Old boyfriends? Might that stir something up that I don't want stirred up? Friends from grade school? Neighbors from my childhood? High school and college friends I'm annoyed with because they drifted away?

I guess what I'm wondering is if anybody here has gone in there and Friended practically everybody you ever knew. And did you send little messages when you did that? And how did it go?

So far, I've only Friended one person from my Past. One of my very close friends from high school, a guy, who drifted away, but I still love him dearly. I sent him a Friend request with a note, "Hi BFF " and it was gratifying when he responded very exuberantly, beginning with "WOW!"

[Angela]

Facebook is how LOL-man found me after 23 years! Among other people whom I'm absolutely delighted to be in contact with again.

[ssandra]

I just added those I had a good contact with including 2 of my ex boyfriends.

The rest didn't ended on the same good terms so I didn't even look for them.

School, not really, unless I had a very good contact with them. I hardly added anybody though. Just accept whenever people want to add me.

[Andrew Gubb]

I've gotten in contact with some people from my past bit by bit.

A lot of others I haven't contacted with.

[rei]

Most folks from my past found and friended me on there. A few people I'd missed, I sent them messages to see about friending up (sometimes just a friend request, if I wasn't sure they'd remember me I sent small details).

What I haven't liked is getting friend requests where I did not know the person and they did not send me anything to help me figure out/realize where they knew me from. (I have read about fb scams so I prefer to use common sense.)

I also find it amusing when people from my high school days send me friend requests - when they did not act like friends to me at all, back then. I usually ignore those requests, but then I am not on there to rack up high numbers anyway... at least, for my personal account that's true. For the professional one, well, I won't complain if I rack up high numbers

[moonrambler]

Originally Posted by rei

I also find it amusing when people from my high school days send me friend requests - when they did not act like friends to me at all, back then. I usually ignore those requests, but then I am not on there to rack up high numbers anyway...

In the lurking around I've done on there, I see a lot of instances where it looks like people have just friended each other because they used to be in high school together, when I can well remember they weren't even the slightest of friends in high school.

I wouldn't start trying to friend people who I wasn't even the slightest of friends with, but I could easily send hundreds of friend requests if I included everyone I was ever casual friends with, or worked with, and so on (keep in mind I am 51 and have lived in a lot of different places, went to a couple different colleges and have worked at about 300 million jobs, not to mention groups I've been in and volunteer stuff etc). For some reason, this idea is compelling to me . . . I want to reconnect with everybody I have ever liked or loved! Then old boyfriends . . . I want to Friend all my old boyfriends and put them into a Facebook corral

[rei]

Originally Posted by moonrambler

For some reason, this idea is compelling to me . . . I want to reconnect with everybody I have ever liked or loved!

I bet Angela would ask some exploratory questions about that

I guess I just have a different feeling about it. There's one person in my mind, we lost touch and I'd like to see him again, but I get the distinct feeling we were supposed to move apart. Idk, but he's one of the few people I tried to find on there more than once. But I think there's many people on there who share your sentiments

[Weena]

I've been on Facebook for several years and most of my contacts are family and old friends from my homeland, and people i went to school with. A few from these forums too.

I only ignore people who add me without introducing themselves...what's the point?

[codenamesmiley]

OOOOH FB! A subject I can relate with. lol

I noticed, that while I was extremely apprehensive to add any high school friends out of being uneasy that they would have not grown or changed, or be just as immature, judgemental or ignorant as they behaved in those days...I was pleasantly surprised to see that the most support and positive things I see through my facebook comes from those friends.

Once I put the barrier down and let them in, I realized that the behavior which I was sapprehensive about experiencing through these people, I was already experiencing on a daily basis from the people that I have loved, known and felt I could maybe trust for all the time I was avoiding my high school friends.

Yes, some people never change, but when I learned that the one friend in high school that I literally felt I lost to other friends that wore name brand fancy clothes, had the highest hardest hair (yes in the 80s) once I found them on facebook, have actually followed a similar path with esoteric stuff and things that I thought these people moreso than anyone..would judge me for being into or having learned.

Go ahead and add these people. See how they grew. See how they changed. You may be pleasantly surprised.

Also, consider a editing your current friends list. If you find people already on your list that display the traits you are avoiding long lost friends "just in case" of, eliminate these people. They are no more worthy of your friends list, and you will find the people you are apprehensive about, probably are more than worthy this go around.

