|05-28-2010, 06:12 AM||#1 (permalink)|
Join Date: Mar 2010
I seem to have a habit of annoying people in real life. I don't know exactly what I do, but I can feel my vibe and recognize it as being annoying. I can even get annoyed by my own vibe when I'm around other people, and they get annoyed too.
Is it be something that I should be concerned about? As far as I know, I still have friends, and people don't hate me. I just think that I'll be more fun to be around with- and I'll like myself more- if I acted "differently," as in resonated with a less annoying vibe.
How do I make myself less annoying?
|05-28-2010, 06:40 AM||#2 (permalink)|
Join Date: Oct 2007
Some friends and I were having a very deep talk about this.
Why 2 different people who can use the same exact words and sentences but come off totally different? Vibes, body language, tone, timing... it all plays a part in meta language.
Basically your emotionally state is reflected in other subtle cues. So why is it some people come off annoying? While others completely charm everyone
I have a friend, who's actually a really good person 1 on 1. I mean, really great, he has a great listening skill, philosophical understanding of the world and is highly intelligent. But increase the group size from 2 or more and he's completely awkward, weird and says things that totally destroy all conversation. A total oddball in large group sizes... Everyone avoids him like the plague in large social situations. But everyone is his friend.
Anyways, Here are some things that I've discovered after hanging with such assortment of people.
Tonality and appealing. People like things and chords in 100 mhz frequency differences. Anything that diverges too much is unpleasant to the ear. I've actually experimented with this.
Rhythm. Conversation is largely based on flow and the timing of words. Have a conversation that goes... hey mike I'm going to school... and he screams in your ear... I"LL SEE YOU THERE. totally destroys it.
Interruptions of thought flow. The other person has a thought process. It should be like a river and your a stream backing it up. But sometimes we tend to ask questions when they are in the middle of a thought.
The basic idea is that sometimes we don't focus enough on empathy and listening...
Annoying is anything that someone perceives as weak or actually decreasing their status or a minor or trivial threat to their survival. Let me give you an example. A bad habit I used to have was asking people too many questions. It works with some people, it doesn't with others. People who have a sensitivity towards power plays and control HATE being asked questions. It makes them feel inferior. So they found that behavior annoying. They thought I was competing for status or ... in their perception, they thought I was interrogating them.
Later, that same guy actually warmed up to me a lot but he told me that really annoyed him. For other people they loved it actually, they get a chance to talk about themselves.
Anyways, Understanding the basic premise of WHY things are annoying. Anything perceived as low confidence or low quality or something that isn't helping them is low value and annoying. For example, I tend to tell people useless things that happen to me. "I found out last night I have 16 lighters in my house... jeez I used to be a heavy smoker".... That's another annoying habit. (Don't get me wrong, I'm actually a skilled conversationalist, but I do slip up a lot). Whereas if I tell them, "hey last night I went "prada" (a club) and I met my buddy Michael there. He owns MGM."
Lol something like that provides value to them. They are interested because they feel they can use you. This is just an example. Someone who's meta language is good, aka. cool or high status, is already conveying that they can help this person.
But something small such as talking in a nasily voice is annoying. It's considered low status... I remember reading an article about that actually, that nasal voiced people are actually considered low status. Don't ask me to find it though, I already tried googling it.
This is why some people find lisp annoying too. Because... if you notice. People with down syndrome have a lisp. There is some primal instinct in us that lisp is associated with stupidity (I don't believe lisp people are stupid, but it's a unconcious belief of some people)...
GOtta go I'll write more later
|05-28-2010, 11:06 AM||#3 (permalink)|
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Gauteng, South Africa
I can't top 180! But I can give my input.
The only way I know how is to tell you what annoys me...
People who try too hard! People who tell jokes and then look around to see who's laughing or people who are rude at inappropriate times (I think it's all about timing. Saying things when they're "meant" to be said).
People who do something over and over (something not considered "socially normal"). Such as clicking fingers, blinking too much, breathing loudly, etc
People who shout too loud or interrupt loudly when they're not a part of a situation. People who brag and think that it's ok.
Another thing is looking to see what annoys kids cos they just say it straight out. Singing is annoying, lying or saying stupid things over and over.... can't think of anymore kid ones.
Also people who try to defend everything they say eg. "Your tops nice, didn't know you liked green...... (then they go)... not that green doesn't suit you. It looks really nice... just didn't know you liked it." etc
I am possibly annoying to others but don;t even know. So I'd say confidence is the best thing to do... but being confident about truthful things? If that makes sense?
Hope things can turn around for you! It's not nice feeling like you're annoying. Another thing could be that you're hanging around with the wrong crowd? Maybe you're getting the wrong vibe?? I don't know???
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