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[Angela]

Originally Posted by elucidate

School wounds can still feel so fresh..

That reminds me, I was Friended by a guy who used to torture me in grade school -- he really enjoyed bullying and humiliating me in all kinds of ways. When I grew up, whenever I heard of a school bully, I pictured this guy.

When I ran into him at the reunion (after a glass of wine or two), I said, "Hey, you used to torture and bully and humiliate me in grade school!" .....and he started CRYING. He said, "I know. I was such an assh*le." and he begged me to forgive him. Ack. I'm tearing up just remembering. <sniff>. And when I said, "well, yeah, of course I forgive you! We were kids! But I'm not sure if I would have been so quick to let go of my hurt if you hadn't said what you just said, so thank you." {{hugs}}}. It was kind of a neat moment.

[elucidate]

That's awesome Angela. My brother has just finished apologising to all the people he bullied and hurt at school (except me of course...sisters don't count apparently) It's great that he cried over it...it means he really understood the hurt he caused and was genuinely sorry for it...that's very healing.

Cool story.

Originally Posted by Angela

That reminds me, I was Friended by a guy who used to torture me in grade school -- he really enjoyed bullying and humiliating me in all kinds of ways. When I grew up, whenever I heard of a school bully, I pictured this guy.

When I ran into him at the reunion (after a glass of wine or two), I said, "Hey, you used to torture and bully and humiliate me in grade school!" .....and he started CRYING. He said, "I know. I was such an assh*le." and he begged me to forgive him. Ack. I'm tearing up just remembering. <sniff>. And when I said, "well, yeah, of course I forgive you! We were kids! But I'm not sure if I would have been so quick to let go of my hurt if you hadn't said what you just said, so thank you." {{hugs}}}. It was kind of a neat moment.

[moonrambler]

Originally Posted by Andrew Brunelle

And I don't care for the notion of friending everyone you've ever met because that comes from an ego-based perspective where you're trying to artificially inflate your popularity by making it seem like you have more friends than you actually do.

Oh but that's not it, not even a little bit! I would totally want to do this even if nobody could see how many Friends I have on there, and I think that 'number of Friends' thing FB posts is kind of silly. For me, it's not at all about numbers, it's about reconnecting.

Originally Posted by Angela

I said, "Hey, you used to torture and bully and humiliate me in grade school!" .....and he started CRYING. He said, "I know. I was such an assh*le." and he begged me to forgive him.

That's really amazing. See, there's people I feel like I couldn't accept a Friend request from because they used to be mean to me. And like elucidate says, sometimes it can seem like yesterday, even when it was a zillion years ago. I never expect them to feel bad about any of it now.

[elucidate]

Originally Posted by moonrambler

I never expect them to feel bad about any of it now.

This adds even more insult to injury. Ontop of everything they did to hurt you, they don't even remember it, and you look like the petty one for not being able to let go.

[codenamesmiley]

I am glad this thread got started.

Today, just before coming here I went through all of my FB friends and deleted everyone that falls into the category of "game whores" that I described earlier. I started deleting with about 100 or so friends. I now have 84. That's not so shabby.

Elucidate mentioned something about how sometimes the bullies dont even remember or pretend they dont remember doing the bullying. Here's an interesting twist. This girl I knew since grade school, is now on my friends list and probably one of my favorite friends now. We were both members of the same "clique" of oddballs.(because we all lived a few blocks from one another and knew each other since a couple of blocks was as far as we were allowed to go from home.) She was ultra preppy, snotty, mouthy. It took til high school for her to finally talk me into kicking her ass. I can remember like it was yesterday. She walked past me and laughed real loud in my face...and my brother is right there next to me..lockers side by side..and he yells up hallway to his friend that this girl thinks she "can kick his sisters ass"...and time stopped. It was on. I had the pressure of the entire hallway of students looking at me as if I had to prove something..I beat her bad. It was bad. I have had nightmares about this incident. The guilt has eaten at me for a long long time. The rage unleashed on this poor kid...who ultimately didn't deserve that bad of a beat down. (it was other crap from childhood that was growing the rage that had remained dormant til that very moment.) The following day after the fight she was all swollen beyond recognition and I apologized then, and that must have been why she forgot about it..she forgave. But, for me...even knowing this, it is still hard to forgive myself or write it off as being a kid.

That moment of unleashed rage was the beginning of knowing how good it felt to unleash it..and then there I was for a good decade of dealing with untamed rage....yeah.it was a journey.

