Advices needed Please!

[4everUrs]

hey,

This may well be my first post here on this nice forum and I really need some of your advices.

I just broke off with my bf of 3 years for sometime now who was emotionally aloof.

This new guy for whom i have developed feelings was actually a very good friend but now I am seeing him in a new light and is getting really interested as he is everything that my ex was not. And the plus points being we have this amazing chemistry and could read each other minds even if we are texting.

The only problem is the issues that he might have because he was being raised up in a boarding school ever since he was 9 years old. His dad and mom divorced when he was 9 years old and both of them married again while he was being send off to a boarding school. They also changed his schools like 3 or 4 times and he has been away from home for almost 12 years except the few times he visit his parents during holidays. Now, he have a very good job though but that is not the point.

I know he seems very charming, caring and understanding but underneath it all I am positive that he was very much affected by his parents break up and his 'away from family environment' brought-up.

While I want this relation to be a long lasting one that led to the altar, I don't want to deal with any more issues now ( my ex had lots of issues). I have always believe that the way person was brought up, his early childhood environments etc.. actually plays a major role in building up his character and also determines the type of person he will become.

A friend of mine once told me that guys from broken homes have fear of commitment and intimacy issues. Well, so I am wondering whether a love relationship with this new guy is gonna be a good one or will it be just another one of those which led to nowhere but heartbreakVille. huh!!

I want to go into this relationship with both eyes open and I hope to get some valuable insights from all of you.

Thank you!!

[Williamjw]

Relationships = risk!

There is no way you can tell if this will work or not when you've only been seeing him for a month.

If he's got a nice character and is charming etc. then surly if there is issues you can look past them.

Everyone has issues of some kind, but if you love someone 7/10 times you can look past them, of course it depends on how emotionally unstable the issues they've had have made them.

[ssandra]

If you don't want to deal with issues, you shouldn't deal with people anymore.

I would suggest to start taking more responsibility for your own actions and thoughts in a relationship, instead of throwing all the burden on your partner.

If he seems genuinely nice, sweet and caring, but there is a statistic out there that says most people from broken homes are not... which one sounds more logical to believe? A statistic about most people, or the guy himself?

[4everUrs]

Originally Posted by ssandra

If you don't want to deal with issues, you shouldn't deal with people anymore.

I would suggest to start taking more responsibility for your own actions and thoughts in a relationship, instead of throwing all the burden on your partner.

If he seems genuinely nice, sweet and caring, but there is a statistic out there that says most people from broken homes are not... which one sounds more logical to believe? A statistic about most people, or the guy himself?

I am sorry that I seem like a cold ♥♥♥♥♥ in that first post. Well, The thing is I was in a verbally abusive relationship for 3 years and only now the relief is so great that I steer clear of anything with the word "issues" or "abuses".

Now that I think of it, it might be still too early for me to get into a new relationship. I am still testing the waters though, but this new guy is totally sweet, adorable and such a handsome hunk, I am having all the tell-tale signs of falling in love again. When will i ever learn!!

I am just wondering what to expect from a guy with his unusual backgrounds.
Of course, I still believe love is ultimate decider of any relationship.

[ZHereford]

Why don't you just enjoy the relationship for what it is and take it one day at a time? Don't worry about 'going down the aisle' with anyone for the time being. Every relationship teaches you new things about yourself and what you do and don't want from it. Take your time and figure it out.

p.s. There here is no such words as 'advices'.

[ssandra]

Originally Posted by 4everUrs

I am sorry that I seem like a cold ♥♥♥♥♥ in that first post. Well, The thing is I was in a verbally abusive relationship for 3 years and only now the relief is so great that I steer clear of anything with the word "issues" or "abuses".

Don't worry, you didn't seem like a cold ♥♥♥♥♥ at all! I meant to point out that EVERYBODY has issues.

The difference between somebody who is abusive with issues and somebody who isn't abusive with issues is their willingness to work on it and not take it out on you. But, everybody has issues

If you've been in an abusive relationship it might indeed be a good idea to be alone for a while. Learn to love yourself again, so you'll have the self respect and self knowledge to stand up for yourself when it is needed.

As well, what stood out for me in your post was how it seemed you were only talking about them, and how the guy might be too difficult to get along with, might have commitment issues etc.

I'm of the opinion that you cannot change other people, but you can change yourself. So it might be a good idea to look into yourself and see what you can do to make this a happy and long lasting relationship.

Such as:

- Stand up for myself the first time I get verbally abused
- Take responsibility for my own actions and insecurities
- Have a great self confidence and self esteem so you don't depend on somebody else to get those good feelings
- etc.