Remember, you can always delete the friendship if you feel adding them was a mistake. At least they aren't in your front yard with a bullhorn yelling your name out to the neighborhood. You can dip your feet in their water, and be back out and deciding, before anyone else even really notices you were there.

Be Blessed,
Rebecca

[Weena]

I left my country when i was twenty. So often the changes in people are huge (since then got married, had cute children etc). I also enjoy the ones who have discovered their spiritual side!
The downside is when you feel you "have to" have your family-in-law on there. In three years i never wrote a swear word in my status, till a couple of days ago i copy-pasted a joke from an other friend status that contained the f-word. My old christian uncle in law made a point to send me an email telling how offensive that was. Yay...

[James81]

I went through a phase where I was really busy with facebook. Lately, I've been a bit slack with it though. I guess this'll be one of those things that comes in waves.

It is cool to connect with people on there. Really helps keep in touch with people who've moved away or live a long way from you. Lot's of people on there that I haven't seen in YEARS, that I've gotten to chat with a bit.

[moonrambler]

Originally Posted by codenamesmiley

Go ahead and add these people. See how they grew. See how they changed. You may be pleasantly surprised.

Well, I'm starting. This was the main reason I signed up, so I may as well go for it! Well, the other reason was that my friends kept bugging me to do it. Yet it seems kind of off-the-point that nearly all my FB activity is chatting with people I talk to all the time.

FB is a fascinating social experiment, giving us something we never had before, keeping people connected and re-connecting them when they probably never would have done so before. I'm intrigued by one group of friends I used to hang with all the time as a junior and senior. One guy has become an outspoken atheist/skeptic and also accepted being gay . . . this was a surprise because he always had girlfriends in high school and was married for five years. Another guy has become a minister for one of the charismatic Christian denominations, and most of what he posts about is Jesus stuff and his life as a minister. And those two guys have friended each other, which is cool.

[ssandra]

Originally Posted by moonrambler

Well, I'm starting. This was the main reason I signed up, so I may as well go for it! Well, the other reason was that my friends kept bugging me to do it. Yet it seems kind of off-the-point that nearly all my FB activity is chatting with people I talk to all the time.

I usually have my chatting function off... I like the little messages (status updates) and replying to them at times, but I dislike being interrupted when I don't want to talk to people. That is why I don't use msn anymore either.

[moonrambler]

Originally Posted by ssandra

I usually have my chatting function off... I like the little messages (status updates) and replying to them at times, but I dislike being interrupted when I don't want to talk to people. That is why I don't use msn anymore either.

Oh yeah, I don't mean chatting chatting, I mean commenting and stuff. I turned off the chat function too.

[codenamesmiley]

I was chatting with a friend from these forums the other day, and the topic of facebook came up.

I have begun to add a couple of people from the forums, so far...and intend to add more.

I have mostly christian family and not really sure about the views of some of my high school friends. It does appear that the same patterns of "self" awareness are evident in them..even if muted a bit.

Some forum members I have asked about it, state that they just keep two separate facebook accounts just for this reason. (forum life versus real life)

I have had this conflict in heart and mind for some time now, as to whether to combine my personal life people with the forum people..for many reasons..but boils down mostly to two reasons.

First reason (which is stupid and I know I am gonna hear about it...but it's good...I need to hear it..so bring it.) The family and high school friends thinking I am a freak when I openly talk to my forum friends as if we are still in the forums. (Tho I am "ass u me"ing this is what will happen..I really don't know.) I feel this is a major part of who I am becoming, and how I want to get there. I love this place and the people here.

Forum folk=supportive, loving, accepting.

Family/friend folk=negative daily status, drama drama drama. Need I say more? (I know most of you relate..and probably have this same conflict for yourself)

Second reason. The same ole lineup of people who have been there most of my life, during the impressionable years...the judgemental holier than thou types the patterns that I have feverishly spent hours on end in these forums trying to find answers for and break the patterns so that I can become a better person. So that I can feel important enough to deserve to have the life that I want for a change.

Well, there is that thing in the brain that kicks in and says "These people will always treat you this way..or view you this way, and therefore if they see you improving outlook, displaying empathy and being honest about gifts with people who are really supportive and loving, well..They will have to start up a witch-hunt and feed me twice as much conflict as I have now...because how dare I move up and move on for myself, or try to find peace in this chapter of my life, or accept my gifts..I will be dubbed a freak". (most of you know the drill, here)

I don't mean this to seem offensive to the forum body..because I do not label anyone in here as a freak...I love that there is a constant acceptance among the community here without a ton of judgement and when there is irrationality, we hold each other accountable and the growth potential here is just a phenomenon of it's own.