When I finally found her again, I hopped on chat right away and apologized, with tears in my eyes. You know what? She don't even remember it! She was so stoned that day she don't even remember it...and here I beat myself up many times over the years, remembering the beating she received that day.

Another observation, is this same girl used to be the best dressed..hardest hair...(the 80's) the most layers of clothing, etc. NOw, she tells it was always her older sisters clothes she wore and complains of how people that we went to school with are so showey and materialistic now. It was amazing to see how this kid I always thought was just spoiled rotten....really wasn't. Most of her childhood persona was an act. (as this persona was showey and materialistic seemingly, tho they had not a pot to piss in growing up) The real her, is a pretty descent person. The fake her must have been too, seeing as how I stayed friends with her long after I was allowed further from home than just a couple of blocks.

Funny how perception just seems to be relevant. We hold on to the perceptions we had of these people back then, even though we strive to change our perceptions of the here and now. I think that FB gives us the opportunity to evaluate our patterns of perception, and make amends for the things that we had distorted, or the distortion we created within ourselves. Amazing...

Blessings,
Rebecca

[elucidate]

I do love your honesty Smiley

Originally Posted by codenamesmiley

I am glad this thread got started.

Today, just before coming here I went through all of my FB friends and deleted everyone that falls into the category of "game whores" that I described earlier. I started deleting with about 100 or so friends. I now have 84. That's not so shabby.

Elucidate mentioned something about how sometimes the bullies dont even remember or pretend they dont remember doing the bullying. Here's an interesting twist. This girl I knew since grade school, is now on my friends list and probably one of my favorite friends now. We were both members of the same "clique" of oddballs.(because we all lived a few blocks from one another and knew each other since a couple of blocks was as far as we were allowed to go from home.) She was ultra preppy, snotty, mouthy. It took til high school for her to finally talk me into kicking her ass. I can remember like it was yesterday. She walked past me and laughed real loud in my face...and my brother is right there next to me..lockers side by side..and he yells up hallway to his friend that this girl thinks she "can kick his sisters ass"...and time stopped. It was on. I had the pressure of the entire hallway of students looking at me as if I had to prove something..I beat her bad. It was bad. I have had nightmares about this incident. The guilt has eaten at me for a long long time. The rage unleashed on this poor kid...who ultimately didn't deserve that bad of a beat down. (it was other crap from childhood that was growing the rage that had remained dormant til that very moment.) The following day after the fight she was all swollen beyond recognition and I apologized then, and that must have been why she forgot about it..she forgave. But, for me...even knowing this, it is still hard to forgive myself or write it off as being a kid.

That moment of unleashed rage was the beginning of knowing how good it felt to unleash it..and then there I was for a good decade of dealing with untamed rage....yeah.it was a journey.

When I finally found her again, I hopped on chat right away and apologized, with tears in my eyes. You know what? She don't even remember it! She was so stoned that day she don't even remember it...and here I beat myself up many times over the years, remembering the beating she received that day.

Another observation, is this same girl used to be the best dressed..hardest hair...(the 80's) the most layers of clothing, etc. NOw, she tells it was always her older sisters clothes she wore and complains of how people that we went to school with are so showey and materialistic now. It was amazing to see how this kid I always thought was just spoiled rotten....really wasn't. Most of her childhood persona was an act. (as this persona was showey and materialistic seemingly, tho they had not a pot to piss in growing up) The real her, is a pretty descent person. The fake her must have been too, seeing as how I stayed friends with her long after I was allowed further from home than just a couple of blocks.

Funny how perception just seems to be relevant. We hold on to the perceptions we had of these people back then, even though we strive to change our perceptions of the here and now. I think that FB gives us the opportunity to evaluate our patterns of perception, and make amends for the things that we had distorted, or the distortion we created within ourselves. Amazing...

Blessings,
Rebecca

[ShrinkyDink]

moonrambler

Odd, but is it fun? Do you like it?

YES! I do like it. I wouldn't change it for the world. The way I look at it is that while we were kids, the relationships we had were...childish. Even though my old enemy from high school was a ♥♥♥♥♥ then... we are adults now and can carry on an adult relationship. She's now one of my favorite people on there.
People love to look back and remember the good ol days.. I think it's great that when that person from way back land pops into your head, you can just shoot them a quick message or write on their wall...what a great world we live in today that re connecting with old friends can be so easy

[Kathe76]

When I joined facebook people started adding me. I have found nothing but good things on facebook friendships. Even past boyfriends have been great. I also rekindled some great friendships with people from my past and we have grown into a great friendship. It can be time consuming. I find when I am just surfing for fun that I can get sucked into the vortex of facebook.