Help! Major Setback.

[Pavlo]

Hello:

As you me friends know; I have been experiencing label free relationships and an attempt to lead a socially uncomicated life, learning to let go of expectations and not stressing on events, by removing any meaning to them... Plus I being feeling free to express what I want to express, without regret, or social "hangover"...

With that said, yesterday I experienced a setback that continues to be just that as I am still worrying about it, ergo I am complicating and stressing a fact that should have been just shrugged off... While I was doing my cardio workout, I saw one of my friends entering the gym, I followed her with me sight and basically knew where she was; I genuinely wanted to go and say hello after my workout.
After running for 30 min, I got off the treadmill and thought about approaching, but since she was not "in my path" I just couldn't change my way just to go and say hello! Suddenly social complications started to creep into me head, and instead of defying social contracts and just be meself and go, I just kept walking and got out of the place... Okay, I tried to shrug it off, but I keep judging me for having this setback, I am now battling with my mind, I should not complicate over this non-existent problem, but yet I am... Any suggestions?

[pinky3]

I'm not saying this in a judgmental way but just curious... is it possible to have label free relationships? You say you want a socially uncomplicated life. Do you feel like this is working?? I know you just told your story... but was it working before then?

I'm wondering if it's possible to have a social life without labels. In what way do you not label or label (curious?).

Also, in what way was this woman changing that? Social norms seem in built... do you think it was possible for the situation to have a different outcome? In other words what would you have done differently?

[ssandra]

You've been working with the same assumptions for years and years. It might be a bit much to expect them to just vanish over night?

Focus on the right steps that you have already made! For example, before you were done with your workout, you were actually planning to say hi. You were not going on in circles on what to say or how to say it or worse even already thinking that you wouldn't say hi anyway.

That is progress.

Just keep it up and keep focusing on the good things. They are what matters.

So what if it didn't work out this time. There will be a next time!

[pinky3]

I'm a bit s-l-o-w...... as usual. Just read your post and now I'm on the right page And I'm in no place to give advice except to say you've come this far and this shouldn't set you back but give you more reason to move forward??

Hope things go well

[Pavlo]

Yes; easier said than done, but though I guess writing about it has helped me relax and just forget about the setback, Let me clarify I am living in accordance to Steve Pavlina's post on intimacy abundance and label free relationships; I guess the error that I made yesterday was plainly going back to my default mental state of having expectations on people and focusing on thoughts on other people's head... My friend is smoking hot, so I probably felt that if I approached her I'd be showing some kind of interest you know... So I acted upon the social principle of not showing any interest, the fact is that there is no such interest than just living that moment... I guess I "located the source of the problem" it is wonderful to be interested in every single relationship without being actually interested in leading them to some particular place! It is the moment and that is it... Just the moment, and obviously there will be more moments, so why focus on the long run? It is pointless... Why worrying about their reaction toward me? Pointless.

[Tasha]

Pavlo,
I don’t think this constitutes a “major” setback. Just shrug it off and know that you may not be able to get rid of ALL of your social conditioning at once. If I were you, I would see it as an opportunity to engage in some self-inquiry. What is your behavior telling you? What are you afraid of? If what you’re afraid of happens, what then? Stuff like that.

Oops! I see I’m a bit late to this thread by reading the post above me. Glad to see you’re feeling more relaxed about it. If this stuff comes up in the future—and it might—you’ll have a better handle on what to do. Good work!

[Pavlo]

Tasha, Ssandra, and Pinky; I appreciate your eloquence, advice, and reassurance; It is quite incredible how writing my "issues" out really helps me to be more aware of their existence and how to sort them out, and eventuallt get rid of them... And I had to wait 24 years for realizing this? wooow