I am not sure if I am concerned what the forum will think of my family...or how my family will react to my coming out as myself..full circle with everyone around me.

I had pondered whether or not this would be a de-railing of a sort..and contemplated starting a different thread altogether for this, but when discussing with my friend I proposed the possibility of a challenge for myself and all my forum friends; which is to have one facebook that has all of everyone we interact with...no matter who it is..forum, friend, family, whoever you feel emotionally connected to...whether it be choice or obligation. Just all of us be us...US WHO WE ARE...not us who is insecure, or guarded or worried about judgement..just US...WHERE WE ARE GOING...regardless. I also think that when they see that there are just as many people out there that care for us and want us to succeed, as there are people hat want to drag us down, drain us and keep us in fear...maybe the scales of spiritual justice will have an authentic hold on us and free us from this horrific wheel of doubt "stuckness".

I don't think I am alone in this. Anyone interested in doing this? Maybe open a separate thread and do a 30 day trial group participation expiriment that allows for our facebook to aid is all in blending the who we are as "stuck" individuals..with those people who are part of the pattern...aside with the "willing" who we are...to see what happens when the two worlds meet?

I am interested, but honestly scared to do this alone...and also I feel that I am not the only one that is in this position, so I think that if we all had the support of one another to take that leap...it would happen faster for each of us as individuals...as well as open up alot of space for this shift to higher consciousness, when more people realize that we as individuals are not freaks..but parts in a whole community that can improve upon ourselves despite the negative feedback that half our lives tend to continually throw our way, as well as possibly uplift others who share similar fears and may be giving the negative feedback out of a fear that may just as well lift for them when they follow our example.

Anyone interested?

I am sorry this is really long.
Be Blessed,
Rebecca

[codenamesmiley]

Originally Posted by moonrambler

Oh yeah, I don't mean chatting chatting, I mean commenting and stuff. I turned off the chat function too.

You can go into your settings and set who can see certain things.

If you don't want game apps to announce stuff...they wont unless they have your permission every time. You have to turn off all of a certain friends updates on your newsfeed, if you don't care about their farm or fishtank.(but then you won't see anything..no updates at all, from said friend.)

Be Blessed,
Rebecca

[codenamesmiley]

Originally Posted by Weena

The downside is when you feel you "have to" have your family-in-law on there.

Weena, you are on my FB, so if you pay attention you will note that I have nothing but sarcasm and discontent for my mother in law.
She is nosey to a fault and intrusive and manipulating.
I try to be kind..but it is often mistaken for weakness. Then I look like thisfor a few days..then i act like thisto cope. I like to leave her feeling like thistho. Does this make me a bad person?

Be Blessed,
Rebecca

[ssandra]

Originally Posted by codenamesmiley

Weena, you are on my FB, so if you pay attention you will note that I have nothing but sarcasm and discontent for my mother in law.
She is nosey to a fault and intrusive and manipulating.
I try to be kind..but it is often mistaken for weakness. Then I look like thisfor a few days..then i act like thisto cope. I like to leave her feeling like thistho. Does this make me a bad person?

Be Blessed,
Rebecca

I'm not on your facebook, but wouldn't it be better if you felt like no matter what you mother in law says, does or writes?

[codenamesmiley]

Originally Posted by rei

What I haven't liked is getting friend requests where I did not know the person and they did not send me anything to help me figure out/realize where they knew me from. (I have read about fb scams so I prefer to use common sense.)

These people are what I like to call "game whores". They don't know you..they don't care about you...they just want you to add them as a neighbor, so they can advance, in one of the many addictive games on there. I am torn here too. I like leveling up with all the neighbors I need to do so, but these are total strangers seeing my life...this sort of feels more and more intrusive for me personally these days. I will be eliminating some of these people too...especially the ones that see me make a friend and then pounce as if you are only there for games..as if the only friends I am capable of making, are other fellow "game whores".

These people do not comprehend anything about me on a newsreal unless it is an announcement of a game that they personally play...so I don't feel they are a threat...but also don't feel I am doing them any good keeping them around, if I am not that interested in the games myself any more. It's not like, once self improvement tidbits start appearing on their newsfeed, they will actually get noticed, anyway.

The games themselves that once felt like recreation, have become more like work..and when it comes to priorities, I'd rather get dinner done on time, than put it off til I just.....level....up.......... Distractions, distractions, distractions.

