I'm a 48 year old man attracted to much young women

[Federer]

Originally Posted by votoshka

Well, okay, I admit it... I am 37 and often find myself checking out guys who are like 17 or 18 years old!! I think when I'm 90 I'll STILL be checking out younger guys In general, the men I'm attracted to would usually be under 25.

The problem is, I don't FEEL 37, inside I'm still 17 in many ways. Okay, I'm more mature than I used to be, and maybe I don't see the world the same way, but I FEEL young. (I also look young for my age... I actually feel weird telling people I'm 37 because I don't look anywhere near 37... a couple of years ago I shocked an older women by saying I was married because she thought I was about 16 lol).

Anyway, errm I don't know if there's anything wrong with being attracted to younger women... I don't know if it's "normal" or not to be attracted to people so much younger, but I don't think it matters. I do wonder, however, if I'll ever be able to have a relationship when I'm 70 because I can't for the life of me imagine being attracted to a 70 year old guy I always thought I'd just be attracted to older people as I got older myself... but my attraction has stagnated somewhere on the way and hasn't matured along with my age!

So, I don't know if this is helpful or not, but at least it shows that you're not alone in being attracted to people much younger than yourself!

Don't mind votoshka. You don't look 37. But you look like 21-25 college student.

[votoshka]

Originally Posted by Federer

Don't mind votoshka. You don't look 37. But you look like 21-25 college student.

hehe thanks Federer

It's always funny when old threads get resurrected and you think... oh did I write that??

[Alstar]

Didn't read the whole thread, but:

It's 100% normal for a man to feel attracted to younger women, or girls. The brain is hard-wired for it. Your "problem" is not as uncommon as you think, even as much as the majority of men are attracted to younger women. Why? In a nutshell, youth = fertility.

[HeartfulColourful]

Ok, i'm not good at the quotey thing so I don't remember who said what but...

I'm currently receiving therapy and a part of me seems to have got stuck in the traumatic years I experienced from 19-25.

I actually believe that people become 'stuck' at certain sexual ages (and that sexuality is a process of development much like spirituality etc.). That is not to say that it's 'wrong' or needs to be fixed but i've found that people develop certain ideas about sex which cause them to gravitate towards a certain type of 'mate' or 'kink' and they just roll with it. If it is genuinely physical for you then I would attempt to be friendly with younger people but make sure your character is not creepy or weird (like guys who say 'hello young ladies'...David Brent types). Just relax. You're looking for an equal (I assume?). If you are looking for a characteristic (gratitude, bubbliness, youthfulness) then you can find that in older women too and I would suggest mixing with older women who are more youthful. I think older women get a bad rep. Sometimes you have to 'ignite' that sleeping light inside people. No woman actively wants to feel 'old'/miserable. Your call. Mingle and experiment.

If sluthood was accepted alot more girls could take responbility rather than saying the guy took advantage of her. its a complicated issue.

If people stopped referring to women who sleep around as 'sluts' that would go a LONG way. I do also think the term cougar is a bit dodgy too. I'm in my late 20s. I like younger guys (this is a very new thing to me) and older guys more so (i'm interested in acting out what ssandra was talking about - 'innocent' roleplay although i haven't done it yet and i'm running out of time on this one). I can't remember what my point was... I just like talking about this stuff

[Federer]

Originally Posted by votoshka

hehe thanks Federer

It's always funny when old threads get resurrected and you think... oh did I write that??

Dear votoshka,
For me, You wrote it here for first time.

[Anthoneee]

I think your attraction to younger women is completely natural. I say embrace it; go for what you want, not what other people may think you should want.

[joelr]

It's normal. In that Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants movie Blake Livey was so hot. She was around 18 ish.
So was Liz Taylor in her first romantic role. And Doris Day and Ingrid Bergman and Lana Turner at 19 played the romantic interest of 42 yo Clark Gable in The Confidence Man and etc etc....

Lana never looked sexier than in that movie. These are movies from the conservative 40's!
I think it's actually more socially accepted than you would think.

