What to do?

[freddy]

I would like some opinions on a relationship issue. I’ve meet a girl on line and she moved to live in my area of town. She lives with a friend of mind who is trying to set me up with her. Early on in the phone calls time with her. I felt that we really didn’t have a lot in common with her, and even mentioned this at that time. I told her maybe we could have friends with benefits relationship and she said that would be fine with her. So month’s later she’s here. Well the sex is OK but my initial feeling about the relationship has not, and I don’t want her to feel like I some how miss-leading her that this would be more than a friends with benefits type thing. I think she’s maybe wanting to move in with me at some point possible in the next month. So should I re-mind her of how I see this relationship? I’m not really great with meeting women or dating for that matter. And with my kids and work, time for dating just doesn’t seem to happen. So with the offer of sex when I want ,sure seems nice and all but. I don’t want the hurtful feelings that will come should a better woman comes into my life. Any thoughts of how I should proceed?

[Beuford]

Do you feel it is necessary to stop having casual sex and being friends with a female friend if a "better woman" comes in to your life?

[freddy]

Well I would feel better about the relationship if it remained a one on one type relationship. My concern is this girl is trying to play house. she has some good points but as many bad. not sure at my age if it's just time to settle for average or less. Not that I'm all that and a bag full of chips, in looks or any other department for that matter..

[ssandra]

If you feel that she has a different idea about the relationship then you do, I do think the right thing to do would be to remind her how you see this relationship.

If only to avoid drama when it comes to the point of you falling in love, or her telling you she wants to move in...

If you believe she cannot handle the friends with benefits situation it might be better to break it off now, instead of creating more drama in your life later. if you have children and a job, I'm pretty sure that drama is the last thing you need in your life

[freddy]

I tend to micro manage my life. And with this dating / relationship I'm in now, I am looking at it from a long term angle.
What I like about her is, she seems to be a very committed person to be faithful in a relationship.
She likes children.
She enjoys sex.
She likes cleaning and cooking and tending to house work.
Now some things I feel are issues that make me feel like I’m just settling for the first girl down the line. Keep in mind I don’t get much time to date due to work and kids. And I really suck at getting up the nerve to approach, and dating sites haven’t worked for me either.
I find that when we are on the phone there is a lot of air time. Like not a lot in common. Or were both just shy.
She has kids and they live with there father because she has a learning disability and so would not be able to support them on her own.
She has a decent body but she’s not as pretty in the face as I would like. (missing teeth)
She smokes cig’s and I don’t like the smell.
Most if not all conversation previous to her moving here, ended up talking about sex. And so when she got here, we both enjoyed that. However that only takes you so far.
James advice on another thread mentioned about “Focus on the experience and not the outcome.”
I am trying to apply that in this situation.
I don’t feel all excided or nervous when I’m around her, well maybe the first night I might have felt a little sexual excitement. But now I feel she has more negatives than positives issues that would always be bothersome to me. So I guess after all this writing. It comes down to. Do I want to enjoy the experience of getting sex when ever I want it, and let her fantasize one day about being her man. Or do I tell her I don’t see this working out long term and wish her well. The second choice we both suffer Now. The first choice we both enjoy the moment. The benefits for me would be a mother figure for my kids plus a sex slave and servant. And the benefits for her would be financial and possible getting her kids back. Still on the fence, and need a push.