Be Blessed,
Rebecca

[codenamesmiley]

Originally Posted by ssandra

I'm not on your facebook, but wouldn't it be better if you felt like no matter what you mother in law says, does or writes?

HELL YES!!! That's why I am wanting to add forum friends to my FB. I go to FB every day. I sometimes stay away from the forum for weeks at a time...usually because I like to have a couple of hours to stay and play, when I do come in here. FB I can be in and out in a few minutes if I want..and feel I have done my checking in for the day.

Add me. Help me with that.
I would be honored and delighted to have you as a FB friend!
Hugs!!!
Rebecca

Edit: I had my name on here, but instead..I will look for you in friends of a friend and send you an add. If anyone wants to add me...Pm me for my real FB name. Thanks.

[codenamesmiley]

Moonrambler,

I apologize if this seems like a de-railing of your thread.

You said that FB seemed like a social expiriment. It inspired me. To me, it almost seemed like a calling...to literally make FB a social expiriment..one that can help me and others around me possibly grow, overcome, renew, move forward in their own truth as well as I intend to do my own.

You deserve a giant hug filled with positive white light and love!!!!

Thanks for the inspiration. Words cannot express thegratitude for the opportunity to break a viscious cycle, that lays before me..just from this thread that would not be here, if not for you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you!!!

Be Blessed,
Rebecca

[moonrambler]

Wow, Rebecca, you're welcome, I didn't even do anything!

I don't see you derailing this thread one bit. I'm really enjoying the conversation.

[ssandra]

I'll add you as soon as I see you!! Sent me a pm if you cannot find me!

I'm almost the same on facebook as here on the forum. The only think I tone down a bit is the overtly sexual flirting, cause I don't really want to explain that to my family in law

But, just the extremely obvious comments that I otherwise would post (Such as "If I vibrate at any higher level then this, I'll save a fortune on batteries")

Mainly actually because of my cousins that are on there and are under 18... although they probably have seen much, much worse... they still don't need to know it from me!

[Weena]

Originally Posted by codenamesmiley

Weena, you are on my FB, so if you pay attention you will note that I have nothing but sarcasm and discontent for my mother in law.
She is nosey to a fault and intrusive and manipulating.
I try to be kind..but it is often mistaken for weakness. Then I look like thisfor a few days..then i act like thisto cope. I like to leave her feeling like thistho. Does this make me a bad person?

Be Blessed,
Rebecca

I'm sorry to hear that...I can't even advise you because when my father-in-law his "on his rags" and annoys us i take it very personally and don't deal well with it. I was writing longer about it but i just erased the rest, it's not so positive talking. Just saying i hear you!
I guess you know "why" she is like that, just not really fair you should take it when she feels crappy. Remember the etheric cord cutting though, that one is a good one.

You are not a bad person, you are a sensitive person, if she can't see that it's her loss .


Ssandra, you're funny

[ShrinkyDink]

Yes, I did this. It started with someone who was actually kind of rude to me in high school. I signed up for the reunion committee for our high school reunion. She accepted me on for the committee and next thing I knew, I got one friend request after another from people from school. It's been slowly growing over the past 2 years. I was in a club in California as a kid called Rainbow Girls... over the past couple of days I've had at least five friend requests from them.... so yeah, it's really an odd feeling to get re connected with these people.

[moonrambler]

Originally Posted by ShrinkyDink

Yes, I did this. It started with someone who was actually kind of rude to me in high school. I signed up for the reunion committee for our high school reunion. She accepted me on for the committee and next thing I knew, I got one friend request after another from people from school. It's been slowly growing over the past 2 years. I was in a club in California as a kid called Rainbow Girls... over the past couple of days I've had at least five friend requests from them.... so yeah, it's really an odd feeling to get re connected with these people.

Odd, but is it fun? Do you like it?

[Angela]

I only joined Facebook last year when my high school's reunion committee went on a mission to round everyone up and get talking months before the reunion.

I had absolutely zero intention of going to that reunion because I figured I already was in touch with the people I wanted to be in touch with, but my bestest pal from kindergarten nudged me to sign up, and I was so glad I did. I re-met people I knew a little bit in HS, met many who knew who I was but I didn't know them, and some friends of friends or friends of my brothers'. I enjoyed talking with these people on FB so much that I decided to go to the reunion after all, and I had a blast -- it was so exciting to talk in person to these people I'd been "talking" to for months, finding out how people had grown, the interesting things they were up to, and how loving and generous and wonderful so many of them were. And there were a couple of people who I LOVED in HS and am absolutely over the moon to refriendify them, especially since they both live in my new town!! It's like having a built-in social support group in my new location -- how awesome is that? Lots of other Friends also live here, and I'm looking forward to small-f-friending them, too.