[meanttobehappy]

Just some random thoughts to consider:

1. Is it truly fair to a 17-ish-year-old who has not really tasted much of life, to get into a relationship with a guy who is more than a quarter of a century older?

2. When the girl is 3o, you will be nearing retirement. When she's 40, you will be 70.

3. I wonder (only a question, not an assumption or anything else) if you view porn, especially young porn. If so, you may be reinforcing the attraction to young girls that a more mature woman can't compete with. I guess this is more a question than anything else. But if you are, how can a 40-something compete with a perky teen or young 20-something?

4. Imagine if you had a daughter in her late teens and a 48 year old man was hitting on her. How would you react to it? How would you feel? What if they got together? Would you try to set your daughter up with a grown very middle-aged man nearing 50?

5. I am younger than you (barely) and have a daughter who is 20. We had her when I was 25. Does it seem right to you (I guess you've already indicated you think there's something wrong -- but you did ask specifically for our opinions) that you would be with someone who realistically could be your daughter's age? I know it happens in Hollywood, but the day we start using Hollywood as our moral compass, well, we just may need more help than is available.

6. If the limit to your interest is in an girlish age-range, what happens when your some-day wife or long-term girlfriend is no longer girly? Swap her for a new model?

7. Maybe some personal growth and maturing would be a good call for your time right now. Maybe seeking a relationship isn't what you need as much as developing your insides, who you are, developing your character, honing your goals and aspirations.

[Acting Like Godot]

I think it's okay if the girl is mature enough to think sensibly about her own choice of partner. That is, it isn't one of those "older, sophisticated man preys on a gullible young girl" situation.

[Rezzy7]

Originally Posted by Acting Like Godot

I think it's okay if the girl is mature enough to think sensibly about her own choice of partner. That is, it isn't one of those "older, sophisticated man preys on a gullible young girl" situation.

I think this is essential, and also, for me personally I don't think I would date someone under 20, anyway.

[Bradshaw]

Ohhhh, interesting thread.

OP: Don't worry about it. There are weirder things. And you may actually give the younger women great experiences with great depth that she will never forget.

I'm a 23-old guy--I've been with a 43-old women (Gemini, actually ) for 10 months or so. It's a free relationship, though we're so into each other that we haven't really thought about dating anyone else. She hasn't found anyone her age that attracts her as much as me and I haven't found anyone my age who attracts me as much as her.

She has the same youthfulness as a 18 year old (There's that gemini trait you guys were talking about), but combines it with life experience, depth of character and spirituality. And of course she has a oh-so delicious womanly body that skinny 18-something girls don't have.

I think I'm like the only person in my city who's in such a relationship. I'll ocasionally spot older man with younger girls, but I've never really seen a younger guy with an older woman. People look at us funny.

To the OP: Live your life. Do whatever you want and don't think about what society, your parents or your friends will think of you. In fact, breaking people's models of reality is amazing fun.

Sometimes me and my succulent lover will be on the underground metro and there's lots of people looking in our direction and I'll go like this: "Oh, mommy... I can't take it anymore... I... I... I love you!" and she'll be like "Oh yes my son, let's do it!" and we kiss like mad. People's faces = Priceless. Most fun I've ever had in my life.

[Clint Cora]

I'm a bit older than you and I've dated a wide range of women from their 20s to 50s. I can say that although many younger women look nice, I find that there is not a lot in terms of compatibility with me. They don't listen to the same bands that I do, they don't often like the same forms of socializing, etc.

We have to remember that for longer term relationships, it's the lifestyle compatibility factors that count the most. So you have to ask yourself -- how would someone from a younger generation in their teens and 20s be compatible in lifestyle with someone from our generation?

You already mentioned that you feel out of place in clubs. Me too. I'm so done with the clubbing scene. But I realize that many younger people want to do clubs. I did when I was that age. But I'm not that age anymore.