Lots of people from my past whom I'm just overjoyed to reconnect with. And loads of people from the forums. I also like the business contact aspect of FB, too. And of course, LOL-man had been websearching me for years and never found me until I got a FB account. I'm a fan, can you tell?

[elucidate]

I have to admit, I avoided FB for years, seeing it as nothing more than a haven for narcisisstic fodder..."look at all my 500 facebook friends"...most of whom they've never met and never will. I don't really send messages...if I'm not sure that a person will remember me, then I probably would. Otherwise...they can decide for themselves whether they want to add me. Having said that, my ex got in touch recently and he didn't send any kind of message and still hasn't...and I'm waiting only one more week before I remove him. I guess that's another area where I am a walking contradiction.

The race for popularity just didn't interest me. I was happily not part of it. Then a woman that I am no longer friends with decided to join me...as she felt sorry for me (she was one of these extremely social types who thinks everyone 'should' be just like her) and even though I protested she went and joined me anyway, set me up with some photos of us (she was with me in the pics I've posted here as a blond).

I didn't really go there very much...and still don't like to make it too much of a focus...but now I'm really glad she did join me...as I've met so many quality people on this forum, who I have befriended and can share in their lives in this small way. I go there nearly every other day, but I still don't really want to spend too much time there, as it can be a real life waster.

I've recently blocked a guy I know, as he was pretty rude to me, and my ex got in touch with me last week which has stirred things up a bit. I've had old rivals at school look me up but I rejected this one womans request, on a knee-jerk reaction.
School wounds can still feel so fresh...even after 10 years?? Wierd...anyway, I'm sure she's changed, and I have thought about sending her a request...though I know alot of people like to play the "look where I ended up and how great my life is" and compare themselves in a nasty way.

I didn't really want to take the chance that that is what she was doing...the last time I saw her she told me she'd walk right past me in the street if she saw me, and that I would end up owning a caravan park and living in one...so I guess I just don't want to give her the satisfaction. I have created myself as an artist, and a writer, and I am working on those dreams...though, for alot of people that is not what they would consider a "successful" life. I am a success to me though...so I don't need to put myself up for scrutiny from others who chose a more mediocre existence...though I wish them all happiness with it.

I feel pretty happy that I have found such great people to be friends with. It took such a long time, so I definately appreciate you all even more

[Andrew Brunelle]

When I first joined Facebook, a ton of friends from my old city I lived in friended me, but then I deleted my account because I thought Facebook was a waste of time and not only that, but the fact that I would most likely never see these people again and that most of them weren't even really my friends, I just went to school with them. I don't really know those people anymore and some of them I could still be friends with, but the majority of those people will never cross my path again and it won't bother me.

I ended up creating another account and have a few friends on it, but not many. Still, people I do not talk to and do not know still friend me. I seriously think Facebook is a waste of time and although there are some advantages to it, I just don't like it much.

And I don't care for the notion of friending everyone you've ever met because that comes from an ego-based perspective where you're trying to artificially inflate your popularity by making it seem like you have more friends than you actually do.

Any other anti-Facebook people in the crowd here? I just see it as a major distraction from what we all should really be doing with our time. But that's just me.

[elucidate]

I also don't like that thing about finding all the people you've ever met. Honestly, most of them I would have little in common with and having them as friends just for the sake of it...seems a tad shallow IMO. I'm not that much of a narcisisst.

Originally Posted by Andrew Brunelle

When I first joined Facebook, a ton of friends from my old city I lived in friended me, but then I deleted my account because I thought Facebook was a waste of time and not only that, but the fact that I would most likely never see these people again and that most of them weren't even really my friends, I just went to school with them. I don't really know those people anymore and some of them I could still be friends with, but the majority of those people will never cross my path again and it won't bother me.

I ended up creating another account and have a few friends on it, but not many. Still, people I do not talk to and do not know still friend me. I seriously think Facebook is a waste of time and although there are some advantages to it, I just don't like it much.

And I don't care for the notion of friending everyone you've ever met because that comes from an ego-based perspective where you're trying to artificially inflate your popularity by making it seem like you have more friends than you actually do.

Any other anti-Facebook people in the crowd here? I just see it as a major distraction from what we all should really be doing with our time. But that's just me.