Now to be quite frank, yes, I also find it harder to be attracted to women my own age too. But that's mainly because many people (not only just women, but men as well) in our age group have let themselves go in terms of health and that's a huge turnoff for me.

But I also realize that although they are much harder to find, there are beautiful and fit women in my age group. I haven't found one for myself yet but I have faith that they are out there.

Think of it this way -- wouldn't it be much nicer if you did find a woman you were physically attracted to while at the same time, she totally gets what you are saying because she's already been through all those years as you have?

[Agota]

Originally Posted by Clint Cora

I'm a bit older than you and I've dated a wide range of women from their 20s to 50s

Clint, you're older than 48??? You look much younger!

[Focus Driblet]

Originally Posted by Agota

Clint, you're older than 48??? You look much younger!

Yeah, that's what I thought too.

[Sajor]

Again , I didnt read all the replies, but , I wouldnt worry too much about it, as its normal to (especially in us men) to like younger women as we age, Im 35yrs old and im more attracted to women from 18-25 , my pops is 60 and his wife is 32, so you do the math, they currently have a 3yr old son , ol bastard lol..........

[ssandra]

FYI; this thread is from 2010 and the last time the OP logged in was on 05-28-2010.

[Plays With Life]

Originally Posted by meanttobehappy

1. Is it truly fair to a 17-ish-year-old who has not really tasted much of life, to get into a relationship with a guy who is more than a quarter of a century older?

Is it truly fair to a 17-ish-year-old to deny them the possibility of a great experience with a guy?

[meanttobehappy]

I'm a teacher. I teach 17 year old high school seniors. They all think they are very mature. Over the years, many have come back to visit or have kept in touch with me over that time. ALL of them are surrprised at how immature they were even while thinking very highly of their maturity at the time. I just don't think a girl of that age has the life experiences enough to make such potentially life-altering decisions.

[Smartass]

I think it's very normal to be attracted to young gwomen at your age. I myself am only 20yo, but ask any good looking 15/16/17 yo girl if she has older men checking her out and her answer would be yes.

Did you know girls flower at the age of say 13..? give or take.. I think that is when they start getting attractive features. This is shunned at in society, and I believe rightfully so. It protects the girls from harm. It could be said at that age the girl is not mentally mature. Certainly not in modern society.

So yes, you're normal. And if she's 17, you may have her.

[Plays With Life]

I'm surprised to hear people mentioning "marriage", "long-term relationship" and "life-altering decisions". I wouldn't automatically take attraction, and turn it into marriage, a long-term relationship, or any kind of life-altering decision.

[Acting Like Godot]

Originally Posted by meanttobehappy

I'm a teacher. I teach 17 year old high school seniors. They all think they are very mature. Over the years, many have come back to visit or have kept in touch with me over that time. ALL of them are surrprised at how immature they were even while thinking very highly of their maturity at the time. I just don't think a girl of that age has the life experiences enough to make such potentially life-altering decisions.

There is the other end of the equation. OP doesn't have to be predatory. He can stay away from young girls whom he thinks are not mature enough to make a proper decision.

I've seen the other end of the spectrum too. Like young girls preying on rich old men, to get their wealth after the old fogey passes on.

[clove]

Why so much talk about a natural phenomenon?

[FelineNostalgia]

I remember from a young age being attracted to much older men, sometimes women but not my mums age because that's just ahhh I'm too close to my mum kinda thing

I think it's normal, I do think as well it's to do with innocence. There's kind of a dominance older people hold over me sexually and I just find that more attractive.

[Plays With Life]

Originally Posted by FelineNostalgia

There's kind of a dominance older people hold over me sexually and I just find that more attractive.

Yum.

[meanttobehappy]

Playswithlife: He's 48. How long do you think he's going to just fool around? Remember, it's his love-interest who has all the time to fool around before getting serious. He doesn't. Of course, some people stay single. But odds are extremely good that he will soon look for a relationship. Perhaps I'm putting thoughts in his head that aren't there, but it sure is more reasonable to think that's where he would naturally be headed than to assume the opposite.

Actinglikegodot: The one doesn't justify the other. That some young-things go looking for well-off old-things doesn't change anything about the answers to the questions I posed. We are not determining whether it's a fair trade, but whether the nearly 50 year old should pursue teenagers. He should or shouldn't whether some girls chase rich older men or not.

And frankly, I could care less who he or anyone else is ATTRACTED to. People are attracted to Angelina Jolie. So what! It's what you do about it, that makes the difference.

There are girls who see a married man with children and their hearts melt as they throw themselves at the guy. But they shouldn't. What could happen, what might happen, what dynamics are going on in the family, what interests or attractions one has for the other, whether such girls can or can't control who they like or any other condition notwithstanding, they just shouldn't pursue a married man.

For different reasons, but similarly, a man nearly 50 years old should not pursue a teenager. I've been teaching high school seniors and juniors for a decade now. I have been very close to hundreds and pretty closely acquainted with hundreds more teenaged girls over the course of that time.

What I've concluded is that how much more mature one child is compared to another, they are still children. Some make fewer silly teenaged decisions, but they all make them, to one degree or another. Full grown adults just are not supposed to play with children. It is not a sign of a more open society. It is a sign that the nearly 50 year old man has lots of maturing to do.

But this isn't a bad thing. I have maturing to do. We all do. But just as the girl attracted to married men ought to stay clear of them until her issues are worked out, so our 48 year old man ought to work out his issues before even thinking about a relationship. After they are worked out more or less, then maybe he will look to older women within his age range who are like him young at heart.

And then more of our 17 year old children can slowly continue the process of living the life of a teen as they grow out of that stage and into the next.

[Plays With Life]

Originally Posted by meanttobehappy

Playswithlife: He's 48. How long do you think he's going to just fool around? Remember, it's his love-interest who has all the time to fool around before getting serious. He doesn't. Of course, some people stay single. But odds are extremely good that he will soon look for a relationship. Perhaps I'm putting thoughts in his head that aren't there, but it sure is more reasonable to think that's where he would naturally be headed than to assume the opposite.

I don't know where you got the idea of him "just fooling around" from. I didn't have that image, in my mind. I also don't know why you seem to be assuming that he wants a long-term, exclusive relationship, in the first place. That latter one seems like a pretty big assumption to make about anyone. You seem to have this dichotomy between "in a serious, long-term, exclusive relationship" and "single or fooling around". I wouldn't personally use such large, sweeping categories in my own thoughts about intimate interactions between people.

In my view: Intimacy does not equal a relationship. Love does not equal a relationship. Sex, sexual interaction, and sexual intimacy - none of those equal a relationship. And, "a relationship" does not equal a serious, long-term, exclusive relationship. I would include the latter as one of many, many various forms "a relationship" can take.

So, within that huge diversity of possible shades and forms of intimate experiences that two people can have (and usually enjoy!) together, it sure seems more reasonable to me to think that it's likely that two people who choose to share intimacy with each other have a very high probability of having a great experience together. There's so much potential for a great experience!

Originally Posted by meanttobehappy

There are girls who see a married man with children and their hearts melt as they throw themselves at the guy. But they shouldn't. What could happen, what might happen, what dynamics are going on in the family, what interests or attractions one has for the other, whether such girls can or can't control who they like or any other condition notwithstanding, they just shouldn't pursue a married man.

Maybe you didn't know about the ban on the word 'should', on this forum.

Originally Posted by meanttobehappy

What I've concluded is that how much more mature one child is compared to another, they are still children. Some make fewer silly teenaged decisions, but they all make them, to one degree or another. Full grown adults just are not supposed to play with children. It is not a sign of a more open society. It is a sign that the nearly 50 year old man has lots of maturing to do.

I'm really curious, now. What sorts of decisions are you thinking of? I'd be really curious to hear of some particular things, if you had some in mind.

[Clint Cora]

Originally Posted by Agota

Clint, you're older than 48??? You look much younger!

Yes thanks, I recently had my 50th and the photo is recent. I work my butt off to keep the blubber off.

[Kwatcha]

Any man who seeks the attentions of a child/minor/underaged person (which depends on which state or country you or theyre in) requires professional help with their issues. This also applies to women who seek inappropriate relationships.

Sex is everywhere in society now more than ever before but if men think they can push the boundaries further and further to include children then they're skating on very thin ice!

Each one of these men ( and they know who they are) are isolated in their perverted views and the best thing they can do is seek help before it gets to the point where they cross the line in some way.

Let me put this to you..

If you men who prefer the underaged girls had daughters of your own of that age, how would you feel about a 48 year old man hitting on her or hovering around the school gates leering at her ?

If you say that you don't hang around school gates or do things lie that then why not? Since you say there's nothing wrong in fancying minors!

If on the other hand you justify your behaviour by saying that whilst you may be attracted to these young girls you would never actually 'date' one and you only look at the 'teens' via Internet porn sites, magazines or DVDs, then there are two further points I'd like to make...

1. You are on a slippery slope downwards to... Well the gutter's your limit!! But looking at porn is only the beginning. There will come a time when that spills out from the privacy of your home into society. This wouldn't be a conscious decision it would be a gradual process and not noticeable to you but only certain people around you. Then the inevitable crossing of the line where you 'act out' in some way. One example would be to place yourself in environments where the younger females of society are. Playgrounds, school gates swimming pools etc etc.

2. These 'teens' that are featured in porn sites aren't just there for one night only or one photo shoot then off home with a wad of cash! They've generally been exploited and groomed into this lifestyle for years before hand. They usually have been victims to sexual abuse, mental and physical torture and emotional conditioning and blackmail too.
You cannot justify looking at these young girls in any way shape or form and least of all by saying that they're there anyway and there's no harm in looking - cos it's not like you ordered these photo's for yourself is it? Heard of Supply and Demand ?

Kid yourselves it's ok. Listen to other men (that aren't interested in young girls) goad you and encourage you into keeping your interest.

Why would they do that? ..... To make themselves feel better!

It's always good to know that there's someone out there who' behaviour is even worse than your own!

[Mariana Trench]

Any man who seeks the attentions of a child/minor/underaged person (which depends on which state or country you or theyre in) requires professional help with their issues.

So the psychological condition of the same person depends on the place they're in?

[Mariana Trench]

If on the other hand you justify your behaviour by saying that whilst you may be attracted to these young girls you would never actually 'date' one and you only look at the 'teens' via Internet porn sites, magazines or DVDs, then there are two further points I'd like to make...

1. You are on a slippery slope downwards to... Well the gutter's your limit!! But looking at porn is only the beginning. There will come a time when that spills out from the privacy of your home into society. This wouldn't be a conscious decision it would be a gradual process and not noticeable to you but only certain people around you. Then the inevitable crossing of the line where you 'act out' in some way. One example would be to place yourself in environments where the younger females of society are. Playgrounds, school gates swimming pools etc etc.

2. These 'teens' that are featured in porn sites aren't just there for one night only or one photo shoot then off home with a wad of cash! They've generally been exploited and groomed into this lifestyle for years before hand. They usually have been victims to sexual abuse, mental and physical torture and emotional conditioning and blackmail too.
You cannot justify looking at these young girls in any way shape or form and least of all by saying that they're there anyway and there's no harm in looking - cos it's not like you ordered these photo's for yourself is it? Heard of Supply and Demand ?

You seem to be confusing sexually mature minors with children (there's a HUGE difference, as far as attraction goes), and "porn teens" with actual teens. While there is undeniably abuse in various sectors of the porn industry, most commercial stuff in the "teen" genre hire young-looking majors and/or 18 and 19 yr olds. They are criminally liable otherwise, and if you want to make the reasonable assumption that their major care is their bottom line, it would not make sense to break that law